The Tension Before the Approach

[Inliytened1]

30 minutes ago, Olaf said:

Something I wrote to myself after the event: I am too timid, I am too in my head, I am too stifled/anxious, not going BALLS TO THE WALL, EYYYYYY!! Having fun! FUCK YES! Why not? Why fucking not? Why be boring? So that I don't get harshly rejected? Who cares about harsh rejections? WHO CARES about ANY REJECTION? If you are having fun, if you are having the time of your life, is that not why you are meant to LIVE?? It is like, yes you are taking the safe route, but it is SOOOO boring! Like how fucking boring can it fucking be? Just go, just do, just approach, just have fun, live LIFE, fuck it! Make them think bad about you, make them say how you are a loser, make them call you every bad name in the book! BUT atleast YOU LIVED LIFE and they had NO FUN! So fuck em! Love yourself! Have fun! LIVE LIFE! Lets go!

Are you not entertained? Is that not why you are here?

Yeah get out there.  Let the rejections flow. Fucking welcome them.  All you need is one to wanna pull your pants down!

 

Edited 8 hours ago by Inliytened1

[Jirh]

I notice that I generally don't immediately know if some girl is attractive. Rarely have I felt that initial spark of attraction. Most of the times I see a girl, no feelings, no attraction.

For me, attraction often develops after weeks into dating. I don't immediately start fantasizing about the girl I'm dating. So when I approach a girl, it's not an authentic expression from me. I am literally doing something that I don't care to do. That's probably why the girls don't vibe with me, because my vibe is already off from the get-go.

Is this experience universal or is it just me? Is my sexuality broken? Or is it something that evolves with practice?

[Leo Gura]

3 minutes ago, Jirh said:

I notice that I generally don't immediately know if some girl is attractive. Rarely have I felt that initial spark of attraction. Most of the times I see a girl, no feelings, no attraction.

You have to go out and train to identity girls you like.

None of this stuff is automatic.

[Olaf]

@Jirh or have fun for the sake of having fun, girls are fun. I discovered a new word yesterday `scary fun` it isn´t a real word I just made it up, but when I saw others do approaches it were in fun ways I normally would be scared of to do, because I am too timid and stuck in my head. That is when I thought `scary fun`, meaning what is fun but scares you a bit aswell. Like doing a dance for a girl or giving a whole group a hug or high fives and give ENERGY etc.

[Jirh]

@Olaf

Yeah, I see your point. It makes sense. It's just too foreign to me at this point.

The thing is that I generally find it hard to act goofy and loose with others, especially at the early stages of getting to know someone. I start out formally then gradually reveal my more informal side over time. My sense of humor is good, though. I can make people laugh. But that side of me doesn't get activated with strangers. I need some form of connection as background before I can tap into that place.

Edited 1 hour ago by Jirh

[Olaf]

@Jirh Don´t get me wrong I am a bit like you aswell, I am just learning about this stuff. But when I saw the people killing it they were informal or unfiltered from the get go. Which is about letting go having fun and shutting off the thinking mind. Again this is all still a bit new to me, I would recommend going to see someone who knows how to do this and it will blow your mind. Because it sounds like you are stuck in your head, just like me. But when you see people who are unfiltered, you can see how they are loose, spontaneous, having a ton of fun and being free, unfiltered. Also with the screaming exercise, you could literally feel someone go from in their head and timid towards being loose and able to share vulnerably/authentically and with passion/emotion and strong vocal projection.

[Ulax]

15 hours ago, Jirh said:

@LordFall Yeah. Thanks for sharing your stories. You made me feel less embarrassed.

Technically, it's not my first approach. I have tried approaching a few times in the past and failed, so I didn't stick to it. But practically, I am still at level 0. I have no idea how to start up a conversation and how to lead from there. Once there's rapport, it's no big deal for me. I'm good at relating with the girls I know in general. But just the first blocks, I don't possess the skills for breaking the ice and make quick small talk conversations. And I can't even chat up stranger guys, so it's not related to anxiety. I just don't have the skill yet.

Bro sounds like you need theory more than practice atm

[Jirh]

1 minute ago, Ulax said:

Bro sounds like you need theory more than practice atm

Yeah, I guess so.

Any (free) recommendations?

[Ulax]

 

@Jirh

Shit test is good fundamental to know too.

Edited 58 minutes ago by Ulax

[Jirh]

@Ulax Much appreciated! 🙏🏻❤️

[Ulax]

@Jirh ❤️

[LordFall]

37 minutes ago, Jirh said:

Yeah, I guess so.

Any (free) recommendations?

Took this course while it was still in development in 2020, changed my life.

If you DM me I can send you the link to the full version.

Edited 38 minutes ago by LordFall