Problems with hugging people

[Jannes]

I struggle with this in a social context a lot. 

I need a lot of time to let people close to me, the social world moves at a much higher speed then I am comfortable with. Hugs are kind of part of the whole game so I do them even though I dont fully feel comfortable with them. But I am not really following my inner compass with this, you know when you feel your inner voice of I wanna hug this person because it feels good and this person because it feels good, its all just mudded for me so I going about it logically and when I feel overwhelmed that manifests itself kind of autistically. 

[LastThursday]

Hugging's one of those Marmite love it or hate it kind of things. I'm a hugger, but I don't see it as any different from a handshake or saying "hi how are you doing?". I'm quite happy to hug even close male friends, but generally they're not. I don't force hugs on anyone - except my dad. I always hug my dad even though he's totally uncomfortable with it (don't analyse me). My sister's not a hugger either! What can I say? They're missing out.

My advice. Ignore that inner voice and just hug everyone, you'll soon find out who's comfortable with it and who's not. Go from there.

[Jannes]

1 hour ago, LastThursday said:

Hugging's one of those Marmite love it or hate it kind of things. I'm a hugger, but I don't see it as any different from a handshake or saying "hi how are you doing?". I'm quite happy to hug even close male friends, but generally they're not. I don't force hugs on anyone - except my dad. I always hug my dad even though he's totally uncomfortable with it (don't analyse me). My sister's not a hugger either! What can I say? They're missing out.

My advice. Ignore that inner voice and just hug everyone, you'll soon find out who's comfortable with it and who's not. Go from there.

Hehe, I needed to teach my family hugging. My dad is quite akward at it.

No a hug is definitely way more intimate for me then a handshake, fistbump or something like that. 

Its only part that I dont know who is comfortable with it, most are and I know that. Its too much for me.  

[Ramasta9]

11 hours ago, Jannes said:

I struggle with this in a social context a lot. 

I need a lot of time to let people close to me, the social world moves at a much higher speed then I am comfortable with. Hugs are kind of part of the whole game so I do them even though I dont fully feel comfortable with them. But I am not really following my inner compass with this, you know when you feel your inner voice of I wanna hug this person because it feels good and this person because it feels good, its all just mudded for me so I going about it logically and when I feel overwhelmed that manifests itself kind of autistically. 

That's completely normal and natural, and I've stopped hugging as much as well for energetic reasons, unless i genuinely feel the person has a good and balanced energy. We pick up so many things energetically we are not always aware of, and its often why you see some people keep more to themselves and in their own energy. You see this especially with monks, saints, sages, yogis ect... they rarely ever hug and keep in their own energy and i respect that.

Sometimes people hug on the opposite side because they feel it ignites the heart more than liver/organs related with emotions and anger and such become exchanged upon contact. I've had an experience on a few occasions where i didn't wanna hug a person because they had a very off energy about them but it was kinda awkward when I hugged others in their presence, and instantly i felt this dense energy linger around me for a while, until i shook it off, but I am aware it could also be a belief i am feeding into.

A simple bow, hand on heart, or prayer sign instantly neutralizes the hug and also lets them know (i prefer to be in my own energy but I acknowledge and respect you as another being). 

[Leo Gura]

Do a month of physical game only and your problem will go away.

[Cred]

@Leo Gura No people on here need to accept that they are autistic

[Wilhelm44]

6 minutes ago, Cred said:

@Leo Gura No people on here need to accept that they are autistic

What if you started your own Youtube channel for neuro divergent people ? Perhaps it would be a more effective and higher integrity way of sharing your message. 

[Cred]

3 minutes ago, Wilhelm44 said:

What if you started your own Youtube channel for neuro divergent people ? Perhaps it would be a more effective and higher integrity way of sharing your message. 

I'm open to this idea.

I'm well aware that I'm rage baiting on this forum. But I think the ends justify the means in this case.

[Jannes]

51 minutes ago, Cred said:

@Leo Gura No people on here need to accept that they are autistic

I was contemplating if I am autistic bc of your post, thats also why I use that wording. 

Its possible that I am autistic. The biggest counter argument is that I can read people intuitively. Actually I think I am really good at it. And much of it can overlap with adhd and a large body of bad social experiences in my life. 

Edited 7 hours ago by Jannes

[Cred]

@Jannes the reason why you can read people is because you are a hybrid of autism and Highly sensitive person (HSP) just like me, Leo and the rest of this community

[Cred]

HSPs are insensitive to social truths (aka conformity) just like autistic people, but with the difference, that they are extremely empathic, love esotericism and spirituality and can read emotions very well

[mmKay]

Look up contact improv workshops in your area. That should help you become more comfortable with touching strangers 

[Butters]

I have the same thing, although there was a time where I would just hug every girl I met as a greeting, works quite well. 

But I think it's also cultural. In South American culture people are much more physical than in Europe. 

[Joshe]

This is why it's important to learn about ND - so you can more easily accept things like this about yourself.

Imagine if you totally accepted that you're just always going to be an awkward hugger and that didn't bother you. Does that feel like it would be a relief to not have to worry about such stuff? 

Accept who you are. Just be a weird mother fucker who gets awkward when it's time to hug. Embrace that as who you are. If anyone asks "what's up with that guy?" You say "I'm autistic bitch, what's your excuse?"

Or, you could just invest a bunch of time and energy into fighting your nature to get good at something you probably don't even really care about.