step1

So it seems most of my problems are stemming from a possible obsessive compulsive personality disorder however this needs to be confirmed by a psychologist. This means I have a tendency to be strive for perfection in certain areas of my life. For me these areas are social interactions, rules and morality, work/career. This is not sustainable for me and it's had a knock on effect causing avoidance, social anxiety and really low self esteem. It's also caused me problems getting close to people. My doctor has put me on medication and it does help a bit. I hope to be off the medication by next January. At the moment I am doing compassion focused therapy and cognitive behavioural therapy. Through studying my mind daily I have noticed how negative my mind is by default. It's amazing how quickly my brain will give most thoughts of future and past events a cynical or negative tone. I never really realised the extent I was doing this until I started journaling and keeping track of my thoughts. The aim is to replace these negative thoughts with positive thoughts until they become positive by default. Since I started journaling and organising my thoughts, I decided to also start a bullet journal to organise my life more. If you are a disorganised person, try a bullet journal, they really help. This week as part of my therapy programme I will apply for volunteer work. Primarily I will be applying to volunteer at an art gallery as once I have started to deal with my issues better I want to begin working in the creative industry as that is what I am good at and have an interest in. My aim is to eventually gain an internship in industrial design. I have a degree in this field from 10 years ago and my aim is to have my sketching skills at a decent level and then re do my portfolio, ready for 12 to 18 months time. It may be a challenge to get in to this field because of my age, however if I work hard enough I think it is possible. My other goal is to be 14 stone lean in a years time. I am currently 14 stone with about 18/20% body fat. Despite these career and body aspirations, my main focus has to be on my mental health. My goal is to be in a job by christmas and to have significantly reduced my negative thinking. To increase the probability of reaching this goal I need to be very specific in defining or quantifying the level I want to reduce my negative thinking by. I'm not really sure how I will do this yet and is something to think about. So currently my daily routine/checklist is as follows: wake around 7:30, 8 am and take a cold shower ( i have been doing this for 6 months and has become a habit now) do weights for around 1 hour to 90 mins read therapy books or self improvement books for 30 mins practise sketching for 1 hour (because I enjoy doing this the tendency is to sometimes neglect other things which can be a problem, usually its my therapy exercises that suffer, so I need to be more mindful of this) Flipping awareness exercises 5 minutes Meditation 10 mins Journalling at the end of the day 30 mins to an hour Any chores that need doing i will put in my bullet journal to be completed the next day. I try to keep a tidy environment as a habit and generally keep on top of general household duties. On top of this I try to keep some new habits in check which are avoiding youtube, eating healthily and bed by 11pm. If you are reading this I would be very grateful if you could fill out my surveys in the above post, doing this will really help me with overcoming my mental health issues. They are about 5 questions each and are multiple choice and take about 20 seconds for each survey. Ideally i need about 50 people to fill them in to get a good sample size. So far I have had 1 person lol. Thank you to that person. That's all for now.

2nd best time is now. Hi I'm currently in the process of overhauling my life at 33 years old. Since January I have been signed off as unfit for work by my doctor due to mental health issues. I've had these issues all most of my life but never realised it wasn't normal until recently.. I thought everyone else was running round with the same issues but they were less sensitive or better at hiding their problems. Anyway, i'm so far feeling happier than I was and am seeing a therapist which is helping a lot. As part of my therapy I have been asked to conduct a very short survey to help get into the minds of how people think and how it differs from the way I think. There are 3 survey which are anonymous and each one literally will take about 20 seconds.. So if you are someone who feels they are of good/normal mental health then it would be great if you could help me by taking a min to fill out my surveys: https://www.surveymonkey.co.uk/r/5VSNCJQ https://www.surveymonkey.co.uk/r/59XPWWR https://www.surveymonkey.co.uk/r/5D9R3HK I will add more here in due course regarding my goals, plans and progress and some stuff about my mental health issues. Thanks for reading

I'm pretty sure the parts of the brain that are strengthened doing meditation are different to those required for studying. Go back to basics. Have a plan of how much you will study each day and start small. Each week increase it by an amount that isnt very noticeable and stick to it.

Can I just ask you a question - what is your day to day life like? What do you do? Do you go to college do you work? do you have structure etc? I know from experience that a lot of my social anxiety comes from low self esteem. Great way to boost your self esteem is by getting shit done. Do things daily and create habit, have a list of things you are to do everyday. Start small and once you get a momentum going start adding things. - After a while you start to build confidence in your self and in turn your esteem increases. You start to improve yourself and you care less about what others think of you because you are creating a fire in yourself that overcomes obstacles, and thrives in challenge. You start to realise you do not need anyone but yourself to be happy. You programme your sub conscious to become a doer.

Get rid of all your distractions is the first step. Sell the tv. Be disciplined about staying offthe internet and porn. You can block certain websites by changing something in your registry or something like that - try googling it. This will enable you to think clearer. Then reassess the situation. Also your friends probably have similar habits to you. Distance yourself from them and try to new social activities where you can engage with new people. Exercise is a good one. i.e. gym, martial arts etc. You tend to find that people in these settings are the motivational types.

Not too sure what you mean... Are you telling me to forget my problems, suck it up and get on with life? edit i will have a look for the video. I checked the maslow stuff out. I think i see what you are getting at there.

OK thanks I will check them out. Getting work is an issue for me. Like i said i have a huge fear of starting in a new workplace and applying for jobs. I used to use valium to get me through the job entry process however that is no longer an option...

Thanks for the reply. I lived away from my parents up until recently as I lost my job so I had to move back in with my folks. Living away from my dad didn't solve the codependency issues. I still felt I had to become someone or something, i.e. have a really good job to feel like an adequate person. On the hobbies side i've lifted weights on and off for most of my adult life, but again it doesn't solve any problems it just creates a mask. Why should I have to do these things to feel adequate? Drugs and alcohol have really calmed down a lot this year, maybe once a month would it happen however now i plan to stop drinking completely.

While I am here I may as well list all my symptoms in case anyone who is more knowledgeable on this subject can spot any other issues I may have, I am a 32 year old male btw: Low self esteem and confidence Escapism Up until recently, a heavy drinker and moderate drug user at weekends. People pleaser Easily manipulated in a relationship I lose my patience easily around people I think are lesser than me. (I know I should not think lesser of anyone but I do sometimes) Feelings of inadequacy especially around people of authority Not able to be fully myself around my father, feelings of stupidity, embarrassment, and resentment around my father. Scared of my fathers temper. (He's never been physical with me) Confusion surrounding my father; Am I the problem or is he the problem? Not being sure whether I am to blame or not for things. Not understanding boundaries especially with my father. Every time something goes wrong for him or he is irritated i always somehow feel like i am to blame. Not able to get close to women I am really attracted to. Huge fear of looking stupid or making mistakes Fear of being ugly (when I was younger I formed my identity around being good looking, and would not ever leave the house unless i could get my hair right etc, if I didn't feel like I looked good my confidence went out the window) Huge fear of starting in a new workplace and applying for jobs Monotone voice Highly embarrassed about displaying my attraction to the opposite sex around my family A private personal life that I keep separate from my father - I never let my friends around my father when I was younger and I still don't to this day. Perfectionism Somewhat critical of other people.

I've have social anxiety for many years now and just recently have decided that it will become my priority to get past it. With this in mind I have been doing a lot of research and it has come to light that it is very likely I have codependency issues, which I feel are due to the relationship I have with my father. My plan is to go and see a therapist but I have a few questions: 1. Which do I tackle first? The social anxiety or the codependency? I hate having social anxiety but the codependency I feel affects my self esteem the most. 2. I don't want t take medication over the fear of it becoming a crutch, however I have heard that medication will make it much easier to analyse my problems and tackle the root cause.. Should I take medication if offered? 3. Has anyone here had any experience using therapists in the UK's nhs for social anxiety or codependency? If so what was your experience like? Do they have a full understanding of these disorders?

im an infp male. I hope to change this over the coming years.

I am currently trying to incorporate the following into my life: habit forming: 20 mins exercise each morning cold shower every evening daily flossing if something takes less than 2 mins to do then do it straight away having a to do list that i complete each day including chores and a long term goal habit crushing: no tv no internet that is not productive no snacking I understand that we only have a finite source of willpower and by trying to tackle these all at once i am bound to fail.. I read somewhere that you should take on only 1 goal at a time to conserve your willpower.. So would it be wise to only tackle 1 of the above say every few weeks? I feel like that would be too little... What do you think?

The problem i have with this (unless i am misinterpreting what rupert is saying) is that rupert is making out that 'the dream' is some sort of great illusion... I understand that everything we see, hear, sense, smell, taste is all within our mind, and we are just experiencing chemicals/electronic signals in our brain, however these signals would not happen if there was no physical world around us for us to interpret, therefore there would be no 'dream' without an outside world from the mind.... Am i missing something?

DON'T EVER feel humiliated by any of these bullies. If you do this you will end up under the same miserable spell they are under. You do know these bullies hate themselves inside right? Don't hate the bullies, they have suffered a trauma that makes them act this way. But don't let them bully you either. Stand up for yourself. Start a martial arts course (one that is actually useful in a real life scenario) judo, jujitsu, boxing, kick boxing are good ones and only use what they teach you if you are provoked. Don't ever feel humiliated by ANYONE. Love yourself for who you are. And the most important rule of them all, NEVER JUDGE ANYONE for what they do or don't do. You don't know what they have been through or what goes on in their head. At 32 I am only just learning these lessons myself. Better late than never.

I second this. I only came across him a day ago and I already feel better from his videos. What a great guy he is.