How to do sexual humor with women?

[Ima Freeman]

How to deliver sexuality in ones humor with women as a man?
With other guys it is very easy, but with women it is more tricky.
Like, how not to overdo it and come of as a pervert?

I think it's a great icebreaker and a great theme for humor, because it's so controversial. 
But it is of course a double-edged sword. It can be majorly funny or creepy.

Situations are different, for me mostly university, going out at night,...

It makes a difference too if you are one on one or in groups

And of course women are different, interested in me or not, conservative, progressive worldview,....

 

[Leo Gura]

Best to avoid sexual humor with women. It comes off creepy and makes her feel you only want to use her for sex.

Stop trying to talk about sex with women. That entire attitude is wrong.

If you have the urge to talk about sex, fix that.

Talking about sex will lose you women.

Edited 4 hours ago by Leo Gura

[Valach]

9 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Best to avoid sexual humor with women. It comes off creepy and makes her feel you only want to use her for sex.

Stop trying to talk about sex with women. That entire attitude is wrong.

If you have the urge to talk about sex, fix that.

Talking about sex will lose you women.

I disagree. I talk about sex with woman often on first dates. Not sure what sexual humor is meant by here though.

[Jirh]

It's tricky and highly contextual. But totally worth it if done correctly. You should intuit and assess her mood before you do it.

I was once texting my GF and she was speculating and wondering about how her life would unfold in 2024. It spontaneously came to me to say: "In 2024, you will be breastfeeding me". She laughed and told me it turned her on and she absolutely loved it.

[Ima Freeman]

@Leo Gura I meant in general sense rather than just dating. Like being in friend groups. Not with an pick up intent, per se.

[Olaf]

don't use sex jokes, they are very low class. Doesn't mean you can't be flirty. You can still say stuff like "why are you trying to flirt with me? I am not that easy" or "stop trying to kidnap me, I am not going home with you, I know your manipulative ways, I am not falling for it" but this has to be said at the right time in the right context and requires social callibration and these are not sexual jokes, I never mentioned sex directly like some construction worker and I always frame it like she is coming on to me instead of me coming on to her. 

[Ima Freeman]

4 minutes ago, Olaf said:

don't use sex jokes, they are very low class. Doesn't mean you can't be flirty. You can still say stuff like "why are you trying to flirt with me? I am not that easy" or "stop trying to kidnap me, I am not going home with you, I know your manipulative ways, I am not falling for it" but this has to be said at the right time in the right context and requires social callibration and these are not sexual jokes, I never mentioned sex directly like some construction worker and I always frame it like she is coming on to me instead of me coming on to her. 

Ok, ok, I see that on first dates it is not that appropriate

[Olaf]

@Ima Freeman not even on a second date, the only time I would use sex jokes was in like a relationship, because she is completly comfortable and I am just being a retard, but even then you might not use it. If you want to talk about sex, talk about it in a more general way. Like "my friend had this girl he slept with and then etc." or even subtle words like "I think it is so hot outside, don't you think it is hot here? I am sweating" not in a joking way, just to let her know that you aren't shy to talk about sex in a general sense, just don't make jokes about it. It is kind of like touching a girl, you are not going directly, you go indirectly, you just start small with touching her arm, her hair, a hug, holding hands, high five and then slowly it will become so close that you feel you can kiss her, with consent of course. 

everything with woman is more indirectly even with sex do they want to directly get it as we guys do? No she wants like foreplay, maybe some roleplay, some storytelling and getting to know you. The more directly the more off putting. For example if she meets you through her friends, (meeting indirectly) you talk to her indirectly (not showing full interest: compliments and praising her, agreeing with her) then move get more physical with her (indirectly) and flirt with her (indirectly) then that is much better then some guy standing there on the street saying: "do you want to have sex?" we as males probably would want that from a woman lol, but that doesn't mean they want that from us. 

Edited 2 hours ago by Olaf

[Ima Freeman]

@Olaf Are you religous by any chance?

Why not take sex lightly??

[Jordan]

If I was single I would personally avoid it unless the woman I was with initiated and started using sexual humor. Then I might joke off of her joke. Mostly I would just laugh and jokingly act shocked that she would say something like that and use it as an opportunity to take an interest in her and get to know her opinion on different aspects/themes of her joke.

[Olaf]

@Ima Freeman no I come from a atheistic family, but there is a difference between making sexual jokes with guys and with a girl. With guys you are just being silly and don't care, but with woman it is different, that is also how you came to ask this question, if it worked well you wouldn't ask this question.

[Emerald]

You want to come across as super un-focused on sex when you're talking to women, unless you're in a situation where you're about to get physical or you've gotten signals that she's interested enough to sleep with you.

So, I wouldn't deliberately and calculatedly initiate ANY sexual humor, if I were you.

It will come across as though you're too focused on sex... which may read as awkward/desperate at best and creepy at worst.

Men who have an attractive vibe seem very "take it or leave it" with sex, where there's a clear sense of control over sexual urges and impulses. He gives off the vibe that he's steering the ship... not his sexual impulses.

And a guy who initiates sexual humor seems like sex is on his mind too much... or that it's a big deal to him.

And intentional sexual humor comes across as having too much intent to drive the conversation to a sexual place.

The only times where sexual humor can work is when it's done without any sexual intent... and the situation organically arises where a sexual joke makes sense, like if something awkward happens in the environment and a mildly sexual joke cuts the tension.

For example, if she accidentally says a double entendre, you can laugh about it and make a non-intentful and mild sexual joke to cut the tension. But an even better option would be to say something flirtatiously and playfully and nonchalantly like, "Jeez lady... stop lowering the tone."

The rules with sexual humor are

• Don't deliberately initiate it
• Don't do it with any kind of sexual intent
• Make sure it's calibrated to the moment-to-moment happenings in the environment - it should come as a response to environmental cues
• Use it to deflate sexual tension, not ramp it up. This allows you to create moments of genuine shared humor.
• Do it rarely. Sexual humor is a turn off if it's not situationally calibrated as a deviation from the norm. 

[something_else]

The trick is to start small and build up. Plausible deniability, innuendo. Never too direct. Be playful. It has to feel really natural and not like you’re trying to force it.

Many women have incredibly dirty minds too when they’re comfortable with you and attracted to you and the conversation naturally becomes sexually charged.