Incompatibility vs ego paradox

[AION]

16 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

So once again you are misunderstanding the topic.

The above signifies they have personal values that mean they do not require their partner to share their belief system. So 'having the same belief system' is not a high value, or value at all.

When an atheist and christian are in a relationship, it is not only the belief system that do not match. They also have different fundamental values and how they see the world. 

It works out because they are willing to give space, negotiate the value-clash and make it work.

And once people meet eye to eye, those other things don't really matter. And that is what I saw in those couples. I think that is wonderful.

Obviously it is easier if my belief system and values match with my partner but as others said it is very unrealistic like @Miguel1 said about young girls. It is like trying to find an unicorn or the holy grail. 

For example I value intellectual debate, but no way I will try to set that as a value for a romantic partner. If I want an intellectual discourse I do that with my friends. I don't need my partner to be all in 1.

Edited 15 hours ago by AION

[Natasha Tori Maru]

1 minute ago, AION said:

When an atheist and christian is in a relationship, it is not only the belief system that do not match. They also have different fundamental values and how they see the world. 

It works out because they are willing to give space, negotiate the value-clash and make it work.

And once people meet eye to eye, those other things don't really matter. And that is what I saw in those couples. I think that is wonderful.

Obviously it is easier if my belief system and values match with my partner but as others said it is very unrealistic like @Miguel1 said about young girls. It is like trying to find an unicorn or the holy grail. 

For example I value intellectual debate, but no way I will try to set that as a value for a romantic partner. If I want an intellectual discourse I do that with my friends. I don't need my partner to be all in 1.

Yes - because as I said they do not require their belief systems align - that is not a high value for them. If it were a top value that each share the others belief the relationship would dissolve. They have some values that are higher to them that do align that bring them together in a loving relationship.

You can have individual personal values YOU adhere to - but what you require and value from a partner can be completely different. 

I don't know how to express this any clearer.

[AION]

16 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

Yes - because as I said they do not require their belief systems align - that is not a high value for them. If it were a top value that each share the others belief the relationship would dissolve. They have some values that are higher to them that do align that bring them together in a loving relationship.

You can have individual personal values YOU adhere to - but what you require and value from a partner can be completely different. 

I don't know how to express this any clearer.

I get what you mean but you don't get what I mean. Let's leave it here.

[cistanche_enjoyer]

Thanks for sharing your perspectives guys!

One of the values I’m still a bit confused about is spirituality, which I value deeply. But does it really make sense to seek that value in your potential romantic partner? In the end, isn’t spirituality just about your direct relationship with God?

Would be curious if you have some experiences to share about having a spiritual vs non-spiritual partner  

[Miguel1]

3 hours ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

And then some dudes report they aren't attracted to younger people because they seem like 'pups', and they have always been attracted to women in their age range as they have aged up.

But the fact you are an extravert is a huge benefit. You will run into someone 

Yup, I am similar in the sense that I am attracted to the same age group. That means women around the age 24-30, but in practice more like 24-28. How many of these are conscious and mature enough for a healthy relationship based on truth!

But you make a good point about the upside of my extrovertness, I didn’t even think about it! I guess it is a double edged sword, as many things in life are. On one hand, it makes meeting new people, in volume, much easier. But on the other hand, it means I crave connection and socialization much more than an introvert.

Edited 12 hours ago by Miguel1

[Miguel1]

2 hours ago, cistanche_enjoyer said:

One of the values I’m still a bit confused about is spirituality, which I value deeply. But does it really make sense to seek that value in your potential romantic partner? In the end, isn’t spirituality just about your direct relationship with God?

I have completely given up on finding a girl my age group, that is into spirituality in the purest sense, and not new-age BS.

I will be happy to have a solid stage green girlfriend with relatively good integrity.

So in that sense, instead of looking for a girl into spirituality, I am more looking for a girl who is more honest, truthful and integrous. Spirituality is basically Truth anyways.

[Peo]

Never really cared about compatibility, can date anyone I feel like. In my head only 2 thing is important in relationship for me is sex and how hot she is. Like how big her boobs and ass is.

If she is hot and the sex is amazing I can be in a relationship with anyone. 

[Eskilon]

6 minutes ago, Peo said:

Never really cared about compatibility, can date anyone I feel like. In my head only 2 thing is important in relationship for me is sex and how hot she is. Like how big her boobs and ass is.

If she is hot and the sex is amazing I can be in a relationship with anyone. 

LMAO bro is a caveman 

Jk jk.

[Miguel1]

58 minutes ago, Eskilon said:

LMAO bro is a caveman 

Bro is old-school 

[Leo Gura]

"I will date a gorilla as long as the sex is amazing".

Edited 10 hours ago by Leo Gura

[UnbornTao]

[ExploringReality]

6 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Don't forget that your partner could just be a mentally unhinged nutcase. That is common enough that you better be prepared for it.

God help me 

[Schizophonia]

18 hours ago, cistanche_enjoyer said:

 

1. If you’re spiritually developed, it means you have little to no ego, and hence you can be happy no matter the external circumstances. “The great way is easy for those with no preferences” as said Seng-t'san.

 

Ahah you’re optimistic. 

[Schizophonia]

There's no need to think in terms of value; the person who excites you (and that you attract) the most is your strongest mirror, it's automatic.

If you are aroused by people with different values, it means you are lying to yourself about your supposed values.

Edited 9 hours ago by Schizophonia

[Xonas Pitfall]

8 hours ago, AION said:

so what do you suggest to him? Keep to his guns? He likes young girls like me and if he keeps to his guns, he will be celibate 😂

Hmm... genuinely curious, not meant as an attack, but if you wish to grow together with your partner and embody something similar to that wholesome love you saw with the Christian and the atheist, how do you expect that to remain as your partner ages?

[AION]

4 hours ago, Xonas Pitfall said:

Hmm... genuinely curious, not meant as an attack, but if you wish to grow together with your partner and embody something similar to that wholesome love you saw with the Christian and the atheist, how do you expect that to remain as your partner ages?

I don’t expect that. But it would be nice. In the past staying together a whole lifetime was the norm. Nowadays it is not. If I just listen to my gut, after my experiences I’m not betting on one person. 

Edited 2 hours ago by AION

[Xonas Pitfall]

58 minutes ago, AION said:

I don’t expect that. But it would be nice. In the past staying together a whole lifetime was the norm. Nowadays it is not. If I just listen to my gut, after my experiences I’m not betting on one person. 

Got it. Hm, but what would you actually wish for? If your ideal outcome is something long-term, like "me and her as life partners," then focusing so much on youth doesn’t really make sense. It’s kind of like saying, "I don’t expect my life purpose business to succeed, but it’d be nice. Yet, I’ll still chase and focus mostly on the quick crypto wins because they’re more tempting, instead of sticking with the more reliable, long-term approach."

I’ve always found it confusing when people say they want a deep, fulfilling relationship, but then put so much emphasis on youth, which is pretty much guaranteed to fade if the actual goal is something lasting. If the actual goal is long-term, why prioritize something temporary? That’s why I used the business example too.

Edited 1 hour ago by Xonas Pitfall