How do you deal with desires that you will never attain?

[Never_give_up]

desires that get triggered all the time. And I really want to achieve them. If I ignore them they come stronger, if I try to tell myself that they don't matter then I feel like I am fooling myself, if I try to achieve them they won't happen.... I want a happy life, I don't want to deal with this any more  . 

I watch myself suffering all the time for the desires that keep happening when something triggers them. Desires I can never attain.

(if you aren't bored, more details below: )

I wanted to go to university and I couldn't make it cause of my bad memory (learning disabilities?), I still wish I had a different brain and went to a good university. Whenever I see normal people that went to university which is half the people in my country as far as i know, then I feel like they are superior and I am inferior, that they have a normal life and I am not.

I want to stop my food addiction that gets triggered by my internet addiction. This one is more doable cause I have come with different plans to make this happen, and this is one of the reasons that if I manage to make it then I won't be on this forum too much, cause I will have managed to treat my addiction . That is , if I manage to make the plans work. But whenever I see people that are fit and desire to have their bodies (thin) , I just fall into depression. If I make it , I estimate it will take me 4 years to lose 24kg to become 14% body fat. This is so depressing, it seems to far off.

And how many desires I have that I had humour, or were very good at chess, or very good at drawing, or I had a lot of money, or I had the attention of opposite sex, or that I was tall. And also how do I know I live the right life, maybe I am trying too much, maybe I am trying too little, maybe chase the wrong desires...

Desires / concerns... they destabilize my inner peace and they turn my positive psychology into negative.

Desires not to get old, to have more status, to be a genius (grandiose irrational desires that I get once in a while). Desires I was attractive or famous. All these desires no matter how crazy and irrational they are, they create suffering. Some desires are weak or rare frequency, but others are more frequent and stronger.

And let's not forget my desire for understanding reality. How on earth can someone undestand something that is mysterius and a paradox? it can't happen. And yet my stupid brain gets mad that it doesn't understand reality and want to understand it so desperately. This creates so much suffering in me, it gets exhausting. I don't know what the solutions are if they exist at all....  

I won't go to therapy any longer. It doesn't help me. 

I can't deal with my desires any longer, they destroy my life. I can focus on some simple desires like to become thin, or draw.... but the rest seem to much.

I hope this is the last question I make for a very long time, if my plans of quiting my addictions work (internet,food addictions). If I don't make it I will hang out here for longer. 

[Judy2]

@Never_give_up

Never give up.

who told you you can't get what you want?

 

for example the thing you said about university....i think it takes some flexibility to fulfill the underlying desire there. it can be fulfilled in a billion different ways....self-study, reading more books, God knows what else. i'd like to encourage you to be a bit creative and flexible, see ways in which the fulfilment of your desire for education/knowledge is accessible to you RIGHT NOW. and then do some of that:)

about food: you can pick one small change and commit to doing that TODAY. just one small change. for example: going for a walk and increasing your step count by 2,000, adding in a vegetable or a high-quality protein source, or getting educated about healthy nutrition and recovery from emotional eating (wouldn't that be neat to combine this desire with your desire for education???). it won't take 4 years. just commit to one small, manageable goal this week, and then to another next week, and so on. ...just a gentle suggestion:)

desires don't exist to destroy your life and you are not meant to ignore them. 

[Judy2]

so i think it's a matter of setting manageable goals and moving towards what you want. in small ways. even those small achievements will make you feel better, and you can start from there. the important part is to start somewhere.

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_O0QPCk6qk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2D3yzrm-rI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLspLT96fEM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9u9nuSf9g1g

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RkUP5i09PF4

Edited Sunday at 07:25 AM by Raze

[Salvijus]

The thigh is, what you truly want is forever available to you. Currently your energy of desire is going to distorted places because of egoic influence blocking the channels. Your desire needs refinement. If you allow yoruself fully to experience desire every time it arises, it will refine itself to its original form and you will see - what you truly want is forever yours and nothing can deny it to you. 

And besides, your reality is already a product of your desire. It's just that you're yet to master this power. 

Edited Sunday at 10:13 AM by Salvijus

[Schizophonia]

4 hours ago, Salvijus said:

The thigh is, what you truly want is forever available to you. Currently your energy of desire is going to distorted places because of egoic influence blocking the channels. Your desire needs refinement. If you allow yoruself fully to experience desire every time it arises, it will refine itself to its original form and you will see - what you truly want is forever yours and nothing can deny it to you. 

And besides, your reality is already a product of your desire. It's just that you're yet to master this power. 

It's too good to be true 

[meta_male]

@Never_give_up This sounds a lot like classic INFP struggles. Not saying you are, but I relate deeply.

The craving to be a genius, gifted, radiant...and the way your brain punishes you when you don't quite measure up to the ideal version of yourself. Constant comparison with others, endless why am I like this-thought-spiral. Wanting a life that FEELS right but never quite getting there.

You're desires aren't wrong, but carrying all of them at once and letting them define your worth will crush you. You don’t need to kill your desires...I'd go as far as to say you don't even need to kill your addictions – they are a symptom, not the root of the problem.

Make it more simple for your brain. Pick one or two desires that feel achievable...like drawing (DM me for this, I'm a draftsman and been drawing all my life) or getting fitter. Make your goals smaller, no need to shoot for the stars. Losing 6 kg in one to one and a half years sounds more achievable, right? Stay in motion like a mountaineer. One step at a time, slow and steady until the summit is in sight.

You don’t need to figure out reality right now, the answers will come. But you need mental space to even hear them, and that space is created by doing the opposite of figuring out a paradox. Paradoxical…but this is the way 

[trenton]

@Never_give_up for me, I dealt with these unachievable desires by accepting that I am good enough without them.

For example, I wanted to be a professional chess player. However, I discovered systemic barriers which could not be overcome through effort alone. I tried and tried only to be met with frustration. I had practiced for thousands of hours and beat a national master. I wanted this to be my career.

What changed is that I recognized that the grandmaster title to me was nothing more than another label for self worth. It is ultimately hollow to me. In addition to that by recognizing the privilege that professional players often had over me, I was able to accept the outcome of my circumstances. In a sense you could say I gave up the dream, but on the other hand when I accepted I was good enough without making this career, I no longer felt the need to keep exhausting myself with tournaments. I occasionally look at board games when they interest me but I don't need to study them obsessively to be the best and prove worth when effort alone does not change the outcome.

In the case of something like University, it is true that those people may have more career opportunities than you. On the other hand, often times college boils down to credentials over deep understanding. Society sets up the illusion that people are superior to you because of a degree, but that does not actually make them more intelligent. In the case of University, maybe you will find a way to complete and maybe you won't. Regardless, you do not need the degree itself to prove your worth relative to others. This entire game is independent of worth and you are good enough whether you get the degree or not.

Ask yourself, is the degree mainly more external proof of your worth? If so, then achieving the degree likely will not solve the problem because low self worth is internal and cannot be changed by any attained titles or credentials. Of course you can still try to get the degree if you want, it just won't be held as proof of your value as a human being.