Polygamy- does it work

[AerisVahnEphelia]

1 hour ago, Emerald said:

That sounds like more of an incompatibility issue from the woman's perspective, than anything else.

The issue is that people get into relationships with other people who can't meet their needs. And then, they try all kinds of tactics to get the other person to change into the person who can meet their needs... including nagging, criticism, etc.

And the painful thing is going, "This person is incompatible with what I need to feel good in a relationship." And then having to admit there is no way to make it work... and breaking up with a person they're deeply attached to.

That's why it's so important to be very romantically discerning and to ask questions like...

• If nothing about this person ever changed, would I be able to co-exist comfortably with this person for years?
• If I had a child with this person, would I be comfortable with this person operating as they current do?

And if the answer is "No" to either of them... don't get into a relationship with them.

The issues is that women can tend to go for WHO they want rather than WHAT they want because of the hyper-particularized nature of female attraction.

We can get attached to Jonny and only Jonny.... even if Jonny is deeply incompatible with what we want.

And then, when women do this, they try to make WHO they want give them WHAT they want.

And they nag because they want their apple tree to produce them a lifetime supply pears. 

But if a woman knows WHAT she wants and she doesn't let the WHO attractions distract her too much, then she can find a partner that has both the WHO and the WHAT.

The trick for women is to raise her self esteem and level of discernment. 

Really, when a woman is choosing the WHO over the WHAT... she's choosing the relationship with the man over the relationship with herself. 

And the nagging is the result of doing that... as she's getting mad at her partner for just being himself when she was the one who chose to get into a relationship with him.

It's like a bird complaining to the fish it got into a relationship with that the fish never wants to go flying through the trees.

the easy  thing is to stop having weird needs and increase your level of consciousness to god monk.

[AerisVahnEphelia]

1 hour ago, Inliytened1 said:

You guys find a way for us to be incompatible.   

People generate reality based on their emotions. ( everything is false, but you know this ) 

Womans are living 10 psychedelic states a day.
 

[Inliytened1]

8 minutes ago, AerisVahnEphelia said:

People generate reality based on their emotions. ( everything is false, but you know this ) 

Womans are living 10 psychedelic states a day.
 

Unfortunately I know all of it. I wish I didn't.  

[AerisVahnEphelia]

47 minutes ago, Inliytened1 said:

Unfortunately I know all of it. I wish I didn't.  

There is nothing under control anyway. Self-improvement is a joke. It’s just your body talking and inventing more fantasies.

The real miracle is having a stable illusion that you can believe in, even momentarily.

Why I am here, well, why am I alive is the same question basically.

 

[Jordan of the Shire]

My point of view is that it depends on your level of awareness and empathy.

If you have a low awareness and low empathy of how actions affect other people or outcomes, then it might be easy to have multiple partners because then it could be easier to disregard the negative impacts and reject personal accountability. The same is true if you had high awareness and low empathy.

If you have high awareness and high empathy of how actions affect other people or outcomes, then it might be easier to have multiple partners because you would have the wear with all to create an enjoyable experience for yourself, and might even be able to manage everyone expectations.

It could also be true that if you have high awareness and high empathy, you might see that it is not within your capability to manage that type of situation so you would choose to save yourself and other people the trouble. 

Edited 36 minutes ago by Jordan of the Shire

[Emerald]

3 hours ago, Inliytened1 said:

You guys find a way for us to be incompatible.   

That statement doesn't make any sense... as no one has control over compatibility.

Also, I've had both compatible and incompatible relationships.

And in incompatible relationships, it's very anxiety-inducing.

It's like, "How can I make this relationships work out and maintain this connection to this person that I care about without feeling terrible and starved of my needs?" And then, it's lots of arguments and nagging to try to get it to work... and getting very anxiously attached because I can sense the relationship's days are numbered.

And it's not a good place to be.

But with compatible relationships, that anxiety doesn't exist and I can relax. And I don't feel like I need to spin my wheels to make the unworkable work out. And it feels comfortable having a bit more space.

So, you're either compatible with someone... or you're not compatible.

And if you get into a relationship with someone you're not compatible with, there will be tons of conflict... and lots of criticism and nagging on the part of whoever feels most put out by the incompatibilities... or whoever falls into the anxious side of the relationship dynamic (which is women, more often).

[Emerald]

2 hours ago, AerisVahnEphelia said:

the easy  thing is to stop having weird needs and increase your level of consciousness to god monk.

Everyone has needs. We're human.

And being in denial of those needs and trying to "become a god monk" isn't going to work out in relationships with other humans... no matter how much you trick yourself into believing you're beyond your humanity.

The wisest thing you can do is to be aware of what you need to feel content in a relationship. And if the person you're interested in, isn't compatible with that... don't get into a relationship with them.

Plain and simple.

[Jordan of the Shire]

16 minutes ago, Emerald said:

Everyone has needs. We're human.

And being in denial of those needs and trying to "become a god monk" isn't going to work out in relationships with other humans... no matter how much you trick yourself into believing you're beyond your humanity.

The wisest thing you can do is to be aware of what you need to feel content in a relationship. And if the person you're interested in, isn't compatible with that... don't get into a relationship with them.

Plain and simple.

People gotta deal with what they got. A monk is going to have aspirations that an average worldly person might not have, and the capacity for transformation will be different. So if someone has a need which they don't have the capacity to alchemize or transmute, than they may just live with it. For people working on their character. They may have a need which they need to accept, but it doesn't have to rule them, and can be met with consciousness. Then transformation can happen.