The Tension Before the Approach

[Olaf]

@Leo Gura preach! I will think about it! Oh wait, I mean apply it hehe

[LifeEnjoyer]

@Olaf I thought I recalled reading a message in his group chat that he wasn’t attending but now I can’t find it so maybe you will get to meet him!

If not you could come to the one in Chicago and we could be buddies?

[Jirh]

Today I was walking at the park, and I saw a girl sitting there on a bench. I don't normally do this, but since I see you guys here talking a lot about cold approaching, I said to myself what the hell let's do this. And I did experience some tension before the approach and even a bit during.

It went terrible, however, like really terrible she wasn't able to speak. Literally she said nothing. I said hi, she gave me nothing. I asked a question, she turned her head away 😂

I told her if you are not feeling well, I will go away. She gave me the same non-response. And I walked away.

It's not fun at all. I don't feel hurt by the rejection, though. But like how do you even get a stranger girl to talk to you? I've had GFs in the past, but they were all from social circle. Some of them even initiated contact with me. This pickup thing is different.

[Zenterus]

@Jirh I felt the brutality of that approach just by reading about it lol

 

Not all approaches go like that though, so dont let that form a primary impression of how cold approaching unfolds. A lot of girls will talk to you. You just got unlucky or your vibe was too tense and low status for her to engage with, which is something you can improve on.

[Leo Gura]

Of course your first approach will suck.

[Inliytened1]

10 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Of course your first approach will suck.

Hey not necessarily. Beginner's luck usually happens.  So when you get your first one you realize its not so bad.  A million rejections do not equal the satisfaction of a single victory.

It's not rocket science guys. Get off your ass.  There is lots of ass waiting to be had by a guy with balls.

Edited 2 hours ago by Inliytened1

[Jirh]

@Zenterus @Leo Gura

Thanks. I guess I'll start approaching from now on, just to practice and see how it changes my life. I won't be focused on getting the girl. I will try to focus on the process.

[Inliytened1]

Just now, Jirh said:

@Zenterus @Leo Gura

Thanks. I guess I'll start approaching from now on, just to practice and see how it changes my life. I won't be focused on getting the girl. I will try to focus on the process.

Boom.

[LordFall]

1 hour ago, Jirh said:

Today I was walking at the park, and I saw a girl sitting there on a bench. I don't normally do this, but since I see you guys here talking a lot about cold approaching, I said to myself what the hell let's do this. And I did experience some tension before the approach and even a bit during.

It went terrible, however, like really terrible she wasn't able to speak. Literally she said nothing. I said hi, she gave me nothing. I asked a question, she turned her head away 😂

I told her if you are not feeling well, I will go away. She gave me the same non-response. And I walked away.

It's not fun at all. I don't feel hurt by the rejection, though. But like how do you even get a stranger girl to talk to you? I've had GFs in the past, but they were all from social circle. Some of them even initiated contact with me. This pickup thing is different.

This is awesome keep it up. 

The fun part is not the rejection. The fun part is when you fuck a girl cuz of advice you read on the internet. That's truly magical. 

I've had some truly traumatizing approaches lmao. One of them I remember distinctly is a a girl walking down really cute blondie and then she just made a disgusted face and waved her hand like don't talk to me. I had never gotten that one before, it went from a good day to quite depressing instantly. I slumped back to the train station heading back home in defeat and then I saw another cute girl dark skin brown hard and then my buddy was with me so he pushed me to approach her and I did and she was super down and we went on a date a couple days later. 

I've had another one where I was walking with friends and told my buddy to approach this girl and he chickened out so I did it. I said "Hey excuse me I think you're cute and then she started yelling I DONT KNOW THIS MAN GET AWAY FROM ME. I said 5 words and that's what happened not like I harassed her and this was like a busy thursday night with many people around so idk what her problem was either trauma or read too much Pink pill female advice and was ready to drop the hammer on a dude lol. Glad it happened to me and another dude cuz I dont really give a fuck but thank God I had friends with me otherwise that would've been a truly embarrassing one. 

Those are just two bad examples out of hundreds of mostly good responses or at worst neutral. You can't let a few bad approaches get you down, it's the game baby! That's literally the main reason why game works is most guys give up and don't do it so you automatically meet more women by 90% of men if you start cold approaching or building an intentional social circle. 

[Inliytened1]

8 minutes ago, LordFall said:

This is awesome keep it up. 

The fun part is not the rejection. The fun part is when you fuck a girl cuz of advice you read on the internet. That's truly magical. 

I've had some truly traumatizing approaches lmao. One of them I remember distinctly is a a girl walking down really cute blondie and then she just made a disgusted face and waved her hand like don't talk to me. I had never gotten that one before, it went from a good day to quite depressing instantly. I slumped back to the train station heading back home in defeat and then I saw another cute girl dark skin brown hard and then my buddy was with me so he pushed me to approach her and I did and she was super down and we went on a date a couple days later. 

I've had another one where I was walking with friends and told my buddy to approach this girl and he chickened out so I did it. I said "Hey excuse me I think you're cute and then she started yelling I DONT KNOW THIS MAN GET AWAY FROM ME. I said 5 words and that's what happened not like I harassed her and this was like a busy thursday night with many people around so idk what her problem was either trauma or read too much Pink pill female advice and was ready to drop the hammer on a dude lol. Glad it happened to me and another dude cuz I dont really give a fuck but thank God I had friends with me otherwise that would've been a truly embarrassing one. 

Those are just two bad examples out of hundreds of mostly good responses or at worst neutral. You can't let a few bad approaches get you down, it's the game baby! That's literally the main reason why game works is most guys give up and don't do it so you automatically meet more women by 90% of men if you start cold approaching or building an intentional social circle. 

Eventually the rejections will become a blur. You will only recall the victories. I have fucked so many girls I can't even recall the victories anymore.  I used to keep count in a black book but I lost that too years ago.  So now its just about today and what prize I take home.

Edited 12 hours ago by Inliytened1

[Jirh]

@LordFall Yeah. Thanks for sharing your stories. You made me feel less embarrassed.

Technically, it's not my first approach. I have tried approaching a few times in the past and failed, so I didn't stick to it. But practically, I am still at level 0. I have no idea how to start up a conversation and how to lead from there. Once there's rapport, it's no big deal for me. I'm good at relating with the girls I know in general. But just the first blocks, I don't possess the skills for breaking the ice and make quick small talk conversations. And I can't even chat up stranger guys, so it's not related to anxiety. I just don't have the skill yet.

[LordFall]

25 minutes ago, Jirh said:

@LordFall Yeah. Thanks for sharing your stories. You made me feel less embarrassed.

Technically, it's not my first approach. I have tried approaching a few times in the past and failed, so I didn't stick to it. But practically, I am still at level 0. I have no idea how to start up a conversation and how to lead from there. Once there's rapport, it's no big deal for me. I'm good at relating with the girls I know in general. But just the first blocks, I don't possess the skills for breaking the ice and make quick small talk conversations. And I can't even chat up stranger guys, so it's not related to anxiety. I just don't have the skill yet.

For sure man, you deserve the best dating life that you can possibly imagine.

That's why I write these crazy polyamory posts because that's the most beautiful life I can envision for myself. It's sure as fuck not easy but each day one step closer! 

[Ulax]

8 hours ago, Jirh said:

Today I was walking at the park, and I saw a girl sitting there on a bench. I don't normally do this, but since I see you guys here talking a lot about cold approaching, I said to myself what the hell let's do this. And I did experience some tension before the approach and even a bit during.

It went terrible, however, like really terrible she wasn't able to speak. Literally she said nothing. I said hi, she gave me nothing. I asked a question, she turned her head away 😂

I told her if you are not feeling well, I will go away. She gave me the same non-response. And I walked away.

It's not fun at all. I don't feel hurt by the rejection, though. But like how do you even get a stranger girl to talk to you? I've had GFs in the past, but they were all from social circle. Some of them even initiated contact with me. This pickup thing is different.

Welcome to the NFL.

Sincerely though, respect for the approach.

Edited 5 hours ago by Ulax

[Ulax]

10 hours ago, Olaf said:

@Ulax yes and many people will go out and day game, I think this is what I need right now

Lmao I've been out once with people after a free tour. There were like 100 dudes approaching in a small ass area. Was hilarious 

[LordFall]

8 minutes ago, Ulax said:

Lmao I've been out once with people after a free tour. There were like 100 dudes approaching in a small ass area. Was hilarious 

This is actually the crux of the issue why cold approach is fundamentally not a good technique. It doesn't offer value it's just a an outreach method. If 100 dudes start hosting event it would elevate the city that they're in. The more dudes cold approach(especially clumsily and without calibration) the more guarded and less trusting of men women get. I

t's kinda like being a telemarketer and just brute forcing marketing, sure you can make some money but there are more effective frameworks that are more win-win for both women and yourself. 

I still think it teaches you stuff to do it for a while but graduating to other more powerful forms of social strategy is mandatory for a man that wants world class results. 

Edited 4 hours ago by LordFall

[Ulax]

16 minutes ago, LordFall said:

This is actually the crux of the issue why cold approach is fundamentally not a good technique. It doesn't offer value it's just a an outreach method. If 100 dudes start hosting event it would elevate the city that they're in. The more dudes cold approach(especially clumsily and without calibration) the more guarded and less trusting of men women get. I

t's kinda like being a telemarketer and just brute forcing marketing, sure you can make some money but there are more effective frameworks that are more win-win for both women and yourself. 

I still think it teaches you stuff to do it for a while but graduating to other more powerful forms of social strategy is mandatory for a man that wants world class results. 

Social circle alright but it will never beat the freedom and adventure of cold approach

[LordFall]

3 minutes ago, Ulax said:

Social circle alright but it will never beat the freedom and adventure of cold approach

Of course it will, 100x over. First of all because social circle still can include all the cold approach you want; the reserve is not true. It's not because you cold approach often that you're building a high leverage lifestyle. 

Social circle also allows you to scale your social life basically infinitely. All cold approach allows you to do is meet women in the street and clubs and fuck. It has a very low ceiling. Which is why all the cold approach we know about have massive social circles, social media and use leverage in their dating life.

The reason that we know about Owen Cook is not because he's the greatest at cold approach. It's because he formed a social circle of the all the dating coaches he knew, used social media to scale and started to create systems of leverage(travelling to different cities and charging high ticket prices for bootcamps to fund his lifestyle.)

 

[Ulax]

8 minutes ago, LordFall said:

Of course it will, 100x over. First of all because social circle still can include all the cold approach you want; the reserve is not true. It's not because you cold approach often that you're building a high leverage lifestyle. 

Social circle also allows you to scale your social life basically infinitely. All cold approach allows you to do is meet women in the street and clubs and fuck. It has a very low ceiling. Which is why all the cold approach we know about have massive social circles, social media and use leverage in their dating life.

The reason that we know about Owen Cook is not because he's the greatest at cold approach. It's because he formed a social circle of the all the dating coaches he knew, used social media to scale and started to create systems of leverage(travelling to different cities and charging high ticket prices for bootcamps to fund his lifestyle.)

 

Hmmm I get your point

[Olaf]

Okay, so as promised, I went to Owen's event and I would give you guys a review. Yes, Owen wasn’t there, although there was an 2 hour Zoom call with him and we could ask him questions. But I did meet 2 wingmen I will go out with who live in my city, who also went to Todd's program. And I did meet his team, Ibraheem, if I name it correctly. He’s a really awesome dude. You could feel that everyone started to lean in when he started to speak. His energy is completely chill, but also powerful, and how he speaks is like storytelling with different emotions, as if you are reading a book and want to make it come alive.

I took a bunch of notes, and one of the most important things was definitely getting unstifled. We had someone come to the front and, just as with Julien, he had to, like, yell and stuff. And what you could see was with the exercise after that, which was the EYYYYYYY, that he completely changed. It was like he became free of the box he was stuck in, like a bird being released from its cage. I think that is also what it truly means to get out of your head: to be free. To express freely, to be a bit wild and emotional. To NOT be rational or boring. You need PASSION and emotion.

Now, they went into how to get into that state, and that was by voice projection. It is kind of vice versa: when you project your voice properly, you become unstifled after doing that for a period of time. Then your brain starts to work due to the winner effect of projecting your voice—not to yell, but to project loudly. And what starts to happen if you do that is that you get out of your head and become unstifled. You get into state, and STATE is the most important thing.

Everything in the seminar was based on state. We were singing songs, yelling, etc. All to build state. We also socialised, and it is honestly the easiest place to make friends, as everyone is very social. Also, we talked about the tonality positive dominance, which is basically how you talk when you are having fun. We asked Owen's favorite pick-up line, and he said, “Not speaking at all, just looking them in the eyes. That is my favorite line.” Which shows how much he feels the importance of state over techniques.

Also, what I could truly feel is that if you change inside, the outside kind of takes care of itself. When you are able to get confident inside and feel like you are winning, and call everything you are doing a 1000 out of 10, getting into that winning effect, that will take care of your speaking skills. You will become a natural public speaker or content creator or whatever.

Now, after 9 hours of the free event, we all went out. I approached many girls. Nothing crazy, but it was funny because I also never approached on the square before. I always went inside the clubs to approach, so this was my first time approaching in the square where the clubs are. And actually, that is where everyone approached, because we couldn’t get into the clubs anyways. So that was actually awesome.

Also, I was mainly looking at how the instructor was gaming. He mainly was body rocking when talking to a girl or approaching with side-by-side, and then a little more with his back turned to her so he has to look a bit over his shoulder. I couldn’t hear what he was saying, but also I actually gained more confidence from everyone around me approaching, as it made it almost this normal, socially acceptable thing to just approach people. It is now literally 12 hours later or so, so it was a long day, but I learned a lot. Basically, if you are failing, it is because you are not creating a winner effect, you are judging yourself instead of seeing every step to your goal as a win, which will make you feel like a winner, and then your brain opens up. I literally could feel how I wanted to do wilder approaches: I could feel how I was ready to just say stuff I never said before and just have fun.

The change is within, and that can be changed by outside exercises, not by just meditating, but by projecting your voice, getting into state, optimising your state, singing, talking with emotion, amusing yourself, anything to just pump your state and be free/expressive. Having a wingman will probably also help your state, depending upon who it is, though. And definitely you are in state after the event from the whole community and the socialising and exercising within the community. So yeah, I am very happy I went to it, and it was 100% worth it.

Oh yeah and Owen called Leo Gura a good public speaker lol.

[Olaf]

Something I wrote to myself after the event: I am too timid, I am too in my head, I am too stifled/anxious, not going BALLS TO THE WALL, EYYYYYY!! Having fun! FUCK YES! Why not? Why fucking not? Why be boring? So that I don't get harshly rejected? Who cares about harsh rejections? WHO CARES about ANY REJECTION? If you are having fun, if you are having the time of your life, is that not why you are meant to LIVE?? It is like, yes you are taking the safe route, but it is SOOOO boring! Like how fucking boring can it fucking be? Just go, just do, just approach, just have fun, live LIFE, fuck it! Make them think bad about you, make them say how you are a loser, make them call you every bad name in the book! BUT atleast YOU LIVED LIFE and they had NO FUN! So fuck em! Love yourself! Have fun! LIVE LIFE! Lets go!