Why I believed I was a chick magnet and why it isn't true

[trenton]

I previously posted that women seem to love me very easily with very little effort. This created confusion in which people claimed it was difficult to get girls to like them while my experience appeared to show the opposite. I was fed a lot of lies and convincing partial truths which caused me to believe I was attractive when this may be very far from the truth.

When I was bullied by men, it was very obvious. They would slam my face into the table and steal from me while calling me a fa*****. This happened in school because I was isolated, socially awkward, and sexually traumatized. However, there were also girls who would act as if they found me attractive and I am now rethinking these interactions and having doubts as an adult.

The first incident was in the eighth grade and was obviously bullying. There was a girl named Josie who wanted to hook up with me. However, the relationship was the front for bullying in that she would now demand my belongings and grab my private parts despite my objections. She would apologize and do it again. Eventually she started trying to manipulate me with breakup threats, so I just let her breakup with me. She tried to get back together and I said no. The other boys often insisted that I was lucky that she was in to me and liked me. This is commonly used to minimize sexual bullying from females and added to my confusion given that my boundaries were already shattered from earlier experiences.

An outside bullying story that might apply to me is when a group of women intentionally find unattractive guys and dare other girls to flirt with them. These situations are made to seem like positive attention when really it is negative attention. This pattern appeared when I was in highschool while others treated me as if I were a chick magnet.

For example, when I was on the bus to highschool, a girl sat next to me and started talking to me. She started asking me if I think she looked pretty. I evaluated her smile as beautiful and she then asked if I wanted to hook up with her. I remembered what happened with Josie and how she started grabbing my private parts. Therefore I started vetting her and checking her motives for why she would love me despite not speaking to me much. She then started to stumble and couldn't give a clear answer. Therefore I told her that if she isn't sure then we should probably wait and get to know each other better before making such commitments.

When I said this, the other girls started laughing. The girl who was just asking me out looked embarrassed. I asked why are they are laughing and eventually the girl admitted that they told her to ask me out. Apparently, the joke is that this girl got rejected by the most unattractive guy in the school. The alternative joke is that the unattractive guy gets his hopes up or crosses some boundary. The apparent positive attention I received from girls was probably in reality negative attention from being especially unattractive rather than a chick magnet.

Another incident occurred when girls would block me in the stairwell on the way to lunch. They wouldn't let me through and would sing about wanting to be my lover. This was unwanted attention, but I was being treated like I was lucky again. There was even one girl who told me I was really cute like a puppy before shoving a dog treat in my mouth which I found disgusting. She would pet my head and tell me I was adorable.

I also recall that over time there were some girls who would either show remorse for their behavior toward me or become defensive when other girls started talking behind my back about how I look, my behavior, and so forth. Some girls became opposed to how the others were acting when they came to see my character as honest and in good faith while struggling with an abusive family full of drug addicts and gang activity which sometimes led to suicidal thoughts. It seems that the girls were less likely to act this way once I started to mean something to them in a way that made bullying psychologically more difficult. However, I shouldn't have needed to reveal these things to not be bullied even though this was the reason why I was often isolated, quiet, and socially awkward.

Part of the reason I believed I was receiving positive attention was not only because boys would tell me I was lucky, but also because of another plausible dynamic at play.

Apparently, women often find gay men attractive despite gay men having no interest in them. I figured that this was because many men often make vulgar sexual comments with a clear agenda. Meanwhile, gay men have no such agenda and therefore can paradoxically become more attractive. I figured that this might apply to me because I didn't make the vulgar comments the other guys were often making that women would find unattractive. I didn't have a sexual agenda toward these girls which could paradoxically make me seem more attractive.

At the end of the day, this was unwanted attention. My boundaries were being violated and confused due to gaslighting. Therefore the most likely reality is that I am not chick magnet and I may be somewhat unattractive.

I would strongly advise that women not bully unattractive men in this way. If you don't know their history and you are intentionally confusing them, it might worsen creepy behaviors in other contexts. If he thinks he is a chick magnet and women are into this behavior, it might translate into other problematic situations with sexual harassment for future women as a consequence of this man's boundary confusion. This behavior could realistically come back to bite other women beyond just the bullies.

[Spiritual Warrior]

Ehhhhhhh this seems like a stretch to me

Sorry about your past, sounds like some people were not very nice to you

I'm struggling to see the point of mentally masturbating about this topic though, what is the purpose? How will this benefit your life? 

[Hojo]

How do you know they were making fun of you cause you are unattractive? Maybe they were just bored and you were cute and quite so they have fun with you out of boredom?

Edited 2 hours ago by Hojo

[Spiritual Warrior]

7 minutes ago, Hojo said:

How do you know they were making fun of you cause you are unattractive? Maybe they were just bored and you were cute and quite so they have fun with you out of boredom?

Right. That is very possible.

He's attaching meaning to a situation that doesn't have any meaning to it.

[Ramasta9]

When you understand this, you understand this.

[Rishabh R]

17 hours ago, trenton said:

would strongly advise that women not bully unattractive men in this way.

Thanks dude at least someone is concious of this pattern. Even though it is unhealthy for me to count myself as unattractive but I have been bullied by females in the past for hitting on them in school and college. 

However, I don't think that all women are like that. Majority of them could be good people even if they don't like me.( By the way I read your whole post but this point resonated with me as a 25 year old single male )