How to practice approaching women?

[fopylo]

Ok, so update from today:

It was mostly a day of transporting to a different island and I was dead tired so I slept at the hostel for like an hour and then ate. Before I left to do my set I decided to scroll a bit on tinder to see how things are going and just scroll for fun. But the problem is that it's comfortable and giving me pleasure feelings demotivating me to go out and do some hard work. Like eating some chocolate and then to decide to eat a salad. So I left at like 19:00 to start my set.

Here are the approaches and the insights:

• I should avoid doomscrolling tinder before I do my set. Doing so beforehand brings me to my horny state and less social. Saying "you have a nice vibe/smile" rather than texting it - this is the real training. I should first do the hard work, and then after the "workout" I could please myself with some tinder/jerking off/ maybe even a special massage (although could be risky).
• Mood/State management is important. I mentioned it in the previous set, but I gotta emphasize that getting into the mood can be difficult. Going out solo into the night market and seeing many people already grouped together (friends, family, couples) and trying to bring out a fun side can be a little hard when the feeling is of slight anxiousness.

Ok, onto the approaches:

So I went to the night market near my hostel, and it was a good choice because it was sort of the busy place around here. A place that families, guy friends, girl friends and couples are walking from all ages. I found it difficult to approach a random person walking, so I did it a little easier and approached the workers at the shops.

Approach 1 - I was looking at those big Pokemon plushies and asked her the price. Then I expressed frustration that it would be nice to buy but just don't have enough room in the bag. And then before I left I told this elderly worker that her little plushy connected to her bag is cute. Delivery might not have been the best but it could also be that they don't understand English the best.

Approach 2 - I went to a necklace shop and the pretty woman (I believe 30-40) helped put on me some necklaces. Wasn't really planning on buying, just find a way to approach. After I told her I'm not planning on buying today and before leaving I told her "these (her earrings) by the way, suit you very well", and added In case she didn't fully understand "very good". I think it landed ok, but again can't really tell.

I then went to sit at some table. The free tables were basically all occupied, and so I decided fuck that and just went to the table where one guy was sitting and then just sat in front of him. Awkward? Maybe for him a little, but completely appropriate. Before leaving the place I sort of approached the Japanese couple sitting beside me and did slight small talk in Japanese since I try to maintain it a bit, but still a relative approach.

Approach 3 - after discussing with the worker a bit about the nose cream and buying it, before leaving I said: "By the way, you have a nice smile. Have a good night". She just smiled and was like "ok".

 

Pretty much all the approaches were to relatively older women and that are working in the shops. I still feel kinda good because it still felt that it required some effort and to step a bit out of my comfort zone. And about the whole mood management - didn't mention it but I did try to make some very light small talk with people here and there to keep the flow. It's not super easy. I need to rest a bit after it. And also it's a little hard to tell how they landed. But you know, I'm still glad I went out of my comfort zone.

[CARDOZZO]

1 hour ago, fopylo said:

Ok, so update from today:

It was mostly a day of transporting to a different island and I was dead tired so I slept at the hostel for like an hour and then ate. Before I left to do my set I decided to scroll a bit on tinder to see how things are going and just scroll for fun. But the problem is that it's comfortable and giving me pleasure feelings demotivating me to go out and do some hard work. Like eating some chocolate and then to decide to eat a salad. So I left at like 19:00 to start my set.

Here are the approaches and the insights:

• I should avoid doomscrolling tinder before I do my set. Doing so beforehand brings me to my horny state and less social. Saying "you have a nice vibe/smile" rather than texting it - this is the real training. I should first do the hard work, and then after the "workout" I could please myself with some tinder/jerking off/ maybe even a special massage (although could be risky).
• Mood/State management is important. I mentioned it in the previous set, but I gotta emphasize that getting into the mood can be difficult. Going out solo into the night market and seeing many people already grouped together (friends, family, couples) and trying to bring out a fun side can be a little hard when the feeling is of slight anxiousness.

Ok, onto the approaches:

So I went to the night market near my hostel, and it was a good choice because it was sort of the busy place around here. A place that families, guy friends, girl friends and couples are walking from all ages. I found it difficult to approach a random person walking, so I did it a little easier and approached the workers at the shops.

Approach 1 - I was looking at those big Pokemon plushies and asked her the price. Then I expressed frustration that it would be nice to buy but just don't have enough room in the bag. And then before I left I told this elderly worker that her little plushy connected to her bag is cute. Delivery might not have been the best but it could also be that they don't understand English the best.

Approach 2 - I went to a necklace shop and the pretty woman (I believe 30-40) helped put on me some necklaces. Wasn't really planning on buying, just find a way to approach. After I told her I'm not planning on buying today and before leaving I told her "these (her earrings) by the way, suit you very well", and added In case she didn't fully understand "very good". I think it landed ok, but again can't really tell.

I then went to sit at some table. The free tables were basically all occupied, and so I decided fuck that and just went to the table where one guy was sitting and then just sat in front of him. Awkward? Maybe for him a little, but completely appropriate. Before leaving the place I sort of approached the Japanese couple sitting beside me and did slight small talk in Japanese since I try to maintain it a bit, but still a relative approach.

Approach 3 - after discussing with the worker a bit about the nose cream and buying it, before leaving I said: "By the way, you have a nice smile. Have a good night". She just smiled and was like "ok".

 

Pretty much all the approaches were to relatively older women and that are working in the shops. I still feel kinda good because it still felt that it required some effort and to step a bit out of my comfort zone. And about the whole mood management - didn't mention it but I did try to make some very light small talk with people here and there to keep the flow. It's not super easy. I need to rest a bit after it. And also it's a little hard to tell how they landed. But you know, I'm still glad I went out of my comfort zone.

Keep going dude, awesome progress.

What I found really useful is: Learn to be comfortable inside your body. Ground yourself inside your body, feel, breath deeply, open your visual field (peripheral vision). 

I found out that relaxation, effortlessness and calm vibes are the best approach to daygame. 

Ask for her number as if you were asking "what time is it?" - no big deal.

 

[Looks]

say anything that's semi-appropriate but if you dont have top tier looks you might need to dial down the boldness probably so be very meek and kind and prey that she'll buy your sales pitch. you'll have to mention not that you are unemployed, say u are working in your father company. that will give her enough pointer that u are rich. then proceed to slowly but surely purchase her company with your money. that will be enjoyable i think. but that's still a solid approach to having semi-regular sex.

[Zenterus]

3 minutes ago, Looks said:

say anything that's semi-appropriate but if you dont have top tier looks you might need to dial down the boldness probably so be very meek and kind and prey that she'll buy your sales pitch. you'll have to mention not that you are unemployed, say u are working in your father company. that will give her enough pointer that u are rich. then proceed to slowly but surely purchase her company with your money. that will be enjoyable i think. but that's still a solid approach to having semi-regular sex.

Dont listen to this person..

[Zenterus]

The less good looking you are, the more polarizing you have to be in order to punch through her emotions and leave a strong impression. The more conventionally attractive you are, the more you can just lean back and focus on normal conversation and rapport.

[fopylo]

20 hours ago, Zen LaCroix said:

Newbies get rejected right on the approach like 90% percent of the time or more. He's gonna do 5 approaches in a day and they're mostly gonna be like 5 - 10 seconds long anyway.

@Zen LaCroix 

You got it right 😅.

20 hours ago, Zen LaCroix said:

Still approach but also you wan to be releasing trauma.

This probably has to do with the "not to push myself" I've been enforcing. Yes I am gonna go out of my comfort zone, it is not easy and a bit exhausting nonetheless. But probably it is the trauma that's holding back from being more at ease, so I should probably be more easy on myself yet consistent.

[fopylo]

20 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

On 12/25/2025 at 0:53 PM, fopylo said:

You said there's the approach of coming up with they "Hey, I liked your vibe and wanted to come say hi" and then the opener of just saying whatever (observational assumption) like "you look like a waitress, are you?"

Do I do both of them, only the first or the second?

It doesn't matter. Whatever you feel like.

You can try hundreds of openers.

The best openers are the ones that are most natural to you.

I posted a list of openers on my blog a year back. Look it over for ideas.

@Leo Gura

Ok so I assume that the opener can be playful, teasing or actual complimenting something about her - all depending by what feels more natural in the moment. Seems like you say in other words that the opener is literally just saying something about this person which feels authentic.

[fopylo]

@Inliytened1

18 hours ago, Inliytened1 said:

Do not want to bring your baggage with women don't care.

For sure. And also without necessarily having to do with women, I don't understand people who just think it's a good idea to start talking about traumas and "deep" things when we just met not long ago. I mean, we get you don't like shallow talk, but ever heard about building some basic level of comfort first? It always kinda kills the vibe a bit, and you see how the rest of the people are trying to look for the person who will lighten back up the mood.

[Schizophonia]

I'm handsome and funny (and humble 🥸), and yet I've never had any result approaching girls; i don't even imagine if i wasn't as privilegied. 

However in social situations girls have approached me without any effort whatsoever even when i was very insomniac; it's day and night. 

Which makes sense; the outside is a projection of the inside and there is no intensity/love in the cold approach.

PUA is a homeless love frequency

Edited 12 hours ago by Schizophonia

[fopylo]

@CARDOZZO

2 hours ago, CARDOZZO said:

Keep going dude, awesome progress.

What I found really useful is: Learn to be comfortable inside your body. Ground yourself inside your body, feel, breath deeply, open your visual field (peripheral vision). 

I found out that relaxation, effortlessness and calm vibes are the best approach to daygame. 

Ask for her number as if you were asking "what time is it?" - no big deal.

Thanks dude, really appreciate it! Sometimes I feel a little slow on this, and it's nice hearing this.

Yeah today I felt slightly more mindful than the first time. Mindful in the sense of listening to when I'm overdoing it/pushing myself, and when I'm feeling more comfortable in the field.

Not planning on asking for the number yet. Want to practice just approaching still. Want to get good and confident enough to feel comfortable genuinely complimenting/teasing hot women. I must say that the hardest is when there are other people around.

[fopylo]

@Zenterus

45 minutes ago, Zenterus said:

The less good looking you are, the more polarizing you have to be in order to punch through her emotions and leave a strong impression. The more conventionally attractive you are, the more you can just lean back and focus on normal conversation and rapport.

Ok, but still even if you are somewhat attractive (in terms of looks) you still need to build attraction with the woman before rapport, I believe you'd agree. She would say you're handsome but not feel this juicy attraction to you...

[CARDOZZO]

12 minutes ago, fopylo said:

@CARDOZZO

Thanks dude, really appreciate it! Sometimes I feel a little slow on this, and it's nice hearing this.

Yeah today I felt slightly more mindful than the first time. Mindful in the sense of listening to when I'm overdoing it/pushing myself, and when I'm feeling more comfortable in the field.

Not planning on asking for the number yet. Want to practice just approaching still. Want to get good and confident enough to feel comfortable genuinely complimenting/teasing hot women. I must say that the hardest is when there are other people around.

Sure, great strategy.

Don't be fearful of making leaps.

Give it a shoot, ask for an instant date ("Hey, I find you really cute - can we grab a coffee NOW?").

 

[fopylo]

@Schizophonia

8 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

I'm handsome and funny (and humble 🥸), and yet I've never had any result approaching girls; i don't even imagine if i wasn't as privilegied. 

However in social situations girls have approached me without any effort whatsoever even when i was very insomniac; it's day and night. 

Which makes sense; the outside is a projection of the inside and there is no intensity/love in the cold approach.

PUA is a homeless love frequency

Had to make sure you add in the humble quality 😉.

Yes, I can relate, and at some point it really confused me but you gotta know what attracts the feminine bro.

There can be intensity in the cold approach. Intensity = intensely attracted to her sexually.

Don't know how it was for you, but personally when girls used to approach me in social situations I just didn't know what to do, and the anxiety and nervousness was probably sensed and then I used to feel like my value all of a sudden went down. That's why it's important for me to go on this journey now and practice the approaching and being good with women. I want to be smooth when they come at me with something, want to be confident speaking to them, all in all get better with them so that even if a girl does approach me in some social situation then I could be good at it. But of course I don't want to rely on that because in the cold approach domain it is me who'll have to do the first scary step, and also the step that will require me to become a better man.

[fopylo]

@CARDOZZO

5 minutes ago, CARDOZZO said:

"Hey, I find you really cute - can we grab a coffee NOW?"

You must be kidding me saying that and thinking it working well. The only way I could imagine it working out ok is if the delivery is very great + she has been giving you looks before. Honestly, have you ever done this yourself? Be honest man 😅

[Leo Gura]

51 minutes ago, fopylo said:

@Leo Gura

Ok so I assume that the opener can be playful, teasing or actual complimenting something about her - all depending by what feels more natural in the moment. Seems like you say in other words that the opener is literally just saying something about this person which feels authentic.

The opener is irrelevant. What matters is your ability to carry an extended conservation. But there is no way to learn this skill theoretically. You must go and throw yourself into hundreds of conversations. Trust the process. The more you do it the better you'll get.

Edited 11 hours ago by Leo Gura

[CARDOZZO]

21 minutes ago, fopylo said:

@CARDOZZO

You must be kidding me saying that and thinking it working well. The only way I could imagine it working out ok is if the delivery is very great + she has been giving you looks before. Honestly, have you ever done this yourself? Be honest man 😅

That is the problem. You think girls will logically analyze your whole approach.

What you imagine is just what you imagine.

Emotional states are the gods of a woman.

Do not believe, test for yourself. 

Woman love adventure, boldness, courage. If she says no, say to yourself "Who have the balls to do that?".

[CARDOZZO]

 

 

[Zenterus]

15 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

The opener is irrelevant. What matters is your ability to carry an extended conservation. But there is no way to learn this skill theoretically. You must go and throw yourself into hundreds of conversations. Trust the process. The more you do it the better you'll get.

@Leo Gura RSD popularized the idea that the opener doesn't matter but I found that concept to be false. The opener absolutely matters and it becomes clear in the extremes. If you approach a woman saying "hey I want to fuck you" you will most likely get rejected (although not always, I've had it work), conversely if you approach with "hey I want to meet you" it will go a lot better most of the time.

These are extreme examples, sure, but they clearly illustrate that the opener matters. A good opener lets you start the conversation in a positive frame in which the dynamics are in your favour. A bad opener can set you back in the interaction, leaving you to play catch up instead of moving forward in a positive direction.

My favourite way to open these days is  by putting the girl in a negative frame and then having her fight to work out of it, after which I reward her by validating a more positive identity for her. For example, I approached a girl last weekend with "You.. You're a red flag, you know that? I saw you earlier in the night, I see how you move. My mom told me to stay away from girls like you." Of course she reacted with "Whaaat?!! WHYYY??!!" And that opener set me up in a position of power as she spent the rest of the interaction trying to prove to me that she's a sweet girl, actually. After a bit of banter, I finally gave it to her: "You know what? Maybe I was wrong actually, you do seem to be a bit of a sweetheart." Transition to rapport building and normal get to know you and boom! Solid game right there.

Would I recommend this to a beginner? Hell no, cause if the woman shit tests him or gets offended, he won't know how to reframe it in a positive way. But I found these to be great openers, much better than compliments or random statements that come to you in the moment.

The opener absolutely matters at an advanced level.

Edited 11 hours ago by Zenterus

[fopylo]

https://www.actualized.org/insights/adventures-in-vegas-part-4

Love seeing that series again 😂.

I think most of the series just sums up to Leo going to clubs sober and alone to enjoy his time here and it kinda inspires me to do the same thing for new year's. I don't drink that often, but I still try to not really drink nowadays, probably since I've started this journey. Just like Leo said, to do it sober. All my approaches here have been done sober. I think quitting alcohol for the rest of my life is quite extreme. The only thing I'm willing to promise is whenever I am on a set then to do it sober. But when I'm off the set then I might as well enjoy myself a little bit every here and there.

[fopylo]

@Leo Gura

51 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

The opener is irrelevant. What matters is your ability to carry an extended conservation. But there is no way to learn this skill theoretically. You must go and throw yourself into hundreds of conversations. Trust the process. The more you do it the better you'll get.

Important is relative to the current stage I'm at. What's important for me now is to just approach them and then maybe ask a question (or just very light conversion). Of course also holding a conversation is important (might be like 80% of the time what we do, so yes), but then I could say that doing moves on her is more important than conversation.