Obsession With Beauty

[Helge]

I am addicted to beauty

I look into the mirror, in a window in the streets . EVERYWHERE I am I want to know how I look like and to make sure that my hair and style looks perfect. When it rains I dont want to go out because it could ruin my hair and sometimes before I go to a party I wash my hair three times before it looks the way I want. 

My friends are annoyed by my beauty addiction and I am so sick of it as well. But I can't stop looking into the mirror or thinking about how I am looking right now.

Have you any advice how to overcome insecurities and stop carring how I look like?

[Emerald]

7 minutes ago, Helge said:

I am addicted to beauty

I look into the mirror, in a window in the streets . EVERYWHERE I am I want to know how I look like and to make sure that my hair and style looks perfect. When it rains I dont want to go out because it could ruin my hair and sometimes before I go to a party I wash my hair three times before it looks the way I want. 

My friends are annoyed by my beauty addiction and I am so sick of it as well. But I can't stop looking into the mirror or thinking about how I am looking right now.

Have you any advice how to overcome insecurities and stop carring how I look like?

Ask yourself what it is that you want from being so beautiful and be brutally honest with yourself, even if it doesn't paint you in a good light.

Here are some questions for you to ask:

-Do I want to be attractive, to attract a mate? If so, that makes sense. Do you feel inadequate for that person, if you are deemed unattractive? This could be fear of rejection. Then explore your past and feeling regarding fear of rejection.

-If it doesn't have to do with attracting a particular person and you just want to be attractive in general, ask yourself why. Why is it good to be attractive? What value does it hold for you?

-Do you have any fantasies relative to others finding you attractive? If so, what happens in the fantasy? How do people react to you in the fantasy?

-Do you want social approval for being attractive? If so, what kind?

-What is your perception of unattractive people? Do you think it makes them less worthy of some sort of attention?

-Describe to yourself your self-image and ideal persona.

When you inquire into these questions, it can reveal a lot to you about your own insecurities. Most are based upon unconscious attitudes and beliefs that you hold about yourself and others.

 

[AHappyTeddyBear]

First World Problems....Anyone ?

[Ayla]

@Helge

Yet more questions for you  :

• what would be so bad if I looked ugly?
• what would "being ugly" say about who I am?
• who/what am I trying to conform with?

[Shubham]

everyone is ugly... Its just relative concept...

think of an alien ?.. If it comes to earth he will find us ugly...

like our sticky mouth.. Our sticky eye balls...the way we make our hair... Even the hair can be annoying....

the way we talk... It would sound like annoying noises to them....

so the humans are annoying and ugly... If this be your perspective you would no longer be obsessed with beauty any more...

in a different way find a love... Who doesn't like your outer beauty(unreal part) but greatly admires and loves your inner beauty....

in the way you would like to make him/her happy...you would concentrate on your inner beauty

✌

[Emerald]

2 hours ago, AHappyTeddyBear said:

First World Problems....Anyone ?

It doesn't make them any less problematic, knowing that other people have it worse.

[Rita]

You clearly have an untreated OCD/anxiety issue....

Washing hair 3 times, etc....these are compulsions you do to relieve anxiety.  

I think this is less about "beauty" per sae...that's just the object of your obsession and more about getting you anxiety treated.

See a shrink, talk therapy is great and they can prescribe meds.

[step1]

2 hours ago, Helge said:

I am addicted to beauty

I look into the mirror, in a window in the streets . EVERYWHERE I am I want to know how I look like and to make sure that my hair and style looks perfect. When it rains I dont want to go out because it could ruin my hair and sometimes before I go to a party I wash my hair three times before it looks the way I want. 

My friends are annoyed by my beauty addiction and I am so sick of it as well. But I can't stop looking into the mirror or thinking about how I am looking right now.

Have you any advice how to overcome insecurities and stop carring how I look like?

I know I'm a guy but I suffered from this a lot when I was younger.  If you are anything like how I was then you base your identity around your looks.  I was very shy as a kid so making sure I looked good was my thing, it became part of who I was, my identity.  If I didn't look good one day I would be depressed and wouldn't want to leave the house as I felt like I'd lost my self worth/identity.  I was also desperate to have/maintain a relationship, but I'd never end up with the girls that I really liked because deep down I was insecure/shallow. 

As you get older your looks will fade so you are on a path to self destruction.

My advice would be to find yourself a goal/purpose and start making progress towards it, this will help reform a new identity and you wont rely on looking good to make yourself feel fulfilled.  Another thing to try would be meditation.  Doing this will help you become less identified with your ego and care less about what others think. 

And if you don't relate to this then ignore everything I just said LOL

 

[step1]

19 minutes ago, Rita said:

You clearly have an untreated OCD/anxiety issue....

Washing hair 3 times, etc....these are compulsions you do to relieve anxiety.  

I think this is less about "beauty" per sae...that's just the object of your obsession and more about getting you anxiety treated.

See a shrink, talk therapy is great and they can prescribe meds.

I used to wash my hair a few times also before I got it right ... AND IM A GUY LOL

 

It's definitely a vanity thing

[Natasha]

@Helge You don't need meds. Check out Leo's 'Using Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs to Self Actualize', 'How to Stop Judging Yourself', and 'How We Lie'. Those are great resources to help you change perspective. You are already whole and perfect just the way you are, just need to realize it.

[Natura Sonoris]

2 hours ago, Emerald Wilkins said:

It doesn't make them any less problematic, knowing that other people have it worse.

It kinda does because it put's things into perspective. 

''Take a look at your problems. Now realize there is person who give everything to replace his problems with yours.'' Just think about it when you start bitching about something you ''need.'' Try doing gratitude once per day in the morning and you will see how happy you are and how grateful you should be to have 90% problems taken care off. 

@Helge

About your problem :

Imagine yourself when you were born. You were a baby with no clue inside its head what is around her. Imagine yourself as empty box. After some time, you started to fill your box with stuff that you found out about yourself. As you grew up ,this box got fuller and fuller with stuffed you believed you are. Most stuff we took from our parents. They told use various stuff both positive and negative.

Over the time, you became aware that you like more positive stuff to be kept in ''your box'' but all the bad stuff... oh well i will just stick it inside negative stuff inside other box and move it away a bit . After some time, strange things starts to happen ... when you started engaging with other people's boxes,and  you noticed that people did not like your box. You did not like that fact, so you that stuff from other people to that ''bad box.'' Now here comes the problem ... boxes are getting full and there is a lot of stuff in the bad box. So we start to make more and more boxes to full more and more stuff. After 10,20,30 years... well there is whole room full of good and bad boxes but it is all messed up and unsorted and you can not figure out what is going on here. 

The analogy here is that you mind are the boxes. To be precise, the boxes are parts of your identity. There is one part of yourself that thinks it is beautiful and other one thinks it is ugly. As you grew up, people told you were certain things. You are this, you are that etc. and some of those things you liked and some of things you did not like. The factor deciding here if you gonna like something or not (in your case , your ego) is your previous experience with those situations.

So if your mother told that you are her beautiful little girl (and ego placed that as positive identification) you will take that as your identity. Now, some other people and probably there were few of them, that told you otherwise,  ego will defend itself and put that identity aside.But after few times repeated, it becomes your identity.

Now, mind this : This can also be opposite situation : You were told that you are ugly and then your ego liked period when some people thought that you were pretty. In any case, ego will develop the need to fulfill its self image or self identity that he thinks is best for himself. But he si desperate for validation in external world because there;s in huge internal conflict. The emotional part of our brain puts us into these states we are not aware of and our logical mind can understand what the fuck is going on. Now to tell you how to start solving your problem :

First you need to realize that other people forms their own boxes thru life with their own experiences and world views on life. So what you need to understand that those people who had influence on your identity problem had their own box about themselves. Big point here is that people see you thru their own box (which is collection of beliefs and experiences that formed those beliefs) and when they HAD to label you in certain way (lets say ugly) it is because of series of events they had before in life. So it was maybe just bad event that you had to face someone to tell your ego that you are not what you think you are. Problem occurs when you swing between identities and thats when that pile of box starts to come.

So key here : Find your first box on which on other boxes were build on. And be completely honest because remember, you need to be really honest with yourself and it will be hard if your ego needs to seek beauty in external world is strong sign that you ego is one sneaky little fucker. You need to catch when it makes excuses. The reason why he does it because when he cant find external validation, he will try to look for it inside and thats why people are stuck in past. They try to find something positive in past experiences to feel comfort.

I suggest you watch ; How to stop being A Victim / How to Stop Caring what other people think about you / Self Image and all related videos,

 

Edited February 24, 2016 by Natura Sonoris

[Helge]

Thank you @step1 for your advice!

I think finding a new (healthier) idenity is what I need to do.  Did you find your purpose already? Because to me it sounds like a thing that will take years to achive it. The idea that I have to be like this for several years before I find my great life purpose makes me upset. How long took it for you to get rid of these unhealthy idenity? Did you have to find your life purpose in order to do so or is there another way?

 

Thats an interesting perspective @Natura Sonoris and I think this 'bad box' comes from bullying in my childhood and the need for to feel loved. I think this point of vew helps me to disidentify with 'my box'. Where do you have this idea to think 'in boxes'? What exactly do you mean with "Find your first box on which on the other boxes were build on."?

[step1]

Just now, Helge said:

Thank you @step1 for your advice!

I think finding a new (healthier) idenity is what I need to do.  Did you find your purpose already? Because to me it sounds like a thing that will take years to achive it. The idea that I have to be like this for several years before I find my great life purpose makes me upset. How long took it for you to get rid of these unhealthy idenity? Did you have to find your life purpose in order to do so or is there another way?

 

Thats an interesting perspective @Natura Sonoris and I think this 'bad box' comes from bullying in my childhood and the need for to feel loved. I think this point of vew helps me to disidentify with 'my box'. Where do you have this idea to think 'in boxes'? What exactly do you mean with "Find your first box on which on the other boxes were build on."?

I've always known that I had issues but until recently I've only just begun to discover how to really tackle them.  A good book to read is Nathaniel Branden's 6 pillars of self esteem.  This is probably the only self help book that's had any impact on me.  Leo also has some good videos "How to stop caring what other people think" 

I'm working on my purpose at the moment but to honestly discover what you want to do with your life first you have to cut out all the mind chatter.  This means minimizing that ego as much as possible. 

You aren't your ego and all those messages that it tells you.  That's just conditioning from the environment you grew up in and society.  So if you don't start to work on minimizing this ego, you will just end up on another crazy path trying to please others rather than yourself..

If you want to fast track this entire process then you need to start meditating.  it sounds crazy but it works.

[Dhana Choko]

16 hours ago, Natasha said:

@Helge You don't need meds. Check out Leo's 'Using Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs to Self Actualize', 'How to Stop Judging Yourself', and 'How We Lie'. Those are great resources to help you change perspective. You are already whole and perfect just the way you are, just need to realize it.

Well, you can't really say that. Many people find a way out of their problems on their own, but many people if they have the funds and means can make their life SO MUCH easier by attending therapy. Some people really benefit from having a therapist to ponder things with and work their personal issues out and work with assignments, cognitive therapy worksheets etc. Some people can watch 100's of hours of videos and not get much out of it to fit into their own life, because it is MENTAL work that does not always lead to lasting changes. Confronting difficult emotions and emotional patterns in therapy and having someone to support and gives you space to emotionally see things inside of you, can create lasting transformations.

I would definitely recommend, IF possible, to do both! Do as many things as you can - get outside help and talk to someone, but also watch some videos, do mind exercises, read some books etc. It will all help, but put all that together, you will be helped a lot.

[Natura Sonoris]

@Helge

Thanks for being honest when you mentioned being bullied. I already knew that was the case from start but i wanted you to say it here so we can move on. Now to explain how to find the first boxes and to explain what they mean in depth so you get bigger picture what happened when you were a kid. I will share you my story so you might resonate with it in one way and get some ''aha'' moment. These ''aha'' moments  is what i want for you to get.  I am working with 2 of my friends with these issues and they improved a lot. This is going to be long post but it will be crucial for you.

Now for starters, the real problem here is that all the tips and tricks that people tell you wont work for you because you are not aware how your mind is fucking you. If you can trust me i can help you get rid off it in long term. This wont happen over night, over 1 month or even 1 year, but when you start doing and as time passes by, you will see more and more things bubble up. When you reach 1 year point, you will know most common traps and pitfalls how your mind is constructed to trick you and pull you into bullshit. In order for you to be able to resonate with something else than yourself, i will share you my story. The reason why i do it is because i am aware how you mind will behave upfront when it starts talking to itself. It will keep you trapped because you are not aware how currently in control of everything you do with you having little chance to break it thru its web of bullshit.

I grew up in very wealthy family in country that is consider to be kinda poor in modern standards. My father used to work his all day so i grew up with my mother and my older sister. I was living child's dream. I always had a choice to pick any toy i wanted but within reasonable amount of time (lets say for birthday or smt like that). Now, as i grew up with my mother that was really caring of me, i grew really emotionally attached to her. She always made sure that everything was fine with me and stuff like that. The reason why she started to care so much about me is because i was born with umbilical cord around my neck which is kinda bad thing for baby. To keep story short, i was being loved by my mother and i got spoiled. So this was my first personality as a kid. Someone who values love and being loved. This is my first so called first ''my box'' or in other words, my personality for which i take for granted and completely true.

When i went to school i faced social struggle because my personality was so influenced by my mother so other kids noticed my spoiled behavior. Plus other kids around me did not have much money since i went to public school and it was bad situation in my country during that period of time  so i know they could not deal with the fact that there is kid who lives perfect live. Second point, as a kid i learned to read before school period so i was reading  encyclopedias so i valued knowledge. Other kids saw that as being smart ass and as being a nerd. So here is the point :

If i valued love and being loved i could not cope with the fact that other people could not support me for being me who i am. In school i did not get support i was getting at home unconditionally. Thats when my first negative box started to appear. This would be all the bad stuff i picked from life.

Now interesting fact ... my mother had very unhappy childhood. She had uncaring mother  and father who used drink. He was not violent but she was scared of him anyway (thats the reason she hates when my father drinks from time to time even tho he is funniest guy when he is drunk (people say he should do stand up comedy)). But can you see the pattern here ?

My mother had really bad childhood and she was seeking external validation for love. This latter ruined one part of her marriage with my father but anyway that's other story and they both worked out their issues. But because she had that childhood she thought she should be loving and caring to me as much as she could. I adopted this philosophy as a kid that i should value love and being loved all the time and when i did not get that, i was being depressed. Worst thing was that my father was absent on work, so on side i was getting made fun off from other kids and from other side i was getting unconditional love her side. As she was very protective of me, i was living living more like in a bubble for the most time of my childhood.This fucked me because i did not face some challenges as a kid as i should.

Later on, i could not stand my mother talking to me when i got in high school because i was unconsciously blaming her for my dissatisfaction. This would be my example how these boxes develop a pile of boxes that you can't understand later.

This is what is going on with you in nutshell. Somewhere in childhood you developed a need for love and being loved. It mostly comes from our parents. They probably kept telling you were beautiful little girl and how they love you so much. Then reality happened. Some other people said opposite but your close friends and people said otherwise. They probably told you to deal with those bullies in feminine fashion and that is by giving support but i think you lacked masculine approach to it. Thats why all the support here you get from people wont do anything. You need to fuck you ego from the root. Now for the solution :

You first need to discovered the your first boxes and follow the trail. Something must click in you and you will star remembering stuff, You should get really depressed when this happens and that is sign that ego is dealing with all the bullshit he hid in pile. You should probably see how that one little thing in childhood effected you in high school, college etc. You should see how the one little shit from past made you do some really stupid stuff and behave in some strange ways. If this happens, your ego will start to crumble a bit. 

Now after this revelation happens, it is time unwire all bad programming this personality conflict caused. and that is your external seeking for validation. You must know now that you are not conscious when you are seeking for validation. You are completely unaware and you have no control over it and that's why all the tips and tricks is useless here. All those trick and tips you take wont work because these stuff are so hardwired into us. Now you will see how this wiring works and how start unwiring.

So next time when you look yourself at mirror stop for second and just see what is going on inside your head. Some bullshit like this will come up : OH HOW BEAUTIFUL I AM . What happened here is you caught your ego doing its bullshit. If you catch one of those, it will be golden. But important thing is to remember is that think about it after it happens is not actually catching it. You need to catch when as it happens. Other good example would be when you want to post a selfie on facebook. When you start to take a photo, try to be aware whats going on in your mind. You will see something like this : OH I GONNA LOOK SO GOOD NOW AND I WILL GET 20 LIKES. Catch that when it happens and follow it as it goes. This process is will train your mindfulness muscle which is key element for personal development. As you become of aware of this, you will get more aha moment about yourself.The best advice i can give you now is whenever you are feeling depressed, angry or you just feel any negative emotional in general, try to remember to mindful and to observe what is really going on there. I will give you my example so you can get even better picture  :

When i get in arguments with someone, i always ask my self this : What beliefs i hold that do not let me accept reality ? I ask this because i came to the point with mindfulness practice that every negative emotion comes from the fact that mind can deal with some aspect of reality no matter what it is. And i let my mind do its own thing and observe it. For example there are situations where i think certain this thing should be done in certain way. One of best cases would be doing music project with my friend.Since i am more educated than him when it comes to music, i cant cope with him suggesting to work out some creative block we have. The reality here is that there are many solutions to a problem and my mind says it has to be this way just because of xx reasons that happened somewhere in the past (one of reasons would be my  ''superior'' education). To get deeper picture how this works you need to get the next point :

The way our mind works is that as we go thru our live, it labels certain things and events. Some of those might be pleasant and some of them maybe be unpleasant. It attaches emotions to them so it knows what to do next time it faces a problem. For example if you got bitten by dog the first time you saw, you will have a traumatized of dogs. Thats why fear exists and thats how mind is wired to protects us. The problem is that we have no control over it, it just happens. We do not  have control how will our mind will react the first time dog bites us. Bad side of this is because fear can be both good and bad. It will protect you for whatever it is programmed for. It will cause some unconscious behavior from your side to keep protecting you. It will build more advanced self defense mechanisms that will come in future to fuck up your life. For example, if you got bitten by a dog, you will mind will creative ''negative'' labels around experiences of dogs. For example, you will hate dog persons, you will avoid dogs on street and you will be doing it without even thinking about it. It will happen automatic. The second component to it is that you mind makes a self image as ''dog hater'' and i laughed when i realized myself this. In my mind that looks like this : You are robot who is programmed to seek proof that he is dog hater, When you see a poster of dog : OH YES I AM DOG HATER and you move along seeking for me  (but this happens on unconscious level)

And interesting fact, this is why we have conflicts in the world. We are all sleep walking just because we feel like some things about ourselves feel as true.

For me personally, it felt i should blame my mother for my dissatisfaction. My mind still interprets her voice as annoying even tho i am mostly aware what is going on inside my head most of the time. Interesting thing, my sister has same tone of voice so her voice seems annoying as well  But fuck cluster of everything, i realized i interpret most females as annoying but thats other story. Other example would be overcoming that creative block with my friend. I just feel i was right because i feel i need my way has to be only way.

Maybe you get it by now, but i could relate that ''need'' with value of knowledge i build when i was kid. As i mentioned other kids did not value it and i was seeing that as being bad. So my mind programmed my to validate my self image as being ''smart person.'' ( i am working on that one now at this time of life)

So in your case, fear hardwired your mind to behave in certain way and it created a self image of you being beautiful person.It was necessary to do it so it would keep you in equilibrium. That is reason why you have those emotional swings. I hope you will find the root cause of you behaviors by resonating with some of my personal examples.  Just think about this .. If you knew you were pretty, would you seek validation in first place. And when you realize that the answer is no, if you ask youself how some persons have no problem with being how they are, they just know they beautiful ? Because fear was not the base of that belief. 

So you are going thru life like a robot seeking for : OH I PRETTY LITTLE GURL.  Now this sounds too serious for you, but one day you will laugh at this when you get rid of this shit. These things happen to many people in life and i am glad if i could help. I apologize if some parts are confusing but i tried to be as detailed as possible. I was writting this post for 3,4 hours as i tried to process as much stuff as i can and plan it out so it has best effect on you.

This post itself helped to me journal out few of my insights out. 

If this helped, please dont hesitate to contact me via pm if you have more questions or just post them here.

 

 

[Isle of View]

@Helge 

this is a sign of perfectionism.

Can you get the time when you decided you need to look perfect in order to be good enough?

Was there someone in the background who convinced you you're not worth anything unless you're perfect? Or something that resulted in your decision to "must look perfect".

 

Chris 

[Helge]

OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! @Natura Sonoris I can't say how much I apreciate this. That you are so open and shared your story with me and really tried to help me. 
 

Since I was 3 I had a really good friend. My best friend. We met each other EVERY day and had so much fun. I loved him so much. But later when we went to school, suddenly he just wanted to be with the 'cool kids'. He didn't want to be around me anymore and when I was around him he made fun of me and tried to antagonize everyone against me. I felt so so hurt and cut him out of my life. But after that I coudn't find a new best friend, I just coudn't have a deep relationship again even though I wanted it... So after that when someone bullied me and told me that I was ugly I felt really hurt because I felt alone, unsupported and weak.

This was some realy deep shit! I am really sad now because now I understand why I get all the time angry when my mother speaks with me.

When I was a child she just wanted to help me out but I didn't want to talk about it. So everytime she tried to help me I was remembered by my situation and so I felt pain. I tread her so badly and unloving because of this I feel really ashamed of myself. 

I know now why I react so sensitive when a close person rejects me in any kind of form and why I coudn't accept that my girlfriend really loved me. 

 

Again thank you so much. I think I know on what I have to focus now in order to fix some deeper problems I have. So I can get of my incorrect belive that my fucking ego put on me!

By the way: I am a guy

[Natura Sonoris]

@Helge

Lol 

Now, this is huge mindfuck for me because i pictured you as a girl whole time  Anyway i am glad i could help. Btw about that girlfriend thing, yep it happened to me as well.

 After i got this realization and i just had 20 year old flashback and i was like wtf. Now at least now you know where you fucked and trust me, your days from now on will be weirder and weirder.If you are getting depressed often now, thats good. Thats a sign that ego is dealing with realization that he is fucked.

But i have to warn you, this is hardwired in you for most of your life. Do not underestimate how powerful it is... you will still be sensitive and you will see you will be reactive to same stuff. But here is a tip : Whenever you get angry, do what i do :

What beliefs i hold so hard that force to behave like this in order to avoid reality. Dig the answer out and then ask yourself : Why i hold this true ? Find answer for that. And then find some opposite counter belief in your life.

If you think that you girlfriend never loved you, why you hold this true ? What would be a counter belief for that ? Was there time where you could see that she really loved you ? Remember, your fear makes self image that fulfills its own prophecy. If you think you that you cant be loved, you will create sub conscious self image of yourself that you are unloving person. Your mind will keep seeking only the bad stuff.

If you told me : MAN I AM UGLY. MY GIRLFRIEND CANT LOVE ME. I would ask you : Why is that so ? You would say : IT IS BECAUSE THIS THIS AND THAT. And would say : Is there any possibility that you are not and your girlfriend loves you ? You would just answer : MAN, I TOLD , IT IS JUST THIS THIS AND THAT, IT CANT BE OTHERWISE. 

And thats the problem... your self image of yourself is hardcore wired that you may notice it will create anything for valid answer. By anything, i mean really ANYTHING. Your mind is capable of making really good bullshits when it wants... It only needs to make sence for you. But you need to be careful because you are programed to see things differently. For example, when you hear your mothers voice , your mind might get annoyed. In reality it is sound... someone else sees it in some different way, for example, if you have sister  she might sees it in calm way.

Anyway, pay attention how you see things or as i would say reality. Like i said, if you are afraid of dogs, you mind will make a mixture visual of sensations inside your head that will make perfect sense. But in reality, that is just a dog and nothing more. Same goes for your girlfriend. When you see her, you will have different mix of visual sensations inside your head that makes sense. But in reality it is just girlfriend. But most important thing here is this :

Can you see our relationship to your surroundings, for example , your mother , your girlfriend and lets say dog, that all you know about them is actually is what is inside your mind ? Really have deep thought about it. Everything you know about your girlfriend, her every word, every moment, they way you see her is being influenced based on past experiences and beliefs.  

So my point and prepare because this is real mind fuck , when you see your girlfriend, your mother, or a dog or whatever, you are actually only seeing you  It is just illusion that you are seeing someone else. So when you have a argument with let's say girlfriend and you have a fight... you both for example have different views on each other. You both see yourself in each other which means that you cant deal with some part of identity that you recognize in each other. 

If you hate someone or smt, it is just you have one part of your personality. And now for the most important part. If you now realized that when you see other people, you actually only see you, do you see how really important is how you see yourself ? If you see yourself as someone who cant be loved, how you expect the part of you see in other person love you ?  

[Natasha]

11 hours ago, Dhana Choko said:

Well, you can't really say that. Many people find a way out of their problems on their own, but many people if they have the funds and means can make their life SO MUCH easier by attending therapy. Some people really benefit from having a therapist to ponder things with and work their personal issues out and work with assignments, cognitive therapy worksheets etc. Some people can watch 100's of hours of videos and not get much out of it to fit into their own life, because it is MENTAL work that does not always lead to lasting changes. Confronting difficult emotions and emotional patterns in therapy and having someone to support and gives you space to emotionally see things inside of you, can create lasting transformations.

I would definitely recommend, IF possible, to do both! Do as many things as you can - get outside help and talk to someone, but also watch some videos, do mind exercises, read some books etc. It will all help, but put all that together, you will be helped a lot.

I am not against mental health therapy, just think that psyc meds are largely over-prescribed. Its a huge business and one should always follow the money trail. A friend of mine is a mental health counselor and she tells me how corrupt this business really is. So try to be discerning and if you have to use meds, do so as the last resort and only as temporary solution.

[Dhana Choko]

@Natasha In most cases attending therapy (at least where I live) does not mean one has to be on medication. So it is something that should not scare people away from getting help.