I want to hear a womans opinion

[Olaf]

@Emerald if you become so unattractive, it might become a full circle moment hahaha Leo always talks about full circle moments where too much in one direction you will end up in the opposite direction. Like becoming so unspiritual that you might realise everything is spiritual. But this is some deep spiritual stuff that is off topic.

I believe every men can get laid, but they need just some tips, some don't as they are naturals, they always had this in them, no explaining is necessary for them. Those natural guys are probably most attractive to most woman, because they both have the right behavior aswell as being authentic. Now the thing is that not everyone is like that. 

It is one thing to be social, but even now I at times get freaked out talking to some baddie, let alone some guy who is very unattractive and is full of approach anxiety, then he gets the balls to approach and he gets told "FUCK OFF" hahaha he needs 3 years of therapy and allot of balls to keep going. Being social is the solution, but it is not an easy thing 90% of men have never even approached a woman. Let alone do it consistently.

Ultimately the guy seduces the woman, not the other way around, there are 20 guys ready to have sex with just a random girl, but you can't say the same for a guy. For a guy to get a woman he has to do more then just putting on some make up, not just to get laid, also to get a relationship. And remember when you are authentic from a place of being a creep, you are now just an authentic creep, that is not really progression lol. 

I feel working on self development only makes you less attractive as most people don't resonate with self development, woman barely resonate with that, most of them resonate with just some secure home life with a steady job. Not some entrepreneur being super nerdy about spirituality, health, wealth, relationships etc. 

[Emerald]

10 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

I think this is true.  But you also have to consider the source in the sense that is this person who has all these standards enough for my standards?  

Certainly, you could see a woman's standards and go, "Women who have those standards aren't attractive/aligned to me."

And that's a good thing, as it prevents a waste of time for both parties. 

A major part of finding an aligned partner is to gain self-knowledge and to simply allow yourself to be polarizing.

This will repel the wrong ones and attract the right ones. (The same is true for friendship)

So, I'm certainly not saying, "All men have to conform to every woman's standards." Both partners have to select.

What I am saying is that, because men don't get to see the world through women's eyes, there are often blindspots in what they understand about what makes a man attractive and how that attraction feels for women when it's deep... and how attraction feels for women when it's shallower.

So, because I am not moved by the feelings evoked in pick-up dynamic or in casual hook-up dynamics, I am speaking from my experience (which is likely a very common viewpoint amongst women) that that which looks like a greater level of attractiveness on paper can actually diminish attractiveness in the eyes of women who require more depth, meaning, and emotional stimulation to feel moved towards a romantic/sexual dynamic with a man.

Edited 4 hours ago by Emerald

[Emerald]

3 minutes ago, Olaf said:

@Emerald if you become so unattractive, it might become a full circle moment hahaha Leo always talks about full circle moments where too much in one direction you will end up in the opposite direction. Like becoming so unspiritual that you might realise everything is spiritual. But this is some deep spiritual stuff that is off topic.

I believe every men can get laid, but they need just some tips, some don't as they are naturals, they always had this in them, no explaining is necessary for them. Those natural guys are probably most attractive to most woman, because they both have the right behavior aswell as being authentic. Now the thing is that not everyone is like that. 

It is one thing to be social, but even now I at times get freaked out talking to some baddie, let alone some guy who is very unattractive and is full of approach anxiety, then he gets the balls to approach and he gets told "FUCK OFF" hahaha he needs 3 years of therapy and allot of balls to keep going. Being social is the solution, but it is not an easy thing 90% of men have never even approached a woman. Let alone do it consistently.

Ultimately the guy seduces the woman, not the other way around, there are 20 guys ready to have sex with just a random girl, but you can't say the same for a guy. For a guy to get a woman he has to do more then just putting on some make up, not just to get laid, also to get a relationship. And remember when you are authentic from a place of being a creep, you are now just an authentic creep, that is not really progression lol. 

I feel working on self development only makes you less attractive as most people don't resonate with self development, woman barely resonate with that, most of them resonate with just some secure home life with a steady job. Not some entrepreneur being super nerdy about spirituality, health, wealth, relationships etc. 

I mean self-development in a very normal everyday kind of way, where a man becomes an asset to his community and serve his community.

If a man's self-development is turning him into an antisocial pariah who's an island unto himself who's "too special" to be in community with other "more plebeian" humans... he's doing the opposite of developing himself.

This is actually one of my main issues with this forum and Leo's philosophy in general as it tends to romanticize this idea of the stoic loner spiritual guy as the highest form of development. 

And it just puts make-up on socially avoidant behaviors and puts the men on here in a comfort zone about a problem that's important for them to solve.

For example, let's take Man #1 and Man #2.

Man #1 looks at his tendencies towards social avoidance honestly, and he says to himself, "I'm socially isolating myself. That's a problem that I need to solve."

Man #2 comes on the Actualized forum and starts operating through the paradigm, "I'm not socially avoidant. Actually, I'm just a highly developed spiritual person who has become so exalted that he's transcended the need for community and its group think. And other people should follow my lead. (Good thing this forum isn't a community and is exempt from group think dynamics because everyone is so highly developed.)"

Of course, Man #2 will feel a lot more comforted and superior... while Man #1 might feel like he's having to eat humble pie.

But I tend to find the mindsets of Man #2 tend to leads to a lot of Peter Panery, rather than genuine spiritual and personal development. I often think about guys on this forum like the lost boys in certain ways.

Also, it's totally normal to be nervous interacting with a woman you're attracted to. And as long as you're coming across as having a normal level of nerves (and it doesn't feel like her answer is going to make or break your world), a bit of nervousness won't be viewed negatively by many women.

But I truly wish that I could communicate more clearly what makes a guy truly attractive. It's just so unique to the guy and specific to the beholder that it's hard to explain.

[Olaf]

@Emerald I agree that there are many spiritual bullshiters on this forum, that is why I never open a topic in the spiritual niche on this forum, because you just get nonduality psychos argue everything as unimportant and the only important thing is that everything is one. Aka spirtiual bullshiters or spiritual bypassing, ignoring everything worldly.

I appreciate you saying what you find attractive in a men, but also we will give our opinion on that.

I think I am attractive, but I still have many nice guy stupid habits, every guy does this, they open the conversation and ask all the stupid questions, I do this too and it is so hard to unlearn, so many mistakes that are able to be avoided. Actually 90% of what I am working on around game right now is talking allot with many girls and trying to ask no questions in the first 2 mins, speaking loudly and being able to free flow more without letting the nerves make you end a conversation prematurely. Also if I can joke in the beginning of the conversation, I already know I am doing very well. 

 

[Joshe]

19 hours ago, eos_nyxia said:

One thing I didn't add is that it depends on what your local environment is like. The area I'm from (Greater Vancouver, Canada) is notoriously standoffish to strangers, like a lot of people I've known over the years have the social group/ cliques they grew up with, and that's it. They're not really that open to meeting new people for the most part, let alone random people outside of a structured, familiar social context. I've actually been far more open to being approached by strangers in the past, just not at this phase in my life. 

Part of it is natural openness, part of it is being very open to other cultures (my parents were an international couple), and part of it was honestly trauma which made me very open in my willingness to go too deep, too quickly. (By this, I don't mean sexually, as in, not interested in going along with it regardless of if I'm attracted to them. But I mean emotionally as in being an open book for deep conversations, willing to give decent-seeming people the benefit of the doubt with my trust, willing to hang out and be in slightly more private places than public.)

It's this last thing which I'm calling a red flag, even without the sex. Maybe things are a bit different culturally now, but people then very much considered this to be unwise, unsafe behaviour. The most aggressive, victim-blaming version of this (which has been said to my face): if something bad happens to you, you deserve it. My own spin on this was that if I cannot trust my judgement in people or my discernment, I have NOTHING, because there is nothing in this world that will protect you from your own lack of discernment. (And judgement must be honed and tested, and not just be something you put faith in.) Ironically, it's the people you know the best who already have the most intimate, vulnerable access to you that are the most risk, statistically speaking. Friends and acquaintances, family, and others in positions of authority even if they are "trusted members of the community".  

Anyway, we also don't really have much of a bar/ club culture here, so special interests it is! Things like hiking and even winter sports are less niche here and more like, everyone does it or has done it, so the "pool" for the types of people you'd get is very wide. People are on average very athletic and fit here (I think the city recently ranked as like 2nd fittest city in North America, for whatever it's worth). 

Most of the people who I met who I felt the most comfortable talking to were compulsively extroverted and also came from much more extroverted cultures. Off the top of my head: Latin American, African, French Canadian, etc. 

If I lived in a different culture (let's just say Quebec), I would probably be much more open to strangers and honestly friendlier. Even speaking in French for extended periods of time makes me much more "animated" lol. ***hand gestures***

 

I love your perspective and hope to hear more from you.