Polyamory - Our Future In Relationships?

[Ayla]

I come from a VERY orthodox background, where a girl gets married (a virgin) with a man that her parents also like, has a couple of children (or more) and stays with that spouse "until death do them apart" ! 

Wasn't that idyllic ? But is it still? Do people still dream about that type of relationship? 

I've lived a polyamory situation 3 years ago. I was really truly deeply in LOVE with two men and they both loved me. One brought me one bundle of satisfaction - professional and sexual level, the other the stability of a family life and a cord to my past. Both new about each other and understood/accepted the situation. Even tho my upbringing was crippling my view of things, the experience itself felt SO right! It was THE best time of our lives! 

What are your views on this?  

 

[Guest]

Id say fucking cheers.

I've though about that stuff myself, with the whole concept of relationships that we have as a culture. Who the hell am i to just assume the roles that are pressed on us by tradition. These are thoughts and not of my actual practice. but i see your point of view, and i can honestly tell you that if everyone was brought up that way, you damn well better believe we'd all have multiple partners for multiple reasons.

kudos lady

[Dhana Choko]

We have to be very aware that polyamory as well is a tradition and mental concept. It offers vast variety of amusement for the ego and one should be very aware why they want to do it. Many people come to polyamory because they have deep emotional issues and are lead by their ego rather than inner awareness. It is another trap for the ego that I forsee to be a big problem for many spiritual seekers especially in the future.

To me it is a similar question like "Do all spiritual people in the future own 3 cars?" Well maybe but why would you want three cars? You can have 3 or 10 or 100 cars but it has nothing to do with Truth and dealing with these cars, getting them fixed and washed can take a life time. 

[Ayla]

@Dhana Choko

I completely agree with you. The one difference is that in my particular situation, I did not chose that experience, or searched for it or wanted it or even accept it in the beginning, in fact, at that time, it didn't even have a name or a concept associated with it. It just happened naturally. It profoundly disturbed a stale status quo that my life had become and catapulted me into a whole new life. 

It was not a flirt, a fling, an adventure or a mental wanting - on the contrary. 

Looking back at it now, it cracked my Ego sufficiently as to bring me into this new path.

[Leo Gura]

I think polyamory is not for most people, even if you take away all the cultural brainwashing about traditional marriage.

Most people just want to find that one right person and make it work.

But, if that's not you, then that's cool too. You're just in the minority.

[Ayla]

That IS me too... I just do not exclude either any longer  

Another layer of "stuckness" has been stripped off me I suppose. 

[Leo Gura]

If you had to decide between:

1. A great exclusive relationship
2. A great polyamorous relationship

Which would you choose?

[Sarah Marie]

This is a great topic. I can completely understand why someone would want to live in a polyamory situation. I can see the benefits and where it would be hard.  I would at some point be interested in trying an open marriage. Although some may say it's caused from deep routed issues it's actually the opposite for me. I have worked through those deep issues which caused insecurities, controlling behaviors, jealousy, and ultimently an unhealthy relationship. Once I worked through my own personal issues my mind expanded to an idea of infinite sexual possibilities. The reason I would prefer and open marriage over a polyamory situation would be because I am not sure I could give 100% to both parties. I feel like my marriage now is a lot of work and doubling that would completely overwhelm me. However, the idea of experiencing different sexual partners in an agreed upon non-monogamy relationship is extremely appealing to me. 

On the flip side, I also see why people would want to stay strictly monogamous. 

[Ayla]

5 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

If you had to decide between:

1. A great exclusive relationship
2. A great polyamorous relationship

Which would you choose?

I cannot answer this unfortunately

I would have to "ask" in that moment - meaning, to check in with myself and to wait for Grace to guide me. 

.... I seriously do not know what to answer you

[Sarah Marie]

1 hour ago, Dhana Choko said:

We have to be very aware that polyamory as well is a tradition and mental concept. It offers vast variety of amusement for the ego and one should be very aware why they want to do it. Many people come to polyamory because they have deep emotional issues and are lead by their ego rather than inner awareness. It is another trap for the ego that I forsee to be a big problem for many spiritual seekers especially in the future.

To me it is a similar question like "Do all spiritual people in the future own 3 cars?" Well maybe but why would you want three cars? You can have 3 or 10 or 100 cars but it has nothing to do with Truth and dealing with these cars, getting them fixed and washed can take a life time. 

I really appreciate this answer, because now I question if my desire for an open marriage is lead by ego rather than inner awareness. Thus far, I've thought it was due to my inner awareness because prior to dealing with all my issues I couldn't not fathom why someone would want to live this way. However, after it seemed so appealing.

How would one know if it is coming from their ego or inner awareness? 

[Ayla]

4 minutes ago, Sarah_Flagg said:

This is a great topic. I can completely understand why someone would want to live in a polyamory situation. I can see the benefits and where it would be hard.  I would at some point be interested in trying an open marriage. Although some may say it's caused from deep routed issues it's actually the opposite for me. I have worked through those deep issues which caused insecurities, controlling behaviors, jealousy, and ultimently an unhealthy relationship. Once I worked through my own personal issues my mind expanded to an idea of infinite sexual possibilities. The reason I would prefer and open marriage over a polyamory situation would be because I am not sure I could give 100% to both parties. I feel like my marriage now is a lot of work and doubling that would completely overwhelm me. However, the idea of experiencing different sexual partners in an agreed upon non-monogamy relationship is extremely appealing to me. 

On the flip side, I also see why people would want to stay strictly monogamous. 

In my own case, I was not sexually active with both partners, as one of them was/is "asexual" (hence the reason I allowed myself to be swayed into another relationship). But that's just my own particular case. I see the validity in other scenarios as well.  Actually, I can see validity in all scenarios, but that's for another topic I suppose  

[Ayla]

1 hour ago, Sarah_Flagg said:

I really appreciate this answer, because now I question if my desire for an open marriage is lead by ego rather than inner awareness. Thus far, I've thought it was due to my inner awareness because prior to dealing with all my issues I couldn't not fathom why someone would want to live this way. However, after it seemed so appealing.

How would one know if it is coming from their ego or inner awareness? 

In my own experience, true inner awareness doesn't think forward in time, so for me personally, that is a first clue that my ego is playing games unattended

On the contrary, if you're in the midst of such situation, if it feels right for you no matter how you (ego) try to turn it, just because it is happening, it is the right thing

I'd also like to add that I see your attitude as a real openness from the illusion of " this should be like that" which is always a step forward!!

As always, this is just how I see things........... 

[Dhana Choko]

58 minutes ago, Sarah_Flagg said:

 

How would one know if it is coming from their ego or inner awareness? 

This is a very important question and it is actually THE question that can lead you into enlightenment. I thought of answering to you but then I thought that I will not. You should really ask this question a lot and expect to be showed the way.  

I will just say that ego is a very clever thing and it will try to out-do you on every level that you are on. 

[Ida]

I would think that every person, one or more, that you want to be with is because of your ego? 

I think that if you feel it makes you strong to love more than one, and you are mastering your jealousy or don't feel it at all, then it must be very empowering to live polyamorous. In my opinion to decide to be polyamorous is maybe even less egoistic than only wanting one lover, because you accept that the other persons can be with others without it being a problem, you are kind of letting go on that aspect. But no matter what it's the thing about having to build your ego before you can get rid of it, so I think you might as well go for what empowers you most.

Edited February 7, 2016 by Ida

[Ayla]

36 minutes ago, Ida said:

I would think that every person, one or more, that you want to be with is because of your ego? 

I think that if you feel it makes you strong to love more than one, and you are mastering your jealousy or don't feel it at all, then it must be very empowering to live polyamorous. In my opinion to decide to be polyamorous is maybe even less egoistic than only wanting one lover, because you accept that the other persons can be with others without it being a problem, you are kind of letting go on that aspect. But no matter what it's the thing about having to build your ego before you can get rid of it, so I think you might as well go for what empowers you most.

@Ida

Would you please use the button "quote" to cite whom you're responding to ? It will be more clear for the broader subject. Thank you

 

[Ida]

8 minutes ago, Ayla said:

@Ida

Would you please use the button "quote" to cite whom you're responding to ? It will be more clear for the broader subject. Thank you

 

It was just my thoughts on polyamory and the ego, and probably for you all  So I don't know who to quote

Edited February 7, 2016 by Ida

[Ayla]

 

Just now, Ida said:

It was just my thoughts on polyamory and the ego, and probably for you're all  So I don't know who to quote

Allright, no problem.

 

[Elton]

7 hours ago, Ayla said:

 

What are your views on this?  

polyamory sounds so nice... but then society starts fucking you in the ass .... but then there is so much more like safe upbringing of a child where actually the norms and culture could be the savior ... i would at this point love this polyamory i guess this is true human nature .

 

[Angie]

The most important thing is, that you and your boyfriends are all happy. Just go with the flow. It may be harder for you to explain your emotions to other people, but hey, deviance isn't always something negative. Enjoy!

[GeorgeLawson]

Has anyone read 'Sex At Dawn?' This book goes into a lot of detail about how prehistoric humans were in fact polyamerous.