165 Days Before College

[Everyday]

Hello 🫂

I woke up on time and did my tasks at work. As I was doing them I didn't freak out and procrastinate even more. That's very good. 

Yesterday was horrible. Worked too much on my job. I freaked out thinking that I have to actually quit soon. I thought that I have make this side hustle work work after I quit. Like for real. Otherwise I won't have money in a few months. I freak out to be honest. So if it's not working what do I do? I have to get some job once again 

I went to the gym today and this made me feel better. I refused to eat junk food today. I want to see results. I have to take it seriously. I have to eat as clean as I can. 

My sister's boyfriend proposed to eat McDonald's. I refused. He said again he wants to loose wait and that he'll start some insane diet for a few weeks. I tried to give him some advice but he doesn't want to listen 

 

I wasted some time on social media. 

 

Overall I'm feeling better than yesterday but still, I have to quit and give a real try to my side hustle. I dread the day I have to quit. I feel comfortable with this money. I am afraid to quit and live from savings. 

I feel stressed and tired. I decided to go to sleep earlier. It didn't happen. I worked until midnight and now it's already 1.30 am. Usually I would stay even longer 

 

I feel guilty for reading so much. I have to really make this work. I'm not taking it seriously now. I'm afraid to do it. 

I bought 5 more dune books. I'm afraid to start reading another one. I don't want to start all over again with the I have to finish it card. 

Edited May 6 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hello 🤗 

 

I'm doing better now. I m still anxious to quit. I got a lot of shit to do and I waste Hours daily doing nothing. I feel very resistant. I was even lazy working for my own business. That's something new. 

 

I worked all weekend for my business. There were takes I haven't done for my clients for weekes. That stressed the shit out of me but didn't work on it. I should have tho. Not working made things worse

 

I gave up going to the gym today to work for my job and for myself

 I drove to the pool with my family. Last time I went there I didn't have a car. I was looking around and I noticed that not many people seemed to work out. The girls there didn't look as hot as the ones from the gym

 

I started doing 10 minutes of cardio as well after working out. Awesome, right?

 

I have been wasting massive amounts of time lately, checking exes online, watching reels and feeling miserable for doing it. 

 

I have been feeling very horny lately.

 

I talked with a friend and he told me what I already know. I have to quit this job. I don't like it, I don't need the money, I can take risks and so on. I can write all my reasons but I'm still ashamed to tell them and give my ally clients. Maybe some trauma left from my last job? That's very possible. 

But overall I know I have to fucking do it man. I have to do my business full time and see where that leads. I can't stay in this situation forever. Especially that I already know I felt better being funemployed. 

 

What else🦧?

Trying to eat well over here. It's hard as fuck. 

I'm thinking about watching movies and tv series. 

I didn't start reading new dune books. I am anxious to read them too much. 

 

I was trying to think about the fact that I don't have to go out work at the office. Great, Right? But I feels like something else came up. Now it's just work but from home. Well I expected to do nothing. That's the reality. But man, overall it's better to work from here. I can eat better, I'm not surrounded by frustrated colleagues and I don't waste time commuting.

I was thinking about the girls I dated last few times. I felt frustrated for not getting something better. But I didn't want to acknowledge that I have to get some stuff before I get more changes.

I feel good and bad about myself. I'm so proud about some things but I keep thinking about the bad stuff. Like I am thrilled that I'm not fapping anymore. Man, that felt impossible to quit.

Now I struggle with something else: processing, reels, Facebook posts etc.

 

Funny that I feel so disappointed of myself even if I'm making so much progress overall.

I can't believe I'm going to be 27 this autumn. Bro, I have 4 months left. Wow.

What have I done? Got a car and started to drive, got out of a toxic relationship, started gym, read more books, cleaned my diet, made progress with my business, etc. Amazing stuff!

obviously it doesn't feel enough. But I spent the most of this time working at my job, even if I changed it. Oh, yes, changing jobs felt impossible last year.

Quitting again feeling impossible now. But I'm excited about the things I can achieve. I truly am. But I am so anxious about telling them I quit. I felt the same, worse even at my last job. I felt horrible. But I did it even if I didn't have to. There I wasn't even working much in the last month.

My friend encouraged me to stop being a bitch and just take the risk

 

 

 

 

Edited May 14 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hello 🦆

 

Last Friday was horrible. I did almost nothing all day for work. I couldn't. I watched reels for hours. I felt disgusted of myself.

Yesterday my sister organized a party at her place. I didn't want to go. I met one of her friends. A nice girl. She actually introduced to me. I didn't want to speak with anybody. I drank too much. 

Came home and stalked her on Instagram. I checked if my ex is still in my sister's friend list. she was. the whole thing about checking on her made me feel so so so bad. i didn't click on her profile.

I have to quit my job and am definitely afraid as fuck. some girl quit this week and everyone was very cool about it. I keep imagining how hard it will be when I do it as well.

 

I felt quit bad last weekend. What's the point of improving ☝️? I went on a downward spiral that concluded I should do more hard stuff like driving than grading fiction.

 

I drove some more, even alone once!

 

I spent the whole day being stressed, procrastinated and freaked out about what I have to do. it's horrible. I feel like shit.

 

 

I went to the gym today. I didn't really want to go.  I felt better afterwards.

I haven't been eating very clean lately.

I don't remember what I did last weekend. I went to buy seedlings after all. Great! 

 

What else?🕵️

Man I don't feel great. I feel so stressed even if I can technically quit anytime. I feel stupid

I feel upset that it's clear how bad I deal with stress. I hate it. I just don't do shit like I did 8 years ago. it was horrible. 

 

I spent a lot of time on social media and it made me feel horrible. I was very very very close to watch tv series. I lost my hope. but change won't come from there.

I looked up some nudes even. wtf is going on here?

[Everyday]

Hello 👋 

Drove alone again! It was anxious but I did it! 

Went to the gym with my high school friends for the first time. One of them has been inviting me for years. He invited me a few times even in high school. I didn't realize but I actually went after like 10 years. Wow. 

I was surprised to see that I'm training harder then them. My instructor is really good! 

 

I overworked for my job to finish my tasks. My siblings got upset that I worked so much instead of our business. 

I spent a day making ad texts just for the client to say I worked for nothing because I didn't really read carefully what the their business offer. Damn, that's stupid. 

I am supposed to quit this week or the next. I worked more for my job and it seemed easier. Now, I'm actually terrified of doing my business full time. 

 

I spent a few more hours per day watching reels and scrolling. I was very close to watch tv show recaps again. I started watching videogames explained while I'm working. I was every anxious doing the last set ups. It's ridiculous. 

I don't feel good about this. Not at all. It got so bad last Friday that I got tinder, a few videogames on my phone and searched up nudes of some fitness models. Wtf? All because I didn't want to deal with the feelings associated with my job while I had to do some overdue tasks.

I'm back scrolling on insta daily now. I feel very bad about it. I playing some video game on my phone.

 

I'm not fapping or watching porn (but I looked at some dirty pics of girls on insta )

 

I'm thinking that I can waste time on insta and video games until I quit. After that I have to face my fears. I'm terrified to quit my job once again. I feel more anxious than before. But no body talks anymore about the girl who left 3 months ago. No body cares. It won't matter in a few months

I'm afraid as fuck to be honest. I don't know what to tell you. It feels better to continue working here more than I should than to quit and have one job. I'm afraid of the unknown. I can't comprehend how it feels to be unemployed for un unlimited period of time. 

 

The almost 3 weeks I spent being unemployed felt amazing tho. Even if I was stressed as fuck about having to quit one day. That day came. Fuck! Man, those weeks I felt so happy. Looking back I did waste some time. I should have known better. Some days I didn't work much or at all. I even went in a park once, in the middle of the day.

I feel anxious to tell people that my business isn't sustainable yet, I'm anxious to tell a girl I'm struggling etc. I'm thinking somehow that's shameful to have a business who doesn't make massive amounts of money. I'm anxious to tell my ex coworkers what I want to do.

 

It feels so weird that I have been working from home for over 2 months now and I got used to it so well. Now, working from home feels so normal and I'm not amazed daily how much time I save daily on commute. I'm not even thinking about it. I'm just working but from home. So I'm wondering if I will feel the same about working on my business full time. Like that's the new routine. That's life now.

I can't believe I spent over two hours a day , 3 times a week just to go to the office for 4 years. It's like I forgot about all that effort. I got nothing from it tho. So much time wasted and it feels like it didn't matter at all. Now life is about working from home. That's the new schedule. 

 

My friends invited me to spent NYE in Bansko. I have to refuse. I can use that money to live and grind for months. 

 

I feel a little frustrated that I can't do more besides work for my two jobs. Like i want to read more, do BJJ, go to the gym, etc But I feel like I don't have time after work. I am also wasting time on insta. 

[Everyday]

Hey 👋 

I have been working overtime for my job as I did last week. There is so much work to do. I still waste some time daily instead of working but isnt as bad as it was a few weeks ago. 

Well,.today I had a bunch of things to do and I freak out. I worked overtime to have to do a part of my workload.

I had a call with my supervisor and told him I want to quit because of a family problem. I dreaded this moment since February. I felt horrible that I have to tell them that I want to quit but I just can't keep this shit going on. 

I'm too tired to work on my business as hard as before. I got congratulated for my hard work just a few times but my colleagues and this made me go nuts and actually want to do my job. This never happened at my last job. 

So I have a call with my boss tomorrow. We'll discuss when I quit. I'm looking forward. I'm working too much for them. 

 

My siblings also encouraged me to quit. I'm really sad and stressed overall. It got worse. 

 

Even if I do look forward to be funemployed I'm Also anxious as fuck. It's alright. I have been stressed about the day I'll have to quit since I got hired... So the moment came and isn't nice. They were actually very supportive. They said I can come back. 

 

So basically if things don't work I can come back to a good salary and also working from home. 

 

Last week I want to the gym just once 

 

I wasted more time in lately on reels and stupid social media. I'm not proud of this at all. I also listened to game reviews while working. Isn't working since I'm not really paying attention. I don't want to face the emotions of quitting this job

[Everyday]

Hey 🦧

I finally had a meeting with my boss about me leaving this job. I'll stay until June the 20th. He wanted until the end of the month.

He said I can come back in the future. That's sounds great! I have a plan b. Basically I don't have to feat for the future. Give everything to make this business work.

I was so stressed with some tasks at work that I thought to skip gym today. I'm glad I did go. 

 

I still feel embarrassed that I had to quit but I can't keep this shit going on. I went back to work after I returned from the gym. 

I spent some time while being at work to get brainrot from Facebook and Instagram. Man, I feel like quitting social media apps it's harder than not fapping. Wtf?

 

So it took me half year to finally purse my business full time. Crazy! It was so fucking hard to quit the second time around. Hack, it was horrible the first time as well. I'm finally going to pursue my own business.

I'm anxious about it. I feel like I don't deserve to have this opportunity to pursue my own business while also improving myself 🥹

I can't believe what I can do from now on. I can basically work like crazy to be better in so many ways. I'm excited as fuck. 

I'm also afraid I'll be watching tv series and being lazy. It's such a great opportunity tho

 

 

[Everyday]

Hey 🪰👋 

 

I am getting 💪 stronger at the gym. I see some results. I'm still working on eating clean. I have little success with the choices I make when I eat.

I was very tired yesterday. Had 4 calls. Slept after one of them. Went to the gym afterwards and pushed myself hard. It was harder since I went to bed at 3 or 4 am

Knowing that I have to have the discussion of me quitting made me feel horrible for month. Basically I stressed the fuck out for maybe 20 minutes of a hard conversation. That was it. I quit, that's it.

 

I am back on Instagram daily, as well as Facebook and watching video games recaps. I hate that I'm doing it. It feels once again hard as fuck to quit my phone. 

Damn, I'm still not watching porn or fapping for maybe 2 months and I feel amazing. But how could I quit porn and not social media? I don't even post 

 

I'm feeling anxious about being funemployed once again for un undetermined time span. I feel like I should be extremely productive because I have this opportunity to not have a boss. I feel like I dont deserve it. Why do I get to choose what I'm doing tomorrow while millions of people don't? Why can I work on my business and read books while others can't? Do I deserve it?

 

It feels illegal to be able to work full time on my business, to go to the gym earlier, read books, enjoy the sun, take a walk and so on. Maybe one of the best things is that I can drive more often 

I'm also single and I don't have to worry about having money for dates and so on. I don't know why but dating is very stressful for me.

 

What can I do to manage the anxiety of spending my time right while being funemployed? To work as much as I can. It would be to quit social media once again.

I'm anxious to tell someone I quit my job to pursue my business until I make money to sustain myself. But I'm also excited to have all that time to improve myself. If Im a better driver at the end of the year it would be such an amazing thing man.

 

 

[Everyday]

Hello ⛓️‍💥🪓

I have to say that I feel better not spending an hour a day on social media. However I did try to log in by default on my phone. I spent a few minutes from my desktop here and there. It made me feel  bad but I didn't spiral.

I am looking forward to quit this job. I'm really stressed. Next week it's my last. So I basically have to put my shit in order and have a few more uncomfortable calls.😰 After that I'm done. I can't believe it's basically next week. 

 

It still feels unreal I'll be able to make my own schedule. I feel excited and also worried I'll waste my new found free time and peace of mind. It's alright. I'll deal with that. 

I stocked some of my colleagues on Facebook. One of them has a kid already and so on. It reminded myself that life is short. You don't have much free time besides work. Use it wisely. I'm anxious to waste my free time. I'm already 26.

 

I'm watching video game story videos while working and I don't like it anymore. I can't pay attention to what I'm doing. I don't like it man. I should be focused. 

I feel anxious to tell people I quit my job to do eMag full time. I feel like they judge me and I have to show them something. 

But I didn't feel this while I had a job. It felt like I protect myself from such questions. I have an answer for them. But long term I see that it doesn't matter. Focus on your shit man.

After all, really use your time to improve yourself. 

 

What else? I started the 7th dune book and it's amazing! I took a one month break because I felt bad reading so much instead of working on my business. I was also procrastinating a lot and I wasn't doing much at work. It was horrible. After that I spent my time on reels.

 

I started at some girl's bodies at the gym. Damn, really hot girls. 

 

P.S. It's not not hard to quit social media after all. Uninstalling the apps helps.

[Everyday]

Hello 

 

I fapped twice this week (Friday). I felt so fucking guilty about it but I chill out. Beforehand (haha) I was thinking about wanting to fuck and to have a girlfriend. Afterwards I was like yeah... it was really pleasurable but nothing changed. It's morning, I have a full day of work to do. Sex won't change your life. It's just like drugs. It's nice but you end up in the same place afterwards. Nothing has changed. Life's the same. 

I feel anxious about doing eMag full time. What if it doesn't work? My friend is doing so fucking well for himself. I'm struggling here. But I'm also doing it besides another full time job. So it's alright. I have a back up plan now anyways. It's alright. 

I am focused on eating cleaner. I'm surprised they I lost some weight. 

I drove 4 times this week. It's getting better! It's still hard but not as hard as before.

 

To be honest I expected life to be easier after I quit. Now I see that it's still hard but in other ways. I can't believe tho that's my last week of work at last. I have dreamed of this moment since I started selling stuff online, almost 2 years ago. Here it is. After two years I'm able to do this full time. Wow!I

 

I did spent some time on Instagram but on desktop. I didn't go nuts like I used to. Man, those weeks were very frustrating.

 

Work this week was stressful. I had some meetings with my clients and colleagues. I made some briefs for my accounts for my colleagues. 

I'm looking forward to not stresses about these clients next week. Hack, I'm looking forward to not have to stress about my office job at all. I'm anxious but also excited.