The Purpose Of A Girlfriend Is To Dream Deeper Into The Matrix

[Emerald]

39 minutes ago, aurum said:

Frustrating, and also somewhat isolating.

You grow beyond what people can understand.

But then you find God 

I felt that way before I started my channel 9 years ago.

It was this sense of having made myself into a social pariah whose perspective couldn't be understood (different in a bad way), as I didn't know anyone on a similar path to mine who had experienced ego de-centering and God realization. I had also gone through some major traumas around the same time.

And it was in my first several years of motherhood as well, which was even more isolating. 

The most lonely years that I had were between ages 20 and 26.

But once I started my channel, I was able to find connection with other like-minded people who have had similar experiences and who value similar things. And that met that need... and also took away the sense of specialness that I was clinging to in order to cope with the isolation.

It was a lot better to be an average member of a group of people who were grappling with similar experiences... than to be the "one special loner who's on some totally different level that can see so much that other people don't see." (different in a good way)

When I was a high school teacher (from age 23-25), I used to have these fantasies about my colleagues recognizing the specialness of my perspective in some objective way... because it just wasn't getting any social outlet. So, impressiveness was the only form of connection that I could imagine getting.

But in connecting with others who are similar, that exceptionality fantasy wained as my connection needs were met on more of an eye-to-eye level with people who are dealign with similar experiences and struggles related to the expansion of consciousness. And this dropped my feelings of alienation and specialness... which go hand in hand.

Then, I could just have normal connections with people who didn't understand because I had those needs met elsewhere.

And in recent years, things have come full circle to a re-integration of normal human ordinariness and folksiness... and an appreciation for the perspectives of average people.

[aurum]

15 hours ago, Emerald said:

But once I started my channel, I was able to find connection with other like-minded people who have had similar experiences and who value similar things. And that met that need... and also took away the sense of specialness that I was clinging to in order to cope with the isolation.

It was a lot better to be an average member of a group of people who were grappling with similar experiences... than to be the "one special loner who's on some totally different level that can see so much that other people don't see." (different in a good way)

That makes sense, I can see how that would be healing.

I think that's where we're different though. Connection seems to be a higher value for you. 

[Emerald]

5 hours ago, aurum said:

That makes sense, I can see how that would be healing.

I think that's where we're different though. Connection seems to be a higher value for you. 

Connection is a basic human need, just like food and water.

We're evolutionarily wired for it as humans have never survived in isolation at any point in human history prior to the past 50 years or so.

So, even if one doesn't value it consciously or identifies as a loner... the need is still there, and the lack of it takes a toll.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

27 minutes ago, Emerald said:

Connection is a basic human need, just like food and water.

We're evolutionarily wired for it as humans have never survived in isolation at any point in human history prior to the past 50 years or so.

So, even if one doesn't value it consciously or identifies as a loner... the need is still there, and the lack of it takes a toll.

I have been thinking on this, and the conversation it arose from.

As we age the need for connection grows. 

The progression for myself has gone from being a tadpole with a massive family, massive connection needs -> insular teenager and adult with little need for connection (mostly due to autonomy) -> approaching midlife and branching back out for connection. 

I can actually foresee the need for connection returning in my future. I can only extrapolate and see myself in age, and needing care and assistance. As for us all. Working in hospitals refitting them for future use, everything is tailored around age care. This sector is exploding in growth - as well as heavy investment in mental health. I gain a lot of satisfaction building in this sector. I love to give back to the community in this way. But it has opened my eyes to the harsh reality of age and mental health. There are so many small things to be mindful of in service to the aged - and it makes you realise how much we take youth for granted. Even mental health. The design of facilities like this is extreme - everything is STRICT anti-ligature and high lockdown security for acute sectors.

I digress. Back to connection ~

The difference now is the type of connection I want. Quantity has been replaced with quality and depth.

Need less, but higher quality. 

So I think circling back to the topic, having a significant other is a serious consideration. Being alone in age has serious, serious ramifications. That's not to say I want to have a romantic partner so I can use them for help when I am old, just that it is an added 'bolt-on' benefit, as well as love, companionship, communion, affection, sacrifice, and all the good stuff  

[aurum]

1 hour ago, Emerald said:

Connection is a basic human need, just like food and water.

We're evolutionarily wired for it as humans have never survived in isolation at any point in human history prior to the past 50 years or so.

So, even if one doesn't value it consciously or identifies as a loner... the need is still there, and the lack of it takes a toll.

I appreciate the dialogue, but this is a limit for me.

I'm going to exit now.

[MuadDib]

23 hours ago, Emerald said:

I felt that way before I started my channel 9 years ago.

It was this sense of having made myself into a social pariah whose perspective couldn't be understood (different in a bad way), as I didn't know anyone on a similar path to mine who had experienced ego de-centering and God realization. I had also gone through some major traumas around the same time.

And it was in my first several years of motherhood as well, which was even more isolating. 

The most lonely years that I had were between ages 20 and 26.

But once I started my channel, I was able to find connection with other like-minded people who have had similar experiences and who value similar things. And that met that need... and also took away the sense of specialness that I was clinging to in order to cope with the isolation.

It was a lot better to be an average member of a group of people who were grappling with similar experiences... than to be the "one special loner who's on some totally different level that can see so much that other people don't see." (different in a good way)

When I was a high school teacher (from age 23-25), I used to have these fantasies about my colleagues recognizing the specialness of my perspective in some objective way... because it just wasn't getting any social outlet. So, impressiveness was the only form of connection that I could imagine getting.

But in connecting with others who are similar, that exceptionality fantasy wained as my connection needs were met on more of an eye-to-eye level with people who are dealign with similar experiences and struggles related to the expansion of consciousness. And this dropped my feelings of alienation and specialness... which go hand in hand.

Then, I could just have normal connections with people who didn't understand because I had those needs met elsewhere.

And in recent years, things have come full circle to a re-integration of normal human ordinariness and folksiness... and an appreciation for the perspectives of average people.

Your story really resonates with me. I’ve felt “different” ... not special, just out of step ever since childhood and have been isolated throughout my life, both as a function of circumstance any my own proclivities. Outside two long-distance relationships, I’ve had only one close friend, and most interactions feel one-sided: I read others well enough but rarely sense the same reciprocity.

The social anxiety I carried into adolescence/young adulthood has mostly faded. I served as school captain at one of the (many) schools I attended, delivering half-hour speeches to hundreds of students each week, then repeated the experience overseas in a new language while living with host families on my own before the age of 18. Public speaking and meeting strangers no longer frighten me.

Yet my social muscles sometimes feel atrophied and my will to connect ossified to the point of no return. Solitude offers freedom and insight, but without the guardrails of regular human contact, sanity and emotional balance can drift into risky waters. Barry at the pub just wants to discuss football; Suzie down the street dreams of crochet projects and repainting her house. As the years pass, my quiet weirdness feels less endearing and more like looming exile.

Recently, though, I’ve been deeply relaxing into plain ordinariness, as you say, allowing myself to be just another human being with a simple life. It’s unexpectedly calming, and I’m beginning to discover a steadier, richer sense of "balance", I guess you could say that can function as a healthy ground to step off of. (: 

[Emerald]

48 minutes ago, aurum said:

I appreciate the dialogue, but this is a limit for me.

I'm going to exit now.

I understand.

[Emerald]

@Natasha Tori Maru It's definitely super important as we age to maintain social connection.

Oftentimes, when we're younger, we can identify with being a loner or have a romanticized notion around hyper-independence. I used to do that as a teenager quite a lot, where I wanted to embody this notion of the deep loner that no one understands.

But the irony, is that I was the MOST connected to others at that time. I could just convince myself that I was a loner because I really enjoyed my solitary time where I was just contemplating or painting.

But then, when I was 20, and I was actually genuinely quite alone in the world to the point where, if I went missing, no one would know I was gone for quite some time. And I realized that I was only able to identify with being a loner type because I was getting my social needs met.

So, that was quite humbling to me in that identity. Knocked me off my special loner identity high horse real quick.

But social connection is something that gets more difficult to come by as we age.

So, while we can afford to devalue connection in our youth (because of the greater abundance of connection opportunities), we can't afford to devalue it in our later years... or we'll end up isolated and in a very precarious position. That's doubly so if we need care in our old age.

[Emerald]

17 minutes ago, MuadDib said:

Your story really resonates with me. I’ve felt “different” ... not special, just out of step ever since childhood and have been isolated throughout my life, both as a function of circumstance any my own proclivities. Outside two long-distance relationships, I’ve had only one close friend, and most interactions feel one-sided: I read others well enough but rarely sense the same reciprocity.

The social anxiety I carried into adolescence/young adulthood has mostly faded. I served as school captain at one of the (many) schools I attended, delivering half-hour speeches to hundreds of students each week, then repeated the experience overseas in a new language while living with host families on my own before the age of 18. Public speaking and meeting strangers no longer frighten me.

Yet my social muscles sometimes feel atrophied and my will to connect ossified to the point of no return. Solitude offers freedom and insight, but without the guardrails of regular human contact, sanity and emotional balance can drift into risky waters. Barry at the pub just wants to discuss football; Suzie down the street dreams of crochet projects and repainting her house. As the years pass, my quiet weirdness feels less endearing and more like looming exile.

Recently, though, I’ve been deeply relaxing into plain ordinariness, as you say, allowing myself to be just another human being with a simple life. It’s unexpectedly calming, and I’m beginning to discover a steadier, richer sense of "balance", I guess you could say that can function as a healthy ground to step off of. (: 

That's great to hear! Embracing your commonality with others is a great way to feel connected with human beings, nature, and the universe at large. 

There really is a great deal of value talking with many different types of people... and most people aren't into exploring the depths.

But what I would say in this case, is that you want to make sure that your needs for social depth are met too... and that you have a social context through which to "show up" as your full self, with your depth and uniqueness included.

So, embracing ordinariness helps give a sense of connection and belonging with human beings in general. And finding other human beings who have this same quality as you, will help you find a setting where your extraordinariness is ordinary.