I Fucked Up.

[Zenterus]

Hey guys, I just went on a date with one of the people who works in my building. She actually reached out to me. I heard through the grapevine that she's been asking some of my colleagues about me, and eventually she found me on LinkedIn and messaged me asking if I wanted to go out.

I work in a building where I'm basically a barista for the people who work there, so she's one of my customers. I was hesitant at first because of the fact that we work in the same building, bur when she reached out to me, I'm not gonna lie, I didn't want to reject her. I figured, okay, she's very attractive, so why not give it a shot and see what happens?

My original plan was to spend about two hours together, have a coffee, and then leave. I'd go home, sit with how I felt about her, and then decide whether I wanted to pursue things further.

It didn't quite go according to plan.

We ended up spending three and a half hours together. We drank wine, smoked a joint, kissed, and she ended up sitting on my lap. I feel like my old pickup conditioning took over a little bit. Instead of staying present and actually figuring out how I felt about her, I slipped into that mindset of seducing the girl and just letting the interaction escalate.

By the end of the date, she was clearly very happy and excited. She was also much more flirty than I expected. She comes across as pretty shy and awkward, but verbally she's actually very playful. At one point she joked that she was going to make sure none of the girls at work talked to me because I was "her man" now and she expects heart-shaped latte art everytime she orders from me. She's a quirky person, and I genuinely enjoyed talking to her and spending time with her.

The problem came afterward, when I had some time to reflect.

As much fun as I had, I realized that I don't really see myself dating her long-term. Even while I was walking her back to the station, I found myself noticing other women around me who were much more my type, and it made me realize that I probably wouldn't be happy in a relationship with her. There were also a few other things about her that I didn't particularly like.

And now I feel kind of shitty about the whole thing because I have to reject her after giving her a pretty romantic experience. I flirted with her, escalated things, kissed her, and let the whole interaction go much further than I originally intended, only to realize afterward that I don't actually want to pursue her.

Especially because she mentioned that she's had a complicated relationship with men in the past, I feel even worse about potentially adding another negative experience to that.

I don't think I had bad intentions. I genuinely enjoyed spending time with her and I was attracted to her in the moment. But I also feel like I should have been more grounded and honest with myself instead of letting my pickup conditioning take over.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to share this with you guys and get it off my chest.

 

Edited 2 hours ago by Zenterus

[Yimpa]

Thanks for sharing!