Annual Spiritual Dick Measuring Contest!

[PurpleTree]

Just give me this nobel spiritual title already pls

i’m the king 👑 kong of this spiritual crap

 

[Sugarcoat]

7 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

Ketamine feels like there's a lag time between commanding an action and actually doing it, so your head jiggles and is like a semi-trailer truck moving.

Nothing can prevent me from wanting to take it

[Schizophonia]

Just now, Sugarcoat said:

Nothing can prevent me from wanting to take it

😏

[Cheese]

 So, you think you are enlightened? I was born enlightened. 

 

You say the Bhagavad Gita is symbolic of the inner fight, that every human has between the ego and the divine? I call bs. It is revelation that war is inevetible and divine. Here is story of the true spiritual king warrior:

 

As to be of service to humanity I allowed myself to forget that I am a 6th density Cosmic white Nobility being from a star castle in a galaxy far away. As a male child I was raped by reptilian humanoids and small greys in my parallel life and got psychic abilities, inwhich I recently discovered by deciphering a decade old channeled message.

 

I was on three 20&backs. Meaning, I got transported to other planets to serve for the military conglomerate as an intuitive empath. After 20 years of service, I was age regressed and transported back in time to where I got picked up. Now that happened 3 times in a row. 

 

My body became so frail of this service that when the Mayan breakaway civilisation picked me up, they were not allowed to heal me due to insufficient karma. Then the Anshar from inner earth took me in. On a crystal table I was greeted by a priestess, she had a phallic crystal that she waved in front of me, then all shadow beings flew away from my body. At that moment I remembered my mission.

 

 

My mission is to upgrade the civilisation of humanity. To see if humanity is ready I started an experiment:

 

On the east coast.

 

My Heart disciples would practice

- Total celibacy 

- Run ultra marathons

- Bombard news agencies when I was hungry to be in the spotlight.

- Do "crimes" when their Guru demanded ( like smuggling exotic animals into my hidden zoo in one of my 4 houses).

 

On the west coast.

 

My Mind disciples would practice 

- Sex in public

- do drugs and alchohol

- Help the homeless by giving them a chance to vote in our community.

- Do crimes behind Gurus back, but in favor of Guru. ( like poisoning politicians and doctors that give drugs to Guru)

 

 

By the Guidance of Archangel Michael. I teach my students the Zen Buddhist way of releasing attachment through bowel movement. The explosive ones can heal trauma. Do not forget to pee in your bathtub while bathing, that is to gain Siddhis along the way.  My disciples do not need to meditate or practice loving thoughts. They are all entitled to Rainbow body status when the sun sends a magical pulse. I do not remember which year each star sends a pulse but it will happen "very soon". Then I will be ambassador for welcoming the aliens to earth by Trump. I deserve it, I worked hard!

 

For my temples around the globe and for my disciples who cannot be near my feet. They will have a picture of me in a state of Samadhi. They will meditate on the picture with half open eyes. At home they will meditate on my picture. If they want to whatever reason discard the picture, they must let it out into the sea, for it is holy. Good boys and girls get a statue of me placed in their city, babies are called the newbie disciples.

 

For 333$ anyone can purchase my course on the astral body chakra system. I once singlehandedly infiltrated a movement to change all the eastern spiritual scriptures for my Clairvoyant visions. There i introduced my book on chakras, later the movement split into 4 parts, such an impact I made!

 

At my spare time. We catch Celebrities in public to take a photo with me. Then hang the pictures around my temples, so my followers know that we are the real deal. Then I go to the gym and lift 9000 pound weights with one arm while my disciple takes a picture at the right angle #mindovermatter. My disciples morning meditation is to visualize me winning the Nobel peace prize, my disciples in the UN work to make it happen, cause I deserve it.

 

When I take a rest, I put my cool sunglasses on and take a selfie while I fight Satan and his shadow army on the astral plane. I have a blogger to post this story to reveal my amazing lightwarrior status.

 

As a side hustle. I livestream every week about my (prophetic) dreams from 1999, inwhich i tie to current political situation and the insider Qanon. While i send cryptic messages to the resistance movement, from another planet, inside earth, that no resus monkey brain can understand. Do not forget the big superchats, they put a smile on my face!

 

The divine mother put me in a position to recieve money from you. So that you can practice giving. I could easily go to casino and manifest money, but I would not take away your collective learning of giving.  My guides give me the opportunity to practice humility through luxury.

 

For 1 million in donation. You get a ticket to my retreat + a 1 hour dinner with me.

For 3 million in donation. All the above + a thank you note.

For 5 million in donation. All the above + a shoutout from our sponsor GaiaTv.

 

Rollce Royce donations are also appreciated.

 

I recently got a chemical by mail. I intuitively administrated it rectaly and experienced ultimate states of couscioussness, never seen by anyone in the universe, in my bathtub. 

 

Now I attained mahasamadhi by inducing a heart attack on my body.

 

#

 

 

(Between % and # are stories and claims made by (mostly self-proclaimed) spiritual teachers, Prophets, Avatar and the most awakened human on the planet. Obviously the claims are not quoted exactly as they said it, but it is mixed into this one character of unfathomable stupidity. One common thread amongst these claims is one word: America. )

 

Thus I present to you, Master America. 🇺🇸

 

I hope no one has yet claimed that title.

 

 

 

 

 

[Ulax]

I am too above such trivialities to comment (Wink wink)

Edited September 11 by Ulax

[PurpleTree]

Wrong thread

Edited September 12 by PurpleTree

[LoneWonderer]

@enchanted

On 29/08/2025 at 3:26 AM, enchanted said:

Welcome, awakened beings, to the annual Spiritual Dick Measuring Contest!—where enlightenment isn’t just a state of being, it’s a competitive sport. Forget inner peace. This is about who’s more transcendent than thou. And who has the biggest spiritual dick so to speak. 

Events include:

🥇 Meditation Marathon – Who can sit still the longest while secretly checking their aura score on an app?

🥈 Kundalini High Jump – Bonus points if you mention your third eye activation before anyone else.

🥉 Tantric Flex-Off – Because nothing says spiritual mastery like humblebragging about your 9-hour breathwork session.

Scoring Criteria:
- Number of 5-meo trips (double points if you did them rectally) 
- Times you've said “I don’t identify with ego anymore” while clearly doing so
- How often you use the phrase “vibrational frequency” in casual conversation
- Ability to quote Rumi out of context to win arguments

Disqualifications:
- Expressing genuine vulnerability
- Asking questions instead of giving unsolicited advice
- Admitting you’re still figuring things out

Remember: it’s not about healing, it’s about winning. Because nothing screams spiritual maturity like passive-aggressively correcting someone’s chakra alignment in a forum thread.

Namaste peasants! Get ready to find out who has the biggest spiritual dick this year! Let the chat begin!!!

Word. Some hard hitting truth right here.

Edited October 14 by LoneWonderer