Dating One Person At Once vs Multiple - Before Commitment

[JoshB]

4 hours ago, Inliytened1 said:

Who is your favorite Bond?  Connery?  I grew up with the new Bond but Connery is the man.  ( see I even forgot his name)

Pierce Bronson 

The Goat 

[Natasha Tori Maru]

47 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

You can def go WAY deeper than what is the norm. And especially than what is pushed in PUA.

Last evening I had a first date with a girl for 5 hours. I got quite a strong sense of what she is about. But she is way more self-aware than a typical person, otherwise it would not have been possible.

Otherwise I would not have gone on a date with her.

This whole notion of having to take things very slow, and keep it light and playful in the beginning is a total conformity.

And a total waste of time.

I think it can work both ways. 

I wouldn't be so quick to discard establishing a good understanding of the person through varied, shared experience. You only see who someone truly is in integrity between their behaviour/word, and that needs to be assessed over time. I haven't ever found a heuristic that can shortcut the process. I've been surprised many times!

From my perspective, jumping in too soon can also be conformity. Blindly following feelings or chemistry without really attending to the above system I loosely outlined ( and at the start, the initial rush and flurry of meeting someone new can lead to fantasy and strong hormonal pushes that override sense). This is what society constantly brainwashes us is love and connection via movies, media and TV. 

 

Edited 26 minutes ago by Natasha Tori Maru

[Natasha Tori Maru]

Also to add on to my point above - I look for integrity as it is a cleaner transmission to pick up on from a person; do their actions and behaviour match their words and intention? The signal is more obvious as it is behavioural and acted out in the real world.

Authenticity and integrity are linked and operate together in my experience - authenticity is about  “Am I being true to what I actually experience, value, think, and feel?”. Integrity can be viewed more like “Am I behaving consistently with what I claim to value, even when there is a direct cost to me?” 

Looking for integrity, which usually requires assessment over time, can be a great green flag for authenticity - not guaranteed but because they work together it's a good heuristic. I then see this as authentic integity; our inner experience, professed values, and behaviour aren't fundamentally at war with one another.

Another reason why I don't rush to hasty conclusions too early. 2/3 months of dating is good for me to want to take next steps.

Edited 5 minutes ago by Natasha Tori Maru