Lincisman

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About Lincisman

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    Lithuania
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  1. This post is quite long but I felt I have to tell these memories just to understand myself better. Throughout my life, I was more interested in people rather than things. I was into philosophical ideas, psychology, the mind, and self-help. When I was 14-16 I remember getting excited reading the book by Arthur Schopenhauer called “The wisdom of life”. Feeling deep curiosity then I realized that meditation does work and wanted to find out how and invent more such techniques. When I was A kid I recall reading an article about how communication between people works (mostly because I was deficient in that area). One of the earliest memories I had was being into reading some book which was a compilation of short stories about monks. All of them had some piece of wisdom in them. That's probably why I read them. All in all, since I was 10 years old kid, I was into philosophy and self-help because I did not feel good about myself, so I tried to find a solution. That’s what it was if I think about it. Moreover, in school remember enjoying literature classes. We analyzed some literary works like Crime and punishment and tried to understand what the character was feeling, what were the motives for their actions, how the story can be related to the actual author’s life, etc. I remember being on the edge of my seat. I came to realize I enjoyed crafting and writing the essays (It happened then I got better at it). The teacher gave us a topic like “The importance of love in literature” It had a set structure of Introduction, body (2 paragraphs - statement, and 2-3 arguments to support it and conclusion. So I had to think through the whole argument and articulate it as best as I can. I recall the feeling when I had a blank sheet of paper, going through the literature that I have read to make solid arguments, It was quite fun. The external influence and ignorance on my part led me to become a software engineering major in college. (3.5 years of studying) I thought this would be a get-decent-income-relatively-quick scheme + I get to live in a capital city which means more socialization. So I finished the first year and it was absolutely useless in terms of software skills. Classes do not offer any value. A guy who is up for getting his Ph.D. told me that it is normal and next year will be better. So I think that I should just focus on my career software skills (to eventually get a decent-paying job and get financial needs met) and socialization. The question is what should I do with the fact that I am more interested (and it is more meaningful) in philosophy, psychology, etc. than software? Should I just learn software and have faith that passion and meaning (because right now I don't find it meaningful) will emerge with having enough skills? Or do other things on the side? Taking into account the fact that my initial interest and meaning in all these topics stems from a lack of fulfillment that I experienced when I was a young kid. I am almost 21 years old. With this post, I am trying to articulate things for myself. Any input would be very appreciated.
  2. You definitely need some sort of skills for that. in my POV the insights that you stumble upon yourself through thinking and contemplating have the most impact. As for resources I highly recommend Cal Newport's podcast and the books "deep work" and "so good they can't ignore you". Most importantly you know what skills you need and you focus, this is what Cal Newport's work can help with. You can also watch older episodes of Leo, where he covered more blue and orange topics (business, how to study, discipline etc.)
  3. -> Distracting oneself from uncomfortable emotions to experience short relief -> Not following the stages of ego development -> Not exercising your body -> forgetting the principles, vision, and all the stuff that made you motivated to start this process of personal-development -> Waiting for some feeling to occur or event to happen so that one finally could start doing X -> Not keeping your eyes open = numbing = retreating form consciousness = being fucking ignorant -> Not being consistent with the efforts towards your goals -> Not realizing that emotions (feelings in the body) are what dictates your actions -> Being too late to understand that you started college because you wanted to get laid and not so much because you wanted to learn a subject -> Not listening to the inner signals and always looking outwards for some damn stimulation -> Being fake, trying to pretend, putting up a fake front when relating to people -> Not staying until 3 -4 am to game -> Not planning things out before doing them -> Not staying on the lane (literally and metaphorically) -> watching stupid things on YouTube -> being reliant on dopamine hits for pleasure -> Not really asking questions (or caring to know) about life and what should I be doing -> Buying new clothes when instead I could buy them from second-hand shops for a few dollars. SAME QUALITY MAN ! -> Not learning from mistakes and not articulating what the lesson -> Not appreciating the things that you have -> Failing to see that the mind by the sleight of hand concocts these fucking stupid images and sneaks them into your awareness (as if it was a reality) of a people you know enjoying their lives and being happy whereas you are not feeling that good and it makes you even more miserable. (noticed that very recently). Ever caught your mind doing that shit?
  4. Does it take the same amount (9 years) to complete dental school or less? If I were you, I would turn to the wisdom of Cal Newport.
  5. @Leo Gura Thanks for the reply
  6. For me, regular means being mostly orange and blue (I am like that). Sorry for just using the word without explaining what it means for me and making the question ambiguous, if that was what you don't like.
  7. Hello everyone, Leo, In one of your episodes, you said something along the lines of "if you want to have the most inspiring and motivating vision imagine yourself completely loving and completely selfless". Can you expand on this? Can a regular person include this thought into his vision to make it more effective? What do you include in your vision to make it better and more motivating? Are you able to visualize emotions? Personally, the closest I have come to good vision is imagining myself having my computer programming skills, and earning a lot of money off of it. At the same time having the freedom to travel and game while doing it + doing philosophy + learning to play nirvana songs on the electric guitar. Maybe this just needs more practice to make it realistic.
  8. As far as I know, the best thing for your feet is wearing no shoes at all. If you have to wear shoes, I recommend buying those which give you the most barefoot-like experience.
  9. In video 21:40 - 22:05, Leo said: "But that's painful, that's a painful process because literally parts of your mind have to die. Parts of your ego, yourself have to die as you're getting exposed to reality. And that's really what you fear, that's really what you're avoiding. You're avoiding the pain of the loss of parts of your mind ". How do you deal with the feeling of pain both in the moment and in the long run so it does not divert your actions? How do I treat this and all the other (I don't want to say "negative") unpleasant feelings?
  10. I am not talking about awakening here
  11. What I do is feel an emotion that makes my body unpleasant, and irritating in particular areas. My first reaction is to run away from the bodily sensation. Therefore, I try to distract and numb myself to not feel anymore. For example, when I feel low self-esteem I feel pressure on my temples. You are right, I need some tools to deal with these emotions (sensations) at the point when they occur. Otherwise, the avoidance strategy always leads me to a self-destructive state.
  12. Every day I notice myself seeking distractions (food, YouTube) to avoid the things that I have to be doing. For instance, throughout this month, I have been avoiding studying. I did it by numbing myself, ignoring my understanding of situations, and always attempting to reach a state of blissful ignorance. I actively and sometimes aggressively silenced my mind, refused to see the facts, and evaluate the consequences of my inactions. Whenever I think about some tasks that I am refusing to do, I experience tension, irritation, and sadness. My mind goes "shut it down, shut it down, shut it down" and sometimes " Fuck this I am going to kill myself "(It flashes very quickly with these words) and then I need some way to get myself unconscious fast. In my opinion, these are the same dynamics that drug addicts experience. Poor reality orientation, avoidance of truth, lack of self-esteem, call it as you want, I sometimes really feel like a drug addict. So basically I need to fix my relationship with reality. Or maybe, as Leo said, I avoid not the situations but the feelings about them. Or maybe it is because I feel inadequate to the reality, as N. Branden would say. What do you think? How do I change it? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I also observed that my mind cannot register the question "What do I want out of life?" anymore. It is like it slips through my mental focus. I think it has something to do with my self-esteem. Anyways, essential question is: where do emotions come form? what is their source? Is it thoughts and beliefs or is it my subconscious mind or some other thing? Because it is all about emotions and feelings. Oh yeah, I want to learn to manipulate my emotions to feel good all the time. Even if I actively try to take responsibility and generate actions ( usually happens after I reached really bad state by living in a mental fog), this energy is short-lived and I get back to where I started.
  13. What is your current diet looks like? Have you tried carnivore diet? Just trying to provide practical solution here.
  14. Thanks for all the information. @JonasVE12 you seem to have a good grasp of emotions. What books have you read? These ideas that you are proposing are almost unheard of to me.
  15. I want skill and then fun and sex. To satisfy my biological and psychological machine. To learn about my mind and how it changes in this process. "I don't want just to become a player, I want to become the best player of all time !." - my mind talking