Male & Female Fantasy

[Xonas Pitfall]

In light of the recent discussions around dating on the forum, I think it could be useful to create a dedicated thread focused purely on sharing personal preferences.

To keep things structured and productive, I suggest we clearly separate the two categories! 

• Hookups / Short-Term / Purely Physical Attraction
• Long-Term / Marriage / Family-Oriented / Stable Relationships
• I'd also be curious to explore more archetypal or narrative-based "fantasies" - things like Beauty and the Beast, saving the princess/damsel, or other classic dynamics.

Maybe each of those could eventually have their own thread, but for now, it could be interesting just to start opening the conversation here. Feel free to include anything that helps express your preferences - images, traits (both visual and psychological), aesthetics, vibes, etc! <3

[Spiral]

I do not have relationships goals, like marriage, kids or cohabitation. Might do those too, but they are not important to me.
 

I want to met my dream girl and be with her for the rest of my life.

[aurum]

My relationships have been all over the map.

The one constant seems to be that I find the right woman for learning whatever lesson I need at that moment. Which often only becomes clear in retrospect, after that relationship has closed.

One of the highest ways of looking at relationships is as a developmental container. Not as something that is going to give you everything you think you want, but as something that expands who you are.

Edited June 11 by aurum

[Hojo]

For hookups- I want to have sex, i think about it and want it to happen.I have sex and think it was not that good I'd rather focus on God. Then I have to pretend to be interested, which is not fun. Then it repeats.

Unless you are in a relationship and have sex alot it takes awhile to get comfortable with sex and the other person. So hookups kinda suck I don't feel comfortable going as hard as I want to. If I am in relationship we would explore all this stuff already and I would know or not know if we are sexually compatible.

Edited June 11 by Hojo

[Natasha Tori Maru]

4 hours ago, aurum said:

My relationships have been all over the map.

The one constant seems to be that I find the right woman for learning whatever lesson I need at that moment. Which often only becomes clear in retrospect, after that relationship has closed.

One of the highest ways of looking at relationships is as a developmental container. Not as something that is going to give you everything you think you want, but as something that expands who you are.

Brilliant analysis - my experience mirrors yours.

[aurum]

2 hours ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

my experience mirrors yours.

Wow, you were all the women I dated?  

[Natasha Tori Maru]

3 minutes ago, aurum said:

Wow, you were all the women I dated?  

Of course, all one shared consciousness - all one great Godhead

[aurum]

29 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

Of course, all one shared consciousness - all one great Godhead

Infinite Natasha.

She'll be your ex in any dimension 

[Natasha Tori Maru]

22 minutes ago, aurum said:

Infinite Natasha.

She'll be your ex in any dimension 

HAHAHA this demolished me 😂

[Emerald]

One thing I would mention about my attractions/fantasies is that they tend to come up at random towards a particular guy that I initially had platonic feelings for. But over the course of interacting with him, some internal switch gets flipped where I start to feel emotionally drawn to him for reasons that aren't always clear to me.

Like, I personally don't like the IDEA of longterm relationships because it sounds as boring and bland as dry chicken breast. Like, when I look at other couples, I just feel like it's so boring.

So, that notion of "I want to get into a relationship" rarely factors into my fantasies. And I have never before sought out a longterm relationship unless I had feelings for a specific man.

And when feelings do arise for a specific man, I just feel so excited and compelled to get close with him and for things to take a sexual turn. And my fantasies during that time, are usually around the moment of the revelation where things turn from platonic to sexual.

And this whole process of just following my romantic and sexual feelings has usually organically lead into longterm relationship. And then relationship becomes suddenly un-boring and interesting because of who I'm with.

So, those are what my fantasies tend to be like.

It's like a desire to become passionate lovers and explore each others' minds and bodies in deep ways and to merge with him... rather than the idea of getting into a relationship.

But as that organic lovers dynamic unfolds over the course of months, it tends to lead into longterm partnership and brings my instincts towards long-term pair-bonding, marriage, and children online.

That's the process in a nutshell.

---

But in terms of the latter archetypal category (which is an interesting category), I occasionally have a more archetypal fantasy expression that might catch my attentions. And I see these more as what I need to integrate or explore within myself. 

Like, when I was a child (around 6-7 years old), I used to fantasize that I was 30 years old to give myself an adult body in the fantasy... and that I'd be laying in my bed in a pretty blue satin nightgown. And Count Dracula would come to my window at night (a balcony in the fantasy). And there would be all this chill night air and so much excitement. And he'd whisk me off into the night to romance me and drain me of my blood and turn me into a vampire. I suspect this one came up because I had recently had an experience of French kissing with an older boy that I had a crush on who was 6 years older than me. And it was my way of exploring my mixed feelings about that... which were both exciting because I had a crush on him and overwhelming because I was only 6 years old and it was way to much for me to handle. And I think a fantasy about a vampire was a way to explore those conflicting feelings.

And when I was 13 years old, I had these crushy feelings arise towards a fictional gun-slinger anime character called Vash the Stampede. And there was this desire to embrace my dualities that arose from my admiration towards that character and to realize that I didn't have to be just one thing... and that it was much more interesting to be multi-faceted. My favorite thing about the character was that he was a total goofball and also super deep and serious at the same time. 

And at 18, I got a big crush on Jerry Cantrell from Alice In Chains. He isn't a fictional character, but he's the guitarist of the band. And there was something about him that really inspired me and drew me in. And that's been half my life ago, but if memory serves, he was the one writing all the lyrics, which are dark and poetic. And his guitar playing is superb as he's just really got at manipulating the strings. And I even noted at the time that there was something really sexual and phallic about the way he wielded the guitar. So, I think this celebrity crush was about connecting to some kind of excellence in my craft (I'm a painter)... and as a celebration of poetic darkness more generally.

I've had many others of these over the years. And I love it when it happens because it indicates to me that a new layer of the onion is being revealed in terms of my individuation process.

Most recently, I was watching this detective show that's set at the turn of the 20th century. And there's this really brash hot-blooded inspector character who's like 50 years old. And he's slightly chubby, he's got red hair and a mustache and side burns. And he has one of the rougher working class English accents. And both his joy and his anger are right up at the surface... like effortlessly so. So, he has this mixture of jovialness and brash anger that come through in his speech patterns.

He's also got this "Don't over-complicate things. Take care of business." philosophy. And there's something very opposite about him to me. And I suspect that this character piques my sexual interest because he is so opposite to me and represents a positive expression of what I need to integrate within myself.

I've also had similar types of "Archetype crushes" on male teachers and professors as well through middle school, high school, and college. And those are usually about integrating some qualities they possess into myself.

I've always tended towards self-exploration through the lens of these archetypes and feelings towards male fantasy characters or off-limits men... like famous musicians or professors.

[LordFall]

I definitely have the base male fantasy of unlimited access to unlimited sexuality. In terms of long term relationship I have deep provider male tendencies so I’d like to date/marry multiple women and have worldwide adventures with them while building cool projects and eventually having a big family with 10-15 kids. 

[meta_male]

Something like this. A girl who knows how to gear up, ride hard and share the peace.

[Nilsi]

She’s a petite brunette with tattoos, a quick laugh, and eyes that still hold a little of that childlike wonder. Her face is soft, expressive - neotenous, sure - but not in a fake way. Just alive. She’s got perky B- or C-cup tits, a small but full ass, and carries herself with this effortless confidence that somehow doesn’t cancel out her sweetness.

She’s artsy and bubbly, knows what she wants, and genuinely has her shit together - not in a spreadsheet kind of way, but in the way where life doesn’t knock her off course easily.

She likes to take the lead by tugging me out of the house to do something random and fun - a weird flea market, an impromptu rave, swimming at night - even if I groan and say I’d rather stay in and rewatch some old movie. And when we do watch that movie, or listen to that album, she can suffer through my endless stream of commentary and still find me charming.

She loves when I plan a date night - not because she’s needy, but because she sees the thought in it. She knows I don’t live for activities, so it means something.

We can go out dancing without weird jealousy. We can have long, passionate sex without overthinking it. And sometimes, she just wants to be left the fuck alone - just like I do. No drama, no codependence.

She doesn’t think she needs a kid to complete her life. She’s not constantly chasing “healing” or wrapped up in the cult of well-being. She just is. Here. With me. And I’m into that.

And God forbid - she doesn’t believe I’m her soulmate, or some fateful encounter sent by the archetypal dimension to fulfill some mythic meaning. She just likes me. And that’s more than enough.

Edited June 12 by Nilsi