How Do I Come to Terms With Death?

[Oso]

I'm 21. Back in my sophomore year of high school, I encountered my first experience of direct consciousness.

Since then, years have passed. I have studied and practiced various spiritual traditions, methods, lineages, etc...

It has been the case that in these studies I have become, to some extent, directly aware of that which is death. 

However, recently, death has come into my life in a completely unpredictable way.

Even amidst my current spiritual drought in terms of study and practice, and my rather distasteful circumstances in life, death has made itself very known. 

...

First it would be that just as I were waking up, I would encounter, without effort, death head on. As in, death and I were staring directly at each other. This is a very shaking experience. 

It occurred randomly and has stuck almost every morning since. It is extremely profound and I have never experienced the utter mystery that is death so intimately. It is so close in fact, that, in the moment, my whole system feels frozen by sheer profundity and doom. I'm looking at the end of direct experience as I currently know it, and it is the scariest possible thing ever. 

However, even amidst this great fear, it is also comical. By this, I mean, the realization is so profound that it blows my human state completely out of the water, even if only for a second or two. Everything feels like a big play, and I'm just sat there with death, unknowing of what at all to do with the experience. It's like the human experience is some big joke. 

It has also began to pop up whenever it wants to in life. I could simply look at a tree or hear a certain song and then, there it is.

Death.

With it comes the experience of existential dread, horror, confusion, etc... 

This isn't fun. 

...

You see, death to me is perhaps the most fearful yet exciting thing I have directly tasted. 

Because it is the end of all experience as I know it, these realizations can bog down on my life, and cause to me freeze up in a state of deep dread and fear. This is entirely unproductive to all of my desires and aspirations. I do not want to die, but it is inevitable as a self, and this knowledge destroys me. I have no clue how to handle it. The weight of the experience is so heavy, unlike anything I have ever experienced before, and honestly, I would really like some help. 

So, I've come here to talk about it, preferably with those who have experienced such a thing and have found a way with it. 

What is going on here?

How can I approach and live life regardless of this consistent death experience? Perhaps even integrating it? 

It doesn't seem to be going away. That is fine, but I can't have it continuously making me depressed and ruining my state, actions, and therefore life.

How do I approach such a thing?

Edited Sunday at 07:40 PM by Oso

[Someone here]

By realizing death is the best thing ever . Man isn't life tiresome and such a heavy burden ? Don't you want to drop this gross body and become eternal ethereal spirit ? Life is hell.

You're carrying this disgusting meat and bones body through endless needs everyday . Eating ..shitting ..pissing..this ..that ..the other etc

What the fuck is this bullshit ?

Edited Sunday at 09:23 PM by Someone here

[Someone here]

I'm not depressed or suicidal I'm just honest as fuck . This life sooner or later is going to show you hilarious suffering. No one escapes. 

[Yimpa]

Have you tried psychedelics? 
I tried coming up with a more complex answer, but my “better half” taught me that less is more.

Edited Sunday at 09:45 PM by Yimpa

[Hojo]

I have the same experience of doom. My life felt like a walking doom experience. I could hear demons in my imagination shouting doom to me before my awakening. 

In the shadows I felt demons looking at me yelling doom from the shadows. Like in the scene of the movie 1408 where the guy is looking out the picture or something and him and his dad are talking and they suddenly stop and look at him looking at them.

Edited Sunday at 10:38 PM by Hojo
P2

[Leo Gura]

You are imagining death. It isn't real.

Take psychedelics to realize that death is imaginary and you are Absolute.

You are depressed over a fantasy.

You should be more worried over torture, not death.

Edited Sunday at 10:50 PM by Leo Gura

[theoneandnone]

2 hours ago, Someone here said:

By realizing death is the best thing ever . Man isn't life tiresome and such a heavy burden ? Don't you want to drop this gross body and become eternal ethereal spirit ? Life is hell.

You're carrying this disgusting meat and bones body through endless needs everyday . Eating ..shitting ..pissing..this ..that ..the other etc

What the fuck is this bullshit ?

I agree with your statements 

[Lyubov]

Could you be open to the possibility that maybe as you live life and as it is unfolding you become more and more alive, and then when the day comes that your body returns to the earth and story you lived comes to an end that you are the most alive you could ever be? I want to tell you now that death is not bad or a problem. It’s just a changing of seasons. In fact you were drawn to this community so I think you know deep down that you are being guided towards these truths which are bringing you more and more to life. I know endings can be hard. I feel sad about family that has passed, how one day my 75 year old dad will pass on, my story here will come to an end. It is a bit hard and frankly I want to say something I wish to create sadness over since my life has had its ups and downs but I genuinely believe I’ve lived a good life, I really hope to continue this and pass it to my future kid(s). But it of course will change and that’s ok, if you believe in spirituality, you too can become aware it’s just a changing of seasons how it’s autumn now and the leaves turn brown.