Men: How do you feel & react when you see women cry?

[Joseph Maynor]

Using the word stalking should be used carefully.  This has a sexual connotation that is implied.  

[Emerald]

15 hours ago, Jirh said:

How would you rate their IQ and EQ?

The two types you mentioned earlier typically rate high EQ for type #1 and high IQ for type #2. But I'm curious about those who react negatively.

It depends from person to person.

Almost always, the guys with high EQ tend to also have a high IQ. That's because high EQ requires a strong intellectual capacity for reflecting on feelings. 

In fact, I don't know if I've ever met a person who has a high EQ who wasn't also very intelligent.

But the guys who have lower EQ can have a wide variety of intelligence ranges.

I've met really smart guys who have a hard time being with feelings, who stay in their head. I have a good friend like this. He's a great thinker, but tends to default to thinking mode. 

And I've met average intelligence guys who also stay up in their own mind or who fear emotions. 

[MuadDib]

Elated to witness her experiencing the sublime.

[LordFall]

3 hours ago, Lyubov said:

I don't disagree that I'm a bit dismissive and give off your typical uncle vibe but I personally don't expect perfection from myself in this domain especially with all the women I've been with and shit I've been through. Women are annoying and the hotter they are the crazier they get. Many guys will go in with an idealistic mindset, however when the rubber meets the road... man you change your tune. Developing your own healthy boundaries, being a strong un-reactive pillar, and restoring your own energy is waaayyyyy more important than ever trying to solve a bitch's problems. 

 

I respect your openness, and honestly, almost every man who's had a lot of dating experience goes through that numb phase just to survive the circus of dating.. The trap is getting stuck in cynicism and ending up jaded. The more experience I get in my dating business, the more I realize a lot of this is due to not setting strong boundaries early on in your relationships and it leads to women baby stepping their way past them and the man resenting the woman and himself for it. 

I think there's no shame in taking a break from dating to go back to your centre and as a matter of fact I've done it myself a few times. Once that's done one can go back to the dating market from a position of self-awareness and power as opposed to being needy for approval and companionship. 

[Judy2]

6 hours ago, Jirh said:

I think this is very important and tricky at the same time. It's always like this with emotions.

And this is true on the personal level too. On the one hand, you want to listen to your emotions. You don't want to shut yourself off to that authentic side of yours. Yet, on the other hand, you don't want to let your emotions dictate your life and decisions, because they often fall short compared to logic.

And I think it's not as simple as deciding whether it's serious or silly. It's serious enough for the child to cry about it. But most parents don't have emotional maturity to know how to handle their own emotions properly, let alone their children. They operate mostly from dogmatic beliefs and autopilot and dysfunctional upbringing.

Ego factors in this too, and it can blind the caretakers for example. Maybe they just don't want to admit being wrong. Maybe they care about their self image more than they care about their child. I've seen real life applications of those examples. And there's definitely worse.

Striking the right balance is the hardest thing, and it's what emotional maturity is all about.

That maturity would then propagate to others automatically as we interface with their emotional systems and struggles.

Yes.

Not ignoring someone doesn't mean you have to agree with them. You can take the emotion seriously and still tell them "no more ice cream today" or "please give that toy back to your friend".

[Judy2]

6 hours ago, Lyubov said:

Women are not children. In general I don't care for this comparison when it comes up in this forum which it has before. No, women and children are not similar in temperament.

yes, i am glad you see it that way.

i explored the example of childhood emotional development in response to something Leo said. 

12 hours ago, Judy2 said:

(...)

Of course, there are differences between children and adults. That is why i chose not to bring this up as an example. I thought it was obvious that there are good reasons to be sympathetic with children.

 

children are still people, though. some key aspects of dealing with children's emotions are the same for dealing with adults (male or female) while others are not (since kids are still developing and dependent on their caregivers for survival).

Edited 3 hours ago by Judy2

[Leo Gura]

Humans are children.

[oOo]

A bizarre question.

Revealing answers in the thread.

My knowing of any emotion expressed or seen, is that which I can understand.

And when I understand it, my reactions are seen just as keenly.

I will not care more than the amount that I cannot see myself is the same as saying that it depends on my level of awareness at the time.

If she cries and no one cares, it speaks to the harshness of then environment, or the harshness of herself. 

Did she steal a loaf of bread and then cries? That can be telling.

[Zenterus]

It depends on the context, but I typically am indifferent, emotionally, to seeing a woman cry.

Women, generally speaking, seem to be more in touch with their emotions and are more readily willing to express them, so seeing a woman cry is akin to seeing her angry, or frustrated, or happy, to me.

Now, how I respond to it depends on the narrative I subscribe to behind her crying. If I feel like its crocodile tears aimed at manipulating a situation, then I respond with non-chalance. If I feel like she's genuinely hurting because of something that happened, I will comfort her and give her the space to express her emotions, which I will then validate for her. Other times, it's a none-factor.

Like, they've been times where I'll be having a conversation with my sister about a serious topic and, as a result of the subject matter, she'll start crying, but we'll continue talking as if nothing is happening. 

Of course, I've made the mistake of trying to fix a girl's emotional outburst, in the past, with very little positive result, but I've since learned to just give it space to be without judgement or needing to control it, somehow.

[Jirh]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Humans are children.

Bummer 

Always thought children were humans.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

14 minutes ago, oOo said:

Revealing answers in the thread.

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Humans are children.

Positions of authority are like a big red button to activate childlike relational patterns. In both the person holding power and the person subject to it! Particularly when dependency, insecurity or perceived threats to autonomy are involved.

90% of the drama on the forum fits the above in my view  

[Carl-Richard]

Depends why. Tears of joy, amazement, lovely. Tears because of something else, also depends.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

I should have been more clear with the thread topic for context. I FAILED.

It should be "How do you react to a woman crying, free of interpretation, explanation, concept and perspective?"

[Jirh]

7 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

I should have been more clear with the thread topic for context. I FAILED.

It should be "How do you react to a woman crying, free of interpretation, explanation, concept and perspective?"

It's like asking me how do you react when your mom sends you a cute AI kitten reel and expects you to melt and say "awww!" like her.

You didn't fail. It's just that men and women interpret the world differently.

And I'm sure most women would find joy and relief in seeing the women they hate crying. Context matters for women too, but it's not as obvious.

[Carl-Richard]

14 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

"How do you react to a woman crying, free of interpretation, explanation, concept and perspective?"

Feeling, unless I feel blocked or unable to or it feels somehow not appropriate in the situation.

Edited 48 minutes ago by Carl-Richard

[yetineti]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Humans are children.

Children are children.

[yetineti]

I’d be curious how the men here feel and react when they cry.

Edited 18 minutes ago by yetineti

[yetineti]

15 hours ago, Judy2 said:

Who is the judge of what is silly vs serious?

If I am crying about something, it's likely to be serious to me.  

 

15 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

The one who's sympathy is asked for.

In the context of this thread, the man.

You are welcome to cry all you want by yourself.

But if you want others to take it seriously, that requires a valid reason.

Children are clever little devils who know how to use tears to manipulate and avoid responsibility.

@Leo Gura

Is someone crying necessarily asking for your sympathy in the first place?

Of course you get to decide whether to offer sympathy, but that doesn’t make you the authority on whether someone else’s distress is genuine or valid. What are you basing that judgment on? Your own emotional thresholds, experiences, and interpretation of theirs?

What do you do when someone’s distress is genuine, but you don’t consider their reason for it reasonable? Can’t you acknowledge someone’s feelings without agreeing with them or giving them what they want?

And why bring up children manipulating people with tears in response to @Judy2 questioning who determines what’s serious? Even children can experience genuine distress over things we consider trivial or unreasonable. Does not relating to their feelings make those feelings any less real?

We haven’t even established a situation, let alone whether anyone is asking anything of you. The original question was simply how you feel when you see a woman cry, yet the discussion has shifted toward judging whether her distress deserves sympathy.

 

Edited 22 minutes ago by yetineti

[yetineti]

“Alice and the Two Brothers — Through the Looking-Glass (1871)

Alice is walking through a strange world when she meets two brothers, Tweedledum and Tweedledee.

The brothers show Alice a king sleeping beneath a tree.

They tell her that the king is dreaming about her, and that she exists only because he is dreaming. If the king wakes up, they explain, Alice will disappear.

Alice insists that she's real.

The brothers disagree. They insist she's nothing more than a character in somebody else's dream.

Alice becomes upset and begins to cry.

One brother tells her that crying won't make her any more real and that there's nothing to cry about.

Alice responds that if she weren't real, she wouldn't be able to cry in the first place.

But the other brother dismisses that argument too. He asks her what makes her think her tears are real.

At this point, Alice recognizes the absurdity of the conversation. The brothers have already decided that she isn't real, so nothing she does can count as evidence that she is. Not even her own tears.

She decides they're talking nonsense, wipes away her tears, and moves on.”

 

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@yetineti crying is a powerful external signal of distress when authentic. I think it's normally a signal of a need. Comfort is the standard.

Infants and children, prior to language, often  default to crying as a bid for connection of some sort. It signals some sort of overwhelm as a result of a feeling, sensation or thought.

I think the thread has established that authenticity matters, but crying does not establish intent. 

When I see a man cry, I have a powerful feeling from my chest to connect with them. A compassion. The connection helps define the source of the crying, and then secondary emotions/thoughts show up in response to the narrative present. 

 

Edited 8 minutes ago by Natasha Tori Maru