Lincisman

Okay, this is really good, solid thinking Interesting. Did you get the idea that my post was about carefreeness? In my mind this idea of being open has very little to do with carefreeness or being a party boy. It designed solely to grapple with approach anxiety for depressed and introverted mind, like I have. It can make me more grounded and less fearful.

Good! But what are standards for behavior? Like something that you do or don't do based on your values (Like buying a drink or not) or just being aware of the context/ situation in which you approach?

I wrote this guide in the hope that it helps and inspires you to go out and grow in this area. I’d be grateful if you read it carefully and share your thoughts. Thank you --- What does it mean to be open in cold-approach? Acknowledge your feelings. It means saying to yourself that "you are the way you are and you feel the way you feel and that is OKAY. It is completely fine and normal to be this way." It helps to notice these feelings that can be uncomfortable and just remind yourself that it is just the mind doing it's thing. "My mind creates stress, that is what the mind does. Sun shines and mind creates the stress. It is nothing personal."; Expose yourself fully. It means that: You are not hiding anything from her. You let her see your emotions and feelings including whatever stress or anxiety you are experiencing in the moment. You are emotionally transparent meaning that you are honest about how you feel; No fake front. Not even 1 %. You are not pretending to be different or feel different from what and who you are. You are not protecting yourself. You are becoming more and more vulnerable and open with each approach; You allow your exposed self to be judged and rejected by her and you are fully open to that experience; You are honest such that if you don't know what to say, for example, in your mind you are free to say "I don't know what to say anymore I haven't prepared anything". How to know if you are doing it right and benefits You are willing to get rejected more easily; You feel more relaxed; Your body language opens; You become more present, spontaneous; You are less fearful of approaching. One part of this fear is the fear of being seen and exposed as not the person that you present yourself to be. And it is terrifying to feel that right before an approach. One time this fear was so bad that I literally thought that I am going to die if I go up to her. After the interactions (even if it goes nowhere) you feel way better about it. In my experience, the feelings are much more lighter and gentler after it. The problems of not being open The fear of being seen/exposed is so high that most of the time you can't even approach; Even if you do approach and it goes bad, you will keep spinning in your mind this story of "Oh, that is because she saw through me!!" Mind feels rigid + closed body language; You are somewhere else with your mind (not present)- you spend your energy trying to avoid being seen (saying the right words, paying attentions to your reactions etc.) After the interactions there is a good chance you will feel like a fraud, fake and ultimately it will not be satisfying; Misconceptions Let's say you feel depressed and low self-esteem. Your mind does it to you by bringing up all the memories and "facts" why you are low value and she is way better than you so that you don't go and approach. Being open in this context does not mean talking about your emotional problems and saying how depressed you are, NO! You carry the conversations as usual. What it means to be open is being open emotionally to yourself and her. It is like saying in your mind "Here I am exactly as I am, come on judge me, reject me" (of course all the judgment from her is just your own perceptions and you can delete it from your mind but that is for another time). Practical tips for how to implement it Start with opening up your body (shoulder back, arms on the sides) relax as much as possible; Imagine exposing and opening up to her with all of your being. Let her judge you. Imagine standing naked in front of her fully exposed, having nothing to hide and completely open to whatever experience. Additional notes: On Fear: So if you are going to experiment and do cold-approach with this mindset your are going to feel fear but it is like a sensation you feel before jumping into the cold water. It is manageable. On the other hand, if you choose to do the opposite the fear is going to be doubled because in addition to you current fears there will be this fear of being seen through and exposed. In this case by trying to protect yourself you end up shooting yourself in the foot. Aim For Self-expression: Once you are present and open you become free to express yourself without the fear of being judged or seen. Feel into your body and let the interaction flow naturally from what spontaneously arises within you;

If what is true is that which is, then no, it's not true that it shouldn't be this way. It feels bad.

Yes, I am already doing the physique building thing for like 2.5 years. Yes, I have met some of them, just by asking them to spot me. Yes, I think I bring minimal value to the other person or to the conversation. Martial arts gyms are too expensive right now for me. Thanks for the book recommendations.

You know, Byron Katie "The Work" thing. I had this in mind. Not sure how helpful it can be in this situation. Just to shift my mind in a more relaxed way.

Thank you for the reminder.

That it shouldn't be this way. That it will turn out badly for me, bc she will leave me and I will be left with nothing. Thoughts like that

Idk, probably my thoughts and perceptions about the situation. What else can it be?

What I would like to be able to do is to be positive, love and accept this situation and go take action socializing. But instead I get into a negative/depressive state of mind that renders me unable to take action and I just lay in bed. And on top of that I get angry at this state I am in and it's like double unhappy. I tried questioning my thoughts but I am still confused

She studies in other city and goes back on weekends. How does that happen? My only knowledge is about cold-approaching girls. The thing is I am very introverted and people generally dislike me or avoid meeting me (like I have noticed that in college and my job) not all of course

Hi everyone, I rarely post, but I need perspective on something that's been weighing on me. I have a girlfriend whom I see once a week, sometimes only every other week. Beyond this relationship, I have very few social connections, which leaves me feeling lonely during the longer gaps between our meetings. I've learned some cold-approach (my only way to socialize) and that makes me even more frustrated then I go outside and see other girls. I feel angry about depending on just one person for most of my social interaction. I don't want to continue this way. This situation consumes my thoughts daily, leaving me distracted and irritable. In addition, I started a part time job working 3 days a week 8-5 and it feels like I have less time for this social activity thing. It's the second time I am in this situation. It makes me depressed and angry (but at the same time I know that is is not doing anything for me). What should I do in this situation?

One way which worked surprisingly well for me is to inquire. Byron Katie has powerful method to do that. But you have to actually do it and experience it for yourself. I know how easy it is to listen to advice and don't apply it. Her website: https://thework.com/

Guys, I have upgraded my problems (if you look up my old posts you would know what I mean) Here are couple of points: First time we had sex I came in 2-3 minutes. It was nice Second time I did not ejaculate. Felt almost nothing. She felt too wet as if there was not enough friction. Third time same thing happened. She just finished me off by hand. In this state I can have sex for 60-90 minutes or more. Endless penetration. At first I thought it's because of the foreskin position. It isn't- I did some troubleshooting. I used the same candoms in all instances. If I masturbate, I come relatively fast. Now I starting to feel a little bit uncomfortable while having sex. Have you experienced this if so how did you fix the issue?

@Sempiternity thanks for the reply. Two more last questions: 1. Is it really the case that she does not care about me at all until after sex? Even if we made out and I touched her everywhere. 2. I am free to flirt/date with other girls but am I free to sleep with others? ( In case I want to be with the one I mentioned- sounds like stupid question) Ok, three questions: Is it true that texting is mainly for organizational/logistical purposes? Because as I saw with her, texting is fucking useless for almost everything else like flirting and getting to know each other.