growing pains in the relationships department

[NoN-RaTiOnAL]

lately im noticing a shift in my perspective toward women and relationships. 
i really had enough of them to realize and get a true insight into the dynamics between men and women. 
women have both this amazingly seductive and beautiful quality that attracts me to them, but also this annoying and nagging vibe of being so obsessed with their looks and feelings. I find relationships to be fun but only in a casual way, when it becomes too intense and long term the tide shifts and the seductive energy evaporates and theres only a feeling of "duty" and annoyance from my inability to be free in my thinking. i feel like i just cant be myself in a satisfying way around a women long term, only casually, only as a game. when we try to play "serious" i just get tired from this obsession with social life and not enough of the inner life and philosophy. i just dont seem to find any girl as interested in that as me. in fact many of them are scared of that dimention and prefer to "keep it light" and not go "too deep" on such topics. No girl i ever dated seems fond of trying to unravel life's dynamics and understanding that there is more to life than meets one's eye. 
By practicing day time pickup i also realized that as much as sex could be fun - it is not at all as fun as in my egoic fantasies. I got to experience first hand how i could take a girl i literally felt pain in my chest from her beuty go into bed with me just to realize - its not that awsome in real life. and actually even sucks sometimes. 

so i feel this transformation in me from being this needy and thirsty horn-dog into a more mature and complete men who is closer to himself then ever. 

yet new challenges keep popping: there is this fear of going through the tides of life all by myself if i wont find any suitable women to join me, there is the fear of missing the right timing of bringing my own children and deriving the joy and meaning from their existance in my life and our relationship when im still healthy and competent. yet i cannot reconcile it with being authentic with my feelings that just tell me secretly in the back of my mind that maybe thess experiences are not suited for me in this lifetime. 

did you guys deal with any similar thoughts? Id like to get more perspectives on that, thanks!