I struggle being happy

[Asia P]

I feel exhausted, always sad, i cant stop crying. Whithout a specific reason. I cant see the beauty and the love in life again. I ve lived trying to solve this problem for 3 years. Now i cant see a way to solve my infinite sadness. I cant appreciate what i already have, nor i have any specific ambition or desire. I have difficulty find my purpose in life. I really dont know what i want, i always change my mind and my direction. I feel lost. 

Living is being very very difficult for me this last months. I cant even do simple things with a normal sense of happiness. I feel extremely tired

Edited Wednesday at 05:25 PM by Asia P

[UnbornTao]

Can you just feel tired and separate the tiredness from any other reaction you think might be called for to deal with it?

You might ask yourself what role you have in all of this and how creative you can be. If you want purpose, make it up. Get clear on that and commit.

Feeling lost is OK too. It happens relative to some desire you feel is being thwarted. So you can see that you have desires. As for appreciating what you have, well, appreciate stuff. Don't wait for circumstances to give you permission.

Overall, my suggestion would be to separate and clarify what each thing in your post is, because it seems like there are several questions you're grappling with, not just one.

[UnbornTao]

Or, just as an exercise, practice being happy now. Be happy. Try that.

Edited Wednesday at 05:36 PM by UnbornTao

[Leo Gura]

@Asia P It sounds like it might be a health issue. I suggest going to some doctors and getting comprehensive bloodwork done. You may have some autoimmune disorder or the like which causes all sorts of mood problems and tiredness.

[Asia P]

4 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@Asia P It sounds like it might be a health issue. I suggest going to some doctors and getting comprehensive bloodwork done. You may have some autoimmune disorder or the like which causes all sorts of mood problems and tiredness.

I admit that it crossed my mind that could be this , but i didnt check my health in the past, because im only 20.

I ll check my blood. Thank you.

 

[Leo Gura]

5 minutes ago, Asia P said:

I admit that it crossed my mind that could be this , but i didnt check my health in the past, because im only 20.

I ll check my blood. Thank you.

You need to especially check thyroid function. Thyroid problems are very common and cause huge fatigue issues and much more. But check other things as well.

Buy some books on chronic fatigue and autoimmune disorders. You need to research this topic so you understand how deep it goes and how to speak to doctors.

This is also a good topic to query AI about. It can give you lots of ideas and leads to pursue. Tell AI a list of all your symptoms and ask for possible medical conditions.

Edited Wednesday at 05:50 PM by Leo Gura

[Cred]

What you are describing sounds like a depression. I wrote about manic depression in this post: 

It is still relevant for you, just ignore the part where I talk about mania.

[Julian gabriel]

um... yea definitely don't do what Leo said, go in ur head instead, we both know ur too mystical to feel conclusive about ur sadness from some random blood test result from a doctor so stop faking. 

me and u r spiritually gifted aliens with blue hearts and green heads blown up with emotional depth and vision like a real alien. 

since u love yogananda do what he suggested, try staying awake for 3 days straight and obsessing over this issue alone in the woods until u can't take it anymore, that's what I did last winter. I am still sad but I know my green alien head of chaotic compassion better. 

u r not trying to fix ur sadness obviously as always u r trying to actualize your true higher self, by integrating the beauty of blue. 

[Natasha Tori Maru]

Go for a hormonal panel, thyroid and bloodwork.

I personally troubleshoot issues from the ground up - rule out physiological issues first, then go to psychological.

If you can reach out to a women's health doctor or endocrinologist, even better.

Unfortunately as progressed as society is - we are still a bit demented with regards to women's health. I had many issues that overlapped with yours and I ended up investigating to discover I had Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. I found a women's health clinic and worked with an endo to help me manage it.

Ruling out physiological I would move to investigating psychological. Depression is NOT just sadness or anxiety. It is debilitating.

My heart goes out to you - a million e-cuddles & compassion (づ˶•.•˶)づ♡

[Asia P]

@Julian gabriel thank you julian<3

[Asia P]

@Natasha Tori Maru thank youuuu ♡♡♡♡♡♡

[Asia P]

@Cred this was very useful thank you

[Julian gabriel]

@Asia P I MISS YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING

[Cred]

On 05/03/2026 at 3:36 AM, Julian gabriel said:

since u love yogananda do what he suggested, try staying awake for 3 days straight and obsessing over this issue alone in the woods until u can't take it anymore, that's what I did last winter. I am still sad but I know my green alien head of chaotic compassion better. 

This is in interesting observation. I have never considered that this myth of the three-day meditation could be an allegory of mania.

This is extremely dangerous advice. It makes a massive difference, if you have a good life with support and people who love you unconditionally, and you want to know the truth about the universe like Yogananda or if your life is shit, the people in your life are toxic, and you want to know the truth about your suffering.

If you are depressed, there is likely some giant elephant in the room that you need to become aware of. This metaphor has way more depth than you think. Let's break down its symbolism.

The Miracle of Symbiosis

Life is symbiosis which is the space that is created by the dance (the couple dance symbolizes the harmony between the hug and the handshake) between love (unity, symbolized by the hug) and partnership (creating space, symbolized by the handshake). 

Symbiosis is a fundamental law of nature and of life. You can be in a symbiotic relationship with any entity. It can also be a career, an identity, an ideology, a pet, a hobby for example. A large part of this space that is your life is created in a dance with the people who are closest to you like your parents.

The Elephant

So what is the Elephant?

let's say, one of these people closest to you are mainly in this dance with you to exploit you and feed their void which is their self-hatred, you have an elephant in your room which is suffocating you. This metaphor does, again, not just apply to personal relationships.

Living in a space for a long time makes you blind to what is really going on in it since you are so used to it. This is the reason why there can be something as massive as an elephant that you have not noticed yet. This blindness (blindfold in the metaphor) is a necessity for peace. The blindfold is trust. If you didn't have it, you would be paranoid.

Being depressed in this metaphor means being forced to exist in this space with lowered ability to leave with distraction.

What you can do about the Elephant

So you are lying in your bed with a blindfold on with an elephant that you are not aware of sharing this room with you. If you are in this situation you have three options:

1. Distract yourself anyway which would be symbolized by staying in bed.
2. Stop distracting and start mind wandering in a healthy way while taking care of your needs and nurturing your body, which would be symbolized by standing up and start the process of touching the elephant and slowly start to identify it over the course of weeks.
3. Entering obsessive thought spirals, obsessive meditation, use of psychedelics while not nurturing your body would be symbolized by standing up, ripping off your blindfold and then FREAKING THE FUCK OUT BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN THERE HAS BEEN AN ELEPHANT THE WHOLE TIME?????????????

If you become aware of this elephant in a sudden, violent way, you have a massive problem. Remember, since you bypassed option 2 and you therefore have not investigated the elephant prior, you see it, but you don't know what it is and where it came from. 

Schizophrenia explained

If you have the disposition for schizophrenia and you engage in option 3, what your body will now do is violently (often literally violently) end all partnerships with all entities you were in partnership with. The mechanisms that drive this process are hallucination, paranoia, mania, etc. 

Going back to the partnership metaphor, when you are in a handshake (partnership) with somebody, the contact of your palms is making the space stable, but it also makes you vulnerable. Pushing away somebody you are in a partnership with is the best thing you can do if they infect you with their self-hatred. What you need to know though is that there exists no life outside symbiosis, therefore there exists no life outside of partnership. What this means is that when you push someone away, the space between you two becomes unstable and therefore turns into void/abyss. 

This is why people enjoy things like cosmic horror even though it is scary. If you get desensitized to the void, you will gain massive amounts of independence.

Just because you end one relationship does not mean your whole life is a void since you still have your other relationships. So if you commit to option 2 and do what's necessary, you will face existential void, but it will be good on the long run.

If, however, you decide to do option 3, and you become so paranoid that you self-isolate completely, your whole life will be nothing but void. You will get rid of the problem like this, but the abyss is the price of your body pressing the nuclear button.

A nuclear bomb is actually a good metaphor for schizophrenic psychosis. The event of the psychosis is the bomb detonating that is destroying everything with substance in your life. This will allow you to start from scratch and build something different, but there will be a fallout. If you suffer a psychosis, you will become radically aware, but it can leave lasting damage to your brain.

Edited Saturday at 11:24 AM by Cred

[Bjorn K Holmstrom]

 

11 hours ago, Cred said:

 If you suffer a psychosis, you will become radically aware, but it can leave lasting damage to your brain.

I can testify on this! My experiences showed me consensus reality was pretty brittle if poked enough, I guess somewhat akin to taking a psychedelic (I've only tried weed and Ayahuasca, and didn't experience any direct effects from them)