Number 1 mistake all woman make in their first relationship.

[integral]

By far the pattern I've seen a million times, is that a woman in her first relationship will always self-destruct.

Here's an example: she's scared of something, the boyfriend doesn't think it's that big deal and isn't stressed about it. She will interpret that as he is being irresponsible about the topic because he is not scared about the thing that she is scared about. She will then project this into the future and keep this in the back of her mind and she will now internalize you as a irresponsible person because you are too chill.

A woman will interpret your relaxation as a irresponsibility because you don't share the emotions with her.

She then keeps this in her mind and her perception of you is now permanently changed leading her down the path of further self-destruction.

This is why Owen talks about non-stop frame control because he's stuck in these immature relationships. And doesn't know how to have or select healthy relationships.

Edited 6 hours ago by integral

[Eskilon]

Yes, did experience this

We spiritual bros are too chill and some will interpret that as if you don't care or irresponsible.

[Osaid]

Objectively it might not be a big deal. It might even be silly. But she probably just wants you to acknowledge how she feels instead of brushing it off. 

Imagine a child crying about something. Santa didn't get them their presents or something. You would still probe and explore those feelings with them. Santa might not be real, but the feeling is.

Anyways, end of the day it's not really a gender thing since everyone feels.

[Osaid]

As for being stuck in immature relationships, yeah, much of the "manosphere" is. Because they believe in the manosphere. Self-fulfilling prophecy. Then you just conflate the experience with "all women" to repeat the prophecy.

[integral]

2 hours ago, Osaid said:

Objectively it might not be a big deal. It might even be silly. But she probably just wants you to acknowledge how she feels instead of brushing it off. 

Imagine a child crying about something. Santa didn't get them their presents or something. You would still probe and explore those feelings with them. Santa might not be real, but the feeling is.

Anyways, end of the day it's not really a gender thing since everyone feels.

There is no substitute for a good communication, I'm talking about is after good communication she simply cannot accept that you are relaxed or have a perspective that is not emotionally aligned with hers.

• She needs you to have the same emotion she has (or pretend to), and agree with her emotions and validate her emotions. 
• You know the saying "Making a big deal out of nothing".

The crime that she commits is that when you don't validate her emotions, she then views you as a irresponsible, and then this is projected throughout everything that you are as a person throughout every decision you've ever made in the future. A remodelling of who she thinks you are happens.

Quote

 

I think you're going overboard into a liberal fantasy. I've been criticized many times on the forum for projecting things onto women.. it's true they're similarities between men and women, but women live in a whole other universe called the psychosis fantasies of feelings. 

I do not need my feelings validated, I do not need someone to hear how i feel, I do not need to be reassured in any way emotionally about anything, I am self assured, I am self fulfilled.

Actually talking to someone about how I feel is placing the responsibility of my feelings onto someone else and now if they don't deliver, I'm gonna dislike them. It's a fools game. 

Edited 3 hours ago by integral

[Osaid]

53 minutes ago, integral said:

There is no substitute for a good communication, I'm talking about is after good communication she simply cannot accept that you are relaxed or have a perspective that is not emotionally aligned with hers.

• She needs you to have the same emotion she has (or pretend to), and agree with her emotions and validate her emotions. 
• You know the saying "Making a big deal out of nothing".

The crime that she commits is that when you don't validate her emotions, she then views you as a irresponsible, and then this is projected throughout everything that you are as a person throughout every decision you've ever made in the future. A remodelling of who she thinks you are happens.

I see.

I think that would ruin any relation though. If a man did it. If a woman did it. etc.

54 minutes ago, integral said:

I think you're going overboard into a liberal fantasy. I've been criticized many times on the forum for projecting things onto women.. it's true they're similarities between men and women, but women live in a whole other universe called the psychosis fantasies of feelings. 

Women can express their emotions in unique ways, but at the end of the day it's the same emotion or the same capacity to feel as anyone else.

For example, say a woman and a man feel sad.

The woman cries about it in front of her friends.

The guy doesn't do this, and he bottles the desire to cry, simply because there's a stigma that he shouldn't do that around other men.

Both are sad. Neither have transcended sadness. The sadness is not caused by their genitalia. Nothing like that. One simply decides to feel it, and the other tries not to feel it because of what they are taught. The existence of it, the sadness, is still there. 

Same emotion. Same feeling. Only expressed or filtered differently because of culture, expectations, peers, gender, etc.

My practical reason for emphasizing all of this is because I think it would actually be much more helpful to focus on the human condition as a whole rather than narrowing it down to a specific gender. That's much more relatable for everyone and it doesn't require much assumption or pseudoscience.

1 hour ago, integral said:

Actually talking to someone about how I feel is placing the responsibility of my feelings onto someone else and now if they don't deliver, I'm gonna dislike them. It's a fools game.

Not necessarily. It doesn't have to push responsibility. It's arguably an important thing to communicate.

But, to your point, it's also important not to place unnecessary responsibility onto others. I think someone could communicate emotions without actually expecting you to be responsible for it, though. You just seem sensitive to it because it seems other people have done that to you a lot.

[integral]

@Osaid Why are you saying men and woman are equal? 

[Osaid]

6 minutes ago, integral said:

@Osaid Why are you saying men and woman are equal? 

Where'd I say that?

[integral]

Just now, Osaid said:

Where'd I say that?

Well what are the differences? lol if not emotional? 

[aurum]

You could be dating someone who is excessively neurotic.

But also, these sort of responses from women are often like warning bells. She doesn't feel safe / secure / containment in the relationship. She's not in her feminine.

The issue is almost never just about the specific issue itself. It's about your general orientation.

Are you handling survival effectively? Are you genuinely taking responsibility, or are you avoiding?

Ignore these warning bells at your own peril. 

 

 

[Osaid]

2 minutes ago, integral said:

Well what are the differences? lol if not emotional? 

Biological. The body, basically.

The culture, behaviour, gender, and everything else attributed, would stem from the initial biological distinction.

Trying to explain emotion through body parts just doesn't work IMO. 

[integral]

5 minutes ago, Osaid said:

Biological. The body, basically.

The culture, behaviour, gender, and everything else attributed, would stem from the initial biological distinction.

Trying to explain emotion through body parts just doesn't work IMO. 

I think their brains developed differently because of the difference in biology, they have different hormones/dna and many factors.

Like periods... make them more emotional, thats just 1 event.

The way they socialize is more wired for emotional communication (but your saying its cultural) 

Edited 38 minutes ago by integral

[Osaid]

Just now, integral said:

I think their brains developed differently because of the difference in biology, they have different hormones/dna and many factors.

A woman is not a mans brain in a woman body basically. Its more then that. Woman have woman brains.

Well, if what's wanted is a connection and a relationship, then you gotta find some way to relate to them, despite being a guy. Then they'll probably feel happy or satisfied or whatever. Maybe I'm crazy.