Going Crazy

[Zenterus]

I'm in a grinding phase in my life. My days consist of going to work, coming home to study or going to the gym, journaling and socializing on the weekend. 

Everything that I do serves a purpose. I go to work to make money, I study to be able to ascend financially in life, I journal in order to gain self understanding and develop deeper self-love, I workout to be fit and healthy, I socialize to build my tribe and find love. Even rest serves a purpose. And I'm going crazy.

I have plenty of adventure in my life, that's not the issue. The core of this is that I feel behind in life and I must fight to get ahead. Finances are an extra point of interest for me, right now. My health and fitness life are on point, my social and dating life are still works in progress but I'm confident in my skills to attain what I want, my emotional life is also another work in progress that I'm confident in. However, I want to live in a better place, have my own car, be able to travel more and have a job that I'm proud of.

I don't have rich parents, I'm in a country where I don't speak the local language and, thus, I have to work three times as hard. I accept that. I revel in that. But, again, I'm going crazy.

Don't take me for a fool, though. I'm very much aware that attaining these things won't make me happy. The purpose of it, alone, is what fuels me. Be that as it may, my heart yearns for something that I cannot name. I cannot find the words to describe it. But the fact that I'm somehow lacking it, hurts me.

This is a necessary part of my story. I have to go through this dark phase. It is a cannon event. 

But, damn it, man. 

I'm going crazy.

 

 

Edited 1 hour ago by Zenterus

[LordFall]

This is good. I think having a foundation of spirituality helps to find peace and true north in the rat race. A lot of spiritual people will fall for the trap of spiritually bypassing and refusing to build themselves up in society and try to argue that's the superior way to live. I don't think that's the case and I think as long as you're going towards the goals that you want and you are centered and grounded in yourself then you're on the right path bro. 

I'm in a similar situation, I thought I would be way further in terms of financial success than I am now. I underestimated the depth of the marketplace and the character building necessary to really be a consistent operator in high level business. Everything is still going as intended but it's gonna take about 5-10 years longer than I thought to get to the leverage and life quality I thought I would already have in my late 20s. That's where the spiritual grounding makes a big difference for me and self-help concepts really shine like trusting in the process and enjoying the journey instead of being desperate for the destination. 

You might enjoy this blog series, it's an author that talks about purpose in a very powerful way.

https://www.woujo.com/blog/2019/12/5/the-purpose-series-part-1-of-3-purpose-anxiety-fear-the-unknown-and-the-purposeless-epidemic-in-modern-society

He explains that having a grounded psyche allows a man to derive genuine joy from the quest itself—an effect he calls journey pleasure. Contrasted to the average person which has not worked on themselves and needs constant reassurance and stability from the system or from others more competent than them to feel safe and therefore don't really experience journey pleasure. 

Edited 1 hour ago by LordFall

[Zenterus]

@LordFall Thank you for the recommendation, brother. It also brings me a sense of camaraderie knowing there are others out there who are also fighting the fight. And as far as having a spiritual foundation being a helpful hand during these times? Absolutely. 

[LordFall]

Same, thanks for sharing bro. It is really almost humiliating to go hard at trying to build big and seeing progress and falling short. I understand why some people don't try at all. I don't know if you remember the RSD Julien point about game though "Once you peek behind the curtain, you can never go back." That's been a defining concept to my life. 

I was born in Montreal, grew up in Calgary and then after breaking up with an ex and being aimless I moved to Toronto. The level of success I saw there was both inspiring but also deeply humiliating. One experience that stands out most is I met a guy who was the same age as me and is a well-known dating coach in Canada, was a millionaire at the time, and had a penthouse and sleeping with new 3 girls a week.

I actually moved into his old place so it was a bit surreal. I also met AI engineers who were like 23 years old making $25,000/month. An AI CEO that was younger than me making millions whose company got funded by Nvidia and my roommate started doing marketing for them.

All the while I was stuck selling $500 photoshoots, barely able to pay my rent at times and trying to figure out how the fuck I can scale to that level in my own ways. Not there yet obviously but I'm glad I've met those people, they helped me break my limiting beliefs. I've accomplished a lot in my life that I'm proud of but hopefully when we have this conversation again in 5 years I have a lot more on the scoreboard. 

I'm hosting a small concert across the country tonight remotely through just my brands and the reach of my group chats so I'm pretty happy about that. It's not gonna make me any money but it's building me the leverage I want so one step closer to the dream. 

Edited 37 minutes ago by LordFall