How do you lock a woman in to where she isn't thinking about anyone else but you?

[Inliytened1]

16 hours ago, LordFall said:

Yes in one sentence a man that adds value to their lives and helps them solve their problems as opposed to adding new ones. 

Yup.

[Emerald]

On 8/7/2026 at 6:53 PM, LordFall said:

Plenty of dudes give women multiple orgasms every night and still get left, ghosted, or cheated on. Physical climax isn't a leash. If orgasms were what locked in a woman, no woman would ever leave a high-performing hookup partner.

What locks a woman in long-term is high value, safety, and emotional investment. Not just dopamine from a good orgasm and great sex. As a matter of fact there is a lot of women that don't like it when men focus on them orgasming because it makes the process mechanical and too logical as opposed to a true roller coaster of emotions which is felt throughout her life.

If you use sex as an analogy for a relationship, then bondage is kind of what they want. They want to feel an adventure that's a bit dangerous but actually safe and pushes their comfort but in way where they're in control.

Just focusing on orgasms is like doing the missionary position over and over again and she cums each time but she still dumps you because it's boring. 

That's always been how I've felt about it.

Orgasms are enjoyable. And I do want to have them occasionally... both inside and outside the context of sex with a partner. But I don't seek them much if I'm on my own because the feeling of orgasm is nowhere near as enticing as the heart-opening feelings during sex that can't even be simulated alone... nor with a partner that I don't have very strong feelings for and a deep connection with. 

And any very technically-focused experience of sex just brings me out of emotions-mode and into try-hard mode.

Plus, sex that's too focused on orgasm makes me feel like the guy is performing (and I can sense his attention narrowing and feeling the pressure to perform for me) rather than just enjoying himself and existing in the moment, which is where the real connection and intimacy happens.

It took me a long time to understand this about my own sexuality though. And until I was in my mid-20s or so, I would wonder why sex would feel so dull and boring and tepid even though I had a very strong driver towards it. 

And I realized that I had been taught about my sexuality through a male-focused lens, where sex is about physicality and getting to the destination of orgasm. And I was treating m female body like a male body, and wondering why there was something unsatisfying and "meh" about it... even if I did have an orgasm.

And if I was really into that "get from a to b" orgasm approach, I would find masturbation a lot more interesting... especially since it's a 5x easier to have one alone. It's just not that compelling.

But sex as an interactive experience and means of expression and emotional dance, is very interesting to me. 

So, the most enjoyable experiences are with a man who I love who loves me, is emotionally present with me, and is just operating in a very natural and instinctual way without thinking about performing.

And this circumstance arises ideally after something that produces a lot of Oxytocin and relaxing calm feelings... like cuddling or waking up together. 

So, if the OP @Inliytened1 is looking for what's addictive to a woman... the answer is anything that produces Oxytocin and feelings of a calm nervous system. And emotion-focused sex is part of what produces those feelings.

[Jordan of the Shire]

Give her space to miss you when it's appropriate, respond to bids of love, and don't be a pushover, yet don't be a dick, be a rock, communicate effectively, consciousness is important. What's a common complaint? "You don't hear, feel, see, touch, me"

This is not really about listening, touching, seeing with the sense gate, it's about your shen, your ability to penetrate space with you awareness, to have jing (vital energy), to have a palpable presence which is focused on her, and in that, register what it is you see, and to open up that person through curiosity. It shows care. 

Having a mission, having respectable values, acting in ways that build a track record of trust, and being playful, humorous, easy going. 

 

If a woman feels safe, loved, like she can't push you around, like you see her, and that she can trust your mission in the world, and the relationship, and your ability to do it, then you got yourself a companion.

I've heard that it takes on average 6-8 weeks of dating before a woman starts bringing up the "well, what are we?" type questions.

Then for love to continue growing, it's maintaining polarity, creating anticipation, and caring / feeding your woman with love. 

But it's not like you start out each day thinking about the next ten years. It's like , enjoy the moment, have fun, work with whats present. The relationship bit is kind of an entity in itself which grows over time.

Edited 7 hours ago by Jordan of the Shire

[Jordan of the Shire]

On the topic of sex, I'm not an expert, but same thing applies. Presence, palpable being there, not being totally absorbed in your own pleasure. Then i think there are things like, increasing your ability to last by having discipline in life - managing your stress, eating good food, kegals, exercising, etc, then good quality questions - where do you like it, how much pressure, how fast, etc. Keeping it fun.

How do you initiate sex - is it ravishing without foreplay, or have you been building her up for the last day, 2 days, 3 days. I think the orgasm is helped on by being relaxed and open, and building anticipation. Which if we look at the initial question, what creates that relational commitment? 

The same fundamentals apply to making love!

Edited 6 hours ago by Jordan of the Shire

[LordFall]

@Emerald Yes it's a shame what modern society does to women's sexuality. Even in the west let alone globally. A lot of women are literally scared to look at their own vaginas and accept that they are beautiful beings because femininity is so shamed. Nothing like like going down on a woman and reminding her of that fact personally as she screams your name 

Sexuality is one of the most misunderstood topics in humanity and especially in spiritual circles. Half of the time I am shamed even here for my sexuality and libido which leads me to connect deeply with my masculine essence, life purpose in the world and deep thirst for growth and ultimately power and agency the world. 

Edited 6 hours ago by LordFall