How to integrate male ego without losing your edge ?

[Howtolive]

Hey guys,

I notice more and more that I am cut off from my own power in a way. Fear of maybe being to much, to dominant is holding me back which leads to the opposite, feeling less confident and feeling like I see my self as less.

The Problem I have: I have a big energy inside me that wants to be the hero, wants to dominate, wants to win, wants to push etc. Its not there cause of trauma or something it feels more like a natural instinct I have. 
But I am also very reflective, wanting to act from values, wanting to meet people at a human level and doing something thats meaningful to me.

I often hear that there is a more mature from of this masculine energy, but I can't really believe that. It seems like lots of men have these visions of being the hero, lots just have them buried and others are not really 100% honest with themselves.

It annoys me because I dont know how to use this energy inside of me really, its always getting blocked off because I dont want to act from ego so much etc..


Maybe some of the guys here can help me ? 

[Yimpa]

Be more dominant and confident in yourself dont be a pussy cat, that’s my job

[Yimpa]

Let go of your values they’re all meaningless to me

The only thing that matters is YOU

[Howtolive]

14 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

Let go of your values they’re all meaningless to me

The only thing that matters is YOU

Don't really get what you are trying to say here 

[Yimpa]

22 minutes ago, Howtolive said:

It annoys me because I dont know how to use this energy inside of me really, its always getting blocked off because I dont want to act from ego so much etc..

Who is telling you that it is wrong to act from ego? And is it really THAT bad?!

Edited Thursday at 10:12 PM by Yimpa

[Howtolive]

4 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

Who is telling you that it is wrong to act from ego? And is it really THAT bad?!

For me that would mean that I would try to climbe the social letter, be more dominant, want attention form the outside, seen as the cool guy, get the nice car , get the attractive woman,. And I know that this is not only what I want since I am also looking for meaning and purpose. But Then it feels like these two energys contradict each other 

[Yimpa]

1 minute ago, Howtolive said:

For me that would mean that I would try to climbe the social letter, be more dominant, want attention form the outside, seen as the cool guy, get the nice car , get the attractive woman,. And I know that this is not only what I want since I am also looking for meaning and purpose. But Then it feels like these two energys contradict each other 

Then Go for it!

 

[Howtolive]

5 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

Then Go for it!

 

Yeah but gaining self worth from the outside doesn't sound like the best idea, like a common trap 

[Bjorn K Holmstrom]

51 minutes ago, Howtolive said:

Hey guys,

I notice more and more that I am cut off from my own power in a way. Fear of maybe being to much, to dominant is holding me back which leads to the opposite, feeling less confident and feeling like I see my self as less.

The Problem I have: I have a big energy inside me that wants to be the hero, wants to dominate, wants to win, wants to push etc. Its not there cause of trauma or something it feels more like a natural instinct I have. 
But I am also very reflective, wanting to act from values, wanting to meet people at a human level and doing something thats meaningful to me.

I often hear that there is a more mature from of this masculine energy, but I can't really believe that. It seems like lots of men have these visions of being the hero, lots just have them buried and others are not really 100% honest with themselves.

It annoys me because I dont know how to use this energy inside of me really, its always getting blocked off because I dont want to act from ego so much etc..


Maybe some of the guys here can help me ? 

That sounds like a good balance, if you can figure it out.
To do that, you would want to put your power in service of your values. From dominance over others to mastery of a domain. For example, my father always wanted to be the best at what he did, and to choose the hardest thing he could excel at.
You can ask questions to yourself that integrates your whole picture:
- How can I win while honoring my values? A win-win-win, myself, others and the system wins.
- How can I create something that is so beneficial that my ambition and my compassion are aligned?
Turn it from a conflict into a creative challenge. 
 

[Howtolive]

4 minutes ago, Bjorn K Holmstrom said:

That sounds like a good balance, if you can figure it out.
To do that, you would want to put your power in service of your values. From dominance over others to mastery of a domain. For example, my father always wanted to be the best at what he did, and to choose the hardest thing he could excel at.
You can ask questions to yourself that integrates your whole picture:
- How can I win while honoring my values? A win-win-win, myself, others and the system wins.
- How can I create something that is so beneficial that my ambition and my compassion are aligned?
Turn it from a conflict into a creative challenge. 
 

Very helpful!! Thank you very much. So we keep the visions going in our heads but use the same energy not exactly for what the visions wants ( the ego wants to be seen and get the attention of course etc ) but more to build stuff ? 

[Bjorn K Holmstrom]

 

17 minutes ago, Howtolive said:

Very helpful!! Thank you very much. So we keep the visions going in our heads but use the same energy not exactly for what the visions wants ( the ego wants to be seen and get the attention of course etc ) but more to build stuff ? 

Glad it was helpful!
Yes, in Spiral Dynamics terms, we use the ill reputed stage Red to empower all the other stages, especially the later ones. For example:
- Beige: Help us survive
- Orange: Build organizations/businesses, do science
- Green: Build strong community
- Yellow: Change and evolve the systems
- Turquoise: Help the planet and pursue holistic understanding
If you get seen and get attention, see it as a side-effect of your mastery, not the goal. Enjoy it, but know the trap is making the attention the source of your fuel, instead of the result of your building.
Note that spiral dynamics is just a map, and its useful to step outside of it as well. I'm a huge spiral nerd, but there is much more to reality.

Edited Thursday at 11:20 PM by Bjorn K Holmstrom

[Howtolive]

3 minutes ago, Bjorn K Holmstrom said:

 

Glad it was helpful!
Yes, in Spiral Dynamics terms, we use the ill reputed stage Red to empower all the other stages, especially the later ones. For example:
- Beige: Help us survive
- Orange: Build organizations/businesses, do science
- Green: Build strong community
- Yellow: Change and evolve the systems
- Turquoise: Help the planet and pursue holistic understanding
If you get seen and get attention, see it as a side-effect of your mastery, not the goal. Enjoy it, but know the trap is making the attention the source of your fuel, instead of the result of your building.
Note that spiral dynamics is just a map, and its useful to step outside of it as well. I'm a huge spiral nerd, but there is much more to reality.

wow very very insightful. It might be the answer I have been looking for ! I was afraid I might lose something when not listening to the ego/masculine drive but now I see how it can be used. I had a similar experience with saying my truth. Usually anger comes up and tells me my truth. But I do not need to communicate it in an angry way. So the vision ( anger shouts) and the action where not the same but afterwards I still feel pretty aligned... Maybe thats the same thing you are pointing at 

[Bjorn K Holmstrom]

19 minutes ago, Howtolive said:

wow very very insightful. It might be the answer I have been looking for ! I was afraid I might lose something when not listening to the ego/masculine drive but now I see how it can be used. I had a similar experience with saying my truth. Usually anger comes up and tells me my truth. But I do not need to communicate it in an angry way. So the vision ( anger shouts) and the action where not the same but afterwards I still feel pretty aligned... Maybe thats the same thing you are pointing at 

If I've understood you correctly, you have applied exactly what I meant. You have the source of fuel of your truth and you can channel it productively, you didn't betray yourself through suppression and you didn't sabotage yourself by misdirecting the energy. That is great!