Life/Dating advice for a Lone Wolf

[Random-Hero95]

Hey reader. 

Thanks for checking out this post and giving me your time of day. I think the best way for me to do this, is lay it all out there, write as it comes to mind, and then hopefully you'll be able to give me your perspective on my current situation.  

So, I'm a 22 year old male. I've been working in a hedge fund since I turned 21, and I'm about to turn 23 this summer. I work in equity research, but relative to the industry, I'd say I'm in quite a good spot (rarely overworked, treated kindly, etc). I've been a musician since I was a teen, and I'm very passionate about, & a current practitioner of martial arts. I've taken a lot of time to understand myself, and I guess I've learned a lot too through my work, hobbies, and environment. I've travelled alone, starting investing in markets last summer (to develop that steel stomach portfolio managers have, ha), competed in many numerous martial arts tournaments, and played a lot of live gigs too.

Already, I'm finding it hard to fully portray myself to you in the way in which I wish to (less cocky, more confident), but let's go with it. 

I'm quite a mature individual. I'm emotionally intelligent, and despite the fact I'm still young, I've gained a lot of life experience. I think this stems from my hunger to achieve my goals over the next few years, and to work as hard as my parents did when they came to the UK as immigrants, 40+ years ago. You know, I want the core three things in life - even if there's no certainty I wont have them. A family, a home, and a successful job. Even if I die at 25, or if I never love till I'm 40, I never want to take anything for granted. 

I've come to know myself really well, and I've found that after talking to elder individuals, I'm in quite a unique position right now. This is mainly due to a lot of my age group still being in university/unemployed - or graduating in something they're not content with, and chasing a half hearted adopted passion. 

This is where the problem begins when it comes to dating. I've dated a lot over the past few years. I've loved, I've lost, and I've learned. My dating experience has also, taught me a lot about myself, but I've never been in a long term relationship. I've been "single" for the past 6 years, and I've never had a "girlfriend". I've had flings, and situations where I've dated someone for a few months, but we've never committed. This has all been mainly from dating apps/interactions in person with girls I've met (in clubs, parks, etc). I know that sometimes it's my fault these things don't work out - I make bad choices/actions/decisions and vice versa. I feel like I wasn't ready up until 2 years ago, once I starting working at the fund, but since then I have been. 

Ultimately, I've found myself ready to properly settle down and find myself a long term girlfriend. Someone with a passion, hobbies, and who's caring (etc). 
I find that a majority of the girls I date now are far below where I am in my life, and they find it intimidating when they hear me discuss everything listed above, passionately. I.e, I tell them about my experiences with gigs and playing guitar in front of large crowds, or winning gold medals at martial arts etc, and they just continuously compare what they've achieved to me. 

This has honestly been the feedback I receive after a few dates. It hurts at times, but I obviously understand where they're coming from. A relationship needs balance, and I've learned that a disparity between where we are in our lives wouldn't be the best for a relationship. 

So here's my question for you guys. I've decided to give up on finding a girlfriend, and just continue to focus on myself. Am I making the right decision? Or do I carry on trying to take on opportunities, and throw myself out there more? Keep swiping, keep trying, so on, so forth.  

I'm really not trying to suggest that every girl out there is below me, I promise. I'm just saying that I keep meeting the wrong kind of girls, and it's really becoming tiring/frustrating. 

Sorry for making this long winded, and I f*cking suck at writing these things, but I'm more than happy to reply to any questions you guys throw at me. 

Happy Easter weekend, and I hope you have a lovely day - RH. xx

[Spiral]

Perhaps dating up in age a year or two could be advantageous, surely 23 year olds are mostly employed?  I find most girls our age/younger immature as fck . Although it's fine to be single at 21, work on yourself if that's what you want. Don't get trapped in the "my life is all about my work" trap.

I can imagine you go on a date and tell the girl you meet about yourself. It is mostly a success story and because of the contrast you come off as intimidating. Well look at something else that intimidating, a enraged bear for instance, because it's happy killing you and would be effective doing so. Now is that a strange comparison? maybe, but if you focus on how effective you are and not on your human aspects you became difficult to bond/connect with.

Is there anything wrong with professional success and ability using the guitar? no, but there's more to life then that and hopefully you'd want a girl to like you for something more personal than what your have (career+skills+money?).

I have a friend who's struggling to finding a partner, for her a date is a opportunity to "make someone like you". I often hear this from people who struggle and I would say this is a major problem. So if you go on a date telling a girl about you career or how good of a musician you are, your actually doing yourself a disservice, even if she goes on a second date with you. In dating rational thinking is secondary, how she felt after meeting you is more important than how good you look on paper.  

Now should you lie? no, not at all. You can try to be humble and a focus on trying to get to know the other person instead of telling them about you. Alternatively you can try to make meetings completely un-informational, to make the encounter based around light-hearted fun. Although the latter is more difficult, especially if you are a lone wolf. 

I enjoy dating, and often try to share as little as possible about myself, now on the other hand you should not make it too much of an interview either.

[Frylock]

You have a lot of mental roadblocks, hurdles, and preconceived notions about sex, dating, relationships. Trust me, I know where you're coming from.

Just relax... peel off all of those layers and ideas you have about the opposite sex. Work on your inner (self-awareness, mental barriers) and outer (style, conversation) game. A woman that you want isn't just going to be delivered to your house. Online dating is a game of near certain failure for men. You've gotta go and put yourself out there, physically. 

You're too young to give up on something you know you want. Don't waste years of your life like I did.

Edited April 2, 2018 by Frylock

[Hardkill]

1 hour ago, Frylock said:

You have a lot of mental roadblocks, hurdles, and preconceived notions about sex, dating, relationships. Trust me, I know where you're coming from.

Just relax... peel off all of those layers and ideas you have about the opposite sex. Work on your inner (self-awareness, mental barriers) and outer (style, conversation) game. A woman that you want isn't just going to be delivered to your house. Online dating is a game of near certain failure for men. You've gotta go and put yourself out there, physically. 

You're too young to give up on something you know you want. Don't waste years of your life like I did.

Can you blame him? Society is to fucking blame for these mental roadblocks. Parents who don't know how to raise their children well are also as much at fault for this.

[Frylock]

46 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

Can you blame him? Society is to fucking blame for these mental roadblocks. Parents who don't know how to raise their children well are also as much at fault for this.

Absolutely not I don't blame him. But societal conditioning, plus the ego's attachment to comfort zones, will lead to greater suffering down the road.

[Hardkill]

17 minutes ago, Frylock said:

Absolutely not I don't blame him. But societal conditioning, plus the ego's attachment to comfort zones, will lead to greater suffering down the road.

See, this is problem with people giving the ego a bad connotation. The ego is crucial for survival and success. However, it does needs to be balanced with humility. Listen to these mental health experts, including one forensic psychiatrist who has studied the ego for decades.

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=egomania

[aurum]

8 hours ago, Random-Hero95 said:

I've decided to give up on finding a girlfriend, and just continue to focus on myself. Am I making the right decision? Or do I carry on trying to take on opportunities, and throw myself out there more? Keep swiping, keep trying, so on, so forth.  

If you really just want to say fuck it and go celibate, that's up to you.

But if you really want a girlfriend, why quit?

You already don't have a girlfriend. So the worse that can happen is you just end up back at square one. You have nothing to lose.

And yes, most girls you meet will not be girls you want to make your girlfriend. So what? Enjoy being single.

Another thing I would suggest you do is get crystal clear on what kind of girl you want to date long term.

What ethnicity is she? What hair color? What values? What does she do for fun? What are her goals? Etc

Once you have that crystal clear idea, reverse engineer it. Where does she hang out? How could you meet her? Then start putting the pieces in place to make that happen.

For example, let's say you wanted to date a girl who is a fashion model. I would start making friends with photographers, attending fashion shows, making sure my wardrobe is up to par, etc.

Just swiping Tinder is probably not going to be enough if you really want a high quality dating life.

[Frylock]

8 hours ago, Hardkill said:

See, this is problem with people giving the ego a bad connotation. The ego is crucial for survival and success. However, it does needs to be balanced with humility. Listen to these mental health experts, including one forensic psychiatrist who has studied the ego for decades.

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=egomania

I never said it was bad, in general. But it can be a limiting mechanism in certain cases.

[Random-Hero95]

21 hours ago, Spiral said:

Perhaps dating up in age a year or two could be advantageous, surely 23 year olds are mostly employed?  I find most girls our age/younger immature as fck . Although it's fine to be single at 21, work on yourself if that's what you want. Don't get trapped in the "my life is all about my work" trap.

I can imagine you go on a date and tell the girl you meet about yourself. It is mostly a success story and because of the contrast you come off as intimidating. Well look at something else that intimidating, a enraged bear for instance, because it's happy killing you and would be effective doing so. Now is that a strange comparison? maybe, but if you focus on how effective you are and not on your human aspects you became difficult to bond/connect with.

Is there anything wrong with professional success and ability using the guitar? no, but there's more to life then that and hopefully you'd want a girl to like you for something more personal than what your have (career+skills+money?).

I have a friend who's struggling to finding a partner, for her a date is a opportunity to "make someone like you". I often hear this from people who struggle and I would say this is a major problem. So if you go on a date telling a girl about you career or how good of a musician you are, your actually doing yourself a disservice, even if she goes on a second date with you. In dating rational thinking is secondary, how she felt after meeting you is more important than how good you look on paper.  

Now should you lie? no, not at all. You can try to be humble and a focus on trying to get to know the other person instead of telling them about you. Alternatively you can try to make meetings completely un-informational, to make the encounter based around light-hearted fun. Although the latter is more difficult, especially if you are a lone wolf. 

I enjoy dating, and often try to share as little as possible about myself, now on the other hand you should not make it too much of an interview either.

@Spiral Most 23 year old's do tend to be employed, it's just in something they don't really enjoy. I agree with you when you say they're immature as fuck haha! 

I feel like I have gotten trapped, and I don't mind being here. I spend my time wisely & diligently on work, and I make sure I do have enough time to "live" and enjoy life. 

The advice you have provided is great, and I'll take it on board. I just find myself talking a lot, because I have a lot to talk about, and they don't haha. That's the issue. Believe me, I'll ask every question in response, and I don't ever try and make a date about my life experiences, but it's just that they don't have much to offer. No wild stories, no adventures, no strong interests. Ja feel? I do agree that I feel as if I make things like an interview, rather than going with the flow. I guess that's just the attitude I've adopted from working in a Hedge fund... 

Thanks a lot for the kind advice and taking your time to respond, friend. 

[Random-Hero95]

20 hours ago, Frylock said:

You have a lot of mental roadblocks, hurdles, and preconceived notions about sex, dating, relationships. Trust me, I know where you're coming from.

Just relax... peel off all of those layers and ideas you have about the opposite sex. Work on your inner (self-awareness, mental barriers) and outer (style, conversation) game. A woman that you want isn't just going to be delivered to your house. Online dating is a game of near certain failure for men. You've gotta go and put yourself out there, physically. 

You're too young to give up on something you know you want. Don't waste years of your life like I did.

@Frylock I do have a problem letting go, and just being "in it". I tend to always be switched on, thinking of something or being too analytical. It's a blessing and a curse, but it's nice to have someone who understands. 

You're right on the improving my game part. I mean, it's never an issue for me to get with a girl, make a move, or find something to talk about etc. It's just the value of the conversation and it's direction that's missing. 

What would you say makes you think you've wasted years of your life? I'm intrigued by that last line, and I want to hear more. 

[Random-Hero95]

15 hours ago, aurum said:

If you really just want to say fuck it and go celibate, that's up to you.

But if you really want a girlfriend, why quit?

You already don't have a girlfriend. So the worse that can happen is you just end up back at square one. You have nothing to lose.

And yes, most girls you meet will not be girls you want to make your girlfriend. So what? Enjoy being single.

Another thing I would suggest you do is get crystal clear on what kind of girl you want to date long term.

What ethnicity is she? What hair color? What values? What does she do for fun? What are her goals? Etc

Once you have that crystal clear idea, reverse engineer it. Where does she hang out? How could you meet her? Then start putting the pieces in place to make that happen.

For example, let's say you wanted to date a girl who is a fashion model. I would start making friends with photographers, attending fashion shows, making sure my wardrobe is up to par, etc.

Just swiping Tinder is probably not going to be enough if you really want a high quality dating life.

@aurum Hey Austin! Thank you for taking the time to reply. 

I think it's mainly because I find myself being in the same situation, over, and over again, and I want a break from it. The situation being, I meet a cool girl, go on a few dates, get to know her, realise we are in different places in life, and then part ways. 

I totally get your point, but I'm either in or out, mentally. Here's an example, if I'm looking for someone to make my girlfriend, on a night where I'll hit the club I'll aim to pull a girl, sleep with her, and hopefully text her the following few days after to start some sort of dating venture. If I'm going with a purely single mind set, I just go to enjoy myself and have a good time out with my friends. I can't separate the two, and that's my issue. 

The reverse engineering strategy is quite cool and I like it. Unfortunately, it's just the time and energy that I can't bear to waste. Especially till June away. I have a huge exam in which I need to dedicate a lot of time to, and I guess swiping on tinder is far easier than chasing my dream girl. I'll take this advice on board and implement it when free. 

You're right about the high quality dating life. Do you feel as if I should resort to detaching myself from online dating completely? And just focus on making a move, and approaching girls in person more often? 

Thank you once again for the kind and swift reply sir! 

[Random-Hero95]

9 hours ago, brovakhiin said:

@Random-Hero95 Sounds to me like you think it has to be either keep going out and trying to find a girlfriend or don't bother at all and completely focus on yourself? I don't get it, I don't see a duality or difference here. Going out, developing your game and meeting women is part of focusing on yourself. You're 22 and a high status guy dude, go out and have wild experiences. 

@brovakhiin Hey man! Thanks for this reply, it really made me smile when you considered me a high status guy. Believe me, I'm far from it. I've just matured quickly and made good decisions - so far anyways (cue the vodka and vitamins). 

When focusing on myself, it means dedicating my free time - outside of work which takes up a lot of time - pursuing and spending a lot more time on personal ventures, hobbies and activities. When going out, it focuses predominantly on me trying to meet girls, dating them, putting the energy into getting to know them, etc, etc. 

I value time, and I value how I spend it. If I commit to dating, I put in the effort to try and make it work. Romance, good planning, fun dates. 

If I commit to self development, I put effort into my schedule of working on areas I feel like I need to perfect, and take it from there. 

I never thought of going out, developing my game and meeting women as part of focusing on myself, but I sure as hell will now! Do you think I'm not necessarily taking advantage of my youth? I recently had a bad experience with alcohol, so drinking has been put on the back burner, but generally I tend to go out and meet girls and pull them. The problem is I just don't value that experience anymore. I've done the whole one night stand thing, and it just bores me. I want something real, valuable, and long term. Ja feel? 

Thank you once again for the reply x 

[UDT]

On 02/04/2018 at 8:37 PM, Random-Hero95 said:

So here's my question for you guys. I've decided to give up on finding a girlfriend, and just continue to focus on myself. Am I making the right decision? Or do I carry on trying to take on opportunities, and throw myself out there more? Keep swiping, keep trying, so on, so forth.  

Hey, First of all I work within the same industry, be careful that they don´t use you to much (like all the 21y old audit interns at deloitte).

There are 3 things you can do.

1. Continue to focus on yourself (by which you mean your career & health and hobbies I assume), get lucky and find a good girl or don´t. Note that there is no perfect match. Note also that if you come into a relationship wanting something from the other person, dependency is built up and it will end badly. You can either build your kingdom and set the women on top or you find a women to grow a kingdom with. Its up to you, note that the first option leaves room for a lot of bad bitches and gold diggers. Second is rare.

2. Ask yourself why do you want A family, a home, and a successful job. Dig deeper into spirituality, Zen and non duality. This might lead to a paradigm shift inside you and can be dangerous for your career and focus. It might open you up, and you thus meet girls which are not so materialistic either and care about real connections (I assume you are looking for character). It also might make you very happy with very little which can be disturbing for your social circle (I assume its build around competitive friends and proud parents).

3. Start chasing girls, maybe get into PU. You´ll be able to have sex with girls. Note that the kind of wife you are looking for, would she waste her time in a club? Dancing with random guys and hooking up? Probably not. So you chase and chase and fuck and fuck and get more and more frustrated. Look at the misery which those people live in. Alternatively, you are lucky and find the right girl in a club.

So what to choose?

1. Will bring guaranteed return (like a treasury bond), if you can wait until maturity (let it be another 6 years) it is likely that you find a girl along the way if you are not shy. If not, you still have a successful career (which is one thing on your list) and a home (which is the other).

2. This is the heroes journey, awakening, nothing for people who are not serious about it, requires a lot of work, a lot of distress, high level of intelligence. The reward is a deeper understanding of reality (if you strive for this then go). The risk is a disconnect from society (in which all your pursuit of happyness is embedded at the moment). Note that even with family, successful job and house you might want more and more and more, your job might be so demanding that your family is not happy or vise versa. Balancing everything can be quite exhausting. If you work longer in finance, you will see all kinds of married guys who are dead unhappy and feel guilty for fucking japanese hookers every two months on business trip. But that´s the negative side, there are also guys who can handle both, where the wife is also working a lot and the kids are very independent or there is a filipino nanny in the house 24/7.

3. Well this is like binary options. Ultimately the brokerage (in this case the club) wins because you spend your money on expensive drinks betting the unlikely bet of finding your dream girl while dancing to trap house , you might get lucky and get the girl or you get a margin call since you spend to much time chasing women and to less caring about your body and health or job.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited April 3, 2018 by UDT

[UDT]

22 hours ago, Spiral said:

I have a friend who's struggling to finding a partner, for her a date is a opportunity to "make someone like you". I often hear this from people who struggle and I would say this is a major problem. So if you go on a date telling a girl about you career or how good of a musician you are, your actually doing yourself a disservice, even if she goes on a second date with you. In dating rational thinking is secondary, how she felt after meeting you is more important than how good you look on paper.  

Oh yes. Again, do you want a girl who loves YOU or do you want a girl who loves your STATUS, MONEY, JOB, ?

[aurum]

5 hours ago, Random-Hero95 said:

if I'm looking for someone to make my girlfriend, on a night where I'll hit the club I'll aim to pull a girl, sleep with her, and hopefully text her the following few days after to start some sort of dating venture.

Could you do all of this without necessarily intending on dating her?

When I say "enjoy being single", I don't mean do nothing. I mean meet girls, maybe hook up with them and just let things happen organically.

That's actually my strategy for getting a girlfriend. I emotionally let go of needing a girlfriend while still continually putting myself out there in situations where I know it could happen.

5 hours ago, Random-Hero95 said:

The reverse engineering strategy is quite cool and I like it. Unfortunately, it's just the time and energy that I can't bear to waste. Especially till June away. I have a huge exam in which I need to dedicate a lot of time to, and I guess swiping on tinder is far easier than chasing my dream girl. I'll take this advice on board and implement it when free. 

That's up to you, I can't tell you how much you should be invested in your own goals. So while time may be a real concern, I'd also consider if time is really the issue.

Where there ever be a perfect time? Or will you finish your exam and have another commitment to attend to?

Just chew it over.

6 hours ago, Random-Hero95 said:

Do you feel as if I should resort to detaching myself from online dating completely? And just focus on making a move, and approaching girls in person more often?

Absolutely not, because of one thing: Instagram.

Now that most dating apps allow you to connect your Instagram, their value has skyrocketed for me. If you have a good Instagram it can basically do all the work for you in terms of "game".

If you don't have a good Instagram, I would seriously consider starting to build one.

Follow me at @akourakin if you wanna see examples of what I'm doing.

That all being said, of course there is lots of value to approaching girls in person as well.

[aurum]

On 4/4/2018 at 5:51 AM, brovakhiin said:

@aurum I started an instagram about a month ago for the same reason. How did you get close to 15k followers?

Consistent good content + hashtags + automation for almost 2 years. The account you're looking at actually used to have 400+ pictures but I deleted a ton of them because I wanted to take things in a new direction.

I wouldn't worry about follower count too much if it's just for girls. They don't really care that much. Way more important is your pictures and your Story. Stack that social proof and document all the cool things you do.

[Haumea]

Quote

So here's my question for you guys. I've decided to give up on finding a girlfriend, and just continue to focus on myself. Am I making the right decision? Or do I carry on trying to take on opportunities, and throw myself out there more? Keep swiping, keep trying, so on, so forth.  

I don't know if Tinder is the best way to go for what you're looking for (although I hear it's a different pool in different countries.)

I know here in the States e.g. there's eHarmony and Match and sites like that.

I would build a social circle instead of going for cute Tinder randos.  This is probably the best way to go as long as it's people of similar "caliber."  Obviously being super-successful and relatively "together" at your age can be a mixed blessing.  Actively assembling a social group of guys and girls is a multiplier, because that easily attracts more women and more options for you. (And I don't mean friends on social media, obviously, but real life social gatherings.)

That's what I would focus on.  Invest a year or two in that, and it'll pay off handsomely. 

Edited April 6, 2018 by Haumea

[Random-Hero95]

On 03/04/2018 at 8:25 PM, UDT said:

Hey, First of all I work within the same industry, be careful that they don´t use you to much (like all the 21y old audit interns at deloitte).

There are 3 things you can do.

1. Continue to focus on yourself (by which you mean your career & health and hobbies I assume), get lucky and find a good girl or don´t. Note that there is no perfect match. Note also that if you come into a relationship wanting something from the other person, dependency is built up and it will end badly. You can either build your kingdom and set the women on top or you find a women to grow a kingdom with. Its up to you, note that the first option leaves room for a lot of bad bitches and gold diggers. Second is rare.

2. Ask yourself why do you want A family, a home, and a successful job. Dig deeper into spirituality, Zen and non duality. This might lead to a paradigm shift inside you and can be dangerous for your career and focus. It might open you up, and you thus meet girls which are not so materialistic either and care about real connections (I assume you are looking for character). It also might make you very happy with very little which can be disturbing for your social circle (I assume its build around competitive friends and proud parents).

3. Start chasing girls, maybe get into PU. You´ll be able to have sex with girls. Note that the kind of wife you are looking for, would she waste her time in a club? Dancing with random guys and hooking up? Probably not. So you chase and chase and fuck and fuck and get more and more frustrated. Look at the misery which those people live in. Alternatively, you are lucky and find the right girl in a club.

So what to choose?

1. Will bring guaranteed return (like a treasury bond), if you can wait until maturity (let it be another 6 years) it is likely that you find a girl along the way if you are not shy. If not, you still have a successful career (which is one thing on your list) and a home (which is the other).

2. This is the heroes journey, awakening, nothing for people who are not serious about it, requires a lot of work, a lot of distress, high level of intelligence. The reward is a deeper understanding of reality (if you strive for this then go). The risk is a disconnect from society (in which all your pursuit of happyness is embedded at the moment). Note that even with family, successful job and house you might want more and more and more, your job might be so demanding that your family is not happy or vise versa. Balancing everything can be quite exhausting. If you work longer in finance, you will see all kinds of married guys who are dead unhappy and feel guilty for fucking japanese hookers every two months on business trip. But that´s the negative side, there are also guys who can handle both, where the wife is also working a lot and the kids are very independent or there is a filipino nanny in the house 24/7.

3. Well this is like binary options. Ultimately the brokerage (in this case the club) wins because you spend your money on expensive drinks betting the unlikely bet of finding your dream girl while dancing to trap house , you might get lucky and get the girl or you get a margin call since you spend to much time chasing women and to less caring about your body and health or job.

 

 

 

 

 

@UDT Haha, I don't get over worked, which is one of the reasons why I'm looking to move roles right now. It's too soon to become complacent, and I'm looking to grow as an analyst. 

I really appreciate the message, and I've taken all of it on board. I loved the cheeky finance references too. 

Although, in regards to your first point, I believe you made an error. Stating "Continue to focus on yourself (by which you mean your career & health and hobbies I assume), get lucky and find a good girl or don´t" followed by "Will bring guaranteed return (like a treasury bond), if you can wait until maturity (let it be another 6 years) it is likely that you find a girl along the way if you are not shy" is quite contradictory? I mean, if we're not taking the idea of having a positive career (which isn't the goal I'm posing in my question) into consideration, it's not a guaranteed return as life unfortunately isn't perpetual. I can try my hardest as long as I live, but who knows how long I'll stay single. 

I'm deffo keen to follow option two - did you ever experience the paradigm shift? 

Man, fuck option three. 

How old are you? Where do you currently work? You sound like you work with FI/Derivatives. I'm more equities based... looking to explore that side to me in the future. I've got the CFA in June, does this help you further understand my schedule and focus right now? 

[Random-Hero95]

On 04/04/2018 at 1:53 AM, aurum said:

Could you do all of this without necessarily intending on dating her?

When I say "enjoy being single", I don't mean do nothing. I mean meet girls, maybe hook up with them and just let things happen organically.

That's actually my strategy for getting a girlfriend. I emotionally let go of needing a girlfriend while still continually putting myself out there in situations where I know it could happen.

That's up to you, I can't tell you how much you should be invested in your own goals. So while time may be a real concern, I'd also consider if time is really the issue.

Where there ever be a perfect time? Or will you finish your exam and have another commitment to attend to?

Just chew it over.

Absolutely not, because of one thing: Instagram.

Now that most dating apps allow you to connect your Instagram, their value has skyrocketed for me. If you have a good Instagram it can basically do all the work for you in terms of "game".

If you don't have a good Instagram, I would seriously consider starting to build one.

Follow me at @akourakin if you wanna see examples of what I'm doing.

That all being said, of course there is lots of value to approaching girls in person as well.

@aurum Time may be the issue. Has your strategy for getting a girlfriend worked so far? I haven't learned how to emotionally let go. I know that's something I need to, and will work on. Thanks for giving me that reminder. 

In regards to social media, I'm a ghost. I used to be the type to flood IG, FB etc with tons of photos, capturing pictures in my life etc, and putting up humorous photos, but I've just wiped it all off and decided to keep quiet. The social media detox has been inspired by my exam, but has actually been quite enjoyable so far. 

Thanks a lot Austin. Let's keep in touch. 

[Random-Hero95]

12 hours ago, Haumea said:

I don't know if Tinder is the best way to go for what you're looking for (although I hear it's a different pool in different countries.)

I know here in the States e.g. there's eHarmony and Match and sites like that.

I would build a social circle instead of going for cute Tinder randos.  This is probably the best way to go as long as it's people of similar "caliber."  Obviously being super-successful and relatively "together" at your age can be a mixed blessing.  Actively assembling a social group of guys and girls is a multiplier, because that easily attracts more women and more options for you. (And I don't mean friends on social media, obviously, but real life social gatherings.)

That's what I would focus on.  Invest a year or two in that, and it'll pay off handsomely. 

@Haumea That's great advice. My current peer group is 4 guys, 2 girls, where the 2 girls have boyfriends. I don't think they'd be keen to expand, but maybe I could branch out and look for a new circle too. 

I've always shared that thought, but never put it into practise given my focus right now. I'll try to make it happen. 

Have a nice weekend.