Where have you fucked a girl?

[something_else]

14 minutes ago, Inliytened1 said:

I'm not gonna stop being a guy, if that's what you are asking.  I have one aim.  And i think you know what that is.

Is that sad? yeah, but it is who I am.  I will keep doing it until I'm dead.  We're just anmials.

It isn’t sad, though. There is nothing sad about just wanting to have sex. Or about being a guy. The part that makes it sad is the crudeness of how some men express this stuff. The lack of calibration to others.

You can express the same stuff with a touch more consideration for others around you, and then it stops being sad and starts being cool.

Edited 1 hour ago by something_else

[Inliytened1]

1 minute ago, something_else said:

It isn’t sad, though. There is nothing sad about out just wanting to have sex. Or about being a guy. The part that makes it sad is the crudeness of how some men express this stuff. The lack of calibration to others.

You can express the same stuff with a touch more consideration for others around you, and then it stops being sad and starts being cool.

10-4

[something_else]

7 minutes ago, Inliytened1 said:

Where the man is controlling might even be less healthy, because he becomes the tyrant.  It should be an equal partnership.

Yes, agree 100%, I think healthy relationships should be built around equality, shared values, and shared life goals. Not fucked up power dynamics 

[Inliytened1]

Just now, something_else said:

Yes, agree 100%, I think healthy relationships should be built around equality, shared values, and shared life goals. Not fucked up power dynamics 

It NEVER is though.  You will see.  There has to be an alpha in the relationship.  

[Natasha Tori Maru]

2 minutes ago, Inliytened1 said:

It NEVER is though.  You will see.  There has to be an alpha in the relationship.  

You can create it.

I've experienced it. 

Have faith

[LordFall]

Do you control a relationship to get your needs met at the expense of your partner or do you do it to guide both of you towards achieving your needs and wildest desires? I think that's the crucial difference in paradigms. High level of interdependence in a relationship can mostly only be achieved through healing your shadow and achieving great self-awareness.

From this vantage point then your leadership becomes a transformative experience for others in your life as opposed to just the blind leading the blind.  

[something_else]

11 minutes ago, Inliytened1 said:

It NEVER is though.  You will see.  There has to be an alpha in the relationship.  

I think that’s an assumption. I may not be right, my direct experience of long term relationships is to some degree limited, but generally my experience of the healthy relationships I’ve seen or been in is that both members take on the leadership role at different times depending on the situation.

When I see meet couples where one member, man or woman, does all the talking and decision making for the other it rarely seems like a healthy and happy dynamic. When I see relationships where they bicker and tease, where one member doesn’t always just submit like a wet rag, I think those relationships actually seem a lot healthier.

I think it gets tiresome to always feel like you need to be leading and in command, and it sucks to always be submissive and have no control. I don’t think it’s sustainable. Perhaps this is a unique preference of mine and not a general pattern though. 

Edited 1 hour ago by something_else

[Inliytened1]

7 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

You can create it.

I've experienced it. 

Have faith

Are you experiencing it now?  

[Inliytened1]

1 minute ago, something_else said:

I think that’s an assumption. I may not be right, my direct experience is to some degree limited, but generally my experience of the healthy relationships I’ve seen or been in is that both members take on the leadership role at different times depending on the situation.

When I see meet couples where one member, man or woman, does all the talking and decision making for the other it rarely seems like a healthy and happy dynamic. When I see relationships where they bicker and tease, where one member doesn’t always just submit like a wet rag, I think those relationships actually seem a lot healthier.

I think it gets tiresome to always feel like you need to be leading and in command, and it sucks to always be submissive and have no control. I don’t think it’s sustainable. Perhaps this is a unique preference of mine and not a general pattern though. 

Depending on the situation?  How are the two of you going to navigate that.  Let a situation come up and then decide who is taking control?  It doesn't work like that.

[something_else]

8 minutes ago, Inliytened1 said:

Depending on the situation?  How are the two of you going to navigate that.  Let a situation come up and then decide who is taking control?  It doesn't work like that.

You end up so in tune that you know who is best suited to handling a given situation. It’s intuitive, it doesn’t always require active discussion.

Think of it like sex, even dom guys typically like the girl to take control sometimes, but it’s not like there’s active discussion about it. You feel out each other’s rhythm, preferences and skills, then control naturally flows back and forth based on that.

Edited 1 hour ago by something_else

[Inliytened1]

2 minutes ago, something_else said:

You end up so in tune that you know who is best suited to handling a given situation. It’s intuitive, it doesn’t always require active discussion.

Think of it like sex, even dom guys typically like the girl to take control sometimes, but it’s not like there’s active discussion about it. You feel out each other’s rhythm, preferences and skills, then control naturally flows back and forth based on that.

Well if you get that in sync then I would say you are made for each other.  That's extremely hard to find.  I haven't found it yet.

But, as you pointed out, it could be a reflection on me, not the opposite sex.  

[Asayake]

3 hours ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

@Asayake I don't think it is possible to ignore a moderator - but its done from the profile dropdown menu (see markup below) 🙏

yeah thanks for the tutorial, seems like you're right that it's not allowed to ignore moderators.

[Inliytened1]

1 minute ago, Asayake said:

yeah thanks for the tutorial, seems like you're right that it's not allowed to ignore moderators.

What did you want to chat about?  I'm here! 

[Rishabh R]

@LordFall Nope I don't want to fall for toxic ideologies .

Edited 1 hour ago by Rishabh R

[Natasha Tori Maru]

22 minutes ago, Inliytened1 said:

Are you experiencing it now?  

No.

I've been single for 11 months so far currently. I chose to be single for a length of time after my last relationship.

I've been dating or in long term relationships since I was 17. So that's 22 years of romantic relationships. 7 years was my longest. 

4 of the LTR there were maladaptive power struggles / dynamics 

 

Edited 1 hour ago by Natasha Tori Maru

[Inliytened1]

1 minute ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

No.

I've been single for 11 months so far currently. I chose to be single for a length of time after my last relationship.

I've been dating or in long term relationships since I was 17. So that's 22 years of romantic relationships. 7 years was my longest. 

4 of the LTR there were no power struggles. 

 

There were no power struggles cuz you were calling the shots  

But heck, your'e so cool I would let you.  OK your single so I'm grabbing a flight!

You probably wouldn't want me after this, but I'm handsome, that has to count for something.

[Asayake]

1 hour ago, Inliytened1 said:

I thought I addressed the criticism over this thread already.  Do I need to say it again to you? 

I think what you want to get at is our mindset, is it wrong?  Of course it is.  But we're fucking men.  Of course it's wrong. 

You're not gonna fix that overnight.  We are boys and we have testosterone.  So we are gonna play.

 

There's a difference between "we are boys" and "we are men", boy energy is the immature masculine. Boy energy is appropriate in a locker room full of 14-15 year olds boys, you can't expect other people to adapt & give your inner boy a voice in a forum for adults, especially to women a grown man acting like an immature boy is creepy, you frame it as if a thread about recounting memories of all the crazy places you've fucked girls is a mature form of self expression but it's not it's just immature

[Inliytened1]

1 minute ago, Asayake said:

There's a difference between "we are boys" and "we are men", boy energy is the immature masculine. Boy energy is appropriate in a locker room full of 14-15 year olds boys, you can't expect other people to adapt & give your inner boy a voice in a forum for adults, especially to women a grown man acting like an immature boy is creepy, you frame it as if a thread about recounting memories of all the crazy places you've fucked girls is a mature form of self expression but it's not it's just immature

Yeah it is.  Its creepy and its fucked up.  But that's my life story.  I'm fucked up.  I don't know how how i got so many girls, or how I fucked them in so many random places.  I have no clue.  Women are drawn to me.  It's only creepy now that I'm old.

[LordFall]

2 minutes ago, Inliytened1 said:

There were no power struggles cuz you were calling the shots  

But heck, your'e so cool I would let you.  OK your single so I'm grabbing a flight!

You probably wouldn't want me after this, but I'm handsome, that has to count for something.

Why don't you try creating a circle of high quality people where you are? You seem to be good at meeting people, so the organization seems to be the part that you struggle with.

What are you into in terms of hobbies? What skills do you have? If you create regular meetups where you are in 6-12 months you'll now know many women that you can choose to date/sleep with if they're down. 

[Rishabh R]

7 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

I've been single for 11 months so far currently. I chose to be single for a length of time after my last relationship.

How's your experience of singlehood compared to your relationship experience. I mean mentally.