Hoping people forget instead of apologizing

[Peo]

Whenever I screw up, say something hurtful or stupid to someone because I talk before I think, I generally try to forget and hope they forget after a while. I don’t know why but having a serious conversation and saying sorry or I love you to friends/family feels awkward af.

I did something nasty and hurt a friend a few years ago. The problem is he is still in my group of friends so i just hope he forgot, and pretend it never happened. 

Why do I hate apologizing so much?

I just avoid it and try to forget. I hate awkward conversations.

[Hojo]

Probably cause you arent entirely sure it was wrong. You dont need to apologize for anything you said and once its out of your mind its out of everyones mind.Unless you purposefuly lie to hurt people then everything else is fair game and if the person gets hurt thats them seeing it. If you completely make up something about someone they wont care.

 

But this is karma.

Edited May 26 by Hojo

[Natasha Tori Maru]

After these incidents, as you elaborated above - do you feel you have accurately resolved responsibility?

As in, is it 100% clear you know which parts of the negativity you contributed to, and which parts the receiving party contributed to? These things are never really clear cut, typically both parties contribute in a negative manner.

If you know precisely where you made an error - apologising for this with gratitude is no loss at all.

It is never about winning.

My personal advice is - never apologise expecting anything in return. Most people aren't mature enough to clearly see their contributions, even if you were the primary person in the wrong.

Reframe this, for yourself, personally, as an attempt at absolution. To clear these negative thoughts from your mind. So you can return to stillness. An apology will absolve and act to clear and heal emotions you are carrying. Ignoring will feed the renumeration and fuel the negative emotions. The person who you clashed with will bring the emotions back again and again, merely with their presence. A festering wound in your mind.

I view the act of apologising as a way to release negative emotions.

I view myself as made of the same dogshit as everyone else who behaves like a peckerhead,  all just human 

Edited May 26 by Natasha Tori Maru

[Peo]

44 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

After these incidents, as you elaborated above - do you feel you have accurately resolved responsibility?

Not sure what you mean. Responsibility for my actions? Using my brain before i speak? 

 

[Natasha Tori Maru]

1 hour ago, Peo said:

Not sure what you mean. Responsibility for my actions? Using my brain before i speak? 

 

As in, understanding precisely what part (or action) you took, that was wrong? And which action the receiving party contributed that was also wrong?

Sometimes its clear cut, sometimes both parties have acted shamefully.

You may simply be getting very emotionally charged up, and unable to offload the effects of confrontation. It takes a lot of practice through exposure to be able to communicate clearly and calmly when ego and emotion is involved. Once mastered the process is very releasing.

 

[Salvijus]

You can apologize within yourself until you feel relief. The messenge will carry through subconsciously to another person. When you find yourself feeling sorry for what you've done, don't push it away, sit with it. Let those feelings speak. 

Edited May 27 by Salvijus

[Sincerity]

You're probably afraid of confronting pain, or the feeling of shame in front of other people.

You can get better at it with small steps. Set little goals, take action on the least scary thing to say to a certain person and work your way up to the more difficult ones.

Edited May 28 by Sincerity

[meta_male]

On 26.5.2025 at 9:36 PM, Peo said:

I just avoid it and try to forget. I hate awkward conversations

It takes balls to own up to your mistakes. If anything, people will respect you more if you do.

[LastThursday]

It's better to apologise as soon as possible and as much as possible. Some people won't forget, and may get resentful after a while, but they may not say anything. But, you should be clear about what you're apologising for.