Modern Dating Dynamics

[BlessedLion]

Hey guys, i made a video on modern dating dynamics and basically why it is such a shit show. I think essentially it comes down to a questioning of the actual need of a relationship and equality in resources. Let me know what you think, well thought out intelligent responses only please!

 

 

[Rafael Thundercat]

@BlessedLion good points. 

[Olaf]

@BlessedLion hey man, cool video, I watched it till the end. I think that there is some truth to what you are saying and you have some interesting perspectives, but also I have talked to 10s who have been in relationships with broke guys, I think that as a men you can also be way too harsh on yourself. Yes girls want to date up, but many of them aren't so logical about money and status, you got to improve yourself, but as a men we think we need to have the money, when truely we just need to have the potential to make money.

I had this thought yesterday which might be interesting for you "I am enough, I don't need to be fully healed, because from the beginning till the end I am enough" this idea that you are not good enough and always have to compensate with that by making more, improving more, can be its own rat race. In a sense you are qualifying yourself for a woman and putting her as the price at the end of all the struggle, when you are the price, just because.

Not because you are rich, not because you are famous, just because you are the men. As an experiment go up to woman and say you have a million euros, you will see most woman not treating you any differently. I think that if you do something you love and enjoy rather then becoming super rich and jacked, that that is way more attractive then outcompeting her on a money level and trying to make more then her. 

logically they might say they want a rich guy, but I know a girl who is dating a guy in africa, in a third world country, who is abusive and treats her badly, but she rather be with him and maybe even move countries, then with a guy from here, Amsterdam. So as logical as we are about money etc. , woman can be very illogical especially when in love, they can praise some guy who has nothing to back it up with, just a plan, an idea, a dream, no actual substance of success, no physical money in his bank account. 

So dating up is more a character thing, do you have the personality that you are above her rather then do you have physical money or proof that you are above her. Woman date up, in personality, yes in looks also, but I am not a looks maxxer, so I focus on personality. The funny thing is that if you talk to allot of woman, you will realise how easy it is to have a better personality then her, so many woman especially very beautiful woman, with no personality. That is an asset that you can actually work on and get actual results with, that is my perspective and also the thing I am working on with my social skills. 

[Jirh]

19 minutes ago, Olaf said:

Woman date up, in personality, yes in looks also, but I am not a looks maxxer, so I focus on personality. The funny thing is that if you talk to allot of woman, you will realise how easy it is to have a better personality then her, so many woman especially very beautiful woman, with no personality.

You might be surprised to know some girls actually prefer awkward shy nerdy guys.

There's really nothing to improve. If you socialize enough, someone will be attracted to you.

But you can still improve and widen your pool of options.

[Olaf]

@Jirh yes for sure. I would say money is least important, as no one knows if you got money or not. Fame could be more important, you would be more likely to get laid as a local famous rapper who is broke, then by being a millionaire. I would say status/social proof, looks, personality and energy are the biggest things, because those are the things they notice first. Everything else are issues maybe later on in the relationship. 

[Rafael Thundercat]

2 hours ago, Olaf said:

had this thought yesterday which might be interesting for you "I am enough, I don't need to be fully healed, because from the beginning till the end I am enough" this idea that you are not good enough and always have to compensate with that by making more, improving more, can be its own rat race. In a sense you are qualifying yourself for a woman and putting her as the price at the end of all the struggle, when you are the price, just because.

Yeah, keep the good delusion.

 

2 hours ago, Olaf said:

As an experiment go up to woman and say you have a million euros, you will see most woman not treating you any differently. I think that if you do something you love and enjoy rather then becoming super rich and jacked, that that is way more attractive then outcompeting her on a money level and trying to make more then her. 

You dont tell you have millions. You radiate it through your vibe when you have it. You behave different, you move different. Dont kid yourself 

[bazera]

Good points.

The idea of development should be attractive to a guy even if he doesn't date. Yes it's true that dating, mating and seeking sexual gratification can become the motivation to improve yourself in many ways, but if the motivation comes from other places like for example if you want to be healthy for the sake of health and feeling good, if you want to be financially independent because you value free time and being capable in the world, if you want to be humorous because it's just a fun way to be! etc, you find that you're naturally becoming more attractive to women as well. 

Yes you're right in that modern men and women have a unique challange of navigating postmodern western dating market, and many people cling to old ways. Like for example in my country many people still think in rigid men/women roles, especially older folk, but the reality is that the provider role has shifted from mainly men to men/women and that changes stuff, as you mentioned.

If in the past man's main motivation to become a good provider was the wellbeing of his wife and children, now women can also take care of that (which is a great modern achievement).

[Rafael Thundercat]

@Olaf 

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DdwQ-UuMkhU/?stkn=enZuZTIyNjdrbmZm

 

[Olaf]

@Rafael Thundercat you can behave different and move different now, this is bullshit

[Valach]

@Olaf Yes and no. If you do not hold these beliefs deep down, it will be still a performance and it will be visible to people (not all, but a lot of them) and it will be leaking. Point is that this requires deep change on psychological level. Just telling yourself "I am good enough" whilst better than nothing is not sufficient, it is still surface level.

But I like the direction you are taking, it will take time but I hope and believe that it will work out for you!

Edited 23 minutes ago by Valach

[Olaf]

@Valach actually this topic brought me back to the best night of my life approaching woman. I had this limiting belief that I had to become rich in order to go wild and be the fucking men and fully let go. Then I decided in that moment, that I am gonna be that now and go crazy now, even if it ruins my "status". Actually talking about it here, it comes back to me and I am reminded of it. I went crazy, let go completly and went wild. You are a 10 now, you just have to realise it, which can be hard, even for me at times, but it is the truth and money is only a bandaid on that wound. 

[Valach]

7 minutes ago, Olaf said:

@Valach actually this topic brought me back to the best night of my life approaching woman. I had this limiting belief that I had to become rich in order to go wild and be the fucking men and fully let go. Then I decided in that moment, that I am gonna be that now and go crazy now, even if it ruins my "status". Actually talking about it here, it comes back to me and I am reminded of it. I went crazy, let go completly and went wild. You are a 10 now, you just have to realise it, which can be hard, even for me at times, but it is the truth and money is only a bandaid on that wound. 

Yes. And can you be enough even without being in the flow and going crazy? Can you be enough even when not approaching many woman? Maybe can you be enough even when not approaching at all?

[Olaf]

@Valach it is more like, can you do both? You can be enough sitting in lotus position all day, but why can't you be enough in a club? It should be both and most guys are too scared to approach and go wild, they need to drink 5 beers before they have the nerve to talk to one woman, but doing a 10 minute meditation anyone can do. Actually I would say approaching requires more inner work around self worth then any spiritual exercise.