why am i so resistant to experiencing discomfort in life?

[Judy2]

i find that this is keeping me stuck a lot. i also realise that looking for the "why" might be just another avoidance mechanism, but i'd be curious nonetheless. 

 

is it just a habit, a neurological predisposition, or something deeper? 

in general, i find that i am very sensitive to external stimuli (visual and auditory, most of all), which can cause a lot of discomfort.

[Someone here]

Every living organism including humans were programmed by evolution through millions of years to chase after pleasure and run away from pain and discomfort ..whether physical or emotional .

The challenge of life though is going against this inertia or as they call it getting out of your comfort zone and do painful stuff that will grow you in the future . There is no magic pill solution..you just have to tell yourself that the payoff is worth the struggle and journey. 

Edited 8 hours ago by Someone here

[cetus]

42 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

in general, i find that i am very sensitive to external stimuli (visual and auditory, most of all), which can cause a lot of discomfort.

What type of V/A stimuli in particular?

[Judy2]

@Someone hereok:) makes sense.

[Judy2]

12 minutes ago, cetus said:

What type of V/A stimuli in particular?

for example, at my gym, they always have music on. on some days, it's louder than on others, so that it's even louder than the music or podcasts i hear on my noise-cancelling headphones. on top of that, people walk around the machines i'm working on and get a little too close to me physically (like 15 cm or less, in some instances). it's especially stressful when these things happen in combination. 

idk if this is stupid lol. i could probably think of other examples, too, but this is the most recent thing that happened.

[cetus]

@Judy2 That certainly sounds like a bad atmosphere to be in. Loud, sweaty and noisy. I can't stand loud, noisy rooms. When I leave, I always feel so much better. Subway stations for example. Probably best to keep the sound isolating headphones on and just try to zone out everything else. I go for MRI's every 4 months and that's what I do. But I use ear plugs.

Edited 7 hours ago by cetus

[Schizophonia]

47 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

get a little too close to me physically

15 cm 

Edited 7 hours ago by Schizophonia

[Breakingthewall]

In Sparta, to prevent that, they made you fight adult bears for food from the age of four. Since we are not fortunate enough to have Leonidas teaching us that pain is our friend, we have to educate ourselves by deliberately and consistently exposing ourselves to absolutely unpleasant situations, trying to avoid them being fatal.

[Schizophonia]

More seriously what are the emotions involved.
Generally, the more we "endure" things, the more sensitive we become to the outside world, whether positively (appetite being a typical example) or negatively.

And vice versa, the more no one is in control, the more the opposite happens. 

It deserves to be explored further, perhaps with slightly different and more precise language, but overall that's it.

Edited 7 hours ago by Schizophonia

[Schizophonia]

4 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

In Sparta, to prevent that, they made you fight adult bears for food from the age of four. Since we are not fortunate enough to have Leonidas teaching us that pain is our friend, we have to educate ourselves by deliberately and consistently exposing ourselves to absolutely unpleasant situations, trying to avoid them being fatal.

Lol

[UnbornTao]

I really can't speak to your particular case, but there's a curious dynamic that might apply here: the more comfort you seek, the more discomfort you're likely to find - or generate.

Perhaps there's some degree of avoidance involved, based on wanting an experience made up only of good or positive things. But again, I'm not sure.

Can you pin it down in your own experience? Whatever it is, or however it shows up - disposition, feeling, thought, physical sensation - try to notice it directly and get a sense of what it is. This will help you get even clearer on your experience of it. That alone goes a long way toward dissolving it.

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

I'll go against the grain as usual and say this - vast majority of purphosefull discomfort seeking is completely unnecessary, you should really pick your battles as a human and let them be worthwhole. Also, consistent little long term discomforts are much more effective than huge short term leaps.

If gym enviroment doesn't suit you then stop going to the gym, the whole point of going to the gym is to mantain your health anyways and you don't need to go to the gym to work out

11 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

In Sparta, to prevent that, they made you fight adult bears for food from the age of four.

To be honest, I seriously doubt that. Ancient Greeks were glazing themselves way too much

[Judy2]

@Breakingthewall yes that's kind of why i started running and i'd like to participate in an obstacle run next year:) obvs not exactly the same thing, but it's about purposefully challenging myself and seeking adventure.

i suppose in this day and age we have to choose our own adventures.

Edited 6 hours ago by Judy2

[Judy2]

@UnbornTao i think avoidance is my middle name at this point, so yes...

[Judy2]

@Schizophonia oopsie

completely off topic, but i seriously don't get why you like Freud so much. (i hope that's Freud in the gif?) i'm generally quite open-minded when it comes to psychological theory, but he's a bit bonkers. i don't get the whole thing about incest and why prohibition is such a big deal. i mean i do get it in House of the Dragon lol...but i don't get it when it's presented as such a foundational principle that might be the core of all dysfunction in relationship dynamics.

[Judy2]

@NewKidOnTheBlock

for some reason, i find short term leaps easier than long term consistency with small steps. at least that's what i tell myself.

i like going to the gym because the machines give me a bit of security. when i do the motion unassisted, i'm scared i might do something wrong. i have a weird relationship with my body so it feels as though the machines have lowered the bar to start exercising. besides, going to the gym consistently is a good socialising opportunity for me (just to see a few familiar faces every other day, because i don't have many other consistent appointments in my schedule).

Edited 6 hours ago by Judy2

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

11 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

for some reason, i find short term leaps easier than long term consistency with small steps. at least that's what i tell myself.

Depends on what kind of person you are, if you "naturally" ambitious then sure, you might be able to endure significant ammounts of discomfort long term to achieve your goals, still physical discomfort is not necessarilly equivalent to mental discomfort, some kinds of work might be less tolerable than others. This place obviously highly encourages ambition. However, in my view most ambition is just brainwashing and is not what you really want, idk maybe I'm just speaking for myself but I only want my basic needs met with minimal ammount of work, however people make life so complicated

19 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

i have a weird relationship with my body so it feels as though the machines have lowered the bar to start exercising.

Interesting, might be something to talk about with a therapist perhaps?

20 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

besides, going to the gym consistently is a good socialising opportunity for me (just to see a few familiar faces every other day, because i don't have many other consistent appointments in my schedule).

I can see the appeal in that, still I think there might be better ways to go about socializing, admittedly I'm also trying to figure it out for myself

[Schizophonia]

41 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

@Schizophonia oopsie

completely off topic, but i seriously don't get why you like Freud so much. (i hope that's Freud in the gif?) i'm generally quite open-minded when it comes to psychological theory, but he's a bit bonkers. i don't get the whole thing about incest and why prohibition is such a big deal. i mean i do get it in House of the Dragon lol...but i don't get it when it's presented as such a foundational principle that might be the core of all dysfunction in relationship dynamics.

His software is very effective even if it is "corrupted" by cultural and sociological biases in general.

[UnbornTao]

2 hours ago, Judy2 said:

@UnbornTao i think avoidance is my middle name at this point, so yes...

You could get into your experience of it by asking things like, what am I actually avoiding? Is it objectively happening now, or am I imagining a future negative scenario? What am I unwilling to experience? If you were willing to experience some form of discomfort, the impulse to avoid it would likely subside. Is there an unconscious belief or wish that your experience should always be positive? Or that you are personally incapable of handling uncomfortable circumstances? Just some questions.

Also, a practice of deliberately seeking out minor forms of discomfort can help, e.g., cold showers, strong-determination sitting meditation, various forms of exercise, eliminating an addiction for a time, and so on.