Self-Improvement advice for young people mega thread

[Someone here]

3 hours ago, Ulax said:

For any problem, research-experiment-reflect.
 

That is something I believe in and I don’t see where it wouldn’t. But I still have lots of things to solve in my life, so I can’t be too confident in the general advice I give.

I Understand but there is no right or wrong answers here .just say what you have decent experience with. 

[Someone here]

1 hour ago, Hojo said:

@Someone here you will figure it out when you get off it for awhile. I don't know what you want to do you do but you are hiding it behind the cell phone.

I know this may sound like ‘wtf bro’ but I  listen to an audiobook on my phone of “The power of now” or read it . It changed my life. I understand it can be double edged sword. I think I need to use it mindfully. But "smashing it apart " isn't doable in 2025.

Edited June 3 by Someone here

[Someone here]

1 hour ago, kbone said:

Spend time in nature: go hiking, learn how to camp for 1-2+ nights, try fishing, live closer to the earth, etc... all while leaving electronics behind. Deconstruct your mind's dominance over your 'self-improvement model'. If you can't, it will keep believing in all sorts of nonsense that like-minded people tell you, and you will walk in idle circles within the confines of the comfort zone prison cell of your mind. Your OP expresses the prison well. 

I'm very experienced and ridiculously confident at outdoor endeavors and can tell you I've never met anyone else who's done such things and regretted it. Usually they want MORE. If you're still in uni, then you have a ton of life ahead of you. Live it authentically. I have traveled, trekked, and lived in various mountain ranges around the world for months at a time, and I was always amazed by the depth and breadth of nonsense there was upon my return to society.

I even met my gal out in the Hindu Kush range. We have been the best of friends for 2.5 decades and have continued to share the awe, splendor and wonders of nature. After a night of watching billions of stars next to a fire fading into the oblivion of a nourishing sleep, and waking up in the mountains, making a cup of tea/coffee on a fire or stove, watching the sun come up over the peaks and fill a river-filled valley, and then taking care of the camp before heading out for the day's adventure.... beats any drug-induced fantasy. And who knows, maybe the Great Awakening actually does take place during one of those moments of utter simplicity, staring into and out from the very core..... changing the trajectory of life forever.

Just reading this already made me feel better and optimistic. Very good post it made me sparkle. I will try to put this into practice. 

[Someone here]

23 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

Meditate 1 hour, lift weights, do high-intensity cardio, brain training, hang out with friends.

I meditate 1 hour and lift .I can't do cardio because of side effects of smoking I might get aheart attack. Also zero friends irl.only online friends on Discord. 

[Hojo]

@Someone here you are using the knowledge well

[kbone]

39 minutes ago, Hojo said:

@kbone if he needs it its fine but maybe down grade to one that barely works for what you need it to do. Its good to have but easy to abuse and if you are on 50 percent of time awake on it and see that its a problem then simply putting it down is way harder.

I'd agree with most of that. I just don't know him well enough. My suggestion was based on his later desire to know of a 'better alternative'. A lot of modern life is based on this integrated, technological thingamabob we got going here. Time in nature is an excellent cure, especially places that are way waaaaaayyy waaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy outta cell phone range, hehe. 🏔️🌄

[kbone]

36 minutes ago, Someone here said:

Just reading this already made me feel better and optimistic. Very good post it made me sparkle. I will try to put this into practice. 

I'm glad you rezzed with it. That means there's a depth in your mind whispering, calling you deeper. If you have a bit of money, a quick jolt of nature and adventure might include a trip to Nepal. There they have 'teahouse treks', and all you have to do is show up with a backpack, minimal gear, get a permit and hike into these AMAZING mountains. You do NOT need a guide, a tent, or anything.... just the basics. There are seasonal times to do it, but I can guarantee that if you follow through with a 2-3 week trek around the Annapurna Circuit,  (pictures from dry season) you will be both humbled by the awe you experience and the people you meet AND be lit on fire for the potentials that life has to offer. There are shorter treks too, but fuggit, go bold, I say. Some prefer the Everest Base Camp trek, but it used to need a tent for about 5-6 days.... not sure now.

I'd even suggest taking a semester off if you are not able to really even do school work effectively. I can help you prepare for such a trip if it sparks your interest. The most expensive thing is the airfare. I did this same trek back in '94 after working in Japan, paying off my university debts, and it was a game-changer for me. The mental space of my 20s needed a jolt, and FFS, this kind of experience got the juices flowing. Ended up in the Himalayas for 7-8 years on and off, learning the ways of the mountains, the people, the mind, the SPACE.... then LOVE emerged from/as the depths spilling forth....

GORGEOUS, SHE IS

[Someone here]

@kbone this is all great stuff . But "Everest "? That's for bois.  A real man builds a rocket then jumps into outer space and take a dip in space-time from jupiter to the moon to mother earth

[kbone]

49 minutes ago, Someone here said:

@kbone this is all great stuff . But "Everest "? That's for bois.  A real man builds a rocket then jumps into outer space and take a dip in space-time from jupiter to the moon to mother earth

All good.... but don't let the mind put it outta reach. You can do this... the walk into the unknown to awaken what's asleep, stealing fire from the gods.... THIS.

PS: Annapurna Circuit 

Edited June 3 by kbone

[Princess Arabia]

He's probably getting these advice on his cell phone. Wait...throw away your cell phone but after you've read what I have to say on your phone. Throw it away tomorrow. The phone is not the problem, he'll just pick up a new time-wasting habit instead. Advise on how to do other things or spend the time, not throw away the phone. We're always putting blame on objects, without the phone, he's still there.

[kbone]

40 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

He's probably getting these advice on his cell phone. Wait...throw away your cell phone but after you've read what I have to say on your phone. Throw it away tomorrow. The phone is not the problem, he'll just pick up a new time-wasting habit instead. Advise on how to do other things or spend the time, not throw away the phone. We're always putting blame on objects, without the phone, he's still there.

That's fair. Yes, take responsibility and re-direct the attention consciously. That was my intention also.

[Carl-Richard]

On 3.6.2025 at 7:26 PM, Someone here said:

I meditate 1 hour and lift .I can't do cardio because of side effects of smoking I might get aheart attack. Also zero friends irl.only online friends on Discord. 

How often do you say "I can't do x because y"?

I can't do x because y" is a pattern you can identify in your life and try to fix the y's or challenge the premises. Often when you fix one y (e.g. cutting down smoking), many x'es free up. If you start by identifying a few smaller y's, maybe one every week, you can start to get the ball rolling.

And if you identify the big y's or you identify the general impulse to self-sabotage, many of your problems will evaporate. Sometimes the x'es and y's go in a circle, and then you're stuck, but then you might also notice how they're a manifestation of the general tendency to self-sabotage.

Sometimes the "hardest" thing is the simplest and in fact easier thing in the long run. If you avoid doing the hard things, they will eventually pile up and start eating you in the ass and you will have to do them later.

 

On 3.6.2025 at 7:26 PM, Someone here said:

Also zero friends irl.only online friends on Discord. 

Zero friends ever? Are there not any people you know (even your mom) that you could ever possibly hang with?

Edited June 5 by Carl-Richard

[Someone here]

13 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

How often do you say "I can't do x because y"?

I can't do x because y" is a pattern you can identify in your life and try to fix the y's or challenge the premises. Often when you fix one y (e.g. cutting down smoking), many x'es free up. If you start by identifying a few smaller y's, maybe one every week, you can start to get the ball rolling.

I never opened up before about this ..I've actually stopped smoking for more than two months now ..but i'm losing sleep over the fact that there is an unbelievable pain in my lungs..I'm afraid to get a checkup which might reveal that I have cancer. I've been smoking for exactly 9 years now . Half a pack per week. Marlboro Gold (very high in nicotine not a cigarette for sissies).

What should I do ? Can you give me advice regarding that ?

16 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

Zero friends ever? Are there not any people you know (even your mom) that you could ever possibly hang with?

I don't interact especially with mom.she is a psychiatrist. Well not the the head doctor but a nurse in a psycward . She is scary. The rest of my family are married and have their lives together so they just talk to me every long time .

No friends face to face .exactly that . Only on the internet I interact with People. 

[Ulax]

Also I would recommend this video: 

Key takeaway: When wanting to do a task ask yourself ‘what can I do?’ And keep asking yourself that until you find some part of it your willing to do.

 

[zurew]

This might be garbage, but this sometimes works for me - I would just say try to feel (not think) into what your best version would do in this given moment right now. Even if you have 0 idea what "best version" means for you, you will probably have a general  rough intuition about it and you can start to get into that headspace, whatever that headspace is.

Edited June 5 by zurew

[Carl-Richard]

1 hour ago, Someone here said:

I never opened up before about this ..I've actually stopped smoking for more than two months now ..but i'm losing sleep over the fact that there is an unbelievable pain in my lungs..I'm afraid to get a checkup which might reveal that I have cancer. I've been smoking for exactly 9 years now . Half a pack per week. Marlboro Gold (very high in nicotine not a cigarette for sissies).

What should I do ? Can you give me advice regarding that ?

"I can't go to the doctor because I'm afraid". There's one.

And are you listening to yourself? "I can't go because I might have cancer". If you actually have cancer, you will have to go to the doctor anyway.

There's a thing about males not going to the doctor for things like penile cancer because they're afraid of what will happen to their junk, and then when they do go, it's too late. But if you're simply afraid of the fact that you might have cancer, that's not even a good reason (not that the former is either).

(This was me challenging the premises and fixing the "y").

 

Not going to the doctor seems to be a male thing. I recently went for an x-ray for my toe cuz a 20kg weight fell on it and I couldn't walk on it for days. It wasn't actually broken, and when the doctor (my age 🤤) checked it, I didn't even feel much pain (I was like "wut"). But if it was broken, I could've gained a lot of valueable information about what to do.

 

1 hour ago, Someone here said:

I don't interact especially with mom.she is a psychiatrist. Well not the the head doctor but a nurse in a psycward . She is scary. The rest of my family are married and have their lives together so they just talk to me every long time . 

My mom is a general practitioner  She is actually kinda spiritual, which I only learned from talking to her.

 

1 hour ago, Someone here said:

No friends face to face .exactly that . Only on the internet I interact with People. 

Did you have friends at any point in your life, and when did you last meet with them?

Edited June 5 by Carl-Richard

[Hojo]

If you have cancer you are going to die anyway. You have no idea if you live tommorow or not. Take the fear and face death with it. You do have it you are going to die very soon. Now what?

Edited June 5 by Hojo

[Carl-Richard]

Just now, Hojo said:

If you have cancer you are going to die anyway.

??

[Hojo]

@Carl-Richard hes scared of dying. Face the fear even if he dosent have it he can use this fear as a tool to accept death. It has nothing to do with cancer in a way. Hes going to die and hasn't accepted that means accepting fake or real cancer.

Edited June 5 by Hojo

[Carl-Richard]

17 minutes ago, Hojo said:

@Carl-Richard hes scared of dying. Face the fear even if he dosent have it he can use this fear as a tool to accept death.

"If you have cancer you are going to die anyway" sounds like you mean cancer is a death sentence, which it's not. Please try to write more clearly and with better grammar: https://www.actualized.org/forum/guidelines/

Edited June 5 by Carl-Richard