difficulty relaxing/releasing stress - what can i do?

[Princess Arabia]

2 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

@Princess Arabia 

i think the part where i'm supposed to do things for their own sake did the trick:) cause then there's nothing left to worry about, at least in that moment. 

Whatever works. 

[Chadders]

@Judy2 One incredible way to release tension in the body is to go for a wild swim. If you have a local lake nearby and the water is clean take a dip

Aside from that specific example, shaking the body to get the tension out. Sitting out in nature mindfully is another

[Judy2]

@Chaddersnoted:) thank you!

[Carl-Richard]

I decided to do my N-Back training today outside during the sunset, and between my sets (where I have my 10-20 second breaks), I watched the sunset. Then after a while, I almost couldn't stop looking at the sunset, but I decided to use it as a carrot at the end of my sets and intentionally not look for the 2 or so minutes that each set lasts (and it actually increased my performance by a lot).

And from one set to the next, the sunset looked a little different. The way the light filled the porch, the way the clouds had slightly moved and changed color, was a different experience each time. And then at the end of the exercise, I ended up finally just staring at the sunset for longer, now a while after the sun had passed the horizon. The increased focus from the N-Back training, now being directed effortlessly towards the sunset, left me with a sense of awe and peace. I then looked at some small birds flying quickly through the air; their movement was so smooth, their little bodies were so clear.

I then noticed some other kinds of clouds that were forming slightly outside my field of view, so I walked a bit out on the porch to see more of them. Thunderstorm clouds were forming in the distance, and the grey color was intermixed with the yellow light from the sunset, creating a beautiful scene.

Throughout this training session and while watching the sunset, I got the idea that specific aesthetic moods can feed your soul on the same level as a nutrient, and that the mental stability and vitality it brings is like fitting a key into a lock. So maybe watching the sunset, not necessarily while doing absolutely nothing, but inbetween doing something else, maybe reading something, could be something to try.

Edited July 24 by Carl-Richard

[Ulax]

@Judy2
Try this:

Put a chair on your bed. (Can also do this on the floor).

Lie down and put your feet on the seat of the chair.

I tried all sorts of random techniques for years to relax and this did more for me in 20 seconds than any of that other stuff. Kinda pissed me off actually lol

Edited July 24 by Ulax

[Judy2]

@Carl-Richard thank you for sharing 🙏

17 hours ago, Carl-Richard said:

Throughout this training session and while watching the sunset, I got the idea that specific aesthetic moods can feed your soul on the same level as a nutrient, and that the mental stability and vitality it brings is like fitting a key into a lock. So maybe watching the sunset, not necessarily while doing absolutely nothing, but inbetween doing something else, maybe reading something, could be something to try.

yes, i've noticed that, too. 

that's why i like doing my embroidery work. it sort of combines this very meditative, repetitive, yet light manual labour with the side-effect that you get to see something beautiful unfold right in front of you. it's very calming on the nerves. 

[Judy2]

...still not relaxed lol.

i briefly considered making a new thread to ask about this.

...really not sure how to resolve this...i think i've already asked about it at least twice before.

stress management sounds like such a simple issue to tackle. i wonder why it's not and why it's so complex and difficult to handle in my experience. it can't be that hard, it sounds like such a basic problem to have...

[Wilhelm44]

On 05/08/2025 at 10:12 PM, Judy2 said:

...still not relaxed lol.

i briefly considered making a new thread to ask about this.

...really not sure how to resolve this...i think i've already asked about it at least twice before.

stress management sounds like such a simple issue to tackle. i wonder why it's not and why it's so complex and difficult to handle in my experience. it can't be that hard, it sounds like such a basic problem to have...

Having some clarity goes a long way. It might help to investigate what exactly it is that you are stressing about, ie what is the fear underneath ? 

Edited August 7 by Wilhelm44

[Judy2]

@Wilhelm44

hey:) sorry, i read your message but then forgot to reply. 

there are a couple of things that are causing chronic stress for me:

1) mental health problems, constant worries about self-worth, body image, if everything's okay with me/if something's wrong with me

2) i am quite sensitive to noise and other triggers in my environment. in the town where i go to university, i live in a building with lots of tiny apartments and i hear people in the hallway all the time. the guy in the apartment right next to mine studies music and it's super triggering for me when he practises singing. right now i am staying at my parents' house, which is a bit quieter, but when dad is home, he can be triggering, too, because he's loud and noisy and leaves his clutter everywhere. i don't know how to strike a healthy balance between seeing that i have the power to make my environment more pleasant, and accepting that apparently, no matter where i go (run), there'll always be a couple of disturbing factors in my environment. 

3) my thesis - i don't know how to manage writing it. (also related to the self-worth issue, i believe). 

 

...that being said: i have ordered the l-theanine just now, as you recommended. i also started supplementing ashwagandha a few weeks ago, but so far, i haven't noticed much of an effect from that. 

 

Edited yesterday at 08:33 AM by Judy2

[Wilhelm44]

3 hours ago, Judy2 said:

@Wilhelm44

hey:) sorry, i read your message but then forgot to reply. 

there are a couple of things that are causing chronic stress for me:

1) mental health problems, constant worries about self-worth, body image, if everything's okay with me/if something's wrong with me

2) i am quite sensitive to noise and other triggers in my environment. in the town where i go to university, i live in a building with lots of tiny apartments and i hear people in the hallway all the time. the guy in the apartment right next to mine studies music and it's super triggering for me when he practises singing. right now i am staying at my parents' house, which is a bit quieter, but when dad is home, he can be triggering, too, because he's loud and noisy and leaves his clutter everywhere. i don't know how to strike a healthy balance between seeing that i have the power to make my environment more pleasant, and accepting that apparently, no matter where i go (run), there'll always be a couple of disturbing factors in my environment. 

3) my thesis - i don't know how to manage writing it. (also related to the self-worth issue, i believe). 

 

...that being said: i have ordered the l-theanine just now, as you recommended. i also started supplementing ashwagandha a few weeks ago, but so far, i haven't noticed much of an effect from that. 

 

@Judy2  Felt it best to send a direct message.

[Judy2]

@Wilhelm44yup, thank you:)

[UnbornTao]

Start by embracing the present moment exactly as it is - do this.

And stop imagining a future where something bad or unwanted might happen. 

Be grounded in your body, breathe from the center - this should help, too.

[Judy2]

3 hours ago, UnbornTao said:

Start by embracing the present moment exactly as it is - do this.

yes, i am trying to do this:) but it's so much easier said than done.

 

[UnbornTao]

31 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

yes, i am trying to do this:) but it's so much easier said than done.

Actually, it is easier done than said. What's needed is just learning to recognize that you are resisting your present experience, and to allow yourself to experience whatever you're going through - stress and anxiety in this case. Let them be there. From there you can become aware of what they are and how you are doing them. 

Getting out of one's mind is freeing and relaxing usually. It is a more present, objective, real experience. 

Good luck!

[Judy2]

1 minute ago, UnbornTao said:

Actually, it is easier done than said. What's needed is just learning to recognize that you are resisting your present experience, and to allow yourself to experience whatever you're going through - stress and anxiety in this case. Let them be there. From there you can become aware of what they are and how you are doing them. 

Getting out of one's mind is freeing and relaxing usually. It is a more present, objective, real experience. 

Good luck!

what do i do if i (presently) notice stressors in my environment that i can't do anything about? for example, sources of noise and chaos that i can't easily get rid of, and that keep disturbing me every day. 

[Carl-Richard]

5 hours ago, Judy2 said:

what do i do if i (presently) notice stressors in my environment that i can't do anything about? for example, sources of noise and chaos that i can't easily get rid of, and that keep disturbing me every day. 

You can do something about it.

[UnbornTao]

5 hours ago, Judy2 said:

what do i do if i (presently) notice stressors in my environment that i can't do anything about? for example, sources of noise and chaos that i can't easily get rid of, and that keep disturbing me every day. 

The "stressors" may stimulate certain knee-jerk responses in you, yet the stress itself isn't found in them. By labeling them that way, you may be reinforcing the notion that your emotional state is externally imposed.

Do other people feel differently under similar circumstances? If so, this suggests that the circumstances themselves aren't the deciding factor, but rather how one relates to them.

It's a bit like professional soccer players - how come they're not disturbed by thousands of people shouting and insulting them? They focus on the game. They've trained their minds to stay grounded and focused on what matters: what's happening on the pitch, their own bodies, the ball, other players, and so on.

You can also change your environment - or take actions to positively influence your state within it. This might mean learning to focus on what you're doing, going for a run, avoiding caffeinated drinks, meditating, and so forth.

Edited 23 hours ago by UnbornTao

[Judy2]

@Carl-Richard @UnbornTaonow i feel a bit guilty?.. or like i did something wrong. like maybe you're mad at me because i'm not doing this right. 

[UnbornTao]

50 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

@Carl-Richard @UnbornTaonow i feel a bit guilty?.. or like i did something wrong. like maybe you're mad at me because i'm not doing this right. 

Haha, not at all. I might occasionally come off as blunt or cold in the way I write. There's no reason to punish or blame yourself. It can be tricky to hear such things - just focus on making it real for you. Also, I have yet to master this principle.

For example, you might think some guys on a forum are mad at you, and as a result, you feel guilty for what you see as a failure on your part to grasp their communication. Try to catch the thought/s that gave rise to this process that led to a feeling of guilt - if that's what happened.

See if you can apply this principle to small things as well - like a trivial or petty annoyance you might feel.

You can also come up with your own examples. Pay attention to your reactions and emotional states throughout the day, pick a couple of them, and pay attention to your experience just before they arise. 

Oh, another exercise I like: What emotion are you not feeling right now? Whether it is positive or negative, ask yourself, "How come I'm not feeling it?" Then work on creating it. Enthusiasm is a good one - you can work on it.

You can also try @Ulax's technique above, it is effective.

Edited 4 hours ago by UnbornTao

[Carl-Richard]

5 hours ago, Judy2 said:

@Carl-Richard @UnbornTaonow i feel a bit guilty?.. or like i did something wrong. like maybe you're mad at me because i'm not doing this right. 

No, I just think you could fix those problems if they happen regularly and they're not conducive to healthy living standards. That requires getting involved with who is responsible. 

Edited 18 minutes ago by Carl-Richard