Lincisman

One way which worked surprisingly well for me is to inquire. Byron Katie has powerful method to do that. But you have to actually do it and experience it for yourself. I know how easy it is to listen to advice and don't apply it. Her website: https://thework.com/

Having discipline- doing something on a regular basis that is just outside of what you feel comfortable. You overcome resistance consistently. Meditation, gym, reading, visualization, waking up at the same time every morning, cold approach, This idea of discipline is from Cal Newport video called deep life stack (something like that)

Guys, I have upgraded my problems (if you look up my old posts you would know what I mean) Here are couple of points: First time we had sex I came in 2-3 minutes. It was nice Second time I did not ejaculate. Felt almost nothing. She felt too wet as if there was not enough friction. Third time same thing happened. She just finished me off by hand. In this state I can have sex for 60-90 minutes or more. Endless penetration. At first I thought it's because of the foreskin position. It isn't- I did some troubleshooting. I used the same candoms in all instances. If I masturbate, I come relatively fast. Now I starting to feel a little bit uncomfortable while having sex. Have you experienced this if so how did you fix the issue?

@Sempiternity thanks for the reply. Two more last questions: 1. Is it really the case that she does not care about me at all until after sex? Even if we made out and I touched her everywhere. 2. I am free to flirt/date with other girls but am I free to sleep with others? ( In case I want to be with the one I mentioned- sounds like stupid question) Ok, three questions: Is it true that texting is mainly for organizational/logistical purposes? Because as I saw with her, texting is fucking useless for almost everything else like flirting and getting to know each other.

Okay, thanks for reply Leo But if she sees me approaching other girls it's basically over, isn't it?

Hi, I met a really cute girl while cold-approaching. We made out two days in row but we didn't have sex (she had her period). It was one day ago. Yesterday I found myself thinking about her and getting pissed why doesn't she write me. Hence becoming needy and all messed up in my head. Maybe because it's my first time and it's feels like a drug to me. But I don't want to stop doing cold-approach. How to say to her that I want to meet other girls? + I feel like if she is my only option I will become needy and fuck things up fast. I can already see this happening At the same, I don't want to be dishonest with her. In addition, I have another girl writing to me. She wants to meet me today. As for her I just want to sleep with her, just to get it out of the way. Yes, I am a virgin and have no fucking clue how it all works

Don't forget to take notes. Personally I use google docs. ----- I suggest: Contemplate what does it mean to be reality-oriented (You can ask: what is really true in this situation?). Notice that your emotions, thinking and beliefs distorts how you see this situation. Read: Six pillars of self-esteem by Nathaniel Branden. Here i add my notes on Leo's video titled: Motivational Speech - Oct 2021. It's for contemplation, basic points. I don't no how about you but this video is powerful (even if it seems funny). Makes me emotional and motivated. motivational speech.docx

https://youtu.be/DGfrJu-Ck8o Do you have any experience with it? if so, how did it go?

This is good advice but in your experience how should one go about doing it? On the one hand, I can question them verbally, and actively. Or I can just look and see. This would be the more passive approach. Wait, I can put myself in situations where these beliefs (and related thoughts and feelings) can come to the surface (But what do I do once it's there?). I experienced that too Interesting. I see but most of the time these unconscious/ habitual feelings and responses are way way more powerful (loneliness and surrounding negativity). They are unpleasant and carry me away like an ocean wave. Hence I run away. This results in destructive behaviors most of the time. It feels like if I will allow these sensations to run through me they will destroy me. YES So a big part of it is my relationship with myself, right? Therapy is interesting. I prefer doing it on my own. Once I went to a psychologist but it was meh. It appears to me that you must do like 10s of visits to make it work. Does therapy mostly involve just talking and asking questions? How does therapy work in your experience? And what is the purpose of it?

@integral Very practical. thank you. So what I do is remember what happened, write it down and try to bring more awareness and understanding to the situation. Is that how it works? And should I do it daily like a habit or just once? ------------------------------------------------------------------------- The biggest problem is that my mind spins negative thoughts about the whole situation. Imagine I meet potential girlfriend and she finds out I don't have friends. What does that say about me? shit like that

(deep breath) I am unable to form any meaningful relationships (Like spending free time together) with people (friendships and others), therefore I have only so-called acquaintances. Possible reasons: 1. I had a couple of experiences where I was hurt and mistreated. Hence refuse to open up to anyone (avoid showing how I feel or think therefore people cannot relate. They feel that I am being fake maybe). I Don't express myself the way I should in order to make a connection. Put on some sort of mask, a fake front -> fundamentally I cannot trust another person to be myself in the interaction because I am afraid of being hurt and judged again. (trying to articulate what I am feeling. But there is definitely a disconnect.) 2. I had an inadequate elementary school teacher. 3 out of 4 students in our class ended up having low self-esteem (which became obvious after I read Nathaniel Branden's work). In the book, he explains the dynamic low self-esteem in relationships. I may have this going on in me. (Lately, I have improved my self-esteem and my relationships did not change) Should I start somehow digging up shit from my past and set it up on fire OR I just work on my self-esteem and social skills? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I am not fully aware of it but by attitude towards other people is not good. Sometimes I feel like I am slowly becoming a villain. Seeing other people walking in the groups looking happy while I am alone. Firstly I get overwhelmed by these feelings of loneliness and cannot function, then the mind calms down I feel this energy which I can use to do something bad, hurt others. No one loves me anyways other than myself (but still not fully.) So after all of this I just go to the gym (yes, I exercise my legs too). This is my therapy whatever the meaning of this word is. Thank you if you bothered to read all the way to the end.

Awareness Alone Is Curative - How To Auto-Correct Unwanted Behaviors 29:30 idea Possible points that can be covered: + Importance of change + What is change? + emotions vs logical mind + Repetition of thoughts + going from an idea of changing to the realization of it. + Contemplation vs thinking + Role of the rational mind in the process of change + How to sustain awareness + Backsliding + Taking action and hoping that problems will autocorrect vs doing more passive approach (therapy, contemplation) + What determines default actions of the mind?(automatic behavior) + Conscious approach(will power/awareness) vs subconscious approach (where you visualize, do affirmations) for change? + Misconceptions about how to change + Role of goal setting for change + What is actually happening when person tries to change?

Good point

One day I noticed that I feel most comfortable when I am barefoot with no socks or shoes. It led me to searching for shoes that would give me that kind of experience. So I found my answer: minimalist/barefoot type shoes.

@eos_nyxia Thanks for extensive reply!