I broke today mentally

[Applegarden8]

I am in the process of changing apartments, because I had chronic neighbour problems at night. When I had to explain it to the owner I broke and started crying. I couldn't explain a word to him. I also feel a sense of deep loneliness, isolation, and frustration because I am on vacation but here I am spending it all just to relocate instead of doing just about anything I would like to.

Now, I am aware of them. I kinda can navigate trough them. But I am still feeling very vulnerable and lonely. It's not how I usually feel.

Sometimes life kicks you, and it has been kicking me for some time as I spent another half for going to doctors.

I just feel miserable for the longest time. I am kinda fine, I can keep living my life, but yeah something like crisis really kicked in. All my insecurities just amplified... I also have feelings of breakup. So. She will probably move on just fine. It just burns. So that being said, life is worth it. It will pass. Keep going.

[Sugarcoat]

That’s strong of you to keep going 

[Applegarden8]

@Sugarcoat I just wanted to let it out somewhere. Peace! I am usually meditative and self-sufficient, but today I am not... It's OK. Thank you for your reply.

[Princess Arabia]

One love. 

[Applegarden8]

@Princess Arabia it will be, thanks!

[Salvijus]

Take care

[Applegarden8]

@Salvijus thanks man

[Salvijus]

A weight of earthly existence takes a toll on everyone. We're in this together. Thank you for carrying yours 🙏

[Applegarden8]

I will say this differently @Salvijus.

When the thunderstorm is coming, go the the basement and go to sleep.

Likewise man, thanks for the kind words.

[Schizophonia]

@Applegarden8 I didn't understand, what is your problem ?

Edited July 15 by Schizophonia

[Applegarden8]

On 7/15/2025 at 11:01 PM, Schizophonia said:

@Applegarden8 I didn't understand, what is your problem ?

My problem was a brief emotional turmoil that is way out of the ordinary. Crying for no reason, panic attack, existential dread or something like that. It's gone, but when it happens, it happens.

[Bogdan]

Props to you for reaching out for help. All these feelings are normal, there is nothing wrong with you. On the contrary, consciousness is always "working" perfectly. In my experience, all these feelings of misery have a good explanation, and focusing on what matters usually brings relief. It just can feel intense sometimes, before another breakthrough happens, and that's ok. Any endeavor is spent mostly on plateaus. Even muscle growth happens in spurts. You cannot maintain the high volume and intensity necessary for rapid growth all the time. The maintenance/slow growth periods also serve the purpose of adapting the tendons, ligaments, bones etc for more growth. Make sure the body is well rested and fed before you ask a lot of it.

 

It seems you got a sufficient handle on it tho, and i'm no therapist, so i will go ahead and share what i can about my experience maybe it will help you in the long term.

I've had moments like these recently, as i was making an effort to expose myself to more experiences.

I found them extremely valuable, because it put me face to face with the structure of my ego. This fragility in the face of seemingly normal circumstances were like a wake up call for me, because i was still constructing a LOT of fantasies, and not being serious enough about the work of deepening consciousness, and loving truth (or deconstructing the ego so it becomes more transparent, so that the value of loving truth can actualize)

Part of the fantasy was that i was super hard working, burnt out by doing too much spiritual work, when in fact, i kept making bad survival decisions that were making my life tired and miserable.

Ultimately, i noticed that when i am actually conscious that i am distracting myself, i simply take the steps necessary to maintain focus and calm down the suffering ego mind.

It's kinda sad and kinda beautiful and also logical how the ego seems to need to suffer enough to really get fed up and really look at, really face how it is creating the mental suffering and distraction.

It's tricky cause the reasons it creates are so real and all-encompassing from those states of consciousness.

But if i learned something in the last 10 years, it's just how right Leo is to emphasize long meditation retreats. Even just knowing that i have retreats scheduled in my year helps with re-gaining presence and focus in the face of the monkey mind going nuts.

Really hope this helps a bit. Spirituality is a solo adventure, but survival doesn't have to be

[Schizophonia]

3 hours ago, Applegarden8 said:

My problem was a brief emotional turmoil that is way out of the ordinary. Crying for no reason, panic attack, existential dread or something like that. It's gone, but when it happens, it happens.

Ok

[Lincisman]

On 7/14/2025 at 4:50 PM, Applegarden8 said:

I also feel a sense of deep loneliness, isolation, and frustration because I am on vacation but here I am spending it all just to relocate instead of doing just about anything I would like to.

I know how painful it's to feel like you have no social support... These feelings in the chest, the head. Mind does not work right - it's just weighs on a person and pressures the body and mind. Yes, one can take the right actions most of the time but the pain builds up day by day until you just go to the shower to cry and let it all out...

Listening to Chester Bennington voice helps

Not sure if you can relate though...Maybe you feel it differently

Take care