Relearning Life After a Psychological Awakening. looking for guidance.

[Pox]

I did some inner work conversing with chat gpt and this is what i synergized to ask for advise on here in this forum:

"I’m 21 years old and recently went through what feels like a deep psychological and possibly spiritual awakening. I’m posting here because I feel like I need to relearn life from the ground up, and I’m looking for guidance from people who’ve walked a similar path.

Growing up, my father was emotionally absent and psychologically abusive, shaped by extreme poverty and trauma from Mao-era China. My mother was emotionally unstable(she has a condition where some months she would become a completely unfunctional person and do nothing but be on her bed scrolling on her phone doing absolutely nothing, and then other months where she would become extremely hyper) and passed down a nihilistic worldview. As a child, I withdrew into technology, the internet, and intellectual content. I was praised as “the smart kid who’ll be fine,” but emotionally I felt unsafe, unseen, and disconnected.

In adolescence, I became deeply interested in spirituality, non-duality, and philosophy. I also had drug experiences, including ego-death-like states, before ever having a stable sense of self. Over time I became increasingly isolated, introspective, and self-reliant. I lived mostly in my head, detached from real life, relationships, and society.

Recently, things started to shift through real experiences rather than thinking: a solo trip to Japan, a serious fitness journey, and my first real experience with a girl. These showed me that life can be beautiful, that effort matters, and that presence creates real change.

After relapsing on weed, everything I had been suppressing surfaced. I realized how lonely I really was and how much I’d been hiding behind introspection and avoidance. I entered a state where I couldn’t stop thinking about my life, my past, and my identity. For days, I did almost nothing but reflect on my story, trauma, and patterns. This survival mode of agency made me think about everything i've avoided because of the stress recently from societal pressures. and it made me realize that i have to become better. it made me realize that talking to my family is healthy and i need to do it(i didn't forgive them at first, i did the act of talking forgiveness first. so i did it out of self preservation).

Talking deeply with my parents triggered something profound. I saw how similar my father and I are despite different life paths(i realized the extreme self hatred i held was because i was hurting my mom and i was dissapointed in my dad. not being aligned with my true values and shifting blame on to them. also it came from rejection from the real world. i knew that my mom did her best and gave me good values but as a kid i also always deep down knew show much she hurt me) . It felt like seeing myself in another lifetime — intelligence, spiritual intuition, but distorted by trauma and disconnection from being human. I realized that hating him was also hating parts of myself. Reconnecting with him felt like reclaiming a lost part of me. This experience felt archetypal and deeply meaningful.

At the same time, I noticed that I’ve spent years isolated, thinking deeply alone, while lacking real-world experience: no job, no driver’s license, weak social grounding, difficulty completing simple daily tasks, and limited participation in society. I feel like someone who grew up intellectually but not practically or socially.

Lately, my state of consciousness has felt radically different. There’s clarity, compassion, relief, and a strong desire to live better and more honestly. I feel less afraid of people and rejection. At the same time, I notice ego dynamics: resistance, inflation, fear of losing this clarity, fear of society pulling me back into numbness, and fear of becoming arrogant or delusional.

I’m unsure how to interpret what happened.

So I want to ask:

• How do you relearn life after years of isolation, trauma, and living mostly in your head?
• How do you relearn socialization, human connection, and participating in the world naturally again?
• How do you relearn completing simple daily tasks and responsibilities after spending days in intense self-reflection?
• How do you integrate deep insights without getting stuck in thinking loops or ego identification?
• Was this a genuine spiritual awakening or connection to God, or a psychological breakthrough, or both?
• If it was a real awakening, how do you nourish it without ego inflation or bypassing real life?
• How do you protect clarity and compassion in a society that feels numbing, bureaucratic, and ego-driven?
• How do you work with the ego when it both resists this clarity and tries to claim it as an identity?

I’m not looking for validation or reassurance. I’m genuinely trying to understand how to integrate this experience and relearn how to live — grounded, human, and awake — without losing touch with reality.

Any perspectives or experiences would be appreciated."

[Hojo]

Learn this mantra : I love you, you are beautiful, you are perfect 
Repeat this all day non stop.

Anytime you stop repeating it you are in ego

Your soul is controlling your body, Its controlling every action you take every word that leaves your mouth, you dont have to do anything except witness and regulate emotions.

Then let go of the wheel.

Edited 13 hours ago by Hojo

[Pox]

2 hours ago, Hojo said:

Learn this mantra : I love you, you are beautiful, you are perfect 
Repeat this all day non stop.

Anytime you stop repeating it you are in ego

Your soul is controlling your body, Its controlling every action you take every word that leaves your mouth, you dont have to do anything except witness and regulate emotions.

Then let go of the wheel.

thank you, i know that's my problem and i need to start enjoying myself to get better, but it's hard to, it's like a heartbreak with life itself, not with any people, knowing that it's the world that hurt me and now i have to relearn everything myself, growing up as a stubborn kid that never trusted any adult's advise because i was always nihilistic

[Leo Gura]

3 hours ago, Pox said:

So I want to ask:

• How do you relearn life after years of isolation, trauma, and living mostly in your head?
• How do you relearn socialization, human connection, and participating in the world naturally again?
• How do you relearn completing simple daily tasks and responsibilities after spending days in intense self-reflection?

Just small practical baby steps, done consistently each day.

You need to build up micro-momentum and macro-momentum. You do this by consistently executing and taking action. Daily, weekly, monthly, yearly. Starting small is key, so you don't overwhelm yourself. Set small practical goals for yourself and then just execute without thinking.

Get out into the world more, do more physical activities like socializing face to face. Force yourself to go to bars, clubs, social settings every week, consistently.

Don't try to do everything at once. That won't work. You need to break it up into small, concrete steps you can take each day and week. For example, a concrete step is to go out to a bar/club at least 2 nights a week. It doesn't matter where. It doesn't matter if you talk to a girl or not. Just at least build the habit of physically leaving your house and entering a bar and staying there for at least 2 hours. There is no reason you can't do that. After you succeed at that, then your next goal will be to talk to 5 girls per night. And so on.

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• How do you integrate deep insights without getting stuck in thinking loops or ego identification?

Hard to answer this. I integrate insights why driving around in my car and contemplating for hours. I don't worry about thought loops or ego identification at all. I just contemplate and things work themselves out in the long run.

Your focus needs to be on truth, not you. Your contemplation is for having insight into truth and reality, not just stories you tell yourself.

Quote

• Was this a genuine spiritual awakening or connection to God, or a psychological breakthrough, or both?

I did not read anything in your post that shows an Awakening has happened. You had some personal insights into your own life. That is not Awakening. That's just insight into your personal life. Awakening is not about your human life story.

Quote

• If it was a real awakening, how do you nourish it without ego inflation or bypassing real life?
• How do you protect clarity and compassion in a society that feels numbing, bureaucratic, and ego-driven?
• How do you work with the ego when it both resists this clarity and tries to claim it as an identity?

1) You need to begin a serious project of mastering basic survival: job/career, dating, socializing, fitness, diet, etc. These are all practical skills you can learn and they require no deep philosophical insight. You can buy online courses and books that teach you all those skills. Then just execute. But you can't do all those areas at once, that is too overwhelming, so you need to decide on some priorities.

2) Don't dwell on the dysfunction of society. That is irrelevant. Society has always been dysfunctional. Just focus on your life purpose, doing beautiful work, developing yourself, dating, fitness, self-education, training skills, business, spiritual practice like Kriya yoga, etc. Stop thinking about anything that isn't constructive to the betterment of your life. if it is not helping you achieve a goal, stop thinking it. Only think of things that help you achieve positive goals.

3) There is no point in worry about the ego. Just do spiritual practices like Kriya yoga, self-inquiry, meditation, and psychedelics. This will handle the ego in the long-term.

At your age worrying about the ego is pretty silly. Focus on mastering basic survival and keep a spiritual practice going in the background.

Edited 10 hours ago by Leo Gura

[Hojo]

@Pox When you breathe focus on your heart. Its like a brain but dosent argue or think that much. You can live life from there.

When you think you have to relearn something you really mean you need to put down barriers you put up. Your soul knows what its doing and your ego cucks it.

Its like if someone says I need to relearn to be open. You dont need to relearn that, its your base state but you are stopping yourself via barriers you create to protect your ego.

When you go to sleep and dream you instantly re open. Do you have to relearn to do that? No you just stop arguing with yourself in your dream and do whatever you naturally want to do.

Edited 10 hours ago by Hojo