why am i so resistant to experiencing discomfort in life?

[Judy2]

@NewKidOnTheBlock ok:)

 

[Judy2]

15 hours ago, UnbornTao said:

You could get into your experience of it by asking things like, what am I actually avoiding? Is it objectively happening now, or am I imagining a future negative scenario? What am I unwilling to experience? If you were willing to experience some form of discomfort, the impulse to avoid it would likely subside. Is there an unconscious belief or wish that your experience should always be positive? Or that you are personally incapable of handling uncomfortable circumstances? Just some questions.

that reminds me of Ralston's book again

15 hours ago, UnbornTao said:

Also, a practice of deliberately seeking out minor forms of discomfort can help, e.g., cold showers, strong-determination sitting meditation, various forms of exercise, eliminating an addiction for a time, and so on.

probably a stupid comparison, but sometimes i get lost craving some sort of war or apocalypse, which is pretty much the polar opposite of all the comfort i commonly cling to. my life would be easier, in a way, if there was more challenge in it. i'd have more structure and know what to do if there was this sense of constant physiological urgency. it would also strip me off all the things i get so hung up about that truly don't matter as much as i think they do. in a sense, i'd connect so much more with myself and think less about all the imaginary things i've acquired after my birth that i will never take with me in death, anyway. maybe that idea is liberating, and maybe i'd feel better about myself if my life was harder. less inadequate and self-conscious. lighter. 

i find it interesting to ask what exact elements of "the apocalypse" i'm missing in every day life. the sense of adventure, the "freedom" and lack of attachment, being required to rely more on social connection...? of course i'd be the first to say i hate it and in the past i always said i'd wanna die and not even try to survive in such a scenario just to save myself all the hustle... but it's still valuable to think about this, i find. maybe it tells me something about my present needs, and some of the changes i need to make to my life, more so than relying on external pressure (e.g. a real apocalypse) forcing me to adapt my attitude....maybe i can gain some of the benefits of living in the apocalypse without needing to let it come to that lol. (maybe that's a bit like making changes before cancer or whatever forces you to do that.)

my brother is a lot different. running ultra-marathons and stuff. i'm trying to be more like him in that regard. at least a little bit.

 

sorry for all the rambling:)

Edited 12 hours ago by Judy2

[gettoefl]

My life mission is about avoiding discomforts and enjoying comforts until death does its part. This is considered the good life. So sue me! If you can't beat them join them. Am I doing life wrong?

[Ishanga]

There is always this Equation running in the background in our Unconscious Mind, the equation is "How to gain more pleasure and avoid more pain right now!", now this seems like a simple equation but it is not when it comes to being a Human, which is the most complex Life form we know of so far, You have to be Ultra Aware to be a Human or the life will be full of Suffering, if You like and want to Suffer (which is severe discomfort) then be UnAware!

Now someone working the job they hate, well this is avoiding pain part of the equation, they hate the Job but hate being broke more, so they continue to do the job to not be broke, but doing this over a long period of time eventually leads to more pain and suffering..

The solution is to create an atmosphere within Yourself that is Joyful, Healthy and Intensely Aware, then You will not Suffer anymore, this is establishing Your BEING, then from there You go out and perform Action and DO and from that You HAVE results, things, experiences, possessions, success and such, but even if you don't get anything out of the DOING, your still okay since You already established Your BEING and are naturally Happy, Healthy and Empowered!

[UnbornTao]

6 hours ago, Judy2 said:

that reminds me of Ralston's book again

probably a stupid comparison, but sometimes i get lost craving some sort of war or apocalypse, which is pretty much the polar opposite of all the comfort i commonly cling to. my life would be easier, in a way, if there was more challenge in it. i'd have more structure and know what to do if there was this sense of constant physiological urgency. it would also strip me off all the things i get so hung up about that truly don't matter as much as i think they do. in a sense, i'd connect so much more with myself and think less about all the imaginary things i've acquired after my birth that i will never take with me in death, anyway. maybe that idea is liberating, and maybe i'd feel better about myself if my life was harder. less inadequate and self-conscious. lighter. 

i find it interesting to ask what exact elements of "the apocalypse" i'm missing in every day life. the sense of adventure, the "freedom" and lack of attachment, being required to rely more on social connection...? of course i'd be the first to say i hate it and in the past i always said i'd wanna die and not even try to survive in such a scenario just to save myself all the hustle... but it's still valuable to think about this, i find. maybe it tells me something about my present needs, and some of the changes i need to make to my life, more so than relying on external pressure (e.g. a real apocalypse) forcing me to adapt my attitude....maybe i can gain some of the benefits of living in the apocalypse without needing to let it come to that lol. (maybe that's a bit like making changes before cancer or whatever forces you to do that.)

my brother is a lot different. running ultra-marathons and stuff. i'm trying to be more like him in that regard. at least a little bit.

 

sorry for all the rambling:)

So be it. 😄 Even if it sounds familiar, it has to be experienced for it to make a difference. That's the hard part for everyone, me included.

From what you said above, you might notice that your mind is overly imaginative in this sense - creating images of various futures, treating them as real (in a way), and then reacting to them. It's okay to do that, of course. In some ways, thinking about the future is necessary and useful, such as when planning things. Still, I think it's something worth exploring. Focusing exclusively on the present moment, especially on physical sensations and the objective world, tends to calm the mind. And this can help increase your tolerance for certain "unpleasant" experiences.

Perhaps it's this kind of mental activity - and taking it too seriously - that gives rise to much of your aversion to relatively benign forms of discomfort. In your example, you seem to be reacting to something initially imagined: your craving for an "apocalypse." It might be an ideal you're holding onto, something that you hope will come in the distant future to "save" you. Obviously, my point isn't to actively seek out discomfort, but rather to embrace some of it, not to be so against it - which is what I hear from some of your points. I could be wrong, though.

I'm not sure if this helps much.

[Judy2]

@UnbornTao okay, i understand what you're saying and imo it makes perfect sense that you're recommending to be more present and grounded in reality. i just feel a bit stupid and ashamed now, given that i'm so delusional and weird. past present and future

 

maybe i'm a little too honest sometimes. just dumping all my ugliness here for the world to see....i am sorry.

Edited 1 hour ago by Judy2

[Judy2]

5 hours ago, Ishanga said:

There is always this Equation running in the background in our Unconscious Mind, the equation is "How to gain more pleasure and avoid more pain right now!", now this seems like a simple equation but it is not when it comes to being a Human, which is the most complex Life form we know of so far, You have to be Ultra Aware to be a Human or the life will be full of Suffering, if You like and want to Suffer (which is severe discomfort) then be UnAware!

Now someone working the job they hate, well this is avoiding pain part of the equation, they hate the Job but hate being broke more, so they continue to do the job to not be broke, but doing this over a long period of time eventually leads to more pain and suffering..

The solution is to create an atmosphere within Yourself that is Joyful, Healthy and Intensely Aware, then You will not Suffer anymore, this is establishing Your BEING, then from there You go out and perform Action and DO and from that You HAVE results, things, experiences, possessions, success and such, but even if you don't get anything out of the DOING, your still okay since You already established Your BEING and are naturally Happy, Healthy and Empowered!

yes this resonates. i think it's a good point that being human is relatively complex and takes awareness to navigate well.

the last paragraph also makes sense, but for me it's still difficult to grasp. how can i enable this shift in my attitude, and, more importantly, how can i make it last for longer intervals? whenever i experience this, it's brief and very fickle.

[Ishanga]

1 hour ago, Judy2 said:

yes this resonates. i think it's a good point that being human is relatively complex and takes awareness to navigate well.

the last paragraph also makes sense, but for me it's still difficult to grasp. how can i enable this shift in my attitude, and, more importantly, how can i make it last for longer intervals? whenever i experience this, it's brief and very fickle.

We are full of Karma.  Karma is like Software in a computer, Karma also means Action, and we are performing Action every second of our lives in 4 areas, Body, Mind, Emotion and Energy, but how Conscious/Aware are You of any of these actions going On? Most are less than 1% aware!!

So we have to bring Awareness to all of this, we do that by calming the mind or creating a space btwn what we are and what we are not.  We are not the Body or Mind, we are more fundamental than that (call is soul, atman, source, absolute, god, etc), or we create more intensity in our Energy system.. There are methods time proven and effective that we can use to do all of this, so that naturally being Happy, and the Body is Healthy and the Mind is under our control can happen..Start with simple Yoga practices, how to sit right, eat right, walk right, breath right(this one is super important), also, Live Now Absolutely, use past to get wise from, future to plan for but Live Now where Life is, Accept Now absolutely, this will stop all Stress from happening, and then Respond to Life rather than React, Responding is Conscious Action, Reacting is Unconscious Action!

Once that happens You choose how to BE, Happy or Sad, with this comes Clarity, you see Reality as it is, not as You want or think it too be, this is the beginning of Enlightenment I would say!

[UnbornTao]

1 hour ago, Judy2 said:

@UnbornTao okay, i understand what you're saying and imo it makes perfect sense that you're recommending to be more present and grounded in reality. i just feel a bit stupid and ashamed now, given that i'm so delusional and weird. past present and future

 

maybe i'm a little too honest sometimes. just dumping all my ugliness here for the world to see....i am sorry.

It's okay. I understand if you saw my post as a bit harsh. It was meant to be helpful and to point toward certain directions, but sometimes my tone can come off as cold, analytical, or detached. It might have sounded like I was invalidating your experience or not quite keeping track. I appreciate the honesty. After all, who doesn't indulge their imagination sometimes?

On the other hand, you could use this as a contemplation: Why did something a stranger say on the internet affect you? Why take it personally? 

Confront the discomfort, silly.