Got any good jokes?

[Mellowmarsh]

[Wilhelm44]

Old Ozzy joke:

Guy is sitting at the bar and he keeps looking at his watch, with fascination, almost like he's reading a book.

Eventually the woman sitting next to him at the bar, starts to get curious and says: "what's the matter, has someone stood you up ?"

He replies: "no you don't understand, this is a magical watch, it provides me with secret information about my surroundings."

She's like: "don't be silly, like what kind of information is it giving you at the moment ?"

He looks closely at his watch: "well right now for example, it's telling me that ur not wearing any knickers."

She giggles: "well your watch is full of shit, cause I am wearing knickers."

He looks at her in disbelief, taps with frustration on the watch and says: "God dammit, the thing's running 20minutes early again."

 

[Ulax]

Why did the parrot fall out of the tree?

Quote

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler

Because it was dead

 

 

 

 

 

[Mellowmarsh]

@Ulax @Wilhelm44

 

[Ulax]

2 minutes ago, Mellowmarsh said:

@Ulax @Wilhelm44

 

 

[emptiness dancing]

Why did the chicken cross the road???

 

...

To get to the other side 

[Mellowmarsh]

Why didn’t the chicken cross the road??

Because it was too chicken 🤓

[Mellowmarsh]

Why didn’t the chicken cross the road??

Because it was scared of confrontation 🤪

[integration journey]

Your mom 

[Joseph Maynor]

When you lose in a video game it's like "Oh No!".  

[YIDIRYIDIR]

I always found this phrase weird "as good as they come" or "as intelligent as they come" or "as whatever as they come".

first of all, who the fuck are they? and why are they cuming? and why the fuck does their cum have so many qualities? good, string, intelligent, funcking intelligent cum? what the fuck is even that?

[Zigzag Idiot]

Why did the three wise men have ashes on their feet?

They come from a far.

[Ulax]

Uber have started a female-driver only mode for women.

That means men are so bad that women are willing to get into a car accident on the way home.

[LastThursday]

A man walks into a bar. Ouch!!

[Joseph Maynor]

Oh Lord!