Mental blocks and insecurities when starting an active sex life in your 30s.

[porque]

I've admitted to myself that I am craving crazy, intense sexual experiences with women. Experiences that I have previously considered either immoral, not worthy, or unavailable to me (welcome to stage orange?). Thanks, Leo, for "Burning through your karma" episode!!!! 

Are there actual strategies and techniques that help become more confident and less concerned about the lack of sexual experience when you are starting late/latish?

So far, I can only think of "Fake it till you make it". 

[Sugarcoat]

Maybe if you build a deeper connection with a woman beyond looks, where you two really click then that helps overcome the awkwardness if you get what I mean I don’t have to explain myself. That’s the first thought I had. It’s like how a woman might feel secure and relaxed with a man that she knows and bonds with rather than just superficial knowing after just having met. Another thought is if you found a virgin and you could learn together lol. 

[Princess Arabia]

Do you think all those babies running around in the hood with all those baby daddies locked up for child support and all those cavemen back in the day screwing those hot cave women who couldn't even read and write and all those swingers clubs with people screwing in the back room  and those back alley sexual escapades and my momma and poppa thought about strategies to get it going on and feed that horny body when it wanted to jack it up at any age.

Stop living in your head and, like NIKE said, "Just Do It". 

The only strategy and technique you need to figure out is how to flip her upside the head and which poop-a-lick position she likes.

Welcome to the forum; you're gonna love it here.

Edited May 12 by Princess Arabia

[Schizophonia]

You're making this thread to expose your quarrelsomeness; what's forbidden/not accepted in you isn't even sexual in itself, it's aggression in general.
But wanting to be is the opposite of being, so you need to stop being in that vibe and really shift to one where your aggression is expressed, where you experience it.

[porque]

14 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Maybe if you build a deeper connection with a woman beyond looks, where you two really click then that helps overcome the awkwardness if you get what I mean I don’t have to explain myself.

That's how it has been so far. And I liked it this way, but I want to have a different kind of experience now.

[Sugarcoat]

1 minute ago, porque said:

That's how it has been so far. And I liked it this way, but I want to have a different kind of experience now.

You want to have sex with women you barely know you mean? Like pure causal hookup

[porque]

18 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Another thought is if you found a virgin and you could learn together lol. 

Thought about this as well 

[porque]

16 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Stop living in your head and, like NIKE said, "Just Do It".

Easier said than done, it's like just be yourself

[porque]

16 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

You're making this thread to expose your quarrelsomeness

No, I'm asking for practical advice to resolve the issue I have.

[Schizophonia]

2 minutes ago, porque said:

No, I'm asking for practical advice to resolve the issue I have.

I go straight to the subconscious issues.

[Majed]

@porque Pick up would be ideal for you, watch leo's series : how to get laid ? part 1,2,3. It teaches you basically speed seduction. 

[porque]

25 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

You want to have sex with women you barely know you mean? Like pure causal hookup

Yes, why not

Edited May 12 by porque

[porque]

13 minutes ago, Majed said:

@porque Pick up would be ideal for you, watch leo's series : how to get laid ? part 1,2,3. It teaches you basically speed seduction. 

Yes, it's good. Also, "how to have amazing sex". 
But it's more about my insecurities or fears, rather than the lack of theory about how to approach or attract women.

 

[Sugarcoat]

9 minutes ago, porque said:

Yes, why not

I was just asking I have nothing against it. I have no experience in this so I’m not the best person to talk but in the past I was shy and it took a lot of exposure and mindfulness combined with it, to finally overcome it and become confident . So be kind to yourself but push yourself accordingly 

[Hojo]

Have sex and the blow your load. Never appologize for anything. Enjoy it so dont go so hard to begin with.

Edited May 12 by Hojo

[Princess Arabia]

33 minutes ago, porque said:

No, I'm asking for practical advice to resolve the issue I have.

You're the issue. The issue is dead without you. You've made it an issue. Go check out dating websites for the elderly. Maybe they'll give you some motivation and inspire you when you see how they're living it up.

[Tenebroso]

I am in the exact same position. You are going to get a lot of "just go out there" advice from people who most likely take having a sex life for granted. They don't understand the barriers facing unattractive, shy men, the "fuck off" glares women give you before you even open your mouth to initiate a conversation. I have come to the conclusion that life is not fair and some of us were never meant to have those experiences.

[porque]

7 minutes ago, Tenebroso said:

I am in the exact same position. You are going to get a lot of "just go out there" advice from people who most likely take having a sex life for granted. They don't understand the barriers facing unattractive, shy men, the "fuck off" glares women give you before you even open your mouth to initiate a conversation. I have come to the conclusion that life is not fair and some of us were never meant to have those experiences.

Well, while sometimes you can't do much about your appearance, you can definitely work on the shyness and your understanding of women's and men's psychology and needs.

In my situation, I am looking at a mix of progressive desensitization, lowering my standards a bit for women (for my purposes and temporarily), practicing "not caring" what others think of me. And ultimately keeping in mind that this is a necessary step to my relationship goal: to have a deep, fulfilling and meaningful relationship with a woman. 

 

[Hojo]

@Tenebroso The question is about starting to have sex not not getting sex.

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4dUpGPivzA

https://www.girlschase.com/content/why-it-s-not-too-late-learn-seduction-and-reap-benefits