Stop letting woman use you

[Olaf]

@LordFall on what porn site are you hahahahahahaha

[Ulax]

3 hours ago, Olaf said:

@Joshe it is basically self-image: if you are insecure and see yourself as low value, someone not responding means you got rejected. When you belief you are the shit, someone not responding can mean anything, you might even turn it around and think they are playing hard to get. That is why it is hard to help insecure people, because they think everything is showing them that they are not wanted and loved, everything is a rejection. Even a joke would be taken out of context and used to make them feel lower about themself. Basically RAS, selective focus towards things that will make you think more shitty about yourself.

I have noticed this too.

I have realised that now I am extremely attractive to women i must be careful about how I joke with women, because my opinion means a lot to them.

[LordFall]

4 minutes ago, Olaf said:

@LordFall on what porn site are you hahahahahahaha

They're not really pornsites but you can find the one I screenshotted at https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMpersonals/ and fetlife.com will have BDSM themed events in Amsterdam for sure. They range from drinks at the bar to like a seminar in some random person's house to some dude and his wife wanting to organize a gangbang.

In business we say you can try a blue ocean market strategy and spend money and energy creating demand or you can service the red ocean of already existing customers that are begging for a quality product or service for their existing need. 

Edited 2 hours ago by LordFall

[Olaf]

@LordFall I think I am okay but thanks hahaha

[Ulax]

8 minutes ago, LordFall said:

Also I think this needs to be said but enthusiastic consent is a pretty key part here. Instead of cosplaying as king of the world you can literally find women that are begging to be dominated 

https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMpersonals/

https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMcommunity/

Literally a whole niche of dating that has weekly events in any major city. Visit FetLife and thank me later. 

Damn this shit wild lmao

There's some mid thrities canadian chick with a blog about how she's a sadist.

[LordFall]

So what are you into then? Mostly trying to practice your confidence by getting random women to comply to your will? Be careful, that's a slippery slope 

@Ulax Yes online you can find plenty of women trying to get their man to be more kinky and when they say "spank me daddy" the dude says don't say that that's weird why are you so deviant, you should be ashamed of yourself! 

Incompatibilities exist in all kinds of ways. Find your people people and live a phenomenal life! 

Edited 2 hours ago by LordFall

[Olaf]

@Emerald Its okay you can be honest. I think for me I don't really use this as a technique (performance), but have internalised this at this point naturally. Yet a nice guy to just "be himself" is him carrying women's baggage for 2 blocks hahaha so this thread is a bit of pushback on the nice guys who haven't internalised this yet. I am not "performing" this frame anymore, but in the beginning it might feel performance-wise, until it becomes how you communicate. 

[Ulax]

5 minutes ago, LordFall said:

@Ulax Yes online you can find plenty of women trying to get their man to be more kinky and when they say "spank me daddy" the dude says don't say that that's weird why are you so deviant, you should be ashamed of yourself! 

Incompatibilities exist in all kinds of ways. Find your people people and live a phenomenal life! 

Hell YEAH

[Emerald]

2 minutes ago, Olaf said:

@Emerald Its okay you can be honest. I think for me I don't really use this as a technique (performance), but have internalised this at this point naturally. Yet a nice guy to just "be himself" is him carrying women's baggage for 2 blocks hahaha so this thread is a bit of pushback on the nice guys who haven't internalised this yet. I am not "performing" this frame anymore, but in the beginning it might feel performance-wise, until it becomes how you communicate. 

Do you still say "no" to every time your partner wants to choose where to go or what to do?

[Olaf]

@LordFall bro these girls are some prostitutes or something very close to it, definitely something crazy, because no normal girl will put this online. What the hell is the point?

[Olaf]

@Emerald no hahaha

[Emerald]

17 minutes ago, Joshe said:

This is like the 3rd time I've heard this. I don't get that impression at all and think you guys are reading her wrong. I think she just likes exploring ideas and sharing her thoughts. Not sure how you guys jump to try-hard. Like, I get the sense she literally doesn't give a fuck, lol. So, I'm hopping in just to say that I think the perception is wrong.

Thank you. I think they just don't me sharing my thoughts very directly and without softening it up.

A lot of the guys on this forum have major insecurities with woman.

So, when a woman comes on and is very straightforward and is like, "Hey. You're doing it wrong. Women won't like that because x, y, and z. Do this instead."... they just see me as a woman being needlessly cruel to them.

So, they try to ad hominem me... or insult me "back" to try to shut it down.

[LordFall]

7 minutes ago, Olaf said:

@LordFall bro these girls are some prostitutes or something very close to it, definitely something crazy, because no normal girl will put this online. What the hell is the point?

What? These are real women posting real personal ads looking to meet men, I've met people like this. 

Sounds like you're very ungrounded in your understanding of human sexuality bro. It's very common for men to posture as being dominant and wanting to be in control until a woman is genuinely authentically submissive and needs a grounded and confident man that is authentically dominant.

I've met women literally randomly not on a site that were super submissive and wanted to be tied up and all kinds of other fun adventures. When I was working at a cafe in Downtown Toronto a girl working in the building came home with me one day and brought a leash and collar with her. A lot of women are very submissive in ways that would shock you, not all but a significant amount. True dominance requires understanding them and creating a safe space for the two of you to explore that fun side of life together.

You're stepping into the cringe side of PUA and red pill that I don't endorse. If you want to be dominant either do it sexually and privately with your woman or build up to it on the actual planet and become a business person that actually dominates the societal structures that we are a part of. This fake ass push pull manipulative shit is exactly what people make fun of. 

Edited 2 hours ago by LordFall

[Emerald]

4 minutes ago, Olaf said:

@Emerald no hahaha

Okay. Then, that should be okay.

From what you wrote, I was just imagining being with a guy and him being like "No" at every suggestion I make or doing a ton of legwork to come across as the leader.

And that would be exhausting.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

31 minutes ago, Emerald said:

The issue is that he's trying too hard to impress the woman with the "I'm in control. So, no, no, no, no." performance. 

So, even as he's trying to be the leader... he is actually defaulting to whichever frame and actions he thinks will impress the woman the very most. 

So, he's not just letting her control the frame... he's letting his PROJECTION of her control the frame.

And this is easy to read, from the woman's perspective.

And honestly, it will just come across as kind of goofy.

That's just the reality of it.

And it's much nicer to let someone know they're making a mistake, rather than simply allowing him to keep making the same mistake and being like, "It's okay. At least you're trying."

The former is honesty and tough kindness. The latter is nice but not honest or kind.

What's missing is instead of analysing the dynamics, one should be focusing on relating to the other person.

Relational understanding is more conducive to "frame control" or "leadership". When someone feels truly seen, understood and known - they become remarkably receptive and open to alternative frames, perspectives and opinions. You can truly influence someone this way.

Women are particularly sensitive to being analysed and seen through a "frame" which often endeavours to explain her instead of understand. It severs the experience from the person. Map vs territory issue.

At work, I don't try to control subcontractors through any sort of frame or understanding. I relate to their experience, their troubles & I negotiate a solution that ties into their meaning. As soon as they feel seen, they feel validated. They will follow my lead. 

Psychoanalysis or logically trying to understand them never rallies or incentivizes them to work 5 hour of O/T like connection though relational understanding does.

Edited 2 hours ago by Natasha Tori Maru

[Olaf]

@Emerald I am not that autistic

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@oOo interested in what in particular reads as "try hard" from Emerald? 

I feel like that could just as easily be applied to me, really 😅😅😅

[Ulax]

12 minutes ago, Olaf said:

@LordFall bro these girls are some prostitutes or something very close to it, definitely something crazy, because no normal girl will put this online. What the hell is the point?

Bro some girls are just very open with their sexuality. They have this whole sexually liberated archetype to them.

[Olaf]

@Ulax well those don't sound like my type of girl, I feel repelled even thinking about girls that go to BDSM events, if that is someone's type, have fun.

[Ulax]

1 minute ago, Olaf said:

@Ulax well those don't sound like my type of girl, I feel repelled even thinking about girls that go to BDSM events, if that is someone's type, have fun.

😂

Pouring a cold one out for my bdsm girl homies rn