Should I go continue going out with a girl I don't like?

[UpperMaster]

Hey guys, long story short:

I wanted to ask girl out (she looked decent). Crazily enough, She asked me out instead.

Me and girl go out. I meet her 3 times

Girl likes me.

I'm like meh. Me no like her. 

 

I have no experience in dating. Still a virgin. It's very heartwarming to see another person, a woman feeling attracted to you. I'll be honest I am not as attracted to her. Physically she's okay (not my usual type but actually quite pretty) but her personality really really really bores me. Humor and Deep conversation is very important to me and she doesn't understand my humor nor my deeper conversations. On paper she's fine, but the vibe isn't there. 

I am somewhat afraid that maybe I should capitalize on the relationship for experience (and I'm therefore hesitant to call it off), but honestly going out with her has been such a chore I'm not even exaggerating. Like imagine going out with a girl and feeling like it's a super complete drag, no excitement nothing. 

Do I keep pursuing her even though I don't like her for experience points, or should I ask someone else out?

If I chose not to go out with her, how do I communicate that Im not interested without hurting her too much? 

Edited April 24 by UpperMaster

[Miguel1]

1 hour ago, UpperMaster said:

but honestly going out with her has been such a chore I'm not even exaggerating. Like imagine going out with a girl and feeling like it's a super complete drag, no excitement nothing. 

This is too much.

If it wasn’t this bad, you could have kept seeing her for the experince and meet other people at the same time, as long as you don’t mislead her to believe you are looking for something long-term and serious with her.

[meta_male]

@UpperMaster Not gonna lie, I’ve been in your shoes. I’ve dated girls I wasn’t really into personality-wise. Mostly to catch up on experience, and sometimes just to get laid while I wasn’t always upfront about my intentions. I did grow from it. But thinking back, if I could do it over, I’d probably focus more on practicing honesty. That’s part of the dating experience too, and that kind of growth actually sticks and puts you in a position where you attract instead of chase.

It’s not all black and white, though. You’ll have to develop a feel for what you're willing to put up with while still making it an enjoyable journey.

[something_else]

I did the same as you in my first relationship. I ended up with her for 3 years, and it basically set my social development back 3 years while I was in university. I should have been partying, meeting lots of people, and having the time of my life, but instead I was sitting at home watching Netflix with someone who I felt kinda 'meh' towards, but who I stayed with out of insecurity.

I would not recommend this path for you.

[Schizophonia]

No ?

[integral]

Whatever relationship you’re in the chances are you’re gonna have to adapt to some degree.

Some women you have to adapt more than others, and the chances are no matter what woman you find you’re gonna have to heavily adapt to them especially if you manage to find your way to this forum

I dated maybe 2 girl that I genuinely liked talking to but they both had a lot of other problems that basically cancelled it out.

but sense of humour I think should be a dealbreaker, this is one of the most important parts of a relationship, I think you’re on the right track to skip this one

[Princess Arabia]

A guy will very rarely have feelings for a woman he didn't invest in. You said you were going to ask her out but she asked you out instead. Big mistake on her part. Guys will not agree and it's not always the case, but if you see and check the amount of times you weren't that interested in the women that pursued you, you'll see what I'm saying. You don't consciously do this and it's usually with masculine men. It's a chore now be cause you can't shine and impress her. You can't do things for her. She's readily available and already has shown enough interest for you to not feel anything for her because you feelings come from her reciprocation and gratitude for you. A man falls in love by doing for a woman. This isn't about falling in love, its just the dynamic isn't there. 

Edited April 24 by Princess Arabia

[UpperMaster]

23 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

This is too much.

If it wasn’t this bad, you could have kept seeing her for the experince and meet other people at the same time, as long as you don’t mislead her to believe you are looking for something long-term and serious with her.

Yes, I don't plan to mislead her. From what I gather this is also potential her first relationship and is more invested.

[UpperMaster]

22 hours ago, meta_male said:

@UpperMaster Not gonna lie, I’ve been in your shoes. I’ve dated girls I wasn’t really into personality-wise. Mostly to catch up on experience, and sometimes just to get laid while I wasn’t always upfront about my intentions. I did grow from it. But thinking back, if I could do it over, I’d probably focus more on practicing honesty. That’s part of the dating experience too, and that kind of growth actually sticks and puts you in a position where you attract instead of chase.

It’s not all black and white, though. You’ll have to develop a feel for what you're willing to put up with while still making it an enjoyable journey.

Nah see absolutely. I agree with the last part. The thing is I would also casually date, but I just feel like I wouldn't even enjoy that, not only because it's boring but also because I believe she wants higher investment. I'm assuming but that's the feeling I get.

[UpperMaster]

21 hours ago, something_else said:

I did the same as you in my first relationship. I ended up with her for 3 years, and it basically set my social development back 3 years while I was in university. I should have been partying, meeting lots of people, and having the time of my life, but instead I was sitting at home watching Netflix with someone who I felt kinda 'meh' towards, but who I stayed with out of insecurity.

I would not recommend this path for you.

 

Really appreciate the response. Honestly don't want to end up in that position. I want to party and enjoy my life, and really only be in a relationship with a person a seriously fuck with.

[meta_male]

4 hours ago, UpperMaster said:

The thing is I would also casually date, but I just feel like I wouldn't even enjoy that, not only because it's boring but also because I believe she wants higher investment.

You can always tell her this is where you stand and see what she says. But if you're bored already then you kinda have your answer.

[UpperMaster]

On 4/24/2025 at 10:17 PM, Princess Arabia said:

A guy will very rarely have feelings for a woman he didn't invest in. You said you were going to ask her out but she asked you out instead. Big mistake on her part. Guys will not agree and it's not always the case, but if you see and check the amount of times you weren't that interested in the women that pursued you, you'll see what I'm saying. You don't consciously do this and it's usually with masculine men. It's a chore now be cause you can't shine and impress her. You can't do things for her. She's readily available and already has shown enough interest for you to not feel anything for her because you feelings come from her reciprocation and gratitude for you. A man falls in love by doing for a woman. This isn't about falling in love, its just the dynamic isn't there. 

mhmmm. This is such an interesting point you bring up. I think regardless on whether she asked me out or not, I think in this scenario things would get boring quick. 

But then again I can totally entertain this narrative because prior to her asking me out the thought that she was boring hadn't occurred.

 

I'm slightly confused on when you say "a man falls in love by doing for a woman" or that in a man - female relationship the dynamic should be one where the man does things to impress the woman. Isn't this almost people pleasing and shows neediness on the mans side which isn't attractive?

 

Please clarify if possible, your response is appreciated. You've been more than helpful over the past few months whenever I post a question on the forum, really appreciate your inputs!