How Do You Deal Consciously With The Death Of A Family Member And Can You Use This To Learn And Grow More In Conscious?

[carlos flores]

My grandmother has been feeling extremely sick for the last 2 weeks and her health is just getting worse by a milestone every single day. Just today we found out she is having now more issues that I don't think anyone here would like to even think or heard about (that's how bad it is!). She is going to pass away some time in the next few days, we can all tell it's just a matter of time. Of course I kinda have been preparing for all this. Since I been following these topics about consciousness and spirituality I been asking myself how can I deal with this issue in a way that can probably be a learning experience and also maybe grow some consciousness. I remember in one of leo's videos he mention how the biggest belief or misconception people have is that you die once you have, also seem to be related to how everything is infinite. how can I deal with this situation in a way that hopefully will make me more conscious and be able to understand more about death consciously? thank you all in advance!

[ajasatya]

@carlos flores

 

[Prabhaker]

3 hours ago, carlos flores said:

How Do You Deal Consciously With The Death Of A Family Member And Can You Use This To Learn And Grow More In Conscious?

Whenever you love someone you feel totally helpless. That is the agony of love: one cannot feel what one can do. You want to do everything, you want to give the whole universe to the lover or the beloved, but what can you do? If you think that you can do this or that you are still not in a love relationship. Love is very helpless, absolutely helpless, and that helplessness is the beauty because in that helplessness you are surrendered.

Love someone and you will feel helpless; hate someone and you can do something. Love someone and you are absolutely helpless because what can you do? Whatsoever you can do seems insignificant and meaningless; it is never enough. Nothing can be done, and when one feels that nothing can be done, one feels that one is helpless. When one wants to do everything and feels nothing can be done, the mind stops. In this helplessness surrender happens. You are empty. That is why love becomes a deep meditation.

The Book of Secrets, Talk #13

The moment of the death of someone you have loved deeply brings your own death into your mind. The moment of death is a great revelation. It makes you feel impotent and helpless. It makes you feel that you are not. The illusion of being disappears.

Anybody will be shaken because suddenly you see that the ground underneath your feet has disappeared. You cannot do anything. Somebody is dying that you love: you would even like to give your life but you cannot. Nothing can be done; one simply waits in deep impotence.

That moment can make you depressed. That moment can make you sad or that moment can send you on a great journey for truth...a eat journey into the search. What is this life? If death comes and takes it, what is this life? What meaning does it carry if one is so impotent against death? And remember, everybody is on his or her deathbed. After birth everybody is on his deathbed. There is no other way. All beds are deathbeds, because after birth only one thing is certain and that is death.

Somebody dies today, somebody tomorrow and somebody the day after tomorrow: what is the difference basically? Time cannot make much difference. Time can only create an illusion of life but the life that ends in death is not and cannot be the real life. It must be a dream.

Life is authentic only when it is eternal. Otherwise, what is the difference between a dream and what you call your life? In the night, in deep asleep, a dream is as true as anything is, as real – even more real than what you see with open eyes. By the morning it is gone, not even a trace is left. In the morning when you are awake you see it was a dream and not a reality. This dream of life continues for a few years; then suddenly one is awakened and the whole of life proves to be a dream.

Death is a great revelation. If there were no death there would be no religion. It is because of death that religion exists. It is because of death that a Buddha was born. All buddhas are born because of the realization of death.

When you go and sit by the side of a dying person feel sorry for yourself. You are in the same boat, in the same plight. Death will knock on your door any day. Be ready. Before death knocks, come back home. You should not be caught in the middle; otherwise this whole life disappears like a dream and you are left in tremendous poverty, an inner poverty.

Life, real life, never dies. Then who dies? You die. The “I” dies, the ego dies. The ego is part of death; life is not. So if you can be egoless, then there is no death for you. If you can drop the ego consciously, you have conquered death. If you are really aware you can drop it in a single step. If you are not so aware you will have to drop it gradually. That depends on you. But one thing is certain: the ego has to be dropped. With the disappearance of the ego, death disappears. With the dropping of the ego, death is also dropped.

Don’t feel sorry for the dying person, feel sorry for yourself. Let death surround you. Have the taste of it. Feel helpless, impotent. Who is feeling helpless and who is feeling impotent? The ego – because you see you cannot do anything. You would like to help her and you cannot. You would like her to survive but nothing can be done.

Feel this impotence as deeply as possible and out of this helplessness, a certain awareness, a prayerfulness and a meditation will arise. Use the person’s death; t is an opportunity. Use everything as an opportunity.

Be by their side. Sit silently and meditate. Let their death become a pointer to you so that you don’t go on wasting your life. The same is going to happen to you.

Osho, The Search, Talk #10

[Joseph Maynor]

@carlos flores Tell her that you love her.

[carlos flores]

@ajasatya @Prabhaker @Joseph Maynor UPDATE: She passed away this morning, much more sooner than I expected.

Thanks for all the responses, it seems to be helping me. Unfortunately, I did not have time to tell her that I love her Joseph. Her being in a hospital in Mexico made contact very difficult, but thanks!

[Visitor]

carlos flores, sorry for your loss of a loved one.

Everything you know and experienced about your grandmother is not lost because there are within your memory and heart. What is lost is further connections with her if she lived longer. So hold dear to your heart the love you both had shared in the past.

My whole family, and extended family that I know of, are no longer alive. I am the last card in the deck. I often reflect back at all the love and funny times I had with them. For that I am grateful to have those memories and experiences in my life. It has enriched me to remember those times.

One day you too will be a grandparent, and the most important role of a grandparent is to pass on the family history, after all, they are the only ones with such extended memories of the family. Your grandmother's story will hopefully be passed onto to your grandchildren.

In this way, your grandmother will still be with the family (so to speak). 

Edited August 12, 2017 by Visitor

[Max_V]

Sorry for your loss.

The same happened to me 5 years ago so I can imagine what you are going through

May you be well

[art]

I experienced the same two weeks ago.

Much love to you my friend, she will be in your heart