Women shaming men for being attracted to/dating younger women

[LordFall]

Just saw this on Reddit and figured I'd share here since it's such a great example of the phenomenon. 

https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/1xtgklw/i_31m_started_seeing_someone_younger_25f_my/

A lot of the power that women exert in society is hard to notice if you aren't well versed in power dynamics and is based on soft power and approval/shaming of behaviours that don't benefit them. If you are a man looking to build the best life possible you will be shamed in all kinds of ways for your desires and ambition so it's important to be aware of this trend.

Age gap relationships are quite popular in terms of older men dating younger women(older women dating younger men is also a trend although less common) and it tends to exacerbate the gender polarity which can be quite enjoyable and mutually beneficial for both parties. Some age gap relationships involve manipulation and exploitation of the younger partner(sometimes reversed and its the younger partner taking advantage of a lonely wealthier older partner) so be sure you're coming at it form the right place but it's definitely not the case for all instances. 

Conversely, sour grapes is very common with humans and women tend to be better at social skills than men so their shaming hiding insecurity about their own dating lives can be hard to spot for some men that are less aware. The mirror to that would be men shaming women for being promiscuous when they are simply insecure themselves about the sex life they wish they had or their lack of screening skills and them fear-mongering about not being able to trust women. 

I just wanted to highlight this specific version of it since for a lot of men we only start to become very attractive in our 30s as we start to get our finances, social circle and overall life together and a lot of younger women are down to date you but you will start to get hate from older women and even other men for your dating preferences even if you are an honest, trustworthy and dependable in all your dating encounters.

Attraction isn't one size fits all. A man can appreciate the depth, maturity, and presence of a woman in her 30s or 40s while also being naturally drawn to the energy of a younger woman in her 20s. Shaming men for responding to either dynamic usually comes down to controlling the market rather than any genuine concern for consent. A lot of people didn't grow up with a self-improvement mindset and don't think dating skills are learnable so they settled for a mediocre dating life or are still single and are quite mad about it. 

Edited 15 hours ago by LordFall

[Sugarcoat]

32M and 25F is nothing lol. Society is ridiculous with this age gap thing. 

[Emotionalmosquito]

[Schizophonia]

Because people defend their interests; the more you normalize age gaps the more you decrease the probability of an older woman or even a younger man finding love (or sexuality) with a partner of their own age. These collective subjects therefore have an interest in eliminating this possibility. I'm not saying it's significant enough to be truly intelligent and anyway there are guys who like older girls and vice versa lol, it helps to rebalance things a bit. I mean that people have a reflex to reason like that even if it's subconscious.

They can't directly make their power agenda explicit if they aren't in a sufficiently strong position; being upfront is a social luxury. Evolution has so favored deception in humans that they're certainly not entirely aware of their own agenda; perhaps it's like a robber taking memory-erasing medication to maximize their chances of success during a police interrogation; if what I'm saying makes sense.

 

So instead they will try to manipulate others’ superego with notions of ethics and such.

 

That's why democracy is a big mess and public debate is so much bad faith; because no matter how much you repaint the walls, deep down it's about survival.

Edited 12 hours ago by Schizophonia

[Heaven]

9 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

Because people defend their interests; the more you normalize age gaps the more you decrease the probability of an older woman or even a younger man finding love (or sexuality) with a partner of their own age. These collective subjects therefore have an interest in eliminating this possibility. I'm not saying it's significant enough to be truly intelligent and anyway there are guys who like older girls and vice versa lol, it helps to rebalance things a bit. I mean that people have a reflex to reason like that even if it's subconscious.

They can't directly make their power agenda explicit if they aren't in a sufficiently strong position; being upfront is a social luxury. Evolution has so favored deception in humans that they're certainly not entirely aware of their own agenda; perhaps it's like a robber taking memory-erasing medication to maximize their chances of success during a police interrogation; if what I'm saying makes sense.

 

So instead they will try to manipulate others’ superego with notions of ethics and such.

 

That's why democracy is a big mess and public debate is so much bad faith; because no matter how much you repaint the walls, deep down it's about survival.

💯.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

I had a relationship that lasted for 3.5years with a 62 year old man. That is a 25 year age gap. He is a fairly well known, high profile individual.

Age gap tends to be more of an issue when there are problematic dynamics; eg a really young person can be exploited due to lack of experience. There are a lot of factors that go into the dynamics that present themselves.

Edited 11 hours ago by Natasha Tori Maru

[Valach]

Hmmm, yeah, you can find all sorts of opinions on reddit. 32 and 25 is not that crazy of a difference, but depends on the stage of development of the person of course.

That being said, I am also not the biggest fan of bigger age gaps especially when it comes to younger people (there is just much  bigger difference between 20 and 40 than between 40 and 60). Often times these relationships are very objectyfing and transactional (though you could argue that all relationships are transactional in their nature - except for parent and their child relationship perhaps). A lot of the men I meet who seek much younger woman for relationships  are simply men who do not see woman beyond their beauty and sex. Is it evil or immoral? Of course not. But it is immature and the people who engage in this are immature as well. I just turned 30 and even dating a woman who is 25 is a struggle for me because I feel like there is simply noticable maturity gap for a proper relationship.

That being said I do not go around judging people or telling them what to do. We all have our own paths in this. But I generally do not get along with ppl who seek these age gaps - and the worldview is same among my guy friends who matured as well. In a way I am jealous (and I complain about it a lot haha - my own stuff to work out).