Help: I was sexually abused from 10-15 and it made me apathetic

[VioletFlame]

4 hours ago, HopefulMan said:

@VioletFlame thanks for such a comment. 

I'm really sorry that happened to you, it is horrible. What a twisted and poor soul can some people be. 

I fully agree with you. Luckily I'm already on the other side of the fence, I'm just now focusing on what I can do to be able to experience life in ways I can't with how the experiences left me

Experience love for other people, for my own life (I don't hate me, I just waste lots of time because of my disconnection), to have sex and feel that connection (I don't think I wrote it in my earlier posts, but I can't get horny and I remember being able when it happened to me, so I know I'm not asexual), etc

Again, thank you for the comment, sorry it happened to you and I'm happy you made the best and are making the best out of it

 

You are very welcome

[Ulax]

@HopefulMan What is your career/ job, relationship (platonic/ romantic), exercise, diet, health situation like too?

No pressure to say. But these things all help too.

[Leo Gura]

Sorry for your situation.

Psychedelics are very good for healing trauma but you have to be careful with them and know what you're doing. Use them responsibly. Using them a couple of times will not be enough. You'd need to use them repeatedly over months and years to make serious progress.

I think you should also give therapy more of a chance. There are good therapists out there, and that could really help you. However, therapy is costly, so if you are low on money, psychedelics are the cheap DIY option. Find a therapist who specializes in abuse and trauma healing.

I also recommend reading books on how trauma works and trauma healing. Teal Swan has a good book on trauma healing. Read it: https://amzn.to/4rT6l0N

But just healing trauma is not going to give you a sense of life purpose or motivation. That's something you need to work on separately. Sounds like you're just missing a bunch of basic self-help work unrelated to your abuse.

Edited 6 hours ago by Leo Gura

[UnbornTao]

I'd look into the work of someone who knows what they're doing, like Gabor Maté. 

Edited 6 hours ago by UnbornTao

[Uddi]

30 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Sorry for your situation.

Psychedelics are very good for healing trauma but you have to be careful with them and know what you're doing. Use them responsibly. Using them a couple of times will not be enough. You'd need to use them repeatedly over months and years to make serious progress.

I think you should also give therapy more of a chance. There are good therapists out there, and that could really help you. However, therapy is costly, so if you are low on money, psychedelics are the cheap DIY option. Find a therapist who specializes in abuse and trauma healing.

I also recommend reading books on how trauma works and trauma healing. Teal Swan has a good book on trauma healing. Read it: https://amzn.to/4rT6l0N

But just healing trauma is not going to give you a sense of life purpose or motivation. That's something you need to work on separately. Sounds like you're just missing a bunch of basic self-help work unrelated to your abuse.

Somatic breathwork will also help but it takes a while depending on the severity of the trauma.

[Leo Gura]

28 minutes ago, Uddi said:

Somatic breathwork will also help

Yes

[Sammy123]

On 02/03/2026 at 4:53 AM, HopefulMan said:

Afternoon guys, I'm looking for a path to try

I'm over 30 and I believe psychedelics are the only way out of my situation (maybe if I spend years on meditation I also could, but I have no idea)

When I say apathetic is that I just don't feel like doing anything. (I expand a bit more in the points below)

I could tell you all kinds of theory but I'll get to the facts to see if what I'm thinking makes sense:

• I was abused from 10-15
• That seemed to disconnect me from my emotions. 
  • Only the extreme ones are detectable (death of a love one)
  • But it doesn't stay with me while I've seen close people cry and feel sad for a dog that died over 10 years ago or my grandma who died 9 years ago
• I don't feel like doing anything, just the monkey brain stuff (eating bad foods, play video games, etc)
• Sex is not included. I feel like I'd love to have sex, but the experiences broke something in me (or disconnected)
• I've tried therapy and it doesn't work because most therapist are sheeps that don't look beyond what they were taught, they cannot handle people who think deeply about stuff (at least my experience)
• I did psilocybin and I cried a lot when I had my eyes closed. As soon as I opened them it was back to being apathetic. My eyes acted like a switch on my emotions. 
• I feel they helped, but just one round wasn't enough

I'd love to try psychedelics at a high frequency (without getting into dangerous zone) and I was wondering if I could do it myself, or moving to South America or somewhere in Asia where I could do assisted therapy at a sustainable price range (I earn minimum wage and being in Europe makes it harder or probably impossible)

I'm just looking for ideas from people who have a more open mind 

Thanks for your time. 

Hi. I had a spiritual expereince which was really intense for 10 days but the 3 months after I was emotional purging. I starting having really intense emotions for about 4 days and realised they were sexual violation abreactions. Abreactions are really intense, very uncomfrotable but if you surrender and scream it out and let them arise you do eventually get the energy out, it is exausting and uncomfortable. The thing that really fucked me up was telling my family about my abreactions and then punishing me for "lying" and they still do that til this day. They're evil i don't speak to them anymore. But if you do have abreactions from psychedelics (mine happened naturally) then please don't be afraid of them and find some good transpersonal therapist to talk to - they will show you how you should be treated and spoken to the right way. Also you're not alone and you can become so much more happier and healthier and free'er than anyone who hurt you. Maybe your suffering has lead you to waking up and maybe this is your last life  Maybe its your journey to heal with psychedelics. They're are probably good books on healing trauma with psychedelics. Don't be afraid of psychedelics 1000% try the right ones the right way with the right support. 

[HopefulMan]

@Ulax I've been training consistently for 10+ years now, diet is much better than the average person, but lacking in comparison to what I could be doing, I sunbathe everyday while walking, 

I got no career and have tried things, but always change paths when things get a bit rough (for what I know my emotions/lack of are playing a role here as I notice apathy for everything. Lack of motive. I notice most people are able to go through the rough parts because of negative motivation like the uncertainty of the markets, the pressure from their peers/family, etc)

I have a girlfriend, but it is not "a proper" relationship because I have many sexual problems as I feel as if I was asexual, she notices lack of emotional connection. I'm thinking of breaking of the relationship for her sake

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@Leo Gura amazing to see you here. First watch a video of yours around 2013 I believe. 

I'm as deep as you can get into self-development, so I know purpose is not gonna come from it. My issue is that life doens't feel worth living because I just don't care for anything (I know I have feelings because I've cried when I've dumped previous girlfriends or my grandma died. But it feels on the day to day like I have no feelings)

If you have hope in therapist I just accept I am wrong and will try it more. For what I've seen it seems most therapist just work for low consciousness and non-introspective people. 

I will probably do the psychedelics, but will do therapy as soon as I get some financial stability. 

Do you have a post in the forum around how to grow your own stuff safely? 

Thank you very much for your input Leo, the parasocial relationship is real here haha. 

One question, I was thinking of just doing psylocibin until I get nothing out of it, I remember you talking about trying different ones and going deep on each one, but I may just be remembering wrong

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@UnbornTao thank you. I googled him to see if I knew him and correct, but I haven't listened to him deeply. Thank you for the recommendation

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@Uddi I did once, but I haven't given it a fair try. Will look into it. Thanks!

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@Sammy123 so you were living life and out of nowhere that experience came? Dayum

I'm sorry your family acted that way, it is sad. 

I've been reading a bit about "soul age" and the different levels and according to different systems I am an "old soul" which should be the last stage. But I doubt it seeing people like Leo light years ahead hahah. Either that or he jumped all of the stages all together. It is a fun thing to think about. 

I can't say I am happy it happened to me, but I see many good things that came out of it. I wouldn't be "this awake" if it hadn't happened. Introspection may have never been a thing because I'm the only "thinker" in the whole family. So, who knows if my life would have been better. 

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Thank you all for taking the time