I sold my soul to the devil

[thierry]

I sold my soul to the devil.

 

I ended up selling my soul to the devil.

It disgusts me, but it’s the truth, and I accept it.

 

I take shortcuts. I lie when I need to.

That’s it. I’ve crossed over to the other side.

 

And yet, when I was a child, I had a dream.

I wanted to be a hero. Not a spectacular hero, not a fictional hero, but a real one. Someone capable of renouncing his desires, of sacrificing himself, of serving something greater than himself.

I watched superhero movies with this almost naïve certainty: in this life, nothing prevents you from becoming that kind of person. Nothing prevents you from making the hero real.

 

I thought it was possible.

But I failed.

 

I sold my soul to the devil.

 

The trap I fell into wasn’t the temptation of power or money.

It was the feeling of injustice.

 

It’s that moment when you realize others allow themselves everything.

They lie, manipulate, cheat, crush… and they move forward.

And you hesitate. You want to stay upright. You want to stay honorable.

But you can see that the world doesn’t necessarily reward that.

 

So a fear settles in.

 

The fear of competing with someone who has no limits.

The fear that he’ll surpass you precisely because he allowed himself what you forbade yourself.

The fear of losing not because you’re less capable, but because you’re more scrupulous.

 

And that’s when something shifts.

 

You don’t sell your soul out of a taste for evil.

You sell it so you won’t be defenseless.

You sell it so you won’t fight by rules the other person refuses.

You sell it to make sure you can stand on equal ground.

 

You tell yourself:

If I stay upright and he doesn’t, he’ll destroy me.

So I allow myself what I once refused.

 

And that’s how you cross the line.

 

I think that’s the devil’s real trap:

he doesn’t just push you toward wrongdoing,

he speaks to you when you’re wounded, when you’ve been betrayed, when the selfishness of others has left marks on your body or your mind while you were trying to be fair.

 

He tells you that you have no choice.

He tells you it’s necessary.

He tells you it’s for survival.

 

And the worst part is, those reasons sound true.

 

I know they’re only excuses.

And I understand now that all the devils in the world have their excuses.

Everyone can tell their story, their wounds, their constraints.

Everyone can explain why they did what they did.

But in the end, the truth remains simple.

 

I sold my soul to the devil. Period.

 

And yet, despite that, I still have one wish left.

 

If somewhere there’s a young person who still dreams of becoming a hero in this life,

I want to tell them not to give up.

 

On that path, they will often feel like they’re doing fifteen times more than everyone else.

They’ll feel that their altruism, their renunciation, their inner “emptiness” leave enormous space for the selfishness of others.

They’ll feel like everyone else takes, and that for them, there’s only a very narrow space left, almost none at all.

 

That’s normal.

 

That’s what the hero’s path feels like.

They just have to hold on.

 

They should remember that if they hold on, they’re accomplishing something very few people manage to do.

And that, in the end, being a hero may be nothing more than this:

living without ever selling your soul to the devil.

 

It sounds simple.

But in practice, it’s probably the hardest thing there is.

 

[Someone here]

 

[kavaris]

Yeah its near impossible to stay on any sortve idealized, holy, path-like living typeve thing. Like its not even really pointing to anything concrete when we say things like, a holy path (i dont think u called it that, as im finding synonyms for your thoughts) like a straightened path. Like it enters into an experimental idea of *what the right path is*, but for each person, staying authentically true to yourself is all thats necessary. The Morality Play sortve makes it feel like theres a clearer right and wrong than there is, but this morality play changes, it evolves, and is evolving constantly, like, reality is being created because morality is fluid (soo in between reality — dream), like its only through our ability to use morality that we turn it into it. We cast a shadow of morality outward from the center of morality, and we define what it means.

Edited 6 hours ago by kavaris

[CARDOZZO]

This issue is solved when you get a real job and a family to take care of. Sorry for the bluntness.

[Sincerity]

The selling is happening in each moment, and in each moment it can be ceased. At least for that moment.

It's a matter of decision in the now.

[thierry]

1 hour ago, Someone here said:

 

lol of course to Osho there are no devils 

(I love him by the way)

[thierry]

1 hour ago, kavaris said:

Yeah its near impossible to stay on any sortve idealized, holy, path-like living typeve thing. Like its not even really pointing to anything concrete when we say things like, a holy path (i dont think u called it that, as im finding synonyms for your thoughts) like a straightened path. Like it enters into an experimental idea of *what the right path is*, but for each person, staying authentically true to yourself is all thats necessary. The Morality Play sortve makes it feel like theres a clearer right and wrong than there is, but this morality play changes, it evolves, and is evolving constantly, like, reality is being created because morality is fluid (soo in between reality — dream), like its only through our ability to use morality that we turn it into it. We cast a shadow of morality outward from the center of morality, and we define what it means.

I'm pointing to something concrete. You could call it a "holly path" if u want. But of course I'm not talking about morality. I'm just talking about transforming into a Real Human Being in the end.

[thierry]

1 hour ago, CARDOZZO said:

This issue is solved when you get a real job and a family to take care of. Sorry for the bluntness.

No worries. Yeah I'm sure it can  play a big role

[thierry]

1 hour ago, Sincerity said:

The selling is happening in each moment, and in each moment it can be ceased. At least for that moment.

It's a matter of decision in the now.

Thx, that's exactly what I've been telling myself to feel reassured

[Someone here]

@thierry the devil is a religious metaphore for the ego. You are the devil. You are the only source of evil in the world .that's the insight you have to have.  Me? I'm a lonely broken angel ! No. You are the devil .because anything "wrong " or "evil" in the world or even your life  is not evil its just nature doing what nature does according to laws of physics. Then you come along and think there is actually something wrong somewhere. It's not possible to fix a problem that doesn't exist . 

Please watch this 

 

[Oeaohoo]

Your narrative reminds me of the beautiful film Barry Lyndon in which the protagonist, who is lied to and cheated, becomes a liar and a cheat himself to beat them…

On the subject of films, the part of your post where you describe how the Devil speaks to you when you feel wounded and betrayed reminds me of the recent Robert Egger’s film Nosferatu, in which the female protagonist summons a dark and evil ancient spirit to cope with her loneliness and isolation:

The good news is that, from an esoteric point of view, a deal with the devil can be a path to the True Self as absolute nothingness. Some quotes from a book I have been reading recently, Dark Enlightenment: The Apotheosis of the Self by Jack Fox-Williams:

Quote

As we have seen, the devil is etymologically associated with the word double, a reference to man's “double-nature” or “hidden self”, beyond the limitations of the mundane ego. As Kenneth Grant observes, Satan (or Set-Anubis) is linked to Shiva, the Great Destroyer, insofar that he destroys our false desires, worldly attachments, egotistical inflations, narcissistic attitudes, and complacent identities, revealing the noumenal source behind appearances. According to Grant, it is ironic that Satan is associated with moral evil, particularly greed, gluttony, egotism, and excess, because he brings death to the ego, revealing the inner light. According to Hillman, to endure the dark night of the soul means "the sacrifice of the mind's bright eye” and a "loss of what we have long considered to be our most precious human holding: Apollonian consciousness.” However, it is only by retreating into the darkness that we discover the True Self since this Self is, ironically, nothingness.

Selling one’s soul to the devil therefore symbolises one’s absolute commitment to the initiatory path and the calling of the Higher Self. Your True Will is to ascend into the Three Negative Veils of Existence and discover your essential spiritual nature, beyond the limitations of the mundane ego. The “diabolical pact” is often signed in blood, symbolizing the adept who spilled their blood (i.e. their false desires) into the Cup of Babylon. The pact is one's utter devotion to the Great Work, no matter how painful and difficult, so they can spiritually evolve.

I liked your post, especially the part about not giving up on the heroic quest. This also reminds me of Wagner’s Parsifal…

 

[thierry]

18 minutes ago, Someone here said:

 You are the devil.

True

 

19 minutes ago, Someone here said:

 You are the only source of evil in the world.

 

Not true

 

21 minutes ago, Someone here said:

 Then you come along and think there is actually something wrong somewhere. It's not possible to fix a problem that doesn't exist . 

 

 

I don't want to fix anything. I just want to follow a path I've not been strong enough to follow, or at least just admit my weakness.

 

(I already watched that video)

[Someone here]

3 minutes ago, thierry said:

Not true

 

Thank you for honestly expressing your opinion. 

Let's contemplate together..a question:

Is it objectively wrong to have sex with children or sell your "soul " to the "devil"? 

Don't you define evil as bad things happening to you ? Is bad objective? Obviously not .then evil is just created by your judgement. Do you agree ?

[Carl-Richard]

Lying and cheating doesn't feel good.

[Ziran]

13 minutes ago, thierry said:

I just want to follow a path I've not been strong enough to follow

 

Redemption is stronger than perfection because on the rebound inertia is working in favor of the redeemed.

[Ziran]

12 minutes ago, Someone here said:

Is it objectively wrong to have sex with children or sell your "soul " to the "devil"? 

 

Lacking informed consent?  Yes.

[Someone here]

Just now, Ziran said:

 

Lacking informed consent?  Yes.

Why ? 

[Oeaohoo]

17 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

Lying and cheating doesn't feel good.

Well, in Barry Lyndon, it does feel good until he has to reap all of the bad karma that he has accumulated… I agree though, lying and cheating rot the soul. Like the Faust story, it is trading the ephemeral for the eternal.

[Ziran]

3 minutes ago, Someone here said:

Why ? 

Lacking informed consent, seduction is lying by omission.  Lying, without just cause, is objectively wrong. 

 

[Someone here]

@Ziran listen .

A guy has Tumour in his brain that makes him only sexually attracted to children. 

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S221026121630219X?__cf_chl_tk=3bb13oQPQb_RjtFaUCFjKygQVsBol9gW0m6qlEDmr_c-1771441711-1.0.1.1-9Eqamx4igNB.1GGINtNl.Pm2m6FyZe8.kGvQaQggJbA

Pedophilia is brain tumor.

So a Pedophile guy sees a child ..brain signals send orders to his body to move and go rape that child .  Its called Casual Determinism. "Wrong " is NOT found In The casual chain. 

Philosophical argument: wrong means this thing should not happen . So unfortunately it did happen. Its a fact .how could something "wrong " even exist ?

I would like a respectful answer that deals with my reasoning. 

.

Edited 3 hours ago by Someone here