What distance is considered close to clubs timewise?

[Natasha Tori Maru]

1 hour ago, aurum said:

I'd say it depends on how hard you push.

If you handle logistics elegantly, it actually doesn't feel like force. It just feels effortless. Like when a husband perfectly plans out a vacation and handles all the details so the wife can just relax.

If you broadcast fuck boy vibes and push for sex too soon, then yeah that might turn off mature women looking for something long-term.

Even mature women will appreciate some convenience and leading. They may just not need as much.

Yeah hell, yeah I mean, I agree here totally.

I am good enough at reading others - they broadcast intentions through actions rather than words.

I really appreciate when someone uses leverage for that effortless outcome. When a man takes charge and I am comfortable I sink into playful femininity. Otherwise I am taken out of that element which reduces sexual tension and play - I want the masculine/feminine contrast in that situation. I don't want to be a boss bitch any more than I have to (I don't even enjoy it at work, but I have to put on the red stilettos for that role. Again its just a roleplay to me and I switch off immediately when done).

In fact, skilfully navigating someone to sex - the final act is a nod to masculinity itself by consummation. A confirmation by action that skilful manipulation was utilized.  Provided both parties are mature and aren't approval seeking that is.

I use the term manipulation here without any negative associations.

[aurum]

18 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

I really appreciate when someone uses leverage for that effortless outcome. When a man takes charge and I am comfortable I sink into playful femininity. Otherwise I am taken out of that element which reduces sexual tension and play - I want the masculine/feminine contrast in that situation. I don't want to be a boss bitch any more than I have to (I don't even enjoy it at work, but I have to put on the red stilettos for that role. Again its just a roleplay to me and I switch off immediately when done).

Yes I get that sense about you.

It comes through in your posts.

[ExploringReality]

@Leo Gura  Hows the rhino strip club in Vegas? I'm going this weekend with my girlfriend, is it chill back?

[ExploringReality]

5 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Ooops! I did it again

Not Brittany spears 😋

[Leo Gura]

3 minutes ago, ExploringReality said:

@Leo Gura  Hows the rhino strip club in Vegas? I'm going this weekend with my girlfriend, is it chill back?

Why would you take your girlfriend there? It will only make her feel insecure and jealous.

Stop thinking with your dick and take her to a proper Cirque show.

Edited yesterday at 05:26 AM by Leo Gura

[ExploringReality]

9 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Why would you take your girlfriend there? It will only make her feel insecure and jealous.

Stop thinking with your dick and take her to a proper Cirque show.

were going to her friends wedding bachelorette, they are lesbians so they wanted everyone to join them at the strip club. We didn't mind going and are cool about it, but your right, me seeing beautiful women performing in front of her lol were definitely hitting the Cirque show

Edited yesterday at 05:36 AM by ExploringReality

[theleelajoker]

11 hours ago, aurum said:

You can take that approach, but you will get laid less.

If you don't care, that's your choice. 

Challenge accepted ; )

Experience so far is that the individual dynamics was far more important. Distance was not a factor. 
 

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You are not doing deep bonding during a ONS. This is nonsense.

Serious bonding comes afterwards, if at all.

 

I think it all depends on the individual definition of "bonding". I like people, so I like to get to know people and connect to them at least to degree. And the reason why is connected to the next point...

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Maybe if you're a woman.

....because I had too many times where I "just had sex with XYZ" and there was an empty feeling afterwards. This feeling of "OK I actually could have done without it". Just sex for the sake of having sex does not give me much. There are ONS I enjoy, but I don't feel like going for every opportunity just because there's "tits and ass" in front of me lol

Some of my friends follow different approach, but I believe it stems from a cultural narrative of "lots of sex = great" and/or sex als seeking approval and self-value. I know guys chasing to maximize amount of sex, otherwise super healthy guys, taking Viagra in their 30s. Well, everybody as his/her own way.

IMO there is the missing component of "quality of sex*quantity = great". And quite ironically: becoming more picky - to say it in your terms - seems "get me laid more"  
 

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Because it's too much bonding.

The whole point of a ONS is that you don't get attached. You have a superficial, fun experience and then release each other.

If you get too attached, it will either ruin the ONS, escalate to a long-term relationship or end up with someone getting their feelings crushed.

I see where there is a risk. Especially because people are - for own experience or cultural programming - used to one way of experiencing life. Communication is key, every time and with everyone a bit different. 

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Most of the time you do not explicitly talk about it at all.

It's all implicit.

Some of it is implicit of course but not all. Of course I communicate with body language, and subtle hints, and reading between the lines. But I am sometimes also VERY explicit in how I see this interaction, what my intentions are, if I plan to see her again, if I just want to go to my room and have fun or if I am really interested in getting to know her more etc etc. Whatever I feel is the right way, implicit or explicit, in the moment.

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The idea that you're going to form some super-deep bond, then have a ONS and happily release each other is nonsense. That's not how it happens.

Saying it's nonsense is just a different way of saying "I did not experience this yet".

Again, I have sufficient evidence that it works. Just yesterday a girl where I had a ONS with and she was interested in more, I wasn't, she send me a message by accident, then realizing that it was the wrong chat.  Tiny interaction followed and ended with her wishing me "have a great day". That truly made me smile.  There was zero bad vibes, just harmony on both sides. Because at every step, we were communicating as clearly, openly and respectfully as possible. 

I believe a huge difference might be that I have been traveling a lot in my life. Backpacking, without home, just going around the world. You often know "OK I only stay here for one day, one week and never come back". So you assume that you will never see the other again + there is great openness to connect and to have a great time.

So in my POV there is a incredible intuitive understanding of "traveler mindset" across people that traveled a lot:

This person in this moment is great for me, the moment will pass, but let's make the goddamn fucking best out what we have right now and we do this by simply letting go, by being authentic and expressing as freely as possible"

 

Edited 18 hours ago by theleelajoker

[Jannes]

"One thing led to another"  

 

[aurum]

11 hours ago, theleelajoker said:

...because I had too many times where I "just had sex with XYZ" and there was an empty feeling afterwards. This feeling of "OK I actually could have done without it". Just sex for the sake of having sex does not give me much. There are ONS I enjoy, but I don't feel like going for every opportunity just because there's "tits and ass" in front of me lol

Some of my friends follow different approach, but I believe it stems from a cultural narrative of "lots of sex = great" and/or sex als seeking approval and self-value. I know guys chasing to maximize amount of sex, otherwise super healthy guys, taking Viagra in their 30s. Well, everybody as his/her own way.

IMO there is the missing component of "quality of sex*quantity = great". And quite ironically: becoming more picky - to say it in your terms - seems "get me laid more"  

Look, I get it.

I am also not such a savage that I can just chase endless ONS.

Usually I will have a few casual encounters in between longer relationships for the sake of fun, novelty, adventure. But inevitably, the part of me that wants a deeper connection with women will rebel. And it becomes obviously how unsustainable what I'm doing is. Eventually, I meet a woman I am just not willing to let go of.

But this DECREASES my body count. It does not increase it. 

If you want quantity, the way you do that is by being a detached player who doesn't give a fuck and who can just run through woman after woman without catching feelings.

This idea that you will get more women (quantity) by focusing on quality is mostly nonsense. Focusing on quality gets you quality. Focusing on quantity gets you quantity. So just take your pick. Each comes with upside and downside.

11 hours ago, theleelajoker said:

Again, I have sufficient evidence that it works. Just yesterday a girl where I had a ONS with and she was interested in more, I wasn't, she send me a message by accident, then realizing that it was the wrong chat.  Tiny interaction followed and ended with her wishing me "have a great day". That truly made me smile.  There was zero bad vibes, just harmony on both sides. Because at every step, we were communicating as clearly, openly and respectfully as possible. 

I believe a huge difference might be that I have been traveling a lot in my life. Backpacking, without home, just going around the world. You often know "OK I only stay here for one day, one week and never come back". So you assume that you will never see the other again + there is great openness to connect and to have a great time.

So in my POV there is a incredible intuitive understanding of "traveler mindset" across people that traveled a lot:

This person in this moment is great for me, the moment will pass, but let's make the goddamn fucking best out what we have right now and we do this by simply letting go, by being authentic and expressing as freely as possible"

Lol, are you positive she "accidentally" messaged you?

Girls will do that as an excuse to talk to you.

Regardless, everything you're saying does not invalidate my perspective. Yes, you can be friendly with women you have had a ONS with. I'd recommend it for decency sake. But that does NOT mean you built a serious bond with them.

The fact that you're talking about casual encounters while traveling is proof of this. It's extremely difficult to build a serious bond that fast. Real bonds take months or even years to build. And you will NOT be so casual about breaking them.

Breaking a serious bond is soul-crushing. You will probably think about it for months or years after.

So really, you are building quite superficial bonds. And this works for you because traveling automatically disqualifies you from a deeper emotional / romantic commitment. 

Here's an uncomfortable truth: a significant percentage of women interested in a ONS are already in a romantic relationship. They have no interest in a deeper romantic bond, and will actively rebuke you if you try. They just want dick from an attractive guy.

The majority of the rest of women are single, but interested in meeting someone long-term. They will fold extremely quickly if they meet a guy they like. A ONS is problematic because they are going to quickly want a deeper commitment.

That leaves just a small, sliver of women in the Venn diagram who are both single and genuinely just interested in a casual encounter. They might be traveling, recently broken up or just young and experimental. Which is why if you want a high quantity of hookups, you need to keep distance. You need to very specifically screen for these women by explicitly or implicitly broadcasting that you're not available for romantic connection. Which is what traveling helps you do.

[Lyubov]

Being in the center and having good logistics will help a lot in terms of having a place to go and really just close out the night in general. You can get away with an uber that’s like 20 mins or so, maybe a bit longer if you guys are having fun in the uber. But yeah it’s not rocket science. Obviously certain things will work better in your life based on the location. 

[theleelajoker]

54 minutes ago, aurum said:

Look, I get it.

I am also not such a savage that I can just chase endless ONS.

Usually I will have a few casual encounters in between longer relationships for the sake of fun, novelty, adventure. But inevitably, the part of me that wants a deeper connection with women will rebel. And it becomes obviously how unsustainable what I'm doing is. Eventually, I meet a woman I am just not willing to let go of.

But this DECREASES my body count. It does not increase it. 

If you want quantity, the way you do that is by being a detached player who doesn't give a fuck and who can just run through woman after woman without catching feelings.

This idea that you will get more women (quantity) by focusing on quality is mostly nonsense. Focusing on quality gets you quality. Focusing on quantity gets you quantity. So just take your pick. Each comes with upside and downside.

Ok, I guess we can more or less settle this  

I also get you.  For me similar - casual encounters, F+, ONS etc are nice but ultimately deep connection with one woman is the intention. 

My point is that being more picky makes me somehow more interesting because there seems to be a "Ok he's not like others, that is interesting" effect, at least with some women.  So if I am looking for sex, it's rarely happening. Not looking for sex I seem to become 500% more attractive and obviously, there are enough fantastic women out there that stuff happens sooner or later.  But re quantity, I know friends that chase quantity and do get quantity.  So you also have a point here. 

54 minutes ago, aurum said:

Lol, are you positive she "accidentally" messaged you?

Girls will do that as an excuse to talk to you.

Who can be positive about anything?   Life, my own action, actions of others, my subconscious, their subconscious ..it can be quite a mess 

54 minutes ago, aurum said:

Regardless, everything you're saying does not invalidate my perspective. Yes, you can be friendly with women you have had a ONS with. I'd recommend it for decency sake. But that does NOT mean you built a serious bond with them.

The fact that you're talking about casual encounters while traveling is proof of this. It's extremely difficult to build a serious bond that fast. Real bonds take months or even years to build. And you will NOT be so casual about breaking them.

I think it's all about the definition of "bond", "connection" etc. Now thinking about it, I actually have a hard time defining it myself.

Giving it a try I would say it's the degree of being authentic when the other is around, a harmony, a synchronicity in actions and desires, a feeling of calm and happiness throug simple presence of the other, showing and sharing emotions, exchanging intimate information with each other, also being able to be in silence together, a certain amount and intensity of experiences you go through together, physical intimacy, behaving as if one was alone even when being together, alignment in values and direction in life. And then there is a certain "I don't know factor" with this person that I can't put into words. Just having a special place in my heart. Each of these factors (and more I forgot now) then goes from a scale from 1 to infinity....

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So really, you are building quite superficial bonds. And this works for you because traveling automatically disqualifies you from a deeper emotional / romantic commitment. 

And I talked about traveling, but it's not limited to that. The interactions I talk about include every kind of scenario, placed I stayed for a day, week, month, year..up to 7 years that's the most time I stayed in one place since childhood.  What I mean is that having traveled a lot, studying or working in different countries,  I believe I interact differently with people compared to others that did not have these experiences. Different degree of openness.  Right now I am in the same city for about 5 years.

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Breaking a serious bond is soul-crushing. You will probably think about it for months or years after.

Been there. Yes. 

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Here's an uncomfortable truth: a significant percentage of women interested in a ONS are already in a romantic relationship. They have no interest in a deeper romantic bond, and will actively rebuke you if you try. They just want dick from an attractive guy.

I hear friends talk about it but it's not my thing, so I don't really know. If they are in a romantic relationship, and I know about it, I stay away. Women that cheat are not attractive for me. 

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The majority of the rest of women are single, but interested in meeting someone long-term. They will fold extremely quickly if they meet a guy they like. A ONS is problematic because they are going to quickly want a deeper commitment.

Fits my experience. 

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That leaves just a small, sliver of women in the Venn diagram who are both single and genuinely just interested in a casual encounter. They might be traveling, recently broken up or just young and experimental.

Fits my experience. 

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Which is why if you want a high quantity of hookups, you need to keep distance. You need to very specifically screen for these women by explicitly or implicitly broadcasting that you're not available for romantic connection. Which is what traveling helps you do.

Ok, so giving the goal of maximizing "high quantity of hookups", I agree. If it's the "right" goal for an individual we discussed above  

Edited 10 hours ago by theleelajoker