[SERIOUS] Suicidal due to academic situation. | I have a note and rope ready.

[puporing]

@Husseinisdoingfine I had a degree but only really worked in that field for 3 or so years. I'm not saying it's nothing but in hindsight I didn't really need that degree... though now it might come in handy again another 10 years down the line. So... I'm just saying, if you don't even know what a degree is going to do for you it's probably wise to take it slower. There are probably jobs that require minimal education/training if you just want to get working (like in the finance business, general admin sectors..). Or you gotta go out and go to places you can see yourself working in and try to talk to the people who work there and see if they might hire you. 

That and while you work other ideas might also come around like self employment.

Your parents...yeah I get it .. it might be extremely tough to break this kind of news because they have a strict idea about how life should go. I don't know about yours. I would say if they can't even try to understand your position then you probably want to figure out how to live for you not their version of life, in as shortest time as possible. The longer you can't separate "what you really want" vs "fear of disappointing them", the longer you'll be making poor decisions for yourself. And this process can be very long (if yours are like a lot of Asian parents that overreach)..so be prepared. 

Moving out on a budget.. depends on how badly you want/need that. I moved out with very little in my bank (not that I recommend this) and no job lined up and just took whatever job I could once I moved away. If your parents are "tolerable" it might be okay to stay longer.. But yeah I had to live with random roomates to start and moved a lot until I got something more stable work wise. There're pros and cons with staying with your parents depending. It can make you kind of complacent and delay finding work that you would've otherwise taken if you were on your own. If you can still be self-motivated despite living with them then yeah you can save up some money. And if they're not a good influence overall it can also put a delay to your life decisions. (For instance you do another 4 years of university that you didn't really want to do but doing it coz of your parents.)

Thing is I can't fully figure out your pain points, sometimes there's something more than just what you are saying.. I suspect that this distress you're having is very much related to your parents as well and you're probably just starting to sort out what's you and what's them (parental enmeshment).

I happened to be one of those kids that had almost nothing in common with my parents..but nonetheless tried very hard to force their version of life on me coz well.. that's what their group was like and suited them. There was so much enmeshment and control that in hindsight I really just lived for them for a good first 2+ decades (that got worse and more conflictual as I got older too because I was trying to become more independent). There was really no sense of developing what my Self looked like apart from them until I moved out. It took a lot of time away and therapy for me to slowly put a boundary to this. Not sure if that applies in your case..

Edited September 10, 2024 by puporing

[Princess Arabia]

1 hour ago, shree said:

Yes, suicide statistics show it's a widespread issue, but the real challenge here goes beyond numbers. If people start leaving suicide notes on a public forum regularly, it would quickly harm the forum’s reputation, regardless of intent. This isn’t just about how common suicide is, but about the responsibility and perception that comes with running such a space.

While the work done here can lead to deep self-reflection, which sometimes triggers suicidal thoughts, simply filtering out certain words won’t solve the issue as i previously though.

I guess we need to recognize that this forum can become a place where people in distress seek help, and that makes it even more crucial to handle these situations with care, offering resources and ensuring there's real support for those in crisis. This way, the forum's purpose remains intact without unintentionally contributing to a negative reputation.

Well said, point taken.❤️Didn't look at it from this perspective. Thank you. 

 

[Harsh Bagdia]

@Husseinisdoingfine hey Hussein, how are you doing?  Please talk to us, we are worried about you 😟

During the toughest of times, all you need is to see a ray of hope..and when you pursue it with all your heart, you'll find the bright sun waiting to welcome you and hug you 🌞🤗

I hope you find that ray of hope 🍀 

 

 

Edited September 11, 2024 by Harsh Bagdia

[Husseinisdoingfine]

 

[Husseinisdoingfine]

Update: Ever since I've changed major's my life has been on a downwards spiral for which I see no hope recovering from. I eat incredibly unhealthy, now frequenting McDonald's almost every day. I have gone from quitting smoking, to yesterday smoking my first full pack of cigarettes, all in one day.

I'm enrolled in now easier social science classes, but I skip just about every lecture as I'm too depressed. My grades are tanking because I don't do any of the work. I'm in a state of ever growing hopelessness and a feeling of constant lethargy, that I don't see a way out of. 

I've stopped sleeping, I don't eat healthily, I've as well stopped meditating and working out. What's the point? I did those things to become a stronger and healthier Physics undergraduate. 

Edited September 11, 2024 by Husseinisdoingfine

[Rishabh R]

@Husseinisdoingfine I was also feeling bad today due to the fact that my antidepressants went out . I want to tell you right away dude that lot of people in my college smoke but I don't even tough my grades are lower than those who smoke but still my grades are ok. And the key to your feeling and growth is accepting negative emotions like hopelessness and other negative emotions which would paradoxically make you invincible . I am not bragging but today I thought that I would feel extremely bad just as you but instead I accepted the negativity and the entire pessimistic day has become an up and down cycle which is a progress. Please don't ignore my advice and you will come out better dude. By the way I didn't touched any single cigerette in my life and please stop smoking as  it will harm you psychologically and physiologically.😁❤️👍

Edited September 11, 2024 by Rishabh R

[Princess Arabia]

55 minutes ago, Husseinisdoingfine said:

I eat incredibly unhealthy, now frequenting McDonald's almost every day.

People don't normally realize the correlation between eating an unhealthy diet and depression and anxiety and other neurologically related issues. There is one. Sometimes one results in another and sometimes one can be the cause of another. Not sure in your case; but either way, there can be a relation. The things that are in foods can alter the brain cells and can have an effect on hormones and dopamine. 

More often than not when you find a severely depressed or anxious person their diet is of poor quality. People who eat certain foods (on the healthier side)and are going through the same things another goes through can deal with that same exact circumstance in a more healthy way because of the proper nutrients they consume that can help in stress responses. I'm not qualified or knowledgeable to explain this in detail, but I know there's a link between both, and of course it's not always the case as different factors can also be involved.

Just changing one's diet alone can reduce the way one reacts to life's stressful circumstances in addition to taking certain high-quality supplements  that can target certain areas of the body that's responsible for stress management. 

Hope is for the future and will never get you anywhere. What must be done, is changing how we see ourselves, the changing of beliefs and to understand that nothing is permanent. Stop the comparisons to other people and to understand that life operates in patterns and that thought patterns and behavioral patterns are things that control our lives and we have to be vigilant in the observation of our minds and what triggers certain emotions that are responsible for the formulation of these patterns.

In the end, only you can do this, and no amount of positive advice will turn the tables for you unless you set the intention to change. It seems to me that you are stuck in a loop because you're not able to see other opportunities that are so waiting for you but are impossible to see while stuck in your current frequency.

My advice to you is to try your very best to start with your diet. Try to stop eating those foods you're eating and switch to more healthy foods. Envision in your mind each time you take a bite of something healthy (and educate yourself in this regard) how the body is transforming into the best tool you have to help you transform your mindset. Drink a green smoothie imagining the chlorophyll breathing life into your depressed cells and putting in your body life energy force that will stand guard and protect you from unwanted attackers like envy, jealousy, unworthiness and so on. Keep imagining the transition the body is going through at both end of the spectrum and see which one feels better.

There's something else in your mindset that's happening and it's using this situation as a scapegoat and blame for why you're feeling the way you do, There's a familiar feeling you're addicted to and don't want to let go of because of the comfort it brings you because of familiarity and the unfamiliarity of the unknown. IOW, there's a pay off to this way of being youre getting and the mind is keeping you there because that's what it does. You have to have a vision of your future and not one of your past in order to overcome this. Nothing anybody said to you worked because it's more than what's happening in school. The school situation is a symptom not the cause. 

Lastly and on a Spiritual level, know that nothing outside of you defines you and the egoic mind identity is what's keeping you trapped in it's quest to stay alive; but not only that, to live up to it's false beliefs about itself and the world. None of it is true, but it doesn't recognize this because it's held unto it's false notion of itself so tightly that it's having a hard time letting go so that there's room for the true self to shine through. It's energetic and the true self is also this energy but it needs to be directed and certain things released for it to operate in ways that is aligned with it's true energetic nature. This is the power you have, you have the power to make things appear in ways within your awareness that you really don't want to see but because there's truly no one there making this choice, it's simply energy in motion that is being directed by frequencies and patterns.

Sorry for the long reply, but this is what came out of me when I took in your comment and the response that happened to come out and what's  in alignment with it. Hopes this helps. You are the only one that can do this, we can only be there to encourage this doing. Actually, except for cutting up that rope, maybe do nothing for now and let the life force guide you into action when it's ready, Take a mental break from everything and go for walks and enjoy nature for awhile.

Edited September 11, 2024 by Princess Arabia

[Basman]

Very first thing you should do is destroy your rope and note and any other suicide tools you have. Suicide is usually done on impulse, so get rid of the means first.

[Davino]

@Husseinisdoingfine When you hit rockbottom you will kill yourself or trampoline out of this situation. Unless you are wise enough to get out of this downward spiral, ask for clinical help, change your habits and just force yourself to do what you know will make you feel good instead of entertaining this self pitty. Because a point will come where those behaviours will do you instead of you doing them and then it will be too late.

Time is running out but you still have some maneuver options. If your life was an airplane, all the warning alarms would be beeping. I encourage you to be the captain of your life and pull the pan out of the fire.