How to practice approaching women?

[Inliytened1]

17 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

Yes it shouldn't take much more than few minutes to see if she is hooked or not.

Being personable is key here   That should be a separate topic and I am sure Leo has a video on it.  But you have to be personable and be able to be talk to people. 

[BlessedLion]

If i had never done pick up or cold approach and learned those skills, to create connection with a total stranger outside of an already established social circle, i'd probably have had 75-80% less sex in my life

[Inliytened1]

1 minute ago, BlessedLion said:

You gotta just do it and treat the rejection, cringe, and failures as exposure therapy. Use it as a meditation to sit with those parts of you that feel not enough and awkward, bask in the pain of it, enjoy the sting of it. This is the only way to truly keep it sustainable because if you spin into stories of being a loser, socially weird, etc every time you go out it will be miserable and you'll give up. You have to make it fun, don't do gimmicky shit, be yourself. 

 

It's actually a great training field for training your mind and healing parts of yourself, cuts right to the ego. You can turn it into a craft or path of mastery even.

Exactly. 

It's more about how personable you can be.  See how we are so easily doing it here? Transfer it to that domain.  Actually it really isn't a separate domain.  Thats the key. 

[Zen LaCroix]

You don't realize that 30 women in a week is actually low volume. That's 5 women a day for a week or 10 a day if you're going out 3 days a week

[Inliytened1]

13 minutes ago, Zen LaCroix said:

You don't realize that 30 women in a week is actually low volume. That's 5 women a day for a week or 10 a day if you're going out 3 days a week

30 women what approaching or full conquest?

If your goal in life is to conquest women congrats.   It will get you nowhere.

Hopefully your goal is to find someone long term.

Edited yesterday at 12:27 AM by Inliytened1

[aurum]

13 hours ago, fopylo said:

And how do I practice approaching in a pragmatic measurable way that makes sense?

I wouldn't worry about measuring your results.

Just focus on breaking down your nights deeply after you go out. You could journal, talk about it or just contemplate. Whatever way you like best to process. But spend a lot of time making sense of your interactions.

You'll naturally adjust as you see your mistakes.

[Leo Gura]

Do not try to reinvent this wheel. Follow the proper protocol for learning game. If you try to invent your own way you will fail.

Edited 20 hours ago by Leo Gura

[Zen LaCroix]

5 hours ago, Inliytened1 said:

30 women what approaching or full conquest?

If your goal in life is to conquest women congrats.   It will get you nowhere.

Hopefully your goal is to find someone long term.

You're projecting onto me. You don't know what I want.

I don't know what you mean by full conquest.  A lot of you guys have such an aversion to learning cold approach and that's fine. But don't act like it's not coming from a place of fear. 

The original poster is a newbie who stuck in his logical brain and has poor social skills based on what he telling us. He can start of light and work his way up to 30 a week. But if he wants to get even decent he's gonna have to approach way more than that

Approaching a lot gets you in the zone and forces you to notice patterns. Also you just get a lot more social experience approaching more. That gives more opportunites to meet girls where there's attraction both ways along with good logistics. 

 

[fopylo]

9 hours ago, Inliytened1 said:

Scanning the girl to see if you would sleep with her? Bro would you approach a ground hog? Come on now.  What's your spectrum? Fat girls? Skinny ones? Pretty?  I dont even think you have to add that to list because you arent going to approach a woman you dont want. 

@Inliytened1

Yes of course and I think this is actually something important from the video. I want it to be congruent, to look at a girl and think "I would want to have sex with her", and not just "oh a woman, let's quickly approach". I would rather not sleep with a woman that I'll later tell myself that it was out of desperation and that I wasn't even that into her

[fopylo]

8 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Dude, you gotta jump into the cold pool. There is no easy way about it.

Say stupid shit break out of your logical mind.

Solo is insanely hard. Find a wingman.

@Leo Gura

But your video was slightly confusing in the sense of the opening. You said there's the approach of coming up with they "Hey, I liked your vibe and wanted to come say hi" and then the opener of just saying whatever (observational assumption) like "you look like a waitress, are you?"

Do I do both of them, only the first or the second? What is the most important here?

[fopylo]

@Zen LaCroix

5 hours ago, Zen LaCroix said:

You don't realize that 30 women in a week is actually low volume. That's 5 women a day for a week or 10 a day if you're going out 3 days a week

I mean yes, it isn't a crazy number... If it is just simple approaches like asking for directions or complimenting her costume, shirt... But bro it does overwhelm me thinking of approaching 10, even 5 women at an outing trying to be playful with them. I'm just a newbie, be easy on me hahaha

[fopylo]

@Inliytened1

5 hours ago, Inliytened1 said:

Hopefully your goal is to find someone long term.

Long term partner honestly seems great, but I'm currently traveling a bit and I know it isn't really sustainable. My goal now is to just try to have more experiences with women. After all I want to learn better what I like. I found I prefer darker skinned women (latina, brownish), a little short but not a dwarf, and cute (maybe I'm biased for being in Thailand now 😂). But I want to have somewhat of a sex life before, and even experience going out for dates

[Zenterus]

@fopylo

Man with 10 years of cold approach experience here.

Look dude, you're overthinking this and the comments here are not helping you much.

Forget about scanning the girl to make sure you actually like her, forget about having elaborate openers and the right way to do this, etc.

Whenever you're learning anything new you have to small chunk it: Pick the one main thing that you absolutely need to work on yo get to the next level and once you've mastered that then move onto the next.

Right now your main issue is approaching, so focus on that and forget everything else.

This is what you're going to do every day: You approach 3 women a day. That's it. 

Whether is at a bar, the mall, the street, the grocery story, doesn't matter. Approach 3 women a day directly.

Don't worry if you want to have sex with them or not, don't worry about their attractiveness, don't worry about having a conversation. You're not there yet.

These are all things that you can worry about later after you stop shitting your pants at the idea of approaching.

For now, all you should be doing is approaching 3 women a day.

Everytime you see a woman, just mustet up to courage to go up to her and say "Hey. I'm on my way to [the gym/school/work/wherever] but I have to say you look amazing!"

That's it. Thats 1 out of 3 approaches for the day. After you do that then you're free to walk away. You won.

If you end up having a conversation then great! If you end up getting her number, awesome! But thats not your mission, those are just extras. 

Your criteria for success is going out, approaching a girl, saying the above line as smoothly or as badly as you can muster and then walking away and doing that for a week straight. Simple.

Master that and then we can talk about the next steps.

[Inliytened1]

1 hour ago, Zen LaCroix said:

You're projecting onto me. You don't know what I want.

I don't know what you mean by full conquest.  A lot of you guys have such an aversion to learning cold approach and that's fine. But don't act like it's not coming from a place of fear. 

The original poster is a newbie who stuck in his logical brain and has poor social skills based on what he telling us. He can start of light and work his way up to 30 a week. But if he wants to get even decent he's gonna have to approach way more than that

Approaching a lot gets you in the zone and forces you to notice patterns. Also you just get a lot more social experience approaching more. That gives more opportunites to meet girls where there's attraction both ways along with good logistics. 

 

 

I don't think I was projecting onto you i was asking.  And you answered that it is approach.  What i meant by conquest is sleeping with her.  One and done.   As for the volume of approaching girls that type of volume seems way to high for a guy still developing his social skills.

This isnt a science but I love how these guys made it such.  And you follow.  Give me a statistical report of how you are doing.  By the way - again..end goal?  What is it.  If it's conquest I can tell u that gets old but I guess its cool while it is fun. 

Edited 19 hours ago by Inliytened1

[fopylo]

@Zenterus

Ok, I'm gonna go for a bit of a walk today. I'm gonna use what has been mentioned here regarding warm up approaches on the way - gotta get in state (woke up not too long ago and want to be in some flow). To be honest, it does scare me a bit to do it and I must warm up for saying such a line. I also don't want to push myself too hard but I do appreciate what you wrote.

I'll have my lunch now and then head out and will update how it went.

[Zen LaCroix]

14 hours ago, Inliytened1 said:

 

I don't think I was projecting onto you i was asking.  And you answered that it is approach.  What i meant by conquest is sleeping with her.  One and done.   As for the volume of approaching girls that type of volume seems way to high for a guy still developing his social skills.

This isnt a science but I love how these guys made it such.  And you follow.  Give me a statistical report of how you are doing.  By the way - again..end goal?  What is it.  If it's conquest I can tell u that gets old but I guess its cool while it is fun. 

30 girls a week is not high volume. You can say it's a starting point for a new guy to learn something. Approaching opens up possibilites so anything can happen.

Newbies get rejected right on the approach like 90% percent of the time or more. He's gonna do 5 approaches in a day and they're mostly gonna be like 5 - 10 seconds long anyway. Girls reject you right away generally when you approach nervous, with a weak voice etc. Trust me I know from experience. Then there's all the other newbie mistakes he might make.

[fopylo]

Ok, so I went for like an hour walk from the restaurant to the beach, and tried to practice approaching people and women until I got there. Then later tonight I tried approaching lightly. So here are the analysis and and insights:

• Warm ups are necessary. As I was starting to walk I've felt that there's no way I could compliment a woman now. Had to accept that things would get easier with progressive exposure.
• Momentum matters. The space between each approach can't be too long or else I feel like I'm losing state and this mood to interact with people. Personally, this momentum is quite short since I'm more of an introvert and in general have some anxiety when it has to do with talking to people in general.

Ok so now to the actual approaches:

Started off with some warm ups like making eye contact with guys mostly and giving a slight head nod, and later a slight "hey" with a smile. Then started asking basic question of "do you know how to get to X?"

First approach - saw a woman laying on the beach reading her kindle. I turned to her and said "hey, this is a random question but I see you're reading a kindle and I was thinking of getting one as well. How much was it?" I was smiling and she seemed good about the interaction. As she's explaining it seemed like I was the one more in the mood to head off and she was more ok talking, but she just explained it and that's all. I told her thank you and have a good day. I felt like it was ok.

Second "approach" - I basically wanted to go to the toilet, so I went to the nearby hotel to ask. There were 2 men at the reception on the right and 2 women on the left with a wide space between them. I could've gone to the men but decided to go ask the 2 hot Thai women where the toilet is. Tried making eye contact and it was alright. Not really an approach though. I was actually thinking of coming back just to say she/they have a nice smile, but didn't.

As I was walking through some challenging terrain I gave like one sentences to the people passing me about like "challenging path isn't it?". Then when I was at the beach I was kinda scared just going to a hottie that's half naked and complimenting her. What can I say, it's more nerve racking people women are hotter at the beach. There was this Korean couple doing snorkeling and so I asked the guy what is there for him to see here because there's literally nothing here (kinda laughing with him), and then his girlfriend joined the conversation and then he offered me to try the goggles.

As I was returning I saw 2 stunning Indian (I believe) hot women, and at that moment I had an insight: If it feels like too much to push myself then maybe I should go for something lighter. After all, it felt like a physically couldn't move myself to them, and it is probably ok to do something easier.

When I came back from the beach I decided to go get a massage. At the end of the massage I realized the woman had a little Christmas tree painting on her cheek, and I mentioned it to her with a smile and said "good" with thumbs up. After some talking she asked me if I have WhatsApp and I was about to scan her WhatsApp code but then her other masseuse friends came for unrelated reasons so not good timing, and she started putting her phone away. I mean, she's probably twice my age and I'm not into her, but it was just kinda cool.

Third approach - I was near a convenient store, and the 2 Thai cashiers/workers where wearing these cute headbands with Christmas decorations for the ears. I came up and said "hey, where did you get those? They are very cute". They smiled and seemed complimented, although not quite understanding that I asked a question. They told me where but obviously wasn't relevant.

But here's the insight from this approach:

Being energetic isn't necessary for approaching. This specific approach was done in a more relaxed and calm fashion. Wasn't showing high energy to meet them, just coming up and genuinely saying something. Made me question if I need to force myself to be in some high energy state when approaching someone, and whether a woman would also like a "low energy" approach.

Later, as I went out to get something small to eat with someone we passed by a "special massage" place, and I was genuinely temped to go there and was really thinking I'd go there. One of the hardest things about Thailand is how easy it is to just find a massage place that will offer to give you a sexual service for like 40-60$, and some of them are quite hot. Eventually I didn't go, but it made me realize that I might be a little addicted, as I've gone already one time to one. I was thinking like, all these approaches but I could just get it easily here, in Thailand. I believe the reason why I didn't go there is purely because I went to a different environment. I just accepted later that I'll just jerk off later.

So I went to the beach just to be with that guy I barely talked to from the hostel. He just wanted to sit quietly and drink. I came with him, but then I noticed like 60 meters away there was a party going on. I told him I'll just go to see what it is and come back. But here's where I realized that having someone with me makes it a little easier because then I can know I have somewhere to fall off to. But I really just wanted to go and see. Lots of drunk people just dancing in this tight space. Guys dancing with Thai girls as well. I saw there was a Thai chicken sitting on a beach chair beside some other guy (maybe European) and he put his hand on her back and she kinda didn't like it and shook him off and I was curious to see what the guy would do. He looked at her and maybe teased her or something and then they seemed good I believe.

 

But yeah, anyway this has been the day. Not some crazy approaches. I don't want to fry my brain and I think I'll take those insights with me as I go. Maybe tomorrow I'll also do 3 approaches. But gosh, there is a difference between complimenting an old woman's shirt, and a hot woman's smile...

Would like to hear what you guys think. I'm a newbie so please be easy on me 😅

[Zen LaCroix]

Something that the dating coaches don't talk much about is trauma. Trauma is will drag you down when trying to meet women and makes it way harder.

Still approach but also you wan to be releasing trauma.

Ask chatgpt to give you a somatic experiencing exercise based on Peter Levine's work

[Leo Gura]

16 hours ago, fopylo said:

You said there's the approach of coming up with they "Hey, I liked your vibe and wanted to come say hi" and then the opener of just saying whatever (observational assumption) like "you look like a waitress, are you?"

Do I do both of them, only the first or the second?

It doesn't matter. Whatever you feel like.

You can try hundreds of openers.

The best openers are the ones that are most natural to you.

I posted a list of openers on my blog a year back. Look it over for ideas.

Edited 4 hours ago by Leo Gura

[Inliytened1]

2 hours ago, Zen LaCroix said:

Something that the dating coaches don't talk much about is trauma. Trauma is will drag you down when trying to meet women and makes it way harder.

Still approach but also you wan to be releasing trauma.

Ask chatgpt to give you a somatic experiencing exercise based on Peter Levine's work

Get a few beers in you and u will be much looser.  Do not want to bring your baggage with women don't care.  Especially if they're at a bar.  Just be confident in yourself. Like you said they can smell a lack of confidence and self esteem issues a mile away.  

Edited 2 hours ago by Inliytened1