As you become more evolved - is it harder to connect and build relationships?

[theleelajoker]

1 hour ago, Sugarcoat said:

I had a thought, some say awakening is dissolution of self, or do you consider it differently?

I agree. That's how I experienced it, even if I didn't understand it back then. But not as total dissolution, a partial one for me I would say. And over time the dissolved part got modified/ replaced by sth else.

1 hour ago, Sugarcoat said:

Nonetheless, a profound spiritual transformation that leads to something better is good regardless. Not trying to pick at people here

Did not view it as picking at people. I think you just expressed information and your POV.

In the end, the process so far as been definitely led to sth better. There was a phase where this was not the case, the dark night of the soul was kinda real for me. But now I feel my more integrated, and my quality of life - among other things - increased significantly.

I can begin to sense how much more potential there is as I still hold a lot of tension in my body (and thus, limits in my mind /self structure)

[Dima]

18 hours ago, Puer Aeternus said:

Sounds like you're doing some important shedding! Congratulations, you're moving through your own process. This can be a bit of a confusing time, like a time between worlds.

What was once there is dropping away and it's uncertain if it will be replaced or not. The confusion is a friend, sometimes it's useful to develop more independence here so other people are less relied on. The strange thing is, if there's a connection you're supposed to have with another it will be delivered to you irregardless of any effort. Sounds strange, but it's happened to me a few times! 

There can be more than this though. It was definitely a phase I went through, being a "more evolved self." Just live it through like there's nothing else to come and you'll naturally feel it's limits if you're willing to do the suffering. 

But the more evolved self is still just a self. What is it that needs this conditional connection a certain way? All these developmental stage theories are relative practical human truths, not absolute. Drop it all and there's no reason you can't connect with anyone. Then it's just up to how they react to their own mirrored reflection seen through you.

As things are getting more 'complicated' (in a good meaning) I think efforts are needed. If we are talking about deep meaningful connections - they are not given, they are elaborated, built, it require efforts, navigating conflicts etc. 

[Dima]

21 hours ago, Joseph Maynor said:

I actually feel like it gets easier to meet and keep friends as I become more developed.  And I can relate with more people too because I care less about them being like me.  My preferences are real life relating but I also relate with a lot of people online too.  But nothing beats hanging out in person.

Agree on that physical interaction is needed.. True empathy can show up only IRL..
But also what makes a relationship deep and sustainable - alignment in values, worldview etc.. Physical attraction is good, but not enough..

[Dima]

21 hours ago, Hojo said:

I find it easier to connect and talk but something isn't there anymore. Me caring about a connection is gone. It feels different almost like I don't care about the person or the connection.

I used to want to build relationships and actively go seek it out and its kinda nice to have.

I feel null toward relationship.

I am not talking about romantic ones (though may be you mean all types of relationships).. Also - being for example at yellow stage - being a hermit - sort of a normal stage - you just know what to do and do it.. But ultimately when you grow further - you realize you still need people.. At least that's what I've realized.. And you don't need a lot of them.. 1-2 - but real true deep connections is enough..

[Dima]

18 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

Easier to understand people, sure. But it turns into a game of acting where I pretend to relate with their worldview.

Otherwise they sense the nonchalantness from me.

And do you feel ultimately lonely because of it?

[Dima]

13 hours ago, Ramasta9 said:

On the contrary, it becomes easier to connect with others because you have integrated more of what most people are still struggling with.

Relationships become more evolved too, no longer shallow and based on apps and internet searches, but real, deep, meaningful experiences for growth and expansion and less about needs and wants, rather co-creation and walking side by side as equals.

 

cool )
How do you find these people? Do you have such peers?

Edited 4 hours ago by Dima

[Miguel1]

58 minutes ago, Dima said:

And do you feel ultimately lonely because of it?

Yes. I ”cry” about this here all the time. My nickname could be ”lonely” lol.

As an extrovert, it is extra bad. Introverts have it easy doing this work, in so many freaking ways.

I can make it manageable by socializing a ton to find a few rare gems here and there. I recently just broke up from a long term relationship so it definitely affects. In a year of socializing, I’m sure to find a few rare gems to add into my immediate circle of friends.

Also, finding and focusing on your life purpose is another key to deal with loneliness.

Getting more in touch with God is the ultimate solution. But this is not accesible for most.

 

[Lyubov]

It can be, because you become more authentic and realize you won’t tolerate games as much which is what a lot of relating is based on. But it’s still possible to socialize and have fun, usually with some distance and less commitment to more superficial relationships. 

[Joshe]

6 hours ago, Dima said:

Got you. But I probably didn't explain myself well.. 
It's definitely became easier to get into someone's shoes. I don't see any problem talking and finding common ground either with the UFC fan, new ager activist or a business guy, etc.. But I am talking about those who you can be totally trully yourself and create this meaningful strong connection 'for yourself'. How are doing with those?

It's a consequence of development. I've only found a handful of kindreds in my life. I consider it lucky if you can find one or two. You just have to keep an eye out for your people. They aren't common but you'll often recognize each other almost immediately.

[Dima]

1 minute ago, Joshe said:

It's a consequence of development. I've only found a handful of kindreds in my life. I consider it lucky if you can find one or two. You just have to keep an eye out for your people. They aren't common but you'll often recognize each other almost immediately.

How do you recognize these people? I know probably what you are saying, but want to go in depth a little bit.. A few questions? The way the person carries himself? Really curious..

[Dima]

6 minutes ago, Joshe said:

It's a consequence of development. 

yep.. straight to the point.. It's not a bug.. It might not resonate with 'normys' (as Leo frames it, no offence to anyone, but it quite characterizes tier 1 people), but the more complex and sophisticated some one is - the less people can really understand him.. 

[MarkKol]

Being more evolved should include being better at socializing with anyone 

[Dima]

36 minutes ago, Lyubov said:

It can be, because you become more authentic and realize you won’t tolerate games as much which is what a lot of relating is based on. But it’s still possible to socialize and have fun, usually with some distance and less commitment to more superficial relationships. 

Do you consider yourself lonely too? Again - it's not about the number of connections around you, it's about the number of true emotional and intellectual peers..

[Dima]

Just now, MarkKol said:

Being more evolved should include being better at socializing with anyone 

Socializing is not equal to having deep genuine relationships (a partner, friends, even colleagues).. I totally share if you have reached the level of a spiral wizard - you would be able to understand (and accept) people, but would they understand you?

[Lyubov]

19 minutes ago, Dima said:

Do you consider yourself lonely too? Again - it's not about the number of connections around you, it's about the number of true emotional and intellectual peers..

Lonely? Not at all. I’m married and have a few really close friends. I wouldn’t say I’m lonely at all. I get enough social interaction and it’s valuable to me. I don’t have the need to meet lots and lots of people, generally I only need a few in my life. I do grieve that I’m not so close to my parents / family and I didn’t have the ideal childhood that resulted in close relationships with my immediate blood family. I see them once every other year and talk on the phone once a month. I think that’s different though. That is something I grieve sometimes and am accepting.

[MarkKol]

21 minutes ago, Dima said:

Socializing is not equal to having deep genuine relationships (a partner, friends, even colleagues).. I totally share if you have reached the level of a spiral wizard - you would be able to understand (and accept) people, but would they understand you?

It could be that your way of life and your values are truly rare

Recently I’ve been feeling like I’m the only sane/sober person in this world, I’ve quit drinking, cocaine, video games, porn, conspiracy thinking, red/black pill ideologies and smoking, meanwhile 30 year old men at my company are still playing league of legends.

I find most normal people deranged these days, I can’t believe how they live their lives in such thoughtless ways. 

If you’re liberal, maybe move to a more liberal city. Participle in activities that are most authentic.  

[Lyubov]

I think one thing you got to be careful about and in writing this from my own experience: that as you awaken and become authentic and aligned with spirit that you don’t use that as an excuse or reason to avoid socializing if what you want is to socialize. What I mean by that is if you learn about yourself you don’t really want friends then that’s fine. If you learn you do want friends but then use spirituality to avoid it, this is a contradiction. Purity tests are a sneaky way to try and avoid responsibility for having to socialize. I’ve learned that you can see anyone and everyone as a friend when you go out and even people who at every different. You become very responsible and engaged with the world but there exists a space between all that you ground yourself in so that he worldly issues that come with socializing work themselves out in harmony. I actually like meeting people very different from me. I think as long as you can maintain your values around other people you can relate to just about anyone. Life has a clever way about bringing the right people into your life at the right moment. Trust the flow. 

[Joshe]

1 hour ago, Dima said:

How do you recognize these people? I know probably what you are saying, but want to go in depth a little bit.. A few questions? The way the person carries himself? Really curious..

Yes, it's the sum total of everything you notice about them.

• What they're silent on and what they respond to. 
• How much they need to talk. 
• What topics they respond to and how they respond. You can easily gauge ego development by the things they talk about.
• A lot is revealed by the eyes. You can often tell if someone is open, defensive, or avoidant just by their eyes. 
• How willing or easy can they shift perspectives. 
• How inquisitive they are. 
• How much does the conversation need to be about them or people vs ideas.
• How much they complain.
• Do they tend toward the positive or the negative?
• Do they like to laugh?

When I find someone who I can tell is not shallow and they tend toward the positive and aren't interested in ego, that's a good sign I'll get along with them. I usually bond first over humor and when the depth spills out of me, I track their response to it and balance as needed. You can tell if they like it or not and what their tolerance is for it. 

That said, I've never found anyone who goes as deep as me IRL, but I have found people who like it, so long as I balance it well. I accept that I'm the oddball and I don't hold any grudges or negativity about it. If someone with some depth comes along, I love it, but if not, no big deal. 

Edited 48 minutes ago by Joshe